The Chrononaut Chronicles: TNA iMPACT! — Thursday, October 12, 2006
– Kurt Angle has officially made his way into the opening “New Face of Professional Wrestling” TNA montage as the biggest name in the company, right at the end where Sting used to be.
– A video recap shows us the highlights of last week’s game of hot potato with the NWA World Title belt, ending with Samoa Joe leaving with it, and we get some hype for the Kurt Angle interview before we go to Jeremy Borash outside Jim Cornette’s office. Jeff Jarrett emerges and laments that there are some fights that just aren’t worth fighting for as he looks forlorn and we see the usual Impact opening.
– Samoa Joe is already in the ring in street clothes with the NWA Championship belt and explains that since the “jackass” that usually carries the strap gets to come out and talk whenever he wants, Joe decided it was his turn and the crowd cheers. Joe cuts a great emotional promo as he states that he’s holding the belt hostage because the fans are sick of seeing “paper champion after paper champion” using it as a political tool and not giving the NWA Title the respect it deserves. Joe namedrops Dory Funk Jr. and Harley Race to put over the heritage of the title and announces that he will give the belt to the winner of Sting/Jarrett at Bound For Glory in exchange for something the fans all want: a title shot for Joe. The crowd cheers, but Christian Cage comes out on the ramp and assumes that Joe didn’t mean him when he mentioned paper champions. Joe replies that his #1 was Jarrett and Cage is a close second, so Christian points out that Joe has never beaten him and that the NWA belt was stolen from him too, and intends to regain it tonight. Joe holds the ropes open and invites him in, but Christian challenges him to hang the belt from the ceiling later for a Ladder Fight, being sure to note that it isn’t a match. Cage orders his music to be played and he and Joe exchange glances.
– Jeremy Borash is in the locker room to interview LAX as Konnan states that they are on the hunt for “gringo meat”, but the meat hunts them as the Phenomenal Angels appear out of nowhere when a chair flies into Hernandez’s face and Christopher Daniels attacks K-Dawg while AJ Styles pounces on Homicide. Hernandez is busted open and the Fallen Angel rams his head into the lockers as we go to break.
When we come back, Styles & Daniels batter Hernandez & Homicide through the entrance tunnel, down the ramp, in the ring, out to ringside, and into the crowd until they get too close to the Spanish announce area and Konnan mugs Daniels. Hernandez throws AJ into the wall and they bring Daniels past the section of cage they have set up in front of LAX’s entrance area, locking the gate behind them. LAX pound Daniels and AJ climbs the fence, but Homicide meets him at the top and beats him back down. The assault continues as TNA Security try to pry the crazed Latinos off the Fallen Angel while the Phenomenal One watches and bangs on the cage. Great brawl and good use of the cage, which we saw last week during LAX’s promo.
– Ron Killings gives his thoughts on the Sting/Jarrett match at Bound For Glory using the exact same tired rap lyric he’s been spouting for the last 10 months, modified to suggest that Sting “be where it’s at”. I don’t know if that’s all he’s being told to say in every promo or if he’s leaning on it like a crutch, but he really needs to drop that lame rhyme and step up his micwork. Rhino is up next to voice his opinion on the Bound For Glory main event, but he stands up and throws his chair as he points out that he had a concussion and his best friend stabbed him in the back, so now is not the time to talk about Sting/Jarrett XXVIII.
– A Bobby Roode vignette airs with the free agent informing Bobby Heenan, the Colonel, and Sherri Martel via cellphone that the job has been filled, but he didn’t choose any of them. I dig the Hennig/Rude vibe he’s giving here. A pair of headless breasts walks into the room and Roode gives her some papers that need to be faxed immediately as we get a nice closeup of the Debra-like cleavage without seeing who the titties belong to. Roode looks pleased. Can’t blame him.
– Senshi & The Paparazzis & Petey Williams vs. Chris Sabin & Sonjay Dutt & Jay Lethal & Shark Boy
Before the babyfaces come out, Jerry Lynn is shown lecturing them in the locker room and acknowledges that the fans think they’re jackasses, “and not in a good way”. The others head out as Sabin stays back to call Lynn “old man” and heelishly invites him to watch what the X Division is all about. A Sabin heel turn would be really fresh and cool, especially if it means a Sabin/Lynn match. Then we get the obvious feuds with Lethal & Dutt, an X Title win, and Sabin holds the belt until maybe Styles or Daniels has to return to the X Division to stop him. Sabin is showing signs of RVD-style laidback cocky-heel potential, mark my words.
Don West suggests that Sabin watch tapes of the early years of TNA when Jerry Lynn put the X Division on the map as Lynn watches from the stage and Alex Shelley spits water in Lethal’s face before gripping Jay’s penis and yanking it like a ripcord. Petey tags in, but Jay catches him with the hiptoss/cartwheel-dropkick combo and tags Sharky, who controls the Canadian and bites his ass as Petey tags Johnny Devine. Sharky tags Sonjay, who drop-toeholds Johnny and lands a somersault splash followed by a standing moonsault for a two-count as Mike Tenay dedicates the broadcast to Antonio Pena in a classy gesture and West references AAA Mexico winning the World X Cup. The heels tag in-and-out and gangrape Dutt until he snaps off an inverted huracanrana that almost went wrong as Devine landed on his head. Sabin gets the hot tag and drills Shelley with a tornado DDT for a near-fall as we get all eight men going at it and the faces clear the ring. Sharky follows out with a slingshot plancha on Petey while Lethal flapjacks Alex, Dutt adds a standing shooting star press across the back, and Sabin wraps up Shelley in a majistral cradle for the 1-2-3. What the hell, is Shelley Sabin’s personal job boy or what? Still, this was a good match and it was uninterrupted by commercials.
Afterwards, Lynn applauds approvingly, but Kevin Nash appears on the ImpacTron above him and states that in his absence, the X Division has “gone down the crapper”, claiming that he spent his “30-year career” building the X Division. Nash feigns tears and informs us that he will hold a press conference next week to announce the details of the Bound For Glory Kevin Nash Open Invitational X Division Gauntlet Battle Royal for Bound For Glory. That should be interesting. Maybe he’s going to do the right thing after all.
– AJ Styles gives his thoughts on Sting/Jarrett: he wishes the Career vs. Title stipulation was the other way around so we could get rid of Jeff, but adds that Sting better remember his “boy” after he wins the World Title at Bound For Glory. AJ angling himself into the Heavyweight Title picture, pretty cool; I wonder if that’s Russo’s work. Christian is up next for his comments, but he chooses to sit with his back to the camera and won’t turn around until they’re ready to talk to the REAL champ.
– Another wicked Sting video shows more color in the Stinger’s facepaint while the voiceover narrates cryptically that “his head and his hairs were white like wool”; could that be a hint that Sting might bleach his hair blond again? That would be another cool touch to incorporate his past. This video is just off-the-charts in terms of mood and setting up Sting as a cross between a mythic Undertaker-style icon and a Batman-like superhero. Awesome stuff. If Sting can back it up with a more aggressive, intense style in the ring, TNA might have something.
– Diamonds In The Rough vs. Ron “The Truth” Killings & Lance Hoyt
In a funny moment to start the match, Lance is literally mesmerized by Truth’s dancing and the Diamonds attack them, dumping Killings to the floor and isolating Hoyt. Meanwhile, we go backstage where Raven is convincing Runt and Abyss that the “fat coconut-eater” Samoa Joe is disrespecting the three of them by focusing on the NWA Title rather than the Monster’s Ball. That’s a great angle. Lance avoids a double-team and the Diamonds argue until Lance dual-clotheslines them and tags Truth, who cleans house before Hoyt takes David Young over the top rope with a Cactus Clothesline while Truth sunset-flips Elix Skipper for the three-count. Afterwards, Simon Diamond berates Primetime and throws his jacket in his face. Young also gets in Skipper’s face before leaving as Truth comes back in and shows Elix some love. Planting the seeds for the rumored BET group?
– Shane Douglas talks about Sting/Jarrett and advises his Naturals to watch and learn. The James Gang are up next as Kip says that Jeff is going to get what he deserves and they won’t have to walk around on eggshells anymore like JJ is the Almighty, but BG walks off calling Kip an “ass” and tells him he can kiss his. Interesting.
– Now, it’s time for the Kurt Angle interview. Kurt explains that he got into pro wrestling after winning the Gold Medal and not knowing what to do next, and gave his body to the business as he won six WWE Titles, but says someone told him he wasn’t special. Angle states that he had nothing left to prove there and jumped at the chance to come to TNA so he could show everybody that he could dominate in both WWE and TNA. Angle puts over the entire TNA roster by noting that they all have the “Eye of the Tiger” like he did in the Olympics. Kurt admits that he “hit rock-bottom” when he was addicted to “extra-strength Vicodin” due to his neck injuries and says the doctor wanted to wean him off the pills, but he quit that day. Angle describes TNA Management’s assurances to take care of him and his family, and says that he realized this last year that his family is most important, not wrestling. Angle promises a revived version of himself at Bound For Glory and claims that Vince McMahon told him “an Olympic Gold Medal and a cup of coffee don’t mean shit“. Didn’t Kurt mention something about sharing a cup of coffee with Vince in that letter posted on his website after WWE announced that he had a breakdown and stormed out? Kurt tells WWE to watch what he does and adds that we haven’t seen nothin’ yet. Very interesting, newsworthy interview. Sure, it’s revisionist history according to what we’ve all heard and I’m sure Kurt didn’t consider TNA until he’d been released, but I wonder about that last bit regarding Vince’s comment. Either Vince said it or Kurt was already formulating this interview when the letter was written, or it could be a huge coincidence. The conspiracy theorist in me wonders if Vince and Kurt agreed to this to help Angle’s career and increase competition, if they really were that close. Good interview to help put TNA over and give them some credibility among the marks though.
– Ladder Challenge: Samoa Joe vs. Christian Cage
Joe brings the NWA World Title belt with him and hangs it on the hook to be raised to the ceiling as Tenay notes that Christian hasn’t been pinned or submitted in TNA either. Joe pounds Christian to start, but Christian thumbs him in the eye and Joe comes back with a flying knee lariat off the ropes. Joe pulls out a ladder from underneath the ring, but Cage hits a sliding dropkick to the floor and rolls Joe back in. Cage picks up the ladder, but Joe smashes the ladder into him with the Elbow Suicida dive through the ropes. Joe clutches his forearm as we go to break, which includes an ad for SpikeTV’s “Slammin’ Saturday Nights” narrated by Don West. If TNA can get a more credible color commentator and move him out of the booth, that would be a good role for West: hyping shows through voiceovers like Paul Heyman did in ECW.
When we return, Christian chokes Joe in the ring and props up the ladder in a corner, but Joe reverses the whip and Cage eats the ladder, which then falls on top of him. Joe facewashes Cage and positions the ladder between his legs before running off the ropes and kicking the ladder into Christian’s private parts. Nice. Joe climbs the ladder, but Christian climbs up behind him and brings him crashing down with a wicked inverted DDT as we get a “TNA” chant. Cage moves the ladder and climbs up, presumably planning to try a frogsplash, but Joe yanks him down on his face and drops the ladder on him before landing the senton backsplash on the ladder. Ouch, on both sides. Christian slips out of a Muscle Buster and rams the ladder into Joe, but Joe stops him when he climbs and nails Cage with an impressive jumping kick to the head while Cage is on the ladder. Joe crushes Christian with the Muscle Buster and starts to climb, but Abyss runs in and plants him with the Black Hole Slam. The Monster climbs, but Runt and Raven run in and powerbomb him off the ladder. Raven decks Runt with a discus clothesline and Abyss drags Raven out to ringside, where they slug it out as Runt climbs up the ladder and wipes them out with a crazy dive to the floor. Christian climbs the ladder and retrieves the belt, but Joe climbs up the other side and they struggle over the strap until Rhino runs in and tips over the ladder, allowing Joe to snatch the belt at the last moment and hop off to avoid most of the damage. Rhino faces off with Joe, but it’s a SWERVE as the War Machine turns and rips into Christian with the GORE! GORE!! GORE!!! Rhino goes after Christian on the floor while Joe stands alone in the ring with the NWA World Title, just as it should be.
– The “Adrenaline Rush” video recap is followed by a brief Team 3D promo with Ray mentioning Bound For Glory and explaining that they are hungrier than ever for the one set of Tag Team Titles that will make them the greatest of all time.
Afterthoughts: Really awesome, “big-time” Impact this week with a PPV-caliber main event, the TNA TV debut of Angle, the return of Nash, a hot brawl between LAX and the Angels, some setup for midcard storylines, and the perfect amount of hype for Sting/Jarrett without actually seeing either guy for more than two minutes; in fact, I thought it was really creative how they used the Sting/Jarrett hype segments to develop other characters and advance unrelated angles, like the apparent James Gang breakup. I loved how they built the show around Joe with his promo to open the show and the main event to close it, as he really felt like a major player for the first time in TNA. It looks like he’ll be given the ball after Bound For Glory and all indications are that he will run with it. I haven’t felt this excited about wrestling since the similar rise of Stone Cold in the WWF in ’96-’97 so hopefully Joe achieves similar success, without the neck injuries. Speaking of which, the other major story of course was Angle. His interview will definitely stir some debate this week between people who think he totally bullshitted about everything, people who believe everything he said, and people (like me) who feel that the truth is actually somewhere in the middle, as it usually is. Unfortunately, that won’t stop some people from pretending they’re experts on Angle’s health and well-being just because they read the Observer or saw something on a website, but that’s life on the internets. Also, I criticize Jarrett when he plasters himself all over the show, so I’ll give him credit this week for doing the right thing and stepping back in the hope that he will continue to do so. I thought this was the best Impact in quite a while and hope that they can build up a hot streak of shows heading into their primetime debut next month. Thanks for reading, and see you in the future.
