The Chrononaut Chronicles: TNA Destination X 2006 — Sunday, March 12, 2006
– This month’s PPV-opening video is a very unique black-and-white conceptual piece entitled “Stung: A Short Film by Fritz Fellini”, featuring a man in a tuxedo, top hat, and Sting mask miming TNA stars as clips of them are shown to hype tonight’s big matches. “A Legend Retires” and “A Man Returns” as a “Special Guest Appearance” by Steve Borden is advertised. The tuxedo Sting in the video collapses against a wall and the hat and mask fall off to reveal a frightened Eric Young. Incredible, outside-the-box stuff. Kudos as always to Dave Sahadi.
– Alex Shelley vs. Jay Lethal
Mike Tenay credits Shelley and Eric Young as the “driving forces” behind warning Jeff Jarrett that Sting wasn’t gone. Too bad that’s all been forgotten. “Let’s go, Lethal” chant right off the hop as Shelley and Lethal display some crisp chain-wrestling and lock their legs together as they are both upside-down paintbrushing each other’s face. I can’t describe it properly, but it was cool. Shelley offers a handshake and tries to turn it into a short-arm clothesline, but Lethal ducks and unloads on Alex. Lethal slingshots in with a huracanrana and Shelley bails out, but Jay follows him to the floor with a suicide dive through the ropes. Back inside, a back-suplex gets a two-count for Lethal, as does a seated dropkick to the back of the head, but Shelley stomps on Jay’s foot to escape a waistlock and takes control. Running clothesline gets two, but Shelley misses a Lionsault and Lethal unfurls the hiptoss/cartwheel-dropkick combo. Lethal snaps off a neckbreaker and a bridging vertical suplex, but Shelley kicks out and they trade siderolls. Lethal positions Shelley on the top turnbuckle for a superhuracanrana, but Shelley counters with an inverted atomic drop off the top and prepares a lariat. Lethal ducks and catches him in a bridging German suplex for a close near-fall, followed by the swandive headbutt off the top for another near-fall. Lethal goes for the dragon suplex, but Shelley blocks it and drops Lethal with the Sliced Bread #2 for the three-count. Nothing too flashy, but a solid traditional-style match-up.
– Jeremy Borash interviews Team Canada about their matches tonight. Coach D’Amore rambles about the Naturals and a four-way X Division bout while Eric Young keeps looking around nervously. D’Amore starts to talk about Steve “Sting” Borden when Alex Shelley shows up with his PaparazziCam and says that he and Eric have to go look for Sting. D’Amore points out that Eric has a match, but Eric claims his “Canadian Danger Sense” is buzzing and he heads off with Alex as D’Amore tells A1 he’ll be in the tag match instead.
– “Maverick” Matt Bentley vs. Lance Hoyt
Clips are shown of Bentley turning heel and busting Hoyt open with a chairshot on the syndicated Xplosion program. It would have had more impact if they’d teamed together more often to create a Shawn/Diesel dynamic. Lance dominates early on as Traci tries to provide a distraction, but Lance doesn’t fall for it and grips Matt for a chokeslam. Matt escapes, only to be powerslammed for a two-count. Lance sideslams the Maverick for two and sits him up on top for a superplex, but Matt sneaks in a lowblow and brings Hoyt down with a spinning neckbreaker off the turnbuckles. Rude Awakening gets two as Matt focuses on the neck until Hoyt fights out of a front-facelock and flapjacks Bentley. Lance unloads on Matt and gains a near-fall after a pumphandle slam, but misses the moonsault off the top and Matt plants him with a reverse STO as Jeremy Borash is shown in the rafters with Eric Young & Alex Shelley. Eric claims this is his best plan ever and drops “Have You Seen This Man?” flyers with Steve Borden’s picture on them down to the crowd. Meanwhile, the Maverick tunes up the band until Traci hops up on the apron to show him the flyer. He doesn’t care and tells Traci to get off the apron, but she argues with him until Hoyt blasts Bentley with the big boot for the 1-2-3.
– Jeremy Borash is already backstage to interview Rhino, Team 3D, & Truth as they prepare for Eight-Man Tag Team War. Truth recites a lame rap lyric and Devon testifies before Ray requests that Devon teach him ebonics.
– Team Canada (Eric Young & Bobby Roode) vs. The Naturals
Thank God, A1 isn’t wrestling after all. Tenay explains that Team Canada cost the Naturals a title bout against AMW on Impact, hence the reason for this match. Chase Stevens hits a Russian legsweep on Roode for a two-count and tags Andy Douglas, who bulldogs Roode onto Chase’s knee for another two. Roode tags Young, who doesn’t fare any better until Roode trips Douglas from ringside and the Canadians isolate Andy as Don West (in a nice moment of foreshadowing) notes that Roode could be a huge star if he got away from D’Amore and found the proper tutelage. Roode props Andy up on top for a superplex, but Andy counters with a Side Effect off the turnbuckles and makes the cold tag to Stevens, who cleans house and dropkicks Eric to the floor. Chase misses a dive out and D’Amore gets his cheapshots in as the Canadians work over Stevens in their corner until he kicks Eric off the turnbuckles and Eric takes a Face First Flair Flop all the way down to the floor. So basic, yet it looks so painful. A1 rolls Young back in so that Roode can tag in and drag Chase back to Canadian territory.
Chase escapes and tags Andy, who drills Roode with a swinging DDT for a near-fall. The Naturals screw up a spot on Eric and Roode plants Stevens with a full nelson slam before Douglas slams Roode with a double-underhook DDT for two. The Naturals set Roode up for a spike piledriver, but Young breaks it up and he and Roode hook Stevens up on top for a double-superplex. However, Douglas scrambles up and brings the Canadians down with a double German suplex as they superplex Chase in a nice Tower of Doom spot. Andy covers Roode for a near-fall and they signal for the Natural Disaster, but Douglas and the referee get distracted while the Canadian Enforcer dumps Chase out to the floor. Behind the ref’s back, Young snaps the hockey stick flagpole across Andy’s head and Roode covers him for the three-count. I really don’t miss these Team Canada finishes.
– Jeremy Borash interviews Monty Brown, who claims that Christian won’t be able to handle him tonight. Larry Zbyszko, dressed like some idiot tourist with a Hawaiian-style shirt and a dumb-looking ballcap, interrupts the Alpha Male before he can finish his Pounce line and assures him of a “level playing field” in the main event with Earl Hebner as the official. Larry offers a handshake, but Monty slaps it away and states that he will level the playing field himself with the PPPOOOOOUUUUNNNNCCCCCEEE…PERIOD.
– A video package recaps the LAX/James Gang feud.
– Latin American eXchange (Homicide & Machete & Konnan) vs. The James Gang & “Bullet” Bob Armstrong
It’s so strange to hear David Penzer perform LAX’s ring introduction now. Konnan does some micwork promising to end the James Gang’s misery. BG states that it’s “fight night” and they have no time for catchphrases, but he calls LAX “punk bitches” and it is on like neckbone, sucka. The Jameses drive LAX back out as the fans chant “Let’s go, Bullet” for Armstrong, who is wearing a singlet and looks in better shape than Ric Flair despite being about 10 years older. Tenay notes that Bob’s wrestling boots are older than half the TNA roster, which is a unique statistic. Machete & Homicide ravage BG until the former Road Dogg lands a flying forearm off the ropes and tags Kip, who cleans house while Konnan remains on the apron. Kip takes Machete to the floor and BG brawls with Homicide at the announce table while Bullet Bob punches Konnan through the ropes and unleashes some Senior Citizen Violence on K-Dawg around ringside. In the ring, Bob prevents Homicide from using a chair and BG kicks it into the Notorious 187’s face before Father & Son toss him over the top rope, leaving Machete alone to be pinballed by the James-Armstrongs. Kip slams Machete with the Missouri Boat Ride for the 1-2-3 as the Bullet counts along by pumping his fists hilariously. Afterwards, Bob dances and sits in a chair, inviting LAX to come back for more.
– Backstage, Jeremy Borash is on the scene with Alex Shelley & Eric Young (or as I like to call them, “Paparazzi Productions: Beta Version”) as they hunt for Sting. Eric ninja-rolls across the hallway and they enter the washroom, where they find Sting’s bag and baseball bat so they assume he is in the stall. Eric cocks the bat and warns “Sting” that they have the place surrounded, but it’s AJ Styles who emerges from the stall. In a funny exchange, Young asks if Sting is in the stall with him and a disgusted AJ says he is not, but wonders why Eric & Alex are in the bathroom together. Yeah, especially with a camera. AJ warns Alex that his camerawork is going to get him hurt and walks out, but Paparazzi Beta feel that they’re getting closer and head off to continue their mission.
– Petey Williams vs. Puma vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Chris Sabin
This is an “international-flavored” four-way to preview the upcoming World X Cup. Sonjay and Puma start off with some fast-paced wrestling before Sabin hits Petey with a springboard missile dropkick for a two-count. Petey eyegouges Sabin and rolls him up, but Dutt breaks that up with a sideroll on Petey, which Puma breaks with a sideroll on Sonjay. Puma hooks a cool double-underhook figure-four submission on Sabin, but Petey tags himself in and legdrops Puma for two. Dutt tags himself in and lands a Lionsault on Puma for two before Puma tags out to Petey, who hangs Sonjay in the tree of woe for the O Canada, but Sabin tags himself in and connects with the hesitation dropkick on Dutt for a near-fall. Tenay gives us some backstory on the masked 21-year-old Japanese Puma (he idolized Tiger Mask) as he throws kicks at Sabin, who responds with chops. Petey tags in and dumps Sabin to the floor, where the Team Canada Captain slingshots out with a huracanrana. Puma dives over the top with a somersault plancha onto both of them, but when Sonjay tries to follow, Puma clotheslines him in the ring and brings Sabin in.
Sabin whips Puma to the ropes, but the masked man pulls a page out of Spiderman’s playbook and sticks in the ropes instead of bouncing. Nice. Sabin lunges at Puma, but he moves so Sabin flies through the ropes and wipes out Petey at ringside. Sonjay dropkicks Puma to the floor and moonsaults off the top onto all three opponents. Back inside, Puma slingshots in and Sabin catches him in a fireman’s carry, but Puma escapes the Cradle Shock and levels Chris with a kick to the head. Petey runs in and drops Puma with the Canadian Legsweep before Dutt kicks Petey and Sabin kicks Dutt as all four men are down and we get a “This is awesome” chant. Lots of lightning-quick action before Petey locks the Sharpshooter on Puma and Dutt breaks it. Petey sets up the Canadian Destroyer, but Sonjay counters with a sitting back-piledriver for a near-fall. Sabin counters a Sonjay huracanrana with a spinning sitout powerbomb for two before Petey dumps Puma out and drills Dutt with the Destroyer. Petey sets up Sabin for the Destroyer, but Puma springboards in with a somersault neckbreaker to prevent it and Sabin plants Puma with the Cradle Shock for the pinfall. Good fast-paced action and the crowd chants “That was awesome”.
– Jeremy Borash interviews Jarrett’s Army and James Mitchell cuts a good promo to hype the Eight-Man War. Of course, Jarrett completely disregards his opponents tonight in order to talk about Sting instead, but Paparazzi Beta interrupt and report that they were unable to find Sting. Jarrett suddenly morphs into a brave bad-ass babyface and states that if Sting wants him, he can find him in the ring. Man, I hate it when he pulls that shit.
– A video package recaps the various issues amongst the participants in the Eight-Man War.
– America’s Most Wanted & Abyss & Jeff Jarrett vs. Rhino & Ron “The Truth” Killings & Team 3D
Jackie Gayda is now part of Jarrett’s entourage with Gail Kim, but against her will due to blackmail. Or something. The babyfaces gather at ringside and invade the six-sided squared circle together as the brawl spills out to the floor immediately. Ray suplexes James Storm on one ramp, Truth suplexes Jarrett on the other ramp, and Rhino brawls with Abyss in the bleachers as the War Machine prepares to Gore the Monster just like last month at Against All Odds, but Abyss counters with a boot to the head. Jarrett and Killings slug it out on the Spanish announce table while Rhino bashes Abyss with chairshots at ringside. Devon pounds Chris Harris on the ramp and Abyss abuses Truth at ringside while Rhino controls Storm in the ring and we get our first tag when Rhino tags Devon. Ray comes in and lifts Storm on his shoulders for the Doomsday Device, but Harris whacks Devon off the turnbuckles with Mitchell’s cane while Abyss chokeslams Ray. Jarrett’s Army control Devon until he breaks free and tags Ray, who gets a “Buh-Buh” chant as he unloads on AMW and stacks them in the corner. Ray tags Rhino and whips him in to spear the NWA World Tag Team Champions, followed by a spinebuster on the Cowboy for a two-count when Jarrett makes the save.
Rhino press-slams Jarrett and plants him with the belly-to-belly, but when he prepares the Gore, Gail runs in and shields JJ. Gail slaps Rhino and he grabs her for a powerbomb, but Abyss stops him with a big boot and avalanches him for two. Jarrett’s Army gangrape Rhino for several minutes until he avoids an AMW double-team and makes the hot tag to Truth, who unloads on all four heels and drops Storm with a falling stunner for two. Team 3D come in and brawl out to ringside with AMW while Mitchell passes the guitar to Jarrett, who swings and misses Killings. Rhino quickly Gores the King Of The Mountain before Abyss plants the War Machine with the Black Hole Slam. Killings takes Abyss over the top rope and goes out with him as Team 3D set Jarrett up for the “Whazzup” headbutt, but Gail jumps on Ray’s back so he slams her on the mat near Jeff and invites Jackie in. Jackie holds Gail’s legs in the air and Truth dives off the top with the legdrop on her while 3D hit the “Whazzup” headbutt on Jarrett at the same time.
The crowd shouts “Get the tables”, but Abyss dual-clotheslines Team 3D and grips Jackie by the throat. Devon makes the save with a lowblow and the former Dudleys 3D the Monster before AMW come in and execute the Death Sentence on Devon. AMW try to handcuff Killings in the corner, but Harris ends up cuffed instead and Truth levels Storm with the Axe Kick. Truth covers but Jarrett yanks the ref out before he can finish the count, so Killings wipes out Jarrett with a slingshot plancha. Back in the ring, the handcuffed Harris trips Killings and Jarrett Strokes Truth for the three-count to win the War. Ugh. Disturbing sign in the crowd: “Stroke Me, I’m Irish”. This was a really good match with some chaotic brawling to start and Rhino playing an excellent Ricky Morton half-way through, but the usual annoying Jarrett finish leaves a bad aftertaste.
– A very effective promo hypes TNA’s all-cage PPV Lockdown on Sunday, April 23.
– When we come back to the Impact Zone, Jarrett is asking West and Tenay where Sting is before going to the ring and stating that Sting and Steve Borden are both quitters. I can’t tell if the crowd is chanting “Boring” or “Borden”, but I know what I’d be chanting. Jarrett announces that Sting has until the count of 10 to show up and lays on his back on the mat, but Sting doesn’t appear so Jarrett declares victory and sets his sights on the NWA World Title. So wrong on so many levels. The chickenshit heel calls out his arch-enemy all by himself and even lays down defenseless, but the proud babyface defending the honor of his family doesn’t even answer the challenge or try to take advantage of the situation. Dumb dumb dumb.
– A slick video package builds up the Ultimate X match, pointing out that Samoa Joe has never been in one.
– Jeremy Borash interviews Samoa Joe and namedrops Bill Goldberg, but Joe shushes JB and claims that he hasn’t slept since TNA took his belt and hung it on “that godforsaken contraption”. As for the Goldberg comparison, Joe says for him the question isn’t “Who’s Next?”, it’s “Who’s Left?” Good promo, but it was pretty WCW-esque of TNA to tease a possible Goldberg appearance without actually having him signed. My casual-fan buddy popped for the Goldberg mention and was pretty disappointed when it never happened.
– TNA X Division Title – Ultimate X: Christopher Daniels vs. AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe [champion]
West points out that Joe’s eyes are red due to the lack of sleep; I believe Joe was suffering from pinkeye, so that was a cool way of working it into the storyline. Daniels tries to climb immediately and Joe pulls him down while Styles goes to climb, but Joe pulls him back down too. Daniels climbs the cables, but Joe drags him down and hurls him in an overhead belly-to-belly off the ropes. Joe looks pensive as he tries to climb the turnbuckle, but Styles and Daniels stop him and level him with the Hi-Lo double-team before facing off against each other. They both climb the cables to the center and kick each other until they both crash to the canvas. Joe knocks Daniels out of the ring with a flying knee off the ropes, and AJ clobbers Joe with the springboard flying forearm but Joe doesn’t go down, so AJ charges and Joe back-bodydrops him over the top rope onto the Fallen Angel at ringside. Joe runs off the ropes and flattens his challengers with an awesome twisting plancha over the top before climbing the cables for the first time, but he slips off and falls down to the mat. Daniels slams Joe off the turnbuckle and heelkicks Styles as the crowd chants “Fallen Angel”. Enzuigiri and a flying knee off the ropes knocks Joe through the ropes and Daniels tries to climb, but Styles pounds his legs to stop him and kicks him in the spine. AJ climbs the turnbuckles, but Daniels pops up to stop him and AJ brings him down in a sunset-flip powerbomb off the scaffolding.
Styles climbs the cables, but Joe yanks him down in an inverted atomic drop and decks him with the one-footed dropkick, followed by the senton backsplash. Joe quickly crunches Daniels in the corner with a flying knee, facewashes, and the running facewash before dragging him to the floor and sitting him in a chair. Joe charges for the Ole Kick, but AJ cuts him off with an out-of-nowhere diving forearm off the apron. Back inside, Joe catches Styles in a standing STO and retrieves the chair, setting up AJ for a Muscle Buster, but Daniels breaks it up and slugs it out with the X Champion. Daniels positions Joe on the top turnbuckle, but misses a palm thrust and Joe grabs him in the rear-choke from the turnbuckles until Styles breaks it with an impressive jumping kick to Joe’s head. Styles climbs up with Joe and gets headbutted down, but Daniels lands the palm strike. The Phenomenal Angels look at each other and immediately hook Joe up, bringing him off the turnbuckles with a double Muscle Buster. Wicked spot, and nice foreshadowing of their tag team future since it looked like they read each other’s minds. They trade shots until Styles uncorks an enzuigiri and the Pele Kick. Styles climbs the cables to the center and gets his hand on the title belt, but Joe swats him down pinata-style with the chair and Daniels dropkicks the chair back into Joe’s face. Daniels climbs the X and wraps his legs around the cables as he unhooks the belt to win the Ultimate X match and his second X Division Championship.
Afterwards, Daniels is very emotional as he celebrates his victory while West explains that Joe can still claim his undefeated streak because he’s never been pinned or submitted in TNA. Styles extends the Hand of Friendship and Daniels shakes it while Joe freaks out around ringside, kicking the announce table and tossing the ringsteps. Good action, but just when it was really getting hot, it was over so it was definitely disappointing, especially considering the three participants and the storyline history behind them.
– Jeremy Borash interviews Christian Cage and mentions that despite being the NWA World Champion, Christian may be the underdog because Monty Brown Pounced him on Impact. Cage points out that JB is still taking fashion tips from Ryan Seacrest and admits that he gets his ass kicked a lot. Yeah, I wonder why this babyface run didn’t work very well. Captain Charisma calls the Alpha Male a “silly bitch” and claims that after tonight, Monty’s record in NWA Title bouts will be the same as his Super Bowl record: winless. Because THAT’S… how he rolls.
– A video package recaps last month’s Against All Odds, where Jeff Jarrett promised Monty the next title shot before losing the belt to Christian, and the Cage/Brown buildup afterwards.
– NWA World Heavyweight Title: Monty Brown vs. “Captain Charisma” Christian Cage [champion]
We get JB’s Super Special Ring Introductions after the entrances, and Earl Hebner is our referee. Christian has his ribs taped as a result of Monty’s assault on Impact and the commentators note that he isn’t at 100% to get across the story of the main event. Cage utilizes his superior technical skills, but Monty tosses him over the top rope and batters him around ringside before dumping him into the crowd, where they slug it out until Cage throws Brown over the guardrail and back into the ring. Monty dumps Christian out to the floor again and rams his ribs against the railing, but misses a chairshot and they go back inside, where Monty counters a flying axhandle off the top with a fist to the gut. They both end up on the apron trading chops, but Monty elevates Cage up in the air and he crashes on the floor. Monty drops Cage’s ribs on the railing and clotheslines him in the ring for a two-count. The Alpha Male drops the NWA Champion’s ribs on the top rope and Christian stays on the apron as Brown whips him ribs-first against the turnbuckles. Christian crawls back in and Monty covers him, but Christian kicks out and Monty applies an abdominal stretch. Cage fights out, but Monty catches him with a knee to the gut for two and kneedrops Cage’s midsection for another two. Christian battles back and hooks up Monty for a tornado DDT, but Monty tosses him and he crashes to the canvas on his ribs.
Monty’s cover gets two, but Christian counters a back-bodydrop with a DDT and unloads a forearm and a clothesline. Monty cuts off his comeback by pounding the ribs and charges for the Pounce, but Christian hits a nice heelkick for two. Cage bulldogs Brown and foolishly goes for the frogsplash, but Monty moves and stretches Christian in a head-and-arm submission with bodyscissors. Cage fights out, but Monty presses him overhead and drops his gut on the top turnbuckle before climbing up and trying for a superplex. However, Christian knocks him down to the mat and lands a senton backsplash off the top for two. Christian hooks up Monty for the Unprettier, but he escapes and plants Captain Charisma with the Alpha Bomb for a near-fall. Another Unprettier attempt results in Monty slamming Cage with the F5 for another near-fall. Monty tries the Pounce, but Cage kicks him in the face. Brown catches Cage off the ropes and goes for the Alpha Bomb again, but Christian slips out and drills Monty with the Unprettier for the 1-2-3 to retain the NWA World Heavyweight Championship in his first title defense. I really liked this match and felt it was very underrated, as it had good psychology and told a story.
– Afterwards, Christian celebrates until Jeff “Me Again” Jarrett’s music plays and Jarrett claims he’s going to make Christian a transitional champion just like his “brother was up north”. Jarrett’s such a WWE mark, it’s sickening. Christian wonders if Jarrett will promise to retire and flubs a line, but covers up well by saying that he just took such a beating from Monty that he doesn’t even know what he’s saying. As my buddy noted, we’ll take flubbed lines if it means no scripts. Cage tells Jarrett to shut up because nobody wants to hear him (was that a shoot?) and offers to kick his ass one more time, so Jarrett runs in and Monty helps him attack Christian. Cage clotheslines both of them and mauls Jarrett until Abyss blindsides him, but Rhino makes the save. AMW & Team Canada flood the ring to overwhelm Christian & Rhino while Alex Shelley records it on his camera. Cage is handcuffed on the ropes and the heels take turns whipping him with a leather belt until Steve “Sting” Borden (in street clothes without facepaint) makes the save and singlehandedly cleans house. Eric Young runs away and Borden lashes Jarrett with the leather belt before trapping him in the Scorpion Deathlock while all the heels surrounding the ring are too scared to help, even though they outnumber Sting like 8-to-1.
Scott Steiner finally makes his TNA debut by walking in and hammering Sting; Big Poppa Pump has a tattoo on his chest, which looks like it’s caved in or something. Weird. Shelley films everything as the heels pinball Sting while Abyss holds Christian’s head, forcing him to watch. The crowd sadly chants for Goldberg, but all we get is the Steiner Recliner on Sting as Jarrett busts the guitar over his head to close the PPV. I think this is the textbook definition of “bigfooting” as it relates to poor Christian.
Afterthoughts: Nothing lasts forever, and that includes TNA’s hot streak of good-to-great PPVs. The WCW comparisons began to make more sense to me here, as the undercard was solid and the NWA Title bout was a good old-school match, but by the end of the show it was made clear that Jarrett and Sting were the true main-eventers and everything else was just filler. Really sad and depressing, especially when we look back in hindsight and see that the Jarrett/Sting overkill only got worse after this. The Ultimate X was disappointingly short, but that was apparently due to Joe’s eye problems. I think that was just a coverstory though because Jarrett needed so much time for his match and the Sting/Steiner angle at the end. The other two X Division matches (the four-way and the opener) were both good, but nothing spectacular. Unless you’re a TNA completist, I can’t in all honesty recommend this PPV. The wheels definitely fell off the TNA bandwagon here.
