BLATT vs. ECW – 10.10.06

Reviews, Shows, TV Shows

You know, of all the ECW shows SciFi has aired so far, this is the one that gets a “viewer discretion is advised” warning.

BLATT vs. ECW 10-10-06

The Strip Poker, er, War game begins
Show opens with Balls Mahoney dressed probably better than any other time in his life. Excellent use of Balls’ natural charisma here. I’d rather see him get screen time doing this than losing to Kevin thorn again. We get introduced to the girls. Trinity is wearing “a lot of foreplay” underneath. Kelly might or night not be wearing underwear. Maria is wearing red hot panties. Candace is wearing a little something sparkly and always edible underneath the queen of spades outfit. Ashley is wearing a blood smeared tank top and “extremely sexy panties” with a matching bra. Kristal is wearing diamonds on her boobs and a fringe panty.

Apparently they are gonna play war instead of strip poker. This is retarded and is happening inside the WWE studios. They are also playing porn music underneath. It’s actually kinda insulting anyway. Is there a reason that that took up almost three and a half minutes of tube time? I guess I can be thankful that they aren’t actually playing poker or else we’d have to hear about these girls actually THINKING.

CM Punk over Rene Dupree by Anaconda Vice
ECW immediately redeems itself by putting CM Punk on tv. I wonder how long they are going to establish Punk’s character as intro-ing him as straight edge and blah blah blah. Punk is outsized here, but probably can out-speed Dupree. And of course mid match we’re subjected to a split screen of the “poker” game and the ECW live show. Unlike Punk’s gotten so far, Dupree gives him an actual fight.

For the second time we’re shown the “poker” game once more. Trinity loses her shirt. Notice no Francine here. If you watched Forever Hardcore you’d find out that Francine didn’t want to be involved in anything that involved nudity or a lesbian angle. You know, or the reason she’s not on TV is that she was shit-canned for not being young and hot, Even my fiance thinks it’s stupid how often they but in. And she HATES wrestling.

CM Punk’s got some excellent kicks in on Dupree, and I’d love to see him fight Jimmy Wang and Paul London in a three way. Punk gets the Vice seemingly out of nowhere and ends Dupree’s winning streak and keeps his undefeated streak alive.

More Strip War
Balls keeps going dealing to the girls and a tie occurs. In case of a tie, they both take their clothes off. That would be Candace and Maria. We come back from commercial to more “poker.” Kristal loses her skirt and gets spanked by Ashley.

Tommy Dreamer over Kevin Thorn by DDT
I couldn’t imagine why Ariel wouldn’t be stripping with the rest of the whores. This week Thorn and Ariel get a smoke machine added to their entrance. Poor Tommy is dragged out to get Thorn over again as Balls is in Stamford dealing a game of war to retards.

AGAIN we cut into the poker game and Ashley loses her shoes. Right. Thats worth cutting into the match for. This match goes basically how you’d expect it go with Thorn getting most of the offense in with Dreamer selling like a champion for him. UPDATE! Candace loses her shirt and does her dance. I sure hope that boosts ratings. Dreamer gets some solid offense in, which is surprising. What is more surprising is that Dreamer gets the win here. He managed to neutralize Ariel and her cane usage and get a solid win.

By G-d! By G-d! Shoes!
OH MY GAWD!!! Kristal loses her shoes. She throws it at Balls to the enjoyment of everyone and claims he’s got a boner. Lowest common denominator doesn’t even begin to describe what the hell is going on.

Hardcore Holly is becoming a face, shoot me
Hardcore Holly gets a nice little video package going through the “injury” to Holly and leading to being attacked by Test in the locker room. Nice video package, I still don’t like Holly. And I REALLY don’t like Holly as a face.

OMGzorz. John Cena is teh hawt.
The girls are back and Trinity is jealous of the RAW girls because John Cena is hot. Candace says he’s a movie star now. And the girls talk about wanting to bang Cena. Wonderful. Maria gets the laugh for yelling out that she loves ponies. Trinity talks up Batista now to the Smackdown! Girls. They ask Kelly about CM Punk and gets cut off by Balls. And we were so close to angle development. Kelly loses her skirt and does a little “I don’t really know how to strip” dance. You’d figure they’d send that girl for some lessons. We fade on Kelly taking her top off.

Rob Van Dam, Sabu & the Sandman over the Big Show, Striker and Test by Rolling Rock
Of course before the match we get another update. before the match begins. I keep mentioning this because I can’t get across the idea enough that I hate the idea that they need to but into the matches for this shit. I used to really really hate the diva search on RAW, and for only one hour I’ve seen way to much of this crap. Extreme Strip Poker Hatred > Diva Search Hatred

We get an announcement that at Cyber Sunday PPV we’ll see the three WWE champions fighting at once. An interesting idea, but unfortunately I see this as a vehicle to get John Cena over more than anything else. I hope there’s some more ECW involvement than that.

For a big guy, Test moves pretty quick but still pauses like a WWE main event heel to look at the crowd after getting some good offense in. I hope that’s a habit that he breaks eventually, because it takes away from his offense. UPDATE! Maria loses her skirt. This is a nice way to highlight some wrestling while they’re putting their crowd through this strip poker garbage. UPDATE! Trinity loses her skirt. This reminds me of the first few ECW on SciFi shows with having one main match, some angle advancement and some shorter matches to start.

Test is dominating the match, as he’s the only heel in the match that’s big enough to have some believable offense against the three faces and whose back is still fully functional. Striker does a good job too, but Test’s offense has an advantage on Striker’s hands down. Test holding Sabu with one arm and throwing him against the ring posts. With his back injury, the Big Show is a bit more effective than Andre at Wrestlemania 6, but he’s heading in that direction I feel.

UPDATE! Maria lost her top.

These updates really take away from the pacing of the match. Of course RVD gets the most build in the match, as he’s the only guy in the ring who has a ready made chant. Sandman once again gets his hands on Matt Striker and finishes the match off with a Rolling Rock. The faces celebrate in the ring as we move to the divas.

Balls needs to see more flesh. “It’s not a sin to show Balls some skin.” Kelly Kelly is holding her breasts in hands because she already took off her bra. Candace loses her top and gets made fun of and claims that Maria cheated. Maria loses her bra, as does Candace. Candace takes off Maria’s panties and Candace and Maria wind up rolling around on the floor naked as Balls chants ECW to end the show. All that build for some blurry tits and poon? Whatever.

The Inside Pulse
I would have loved this show without the poker game. All three matches were competitive and on top of it all, no DQ ending to any match! I missed out on some hardcore action this week, but I’m sure it’ll make Jim Ross happy to know that there was no extreme rules match. I’d say this show would have been a **** show without the strip poker. With the strip poker it loses a full star. It’s like they know the direction to go in and the direction not to go in at the same time. I give it ***1/2.