In this week’s midweek update, I’ll be giving you my Film Sessions on the Sunday Night Chargers/Steelers game, and Monday’s Broncos/Ravens snoozer. Also, check back here tomorrow when I step back and acknowledge those who deserve MVP consideration through the first quarter of this 06 NFL Season.
STEELERS AT CHARGERS
– The powder blue uniforms are SPARKLING!
– Hey we’re the team with the powder blue uniforms and the disco-dancing fight song…grrrrr! Can we be any gayer? Perhaps if we replaced the seats of our pants with Saran Wrap.
– Steeler safety Ryan Clark pretty much rips the ball out of the hands of Eric Parker on the Chargers’ first drive. Apparently he is not intimidated nor blinded by the sparkling powder blue jersey.
– Willie Parker then walks it in from 9 yards out after bouncing a run outside. I will note how Hines Ward completely makes SD rookie corner Antonio Cromartie his bitch on this play, driving him from the 5 all the way into the end zone to clear the way for Willie. He could have driven him all the way into the ocean, had he wished to do so.
– We’re about a minute before halftime now, and the Chargers are trailing 10-0 but threatening. Rivers spots Malcolm Floyd in single coverage, he puts up the jump ball, and the 6-5 Floyd pulls it down over the 5-10 DeShea Townsend. Floyd also performs some nifty footwork to stay inbounds. 10-7 Steelers.
– Jeff Reed is good from 45 to give the Steelers a 13-7 lead at the half.
– Ohhhh those wacky Steelers and their wacky gadget plays. Here’s a flea flicker..aaand the Chargers have it like triple covered. Cromartie picks off the bomb intended for Santonio Holmes.
– The Steelers need to stop running these stupid plays because
1. Nobody should fear their running game anymore, so anyone playing them should be playing the pass anyway.
2. Since the Steelers run a minimum of one of these gay plays every game, the opposition is always expecting it, and these plays only work when they are NOT expected.
– Late in the 3rd quarter, Rivers barely evades Clark Haggans, steps up in the pocket and delivers a perfect strike over the middle to Antonio Gates, who used his big body to shield Townsend from the ball. Gates turns and stretches his arm over the goal line, giving the Chargers their first lead of the game at 17-13.
– The Chargers blitz Ben, Shaun Phillips goes unmarked, and Roethlisberger makes an ill advised blind heave straight into the arms of SD safety Marlon McCree. A stupid play by Ben, with the Steelers trailing by 7 and 6 minutes left. Now the Chargers have the ball near midfield.
– On 3rd and 9 Rivers tucks and runs out of the shotgun, giving SD 15 yards and a fresh set of downs, as time continues to run out on the Steelers.
– Nate Kaeding’s chip shot field goal ices it with a minute left. Chargers win 23-13.
– Bill Cowher hugs it out with Marty Schottenheimer. The Steelers are 1-3. Everyone made a big deal about how they were 7-5 at one point last year and still won the Super Bowl. I think right about now they’d kill to get to 7-5.
RAVENS AT BRONCOS
– It’s a cold, rainy night at Mile High.
– The Broncos are busting out the rarely-seen navy blue pants for this game.
– Tatum Bell takes a swing pass and fumbles after having the ball stripped by Terrell Suggs.
– The Ravens recover, and Matt Stover’s lining up for a field goal. The Thrashers are beating the Lightning 1-0. Jesus ESPN, it’s Monday Night Football, would it kill ya to turn that f*cking thing at the bottom of the screen off for 3 hours?
– Stover’s made 29 consecutive attempts, the longest current streak in the NFL. Possibly somebody in the CFL has one longer. We don’t know.
– This 25 yard try is 30 in a row. 3-0 Ravens.
– The Broncos start the second quarter on their own 2, but Tatum Bell breaks a 17 yard run. Note that Ray Lewis gets completely pushed out of the play here, and trips over his own feet when trying to tackle Bell. Not so good, Al.
– Darrent Williams and his crazy hair make a NICE punt return, completely reversing the field and setting the Broncos up in Raven territory.
– Elam’s good from 43 to tie the game up at 3, about 4 minutes before the half.
– Derrick Mason makes a nifty little move on Ian Gold for a Baltimore first down.
– Now the Ravens face 3rd and 9 on the Denver 10 with 36 seconds left in the half. McNair tries to hit Clarence Moore on a jump ball in the corner of the end zone and…uh…no. The pass is a little underthrown and Champ Bailey comes down with it. Wah Wahhhhhh. 3-3 at the half.
– Jake Plummer runs what looks like a high school play, just a straight QB draw towards the right side of the field out of the shotgun. It goes for 12 yards.
– Elam’s golden from 44 and the Broncos lead 6-3 with a little over 8 minutes remaining.
– Never fear, the Ravens have Steve McNair to lead them to victory now! No more futzing and fumbling around with the Anthony Wrights and Kyle Bollers of the world.
– See look! There’s McNair now..throwing an..interception…to Darrent Williams of the Broncos. Hmm.
– Williams celebrates all crazy-like. He looks like the guy from Fishbone with that afro-mohawk hairdo.
– Plummer shows the proper way to throw the end zone fade, with two minutes left he takes the three step drop and pops from the five yard line. Rod Smith pulls in the nail in the Ravens birdhouse before Chris McAllister even has a chance to turn around.
-They don’t show McNair’s third interception of the night that followed this. 0 TD, 3 INT for McNair. He was released by Team America (my #2 fantasy team) the following day. Why did I start him you ask? Because my other 2 QBs, Matt Hasselbeck and David Carr, both had byes. That’s what you call planning in advance, my friends.
– The Ravens fall from the ranks of the unbeaten, leaving only the Bears and Colts with unblemished records.
If you’re reading this on Thursday, you’ll get your 1st quarter MVPs tomorrow, which is Friday. Check back then.
