Normally, this would have been the space for an In Memoriam, and it would have been a 1.0 on the Jones Scale (named so after Chuck Jones, of course; it’s my Muta Scale for celebrity deaths and how much impact they have on me), joining such luminaries as Douglas Adams and Sparky Schulz at the peak of loss (Hunter Thompson totally blew the scale out of whack, enough so that I took my column dark that week). However, Fingers convinced me to do a full-length obit for Byron Nelson, which is available in Tailgate Crashers. So if you’re wondering exactly how I can ignore his death, there’s your answer. I did the obsequies elsewhere.
Now if only the server would allow me to post it. Daniels is supposedly working on our article approval queue, but he’s been supposedly working on it for twelve hours now…oh, hell, on with the show, and let’s see what happens after I finish this.
Match Results:
Rob Van Dam over Bob Holly, Extreme Rules Match (Pinfall, Five-Star Frog Splash): I know what’s going to happen. People are going to point to this match and say, “See, they gave this fifteen, they made it Extreme Rules, and it was terrific. Why can’t they do this every week, especially with CM Punk?” Yes, they did give it fifteen, and, yes, it was excellent. However, think about the circumstances behind it. Bob Holly and Rob Van Dam are both longtime veterans. They’ve known each other for a while now, and they’ve had a bit of interaction over the years. They know what each other’s capable of. They both knew going in that they could dish it out and the other party could take it (despite the fact that both these guys are pushing forty). They had absolute trust in what the other could do, and utilized that trust to its fullest effect. And then Holly went one step beyond. I wouldn’t have blamed them one bit for cutting the match short so that they could get some stitches or staples into Holly’s back. But Holly not only kept on going, but he took a couple of major man-sized bumps right on the gaping wound. I’ve always had respect for Bob Holly’s ability, desire, and willingness to take it beyond, but he went one step past that. Let’s hope that he can come back in a couple of weeks after the healing’s begun. Yes, he’s tough. The fact that he survived something that could have easily killed him proves that. My respect for him has always been high. My respect for him after this match is in the stratosphere.
That’s one pair of truly ugly faces
Twenty-four stitches to seal that up, according to news reports. Given Bob’s experiences with MRSA, do you think he was wondering about the sanitary condition of that mat?
Francine versus Ariel, Extreme Catfight (ND, Male-counterpart-ference): Remember when I was talking about setting up Francine with some real catfights last week? Oh, you know they read me, and were desperate to disprove my thesis that Ariel might not be a suitable partner. Well, we still don’t know about that because they turned this into an Angle Advancement Match for Fertig and Mahoney, but I’d still enjoy another attempt at doing it for real. And keep reading me, you silly people. Maybe you might learn something.
Spoilsport
The Big Show over Sandman, ECW World Title Match, Singapore Cane Legal (Pinfall, leg drop): Well, we weren’t looking for a technical tour de force, and we didn’t get one, that’s for sure. Dull match, really. Imagine how much worse it could have been if the cane hadn’t been legal. But imagine how much better it could have been if we hadn’t had that wonderful Angle Advancement Moment from Matt Striker…okay, not much better, but you know what I mean. And how far has Paul Wight descended on the food chain when he’s playing support bitch for Matt Striker? Title or not, that’s pretty damn bad.
Being drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, but Sandman seems to cope with it somehow
Angle Developments:
This week’s cognitive dissonance assault
And it’s now gone beyond cognitive dissonance straight into brain ‘splodey
No, this isn’t homoerotic at all
That clears the decks for Impact, which, by the way, is going to suck this week (read the spoilers in my main column for more info). So, I’ll build up my tolerance to toxic bullshit over the next day and a half or so, and I’ll see you hopefully sometime on Friday with that mess.
