The Impact Short Form, 09.28.06

Columns, Reviews, Shows, TV Shows

In Memoriam: Iva Toguri D’Aquino, the grandmother of the podcast. Although she was officially pardoned for that.

Memo to the Simmons-tard: you’re a wanker. You’re right; it never gets old calling someone a wanker. And just to let you know, we here in Chicago make fun of the Bahstun strangled-goat accent. Sounds like you people have serious brain damage.

So, in the space of four days last week, we went from worrying about one type of angle, namely the one that Vince Russo tends to create, to another Angle. Meanwhile, all the visible flaws of TNA were exposed, then hidden again as everyone spooged over Angle’s arrival, worried over his health, or both. In the meantime, until The Great Kurt actually arrives, they still have shows to do. And what critical ones they are. After all, Bound For Glory’s up next, and that’s their biggest event of the year. So, with this episode, the hard sell begins. And what did they have to sell us?

Match Results:

Lance Hoyt over Jeff Jarrett (DQ, He’s The Boss, He Can Strangle You With A Belt If He Wants): I may not like Lance Hoyt as a performer (and I never have), but I can commisserate with him on moments like these. For instance, Lance, you’re a lot better off today than your ex-tag partner (and knowing everyone’s luck, future tag partner as well). Be happy for small things.

One piece of trash gone, one to go

Samoa Joe over Raven (Submission, Kokina Clutch): Monster’s Ball has the distinct possibility of being Match of the Night at Bound For Glory (I know, pretty remote chance with the tag title match taking place in the cage). The whole key to this match is Raven giving a shit. We all know that Joe will care. Spike’s definitely going to care because it’s a high-profile match for him, something important now that his “brothers” are back. Abyss…well, who knows what Abyss is thinking, but if Monster’s Ball has become anyone’s match, it’s now Abyss’. The former owner of that match, though…there are questions about him. He just sleepwalked through this one, doing nothing to set up the PPV. Is his motivation there? That’s something we never would have asked about Raven in the past, and I’m even surprised that I’m writing this. But it’s now a question rather than a certainty, and it deserves an answer.

That’s some nice nightmare fodder there

The ex-Buh Buh Ray Dudley and the ex-D-Von Dudley over Brandon Tomaselli and Vaughn Doring (Pinfall, the ex-D-Von pins Doring, 3-D): Sorry, but I don’t do jobber matches anymore. Not even with returning Dudleys

I kinda missed that

Chris Sabin, Sonjay Dutt, and Jay Lethal over Low Ki, Alex Shelley, and Johnny Devine (Pinfall, Sabin pins Devine, suitcase-assisted Lethal dropkick): Please, give it up. Now. If everyone else hasn’t made it clear to you, TNA, let me: you’re destroying the X Division. I’d ask for Vinny Ru to come in and save them, but it may be too late. Besides, doesn’t Vinny hate the lighter guys? Or is it only the Mexicans?

Little does Shelley know that his partners have abandoned him

Angle Developments:

Two guys who will never get a job anywhere with a Wellness Program

Two down, Smackdown to go. Stay tuned, naturally.