The Chrononaut Chronicles: TNA VICTORY ROAD ’06 — SUNDAY, JULY 16, 2006
– A well-produced video package opens the PPV, going over the storyline leading to tonight’s Road To Victory four-way main event. The video feed is “interrupted” in nWo fashion by color bars and “CH. KOTM” takes over as Jeff Jarrett puts himself over, cuts up the four main event participants, and even uses his old “J-E-Double-F, J-A-Double-R-E-Double-T” catchphrase (I’m probably the only person who misses that) before returning us to our scheduled broadcast. An interesting idea for an opening video, but we really didn’t need Jarrett putting himself over. If they could just come out and admit that Jarrett owns part of TNA in a storyline, I wouldn’t have such a problem with stuff like this because the heat would be huge for the next babyface who can overcome the politics and take the belt, plus it would add another layer to Jarrett’s character and might make him more interesting. Hey, it worked for Mr. McMahon. I really hope they’ll go there, because how else would Jarrett “interrupt” the satellite feed?
– Diamonds In The Rough vs. The Naturals
After Elix Skipper, David Young, & Simon Diamond (now wearing a suit without a tie, rather than the usual tracksuit…good idea) make their entrance, Shane Douglas is introduced by himself and takes a shot at ECWWE and Dick Flair before explaining the journey that the “newly Franchised” Naturals have been on on the road to regaining the “TNA” Tag Team Title. The Naturals have slightly shorter hair and new shorts with the “Franchise” logo on them. Wow, big deal. Shane leaves ringside since he’s not there to babysit the Naturals, leaving them on their own to really test them, which is actually a unique strategy for a manager.
Early on, Chase Stevens and Primetime slug it out on the floor until David Young dives onto them with a surprising moonsault off the top. The Diamonds control Stevens with quick tags and double-teams as Tenay and West discuss the death of Chris Candido last year and how it led to the Naturals losing direction and falling down the tag team ladder in TNA. See, that’s how you incorporate a real-life tragedy into a storyline tastefully; they put over the huge influence Candido had on the Naturals and that without him, they were aimless until the Franchise took over. Andy Douglas gets the hot tag and scores a near-fall on Skipper with a cool double-underhook flip slam, but loses focus to go after Young on the apron and Skipper blindsides him. Primetime props Andy up on the top turnbuckle, but Stevens pulls Skipper off and hoists him up in a powerbomb as Douglas leaps off the top with a missile dropkick and gets the pinfall. Nice finisher there.
Afterwards, the Naturals celebrate until the Franchise comes out and browbeats them for not achieving complete perfection. West also suggests that Shane doesn’t want them getting too cocky after just one victory. That’s a pretty good storyline.
– Jeremy Borash interviews Christian Cage, who claims that “the old Christian” took a sabbatical but is back to work tonight. Instead of saying “the old Christian”, why not use “Captain Charisma” to differentiate the more heelish persona? Did he lose the trademark? Christian cuts a great promo on his Road To Victory opponents: Scott Steiner has huge arms but no heart; Samoa Joe is the guy who asks, “Are you going to finish those french fries?”; and Sting is like a carton of milk that looks alright and smells okay until you flip it over and find out it expired yesterday. Nice analogy, because THAT’S (how he rolls).
– A really good video package recaps Rhino setting the ECW belt on fire and issuing an open challenge, then shows Monty Brown throwing out his open challenge.
– Monty Brown vs. Rhino
The crowd is solidly behind Rhino, chanting his name, as they brawl in and out of the ring until Monty goes for an early Pounce. However, Rhino ducks and the Alpha Male inadvertently blasts referee Andrew Thomas, who takes it like a man. Rhino knocks Monty out to the floor and follows him out with a sweet slingshot plancha as the fans chant “TNA”. Back in the ring, Brown takes the advantage and picks up the ref, propping him up in the corner and slapping him around to revive him, but to no avail. Rhino attacks and sets Monty up for the Gore, but he moves and the War Machine Gores the poor defenseless ref in the corner. That really made me laugh in a “Weekend At Bernie’s” kind of way. Monty and Rhino brawl out to ringside and through the crowd as TNA Security tries to separate them and the bell rings, signaling a no-contest, which makes sense after Jim Cornette’s vow to restore order in TNA. I had a feeling these two warriors could put on a solid stiff match and I look forward to the inevitable no-DQ rematch.
– Borash interviews LAX backstage as Homicide hangs the Puerto Rican flag next to the Mexican flag, covering the TNA Victory Road logo in the background. Konnan cuts a hate-filled promo regarding the tag match tonight against Truth & Sonjay and warns us whiteboys that we’d better learn Spanish because THEY’RE TAKING OVER! ARRIBA LA RAZA!
– This is followed by one of the most effective and well-produced video packages I’ve ever seen, recapping the LAX storyline and gimmick, set to some Latin rap tune. Awesome stuff that did a great job of making them look like an actual street gang, or the closest thing to it in pro wrestling, as someone on the blog pointed out.
– Latin American eXchange (Homicide & Hernandez) vs. Sonjay Dutt & Ron “The Truth” Killings
Moody Jack Melendez puts himself over for being smart enough to speak two languages and performs LAX’s introduction in Spanish-only from the Spanish broadcast position. Ron Killings does his “What’s Up” routine as the two black guys in the crowd opposite the hard camera laugh at all the honkies singing along. That is pretty funny.
All four wrestlers brawl in the ring to kick off the match before Hernandez ends up on the floor after Sonjay ducks a charge. Sonjay quickly runs off the ropes and nearly misses Hernandez with a beautiful somersault plancha over the top rope. Homicide nails Dutt with an amazing suicide somersault dive through the ropes, and the Truth follows with an A.J. Styles-style shooting star press over the top onto Hernandez & Homicide, landing almost directly on his head because LAX were slightly out of position. That looked scary. In a weird moment on commentary, Tenay scolds West for trying to tell the story of the match (Truth & Sonjay bonding together after both being attacked by LAX the last few weeks) and ignoring the in-ring action. Don agrees with Mike, but continues to tell the story anyway. Truth & Sonjay use some good double-teams early on with Dutt a step or two quicker than Killings, before LAX take over on Dutt. They isolate Dutt and exchange frequent tags, stifling his comeback attempts until Sonjay manages to evade Homicide and make the hot tag to Killings, who cleans house and even uses Konnan’s rolling lariat to taunt him. After some more fast-paced action, including the smooth Diamond Cutter from Homicide and a sit-out gourdbuster off the top by Truth, Sonjay tags himself in and hits Homicide with a missile dropkick to the back. Homicide’s momentum sends him to his own corner and he tags Hernandez, who engages in some crisp big-man/little-man stuff with Dutt.
Homicide slides a chair into the ring, but Truth takes him out with a spinning corkscrew plancha over the top rope. Referee Slick Johnson is momentarily distracted as Sonjay climbs the turnbuckles and gets whacked by the slapjack from Konnan, allowing Hernandez to haul Dutt up and hurl him across the ring with a vicious standing Razor’s Edge, like a running Awesome Bomb without the running. Fucking awesome finisher as Hernandez covers the crumpled-up Sonjay for the uno-dos-tres. Tenay declares that we have a tag team on our hands. Well no shit, Professor. They did work well together and should make a great pairing with Konnan as their mouthpiece.
– Borash interviews Scott Steiner, who matter-of-factly points out that it isn’t really a four-way tonight because everybody knows that it’s going to come down to him and Sting. Hmm, was that just trash-talk or Scotty being an asshole and burying Joe and Christian? Big Poppa Pump stumbles over his words as he criticizes Joe for being too fat and Christian for being too skinny. When JB points out he’ll face Jeff Jarrett for the NWA World Title if he wins, Steiner says he has no friends in the business and walks off.
– Clips from the “All Or Nothing” main event of last Thursday’s Impact are shown as Coach D’Amore leads the now-former members of Team Canada to the ring and announces that tonight is the last time we’ll ever see Team Canada together. Why don’t I believe that? D’Amore blames Cornette as the crowd sings “Na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye”. D’Amore puts over Bobby Roode as the hottest free agent in wrestling and proclaims him a future NWA World Champion before the Canadian Enforcer hugs his Coach and former teammates, except Eric Young. Roode leaves and the crowd chants “Eric Young”, but Eric still looks worried and unsure. Classic. D’Amore calls Petey Williams his son and predicts that he will once again be X Division Champion. A tearful Petey hugs D’Amore and A1, blowing off Eric, and steps out. D’Amore admits that he found A1 bouncing at a strip club (that statement could be taken so many ways) and brought him into TNA as Team Canada’s muscle, and the crowd chants “You can’t wrestle”, to which D’Amore responds that he could kick their asses. They hug and A1 refuses to shake Young’s hand before leaving the ring as the fans start a loud “Super Eric” chant.
D’Amore blames Eric for the destruction of Team Canada and we get some backstory, as the Coach reveals that Eric was just a fat kid from Florence, Ontario, whom he molded and made into a star in TNA. Although this segment is going too long for PPV in my opinion, that’s great for Eric’s character development because now we know why he’s so paranoid and timid. D’Amore demands that Eric return his Team Canada jacket because there is no more Team Canada (says D’Amore while wearing a Team Canada jacket) and Eric complies, but that’s not enough for D’Amore, who claims that he gave Eric his pants too and wants them back. Eric mournfully removes his pants and hands them over, leaving him in boxer-briefs and mismatched socks. That’s one of those little details that is so perfect for the character. D’Amore warns Young that his worst fears will come true and his career is over, but the crowd chants “We will save you” in a heartwarming moment. D’Amore storms off after a few more putdowns and Eric picks up the microphone and asks the crowd if they want him to be fired. They reply “NO!!!” so he asks again and gets the same response. Eric wonders if they will help him and be his friends, and they shout “YES!!!” so he comes up with a secret plan. “Don’t Fire Eric” will be their secret codephrase, which the fans chant over and over as Eric jumps into the crowd in his underwear, pumping his fists. Well, that went pretty long and it was WAY too much of D’Amore, but it accomplished a lot and was worth it for the hilarious “secret plan” and official face turn of Eric Young, who should be huge. I also have to admit enjoying D’Amore as the heel foil to Young with the “little fat kid” insults.
– A video promo airs to officially announce that Bound For Glory on Sunday, October 22, would be held in Motor City, USA. A tear almost comes to the eye. That’s three days after my birthday and only two hours or so away from me… who can I con into paying for this…
– Borash interviews Senshi, who promises to send tonight’s “mystery opponent from the past” back to the past.
– X Division Title: Kazarian vs. Senshi [champion]
Kazarian has a haircut (is that a message to WWE?) and gets a respectful welcome, but the last time he was on PPV in the Impact Zone, he was jobbing to a NASCAR driver. I guess that’s how you earn a shot at the X Division Championship. Senshi gets a cool Tarantula-like cross-armbreaker over the ropes out of the opening lock-up and lands on his feet on the floor when the ref breaks the hold. Kazarian applies a generic side-headlock on the mat, showing that he still hasn’t shaken off the “WWE Style” brainwashing. West notes that Kazarian missed the X Division so much and has been dying to get back into TNA as they engage in a methodical mat-based match-up with Senshi working over Kazarian’s midsection, presumably softening him up for the Warrior’s Way although the commentators don’t pick up on it. West compares Senshi’s array of kicks and martial arts to a Bruce Lee or Quentin Tarantino movie; yeah Don, this is JUST LIKE Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, and Jackie Brown all rolled into one. Kazarian goes for a sunset flip, but Senshi blocks it and counters with a standing leaping double-stomp to the gut. Ouch. Another nice move comes when Kazarian avoids a charge into the corner by going to the apron and slingshots back in with a sweet DDT on Senshi for a near-fall. They fight over an Irish-whip and Senshi hits an enzuigiri, followed by the seated dropkick in the corner. Senshi drags Kazarian out of the corner and goes to the top, leaping off with the Warrior’s Way to earn the three-count and retain the X Title. Solid little match with good psychology that paid off with the finish, but was hurt by the fact that Kazarian wasn’t very over, for obvious reason. Still great to have him back to hopefully reform his team with Matt Bentley and add yet another dynamic duo to the strong tag division.
– Borash interviews Larry Zbysko, wearing a “Ribeye” jacket as he runs in place like an old man. Larry claims he’s not scared of Raven and he’s ready to outwrestle him, but Slick Johnson appears on the scene running in place to mock the Living Legend. This guy is great. Slick announces that he’s the referee for Hair Vs. Hair and says he’ll call it right down the middle (daddy), adding that he’ll soon be TNA’s senior official. Larry promises he’ll take care of Slick after he takes care of Raven. This sucks… Raven is almost an afterthought. I wonder if he will be going to ECWWE in the future.
– A video package aired recapping the Raven/Larry storyline. I think this is the same one from Impact.
– Hair Vs. Hair: Larry Zbysko vs. Raven
At least Larry has the sense to wear shorts rather than subjecting us to the sight of him in regular trunks. Raven sits in the corner as usual and Zbysko tries to charge at him before the bell, but referee Slick Johnson trips him. Larry goes after Slick and Raven punches him, which Slick follows by shoving Larry to the mat. Raven covers for a fast two-count and rubs Slick’s chromedome. Oh God, Raven can’t even win a lock-up with Larry, who goes after Raven’s leg and applies a spinning toehold as Tenay mentions that Dory Funk Jr. is in attendance. What the f*ck is this? Larry works over the leg but Raven kicks him off and Larry knocks Slick down. Zbysko goes for a piledriver, but Raven escapes and hits the DDT. Slick is down though, and Larry sneaks in a lowblow for a two-count. Why am I doing play-by-play for this bullshit? It’s like a car wreck, I just can’t turn away. Larry scores a couple more near-falls before Raven plants him with the DDT for the 1-2-3. Ugh. It could be argued that Zbysko had one more fight left in him because his combover is so important to him and he didn’t want to lose. Another defense I read is that this one match told the story of their whole feud: Larry getting the better of Raven and keeping him on the defensive until the very end. However, after the build-up for this and all the hatred Raven should have pent up inside, he should have just massacred Larry and left him in a bloody heap. Instead, we got… this. I never want to see this match again and I hope Raven’s in-ring career is finished if this is all he can do. I’d recommend giving him a Piper’s Pit type interview segment, or have him manage a group of social outcasts and misfits.
Afterwards, Larry runs away but TNA Security carries him back to the arena and Raven duct-tapes his wrists to the barber’s chair in front of the announce position. Raven takes the clippers and turns Zbysko into Larry Fine of Three Stooges fame. Raven shaves some of Larry’s chest hair and threatens to go south of the equator, but decides to offer the clippers to Don West. Ever the master of improv, West replies that he’s too caught up in the TV cables and that Raven should move the chair closer; meanwhile, Slick holds up a mirror for Larry and gets kicked in the groin. West leans over the table and shaves a small strip of Larry’s head, as the camera shows Slick writhing on the floor cupping his yambags. Since the commentators missed the lowblow, West speculates that Slick was laughing so hard, he had fallen down and was holding his stomach. This is so pathetically bush-league, it’s almost funny. Raven helps Slick up and lets him have a crack at shaving Larry’s head. Zbysko screams “You’re all fired!” and Raven prepares to use scissors, but Tenay says they’re going to the back with JB and Kevin Nash. Raven hears this and asks, “We’re going to the back?!?” in a slightly annoyed tone, since Zbysko hasn’t really lost much hair at all. Raven shrugs it off and goes to snip off Larry’s nipple as Tenay grins. Wow… I have one word for this extremely disappointing and sad little segment: Wrestlecrap.
– Borash interviews Nashelley, who cut a mocking promo about the X Division using the “It’s not about weight limits, it’s about no limits” tagline. Alex says he hasn’t seen Big Kev this motivated since he let Hulk Hogan join the nWo and carry his bags. Even funnier when you realize that Shelley was, what, 12 years old when that happened? Nash agrees that Hogan was indeed the caboose and Johnny Devine produces what he claims is the new X Division DVD due out in October with Nash on the cover. Nash seems to lose his train of thought but promises that they’ll bond as a team and put down Sabin & Lethal tonight. Nash asks JB if he wants to see the DVD, but instead presses his breasts in Jeremy’s face and informs that “they’re real…and they’re SPECTACULAR!” That was possibly the funniest non-sequitur of all time. I know I’m supposed to hate this promo because it didn’t do much to hype the match or further the angle, and it looked more like Nash amusing himself rather than trying to put over the X Division, but I love his delivery. Sorry.
– Another slick video package airs to recap the Nash vs. X Division storyline.
– Kevin Nash & Alex Shelley vs. Chris Sabin & Jay Lethal
During the introductions, ring announcer David Penzer either forgets to announce Jay Lethal after Chris Sabin, or his mic goes out. Sabin and Shelley start things off and go through some great chain-wrestling before Alex scrambles back to his corner on his knees and hugs Nash, who tags in and does some stretching to warm up while Sabin tags Lethal. They lock up and Big Kev pulls out a smooth armdrag, popping the crowd and earning a “That was awesome” chant as Nash looks pleased with himself and Shelley applauds. It was a nice armdrag, but I hope the fans are being sarcastic. Nope, they’re not; Lethal knocks Nash down with a pair of dropkicks and they boo. Idiots. Lethal springboards off the middle rope with a crossbody, but Nash is out of place and Jay barely hits him and at least gets a two-count. Nash catches Lethal on the next attempt, but Sabin dropkicks Lethal’s back to knock Nash down. Shelley tries to help his mentor, but Lethal & Sabin double-team him and Nashelley retreat to the floor and regroup with Johnny Devine.
The fans chant “Lethal Weapon” as Lethal squares off with Shelley, who takes the advantage after Devine interferes. Behind the ref’s back, Shelley applies the crotch claw and punches Jay’s penis as the crowd chants “That was gay”, which Alex shrugs off. Nash tags in and pounds Lethal before Alex comes back in (without a tag) and unloads on Lethal with Nash-style elbows in the corner as Tenay points out that Nash is molding Shelley in his image. Nashelley control Lethal until Nash accidentally hits Shelley and Lethal tags Sabin, who comes in and nails Big Sexy with a vicious dropkick to the knee. Sabin actually dominates both men and hangs Shelley in the tree-of-woe as Nash is on all fours in mid-ring. Sabin runs across the ring and springboards off Nash’s back to connect with the hesitation dropkick on Shelley’s face in the corner. Now THAT was awesome. Lethal lands the “Diving Dynamite” swandive headbutt on Nash and Sabin follows with a springboard legdrop. A nice series of double-teams on Shelley leads to a standing moonsault from Sabin, who scores a two-count before moving out of the way when Devine comes in to break up the pin and inadvertently drops the elbow on Alex. For some reason, the ref doesn’t call for a DQ. Lethal disposes of Devine and creams him with a slingshot plancha to the floor while Sabin and Shelley go through a hot finishing sequence that sees Alex escape from the Cradle Shock twice, only to finally be rolled up for the three-count.
Afterwards, Nash wanders into the ring looking in dire need of a natural testosterone enhancer and Sabin & Lethal employ the old heel strategy of one guy distracting Big Kev while the other attacks from behind, looking like a couple of mosquitoes bugging an elephant until Shelley & Devine return and beat down the babyfaces. Nash plants Sabin with the Jackknife before JERRY F’N LYNN runs in with a chair to make the save. YES! Nash and the Paparazzi Productions crew bail out as Lynn takes off his TNA road agent badge and throws it down, apparently signifying his return to active in-ring duty. I smell a six-man at Hard Justice next month. I love the idea of Lynn returning to defend the X Division because he helped pioneer it, and hopefully he’ll stick around after the Nash angle to put on some great matches with the other X guys.
– Borash interviews Team 3D backstage. Brother Ray repeats the word “violence” over and over and over and over AND OVER with increasing intensity, then asks JB what he thinks tonight’s match is all about. Jeremy guesses, “Violence?” and he’s right. Cute bit. Ray rips on Bullet Bob Armstrong and promises that the James Gang & Abyss will fall to 3D. Brother Devon adds the usual “OH MY BROTHA, TESTIFY!” and Brother Runt just grins. This is followed by a well-done video package highlighting the 3D/Gang feud and the inclusion of Abyss and Father James Mitchell.
– No Disqualification: The James Gang & Abyss vs. Team 3D
Tenay notes that Jim Cornette agreed to make this a No DQ match. B.G. James and Devon start off with some traditional wrestling before B.G. retreats to his corner and tags Abyss while Runt demands that Devon tag him in, and he does as the crowd chants “Runt”. I guess the name is officially over. Runt stands on his tippy-toes trying to get eye-to-eye with Abyss, but the Monster piefaces him. Runt gets right back up and tries to knock down Abyss to no avail, so he runs off the ropes with a crossbody but Abyss just stands there and Runt bounces off of him. Runt keeps trying, but finally tags out to Ray behind Abyss’ back and they slug it out. Ray mocks B.G.’s dancing and pays for it with a chokeslam from Abyss, who then beheads Devon with a big boot when he runs in. Runt comes in next but Abyss presses him over his head and tosses him into the crowd, who catch him. The former Spike briefly crowdsurfs until he is dumped unceremoniously back to ringside in a very nasty and unplanned bump. The f*cking idiots who dropped him over the railing laugh and celebrate while Runt clutches the back of his head and neck. That would have been a very cool and memorable visual if those dipshits had kept him going as he had obviously planned. Thanks for ruining it, assholes. ECW fans they are not.
The match breaks down into a hardcore brawl from here as the James Gang introduce a trashcan full of weapons into the ring. Alright, the trashcan of weapons is getting old. B.G. & Kip crack open a couple of beers and prepare to imbibe, but Devon & Ray lowblow them from behind and drink the beers instead while Abyss kicks Runt’s ass on the floor. All six warriors brawl around ringside and on the ramp, leading to a double-foot stomp off the stage to the floor from Runt on Abyss. Back in the ring, Ray reveals an “ECW Fears TNA” sign and uses a staple gun to staple it to Abyss’ head, but it falls off so he does it again and it sticks a bit longer. After some more brawling and plunder, Ray and the fans tell Devon to get the table, but the Gang clothesline them before they can go out and Kip & B.G. retrieve the table instead. The crowd chants “We want fire” (keep dreaming) as the Gang set Runt up for a 3D through the table, but Ray decks Kip and moves the table so B.G. ends up flapjacking Runt on the mat instead. Ray & Devon prepare to 3D Abyss through the table, but Kip slides in and whacks Ray with a kendo stick before taking Devon over the top rope with a Cactus Clothesline. In the ring, Runt goes for the Acid Drop on Abyss, but the Monster counters it into the Black Hole Slam on the table, which doesn’t break until Abyss pushes down harder, and even then it doesn’t break evenly. Runt is having a rough night, but the good news is that it’s over as Abyss scores the pinfall on the semi-broken table. Poor Runt. Afterwards, Abyss celebrates but chases off the James Gang when they try to join the party.
– Borash interviews Gail Kim & AMW, who still claim to be the greatest tag team of all time and vow to make the best of their last chance at the belts. When JB asks Gail about Sirelda, James Storm (beer in hand…good thing TNA doesn’t have a Wellness Policy) cuts her off and tells her to shut up, promising that last month’s communication problem was a one-time thing and that an ass-kicking for the Phenomenal Angels is only a drink away. Chris Harris takes the beer away and blames it for the “communication problems” before handing the bottle to JB and advising that they leave the beer backstage tonight. The Cowboy takes the bottle back because it still has beer in it, but the Wildcat grabs the bottle again, giving it to JB, and replies that he also has 16 stitches in his head before storming off with Gail. Storm follows, but comes back to grab the beer from Jeremy and deadpans, “He got the stitches took out a week ago, he’s alright.” Good delivery, and if this is the angle for the eventual AMW breakup, it should be a good one with Storm as the beer-swilling babyface, Harris as the holier-than-thou ex-friend, and Kim as the “Yoko Ono” of the team.
– A video package takes us through the AMW/Styles-Daniels feud and the buildup for tonight’s six-person mixed tag.
– NWA World Tag Team Title: America’s Most Wanted & Gail Kim vs. A.J. Styles & Christopher Daniels [champions] & Sirelda
James Storm has his beer bottle in hand and Chris Harris has words with him about it during their entrance before going to the announce table and asking Don West if he can count to seven, since AMW are going for their seventh NWA World Tag Team Championship. West shakes his head. Doesn’t surprise me. I don’t really get the name Sirelda. Is it supposed to be funny because it starts with “Sir” and she looks a tad masculine, or is it like a fancy superheroine name like Xena?
Tenay suggests that Sirelda and Gail Kim have a history together that we don’t know about (hmmmm) as A.J. Styles and James Storm exchange some maneuvers. The Cowboy puts on his hat and tags Harris, who gets armdragged by Styles. Storm tries to help but Styles takes him down too and puts on the cowboy hat, strutting around the ring to mock Storm, then throws the hat into the audience. A nice double hiptoss by the Phenomenal Angels give Harris the idea to tag Gail, who looks even hotter in pigtails and motions for Daniels to fight her instead of tagging Sirelda. Gail quickly goes to the face corner and slaps Sirelda in the face on the apron, so Daniels tags a fired-up Sirelda while Gail begs off and tags in the Cowboy. Sirelda challenges Storm, who goes into comedy mode and performs some mocking kung-fu poses before tagging out to the Wildcat. Harris hesitates on the apron, unsure of how to handle the situation, as the crowd chants “Pussy”. Gail comes in to distract Sirelda, Harris grabs a handful of Sirelda’s hair and slams her to the mat, and soon all six competitors are in the ring. Sirelda looks slightly lost. The face squad piles AMW & Kim up in the corner, and when they collapse on the canvas, we have Storm on his back, Gail between his legs on all fours, and Harris on his knees behind Gail. This reminds me of a few movies I’ve seen. West notes that it would be a fantasy of his to be “on one of those ends”, which is a wonderful mental picture. Funny spot though, as disturbing as some may find it. A beautiful series of double-teams by the Angels on Storm sends the Cowboy scurrying to his corner to tag Gail. Styles & Daniels have really gelled amazingly as a team and look so smooth and natural together; I’m assuming they’ve teamed quite a bit in ROH or somewhere else, because if not, that’s incredible. Styles yanks Gail in over the top and disposes of Storm before catching Kim in a tilt-a-whirl and spanking her over his knee until Harris makes the save. A.J. goes after the Wildcat and Gail lowblows him from behind. A few moments later, Gail traps A.J. in a sweet headscissor submission, which the Phenomenal One sells by collapsing to the canvas and grabbing the ropes. Styles tries to mount a comeback but AMW keep stifling him and isolate him in their corner until Styles hits an awesome middle-rope springboard inverted DDT from the apron and hot-tags Daniels, who cleans house.
The women get involved again and Gail takes Daniels down with the “HuraKimrana” (coined by West) before Sirelda floors her with a clothesline. Harris answers back with a clothesline on Sirelda and A.J. attacks the Wildcat. The Fallen Angel locks in the cool-looking Koji Clutch submission on Storm, but Harris makes the save. AMW set Daniels up for the Death Sentence but Styles pulls Harris off the top and they slug it out on the apron, so Gail goes to the top and completes the Death Sentence by supplying the guillotine legdrop herself. Nice spot. Storm gets a near-fall while Harris grabs the handcuffs and goes to punch Daniels with them, but Daniels dodges it and plants the Wildcat with the Angel’s Wings. Gail breaks up the pin and Sirelda chokeslams her, then eats a superkick from Storm. After a couple more near-falls on both sides, Storm gets frustrated and retrieves his beer bottle from ringside. He goes to hit Styles, but Styles ducks and Storm almost hits Harris, who catches his partner’s hand just in time and scolds him. Harris goes to step out of the ring with the bottle, but Styles hits Storm from behind and Storm accidentally knocks Harris through the ropes, allowing A.J. to roll the Cowboy up for a near-fall. From the floor, Harris prepares to swing a chair but Styles reverses Storm’s whip and the Wildcat ends up pasting his own partner with a chairshot through the ropes. Storm staggers back and Styles wraps him up in a springboard sunset flip from the middle turnbuckle for the deciding pinfall to retain the gold. The NWA World Tag Team Champions celebrate with Sirelda while Harris looks pissed off. I may apparently be in the minority but I really liked that match and thought Gail Kim looked tremendous. Sirelda, on the other hand, brings nearly nothing to the table and is too green for TV but will continue to be used because Scott D’Amore trained her or something. Good tag team work here otherwise, but I hope they don’t split AMW yet.
– Tenay plugs TNA Hard Justice 2006 on Sunday, August 13, where the winner of tonight’s Road To Victory will challenge Jeff Jarrett for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship.
– A video package sets up the Road To Victory four-way main event.
– Borash interviews Samoa Joe, who advises his three opponents to heed the crowd’s warning of “Joe’s Gonna Kill You” because that’s exactly what he’ll do.
– Road To Victory: Scott Steiner vs. Samoa Joe vs. Christian Cage vs. Sting
All four combatants are shown walking backstage before they are introduced, which is a nice touch to make the match feel more important. The crowd chants “Joe’s Gonna Kill You” as the bell rings and Sting goes after Joe while Christian and Steiner pair off and spill out to the floor. Sting hits Joe with a Stinger Splash across the back, turns Joe around, and goes for another Splash, but this time Joe catches him and slams him with the standing STO. Joe pounds Sting, who comes back with a kneebreaker and targets Joe’s knee before hooking in the Scorpion Deathlock. Big Poppa Pump stops abusing Christian at ringside long enough to get in the ring and break up the Scorpion, then tosses Joe out to the floor and belly-to-bellys Sting overhead. Steiner stupidly kicks Sting out of the ring and Christian sneaks up from behind, clotheslining Steiner over the top. Christian then comes face-to-face with Joe, who piefaces him. Cage responds with a slap to the face and they exchange shots. Christian controls very briefly until Joe hits him with a spinning roundhouse kick, which is missed by the viewers when at the crucial moment, the director decides to switch to Sting dominating Steiner by the ramp. Even West points out that they cut away at the wrong time. What the f*ck, is Jeff Jarrett in the production truck trying to sabotage Joe? Sting whacks Steiner with a chair, while on the inside Joe smushes Christian with the Facewash series and the Running Facewash in the corner. Christian and Joe fight out to the floor as Sting and Steiner return to the ring, where the Stinger decks Steiner with a clothesline. Joe throws Christian into the crowd and follows him while Sting misses the Stinger Splash on Steiner, who attempts a backslide. Sting struggles to block it as a man in black enters the ring and splashes some liquid (identified as gasoline by West) in Sting’s face. Of course, the intruder is revealed to be JEFF FUCKING JARRETT, who laughs on his way up the heel ramp. Sting staggers around ringside blinded as TNA Security come out to attend to Sting and take him back to the locker room. I think we all know what’s coming.
Meanwhile, Steiner chops away at Joe in the ring and levels him with a clothesline, followed by the trademark flexing elbowdrop for a one-count, but Steiner breaks the pin himself to do pushups instead. Backstage cameras show TNA Security ejecting Jarrett from the building. West refers to the NWA Champion as a “scared little wuss”, but Tenay immediately states that Jarrett is more like a “thief in the night”. Whatever, Mike. When we come back to the ring, Joe drops the big knee on Steiner and goes after Christian on the apron, but Cage dodges him and runs off the ropes, plowing Joe with a spear for a two-count. Christian chops Joe, who shakes them off and throws the former NWA Champion in the corner, unleashing some vicious chops on Cage. Joe picks up Christian in the Muscle Buster, but Christian escapes and goes for the Unprettier. The Samoan Submission Machine shoves Christian off into the corner and charges in, but Christian sidesteps him and pounds him down in the corner. Christian scrapes Joe with his own series of Facewashes and goes for the Running Facewash, but Steiner grabs Christian’s foot and drags him out to ringside. Steiner suplexes Christian on the floor and they slug it out while Joe runs off the ropes and dives through the ropes, taking out both men. Joe’s foot appeared to get caught on the rope and he takes a bit of a tumble, but he rolls Steiner into the ring and takes down Christian with the standing STO. Joe pulls a table out and sets it up at ringside, then meets Steiner on the apron and prepares to possibly Muscle Bust the Big Bad Booty Daddy through the table, but Steiner blocks it and DDTs Joe face-first on the apron. Nice. Steiner lays Joe on the table and climbs up on the apron, leaping off with an impressive elbowdrop that puts the two-time former X Division Champion through the table.
The Samoan Submission Machine lays amongst the wreckage as Christian returns Steiner to the ring and scores a near-fall. Christian hammers Steiner and mocks Freakzilla’s double-bicep pose before Steiner catches him leapfrogging in mid-air and plants him with a powerslam for two. Steiner props Christian up on the top turnbuckle and climbs up there with him, cinching him up for a super samoan drop but Steiner loses his footing and drops Christian on his head and shoulder as Joe slides in. Joe covers Steiner but he kicks out at two, so Joe covers Christian and scores another near-fall. Joe bodyslams Steiner and goes after Christian, but Cage ducks the clothesline and drop-toeholds Joe, who falls on Steiner with a diving headbutt in a spot lifted from the great Christian/Jericho/Cena three-way at Vengeance ’05. Christian goes to the top and dives off with the frogsplash, but both men move out of the way and the pool is empty for Captain Charisma. Steiner levels Christian with a clothesline and Joe does the same to Steiner before placing Christian in the corner and unleashing a barrage of quick right hands, battering Cage to the mat. Joe sits himself on the top turnbuckle and looks to be thinking about the Island Driver, but Christian fights him off and fires off several chops. When Steiner wanders over, Cage grabs him and slams him head-first into Joe’s crotch on the turnbuckle.
Joe collapses to the floor and Christian rolls up Steiner for two. Christian tries for the Unprettier but Steiner blocks it and plants Cage with a belly-to-belly before locking in the Steiner Recliner. Joe breaks it up by snatching Steiner in the Kokina Clutch rear-chokeout and we all hope that’s the finish, but Joe releases when he sees Christian climbing to the top and takes out his feet. Joe climbs up and slugs it out with Christian as Steiner comes over and takes shots on both guys. Suddenly, Sting runs out with his head bandaged and hits the Stinger Splash on Steiner from behind, knocking Joe to the floor as Sting slams Steiner with a back suplex. Christian leaps off the top with the frogsplash but Sting rolls out of the way and Christian lands on Steiner, getting a two-count before the Stinger pulls Cage off. Christian argues with Sting until Joe comes in and hits Christian from behind, knocking him into Sting, who staggers to the corner while Joe traps Cage in a standing rear-choke. Christian makes it to the ropes and Steiner dumps them both over the top, giving Sting the golden opportunity (TM Gorilla Monsoon) to grab Steiner from behind and drill him with the Scorpion Deathdrop for the deciding pinfall.
The crowd isn’t unhappy, but they were pretty solidly behind Joe and seemed a bit disappointed. Afterwards, Christian confronts Sting and they have a heated conversation, teasing a faceoff, but Christian offers a handshake. For no reason, in true WWE style, West and Tenay claim that Christian can’t be trusted, which of course means the exact opposite and Sting shakes hands with Christian. Cage congratulates the Stinger with a hug and applauds him from the apron as Sting celebrates to close the PPV.
Afterthoughts: Well, this certainly wasn’t the PPV I hoped it would be, despite guessing 9 out of 10 match results correctly. The in-ring work was solid and entertaining, but no real blowaway match on the card. The booking made sense and sets up some potentially interesting situations in the future, but I’ll be honest… it really sucks that Joe didn’t win the four-way. After just seeing a commercial for Hard Justice, I understand why they did it: the promo doesn’t even mention Jeff Jarrett, it puts over how badly Sting wants to capture the NWA World Title because it is the most prestigious championship in professional wrestling. I guess we’ll see Christian turn heel on Sting at Hard Justice and cost him the match, but hopefully not ally himself with Jarrett. Then maybe we get Sting/Joe vs. Jarrett/Christian at the September PPV (I believe it’s No Surrender) and hopefully Joe takes the belt from Jarrett at Bound For Glory while Sting puts over Christian to set up a long-term Joe/Christian program for the gold. That’s the dream, anyway. Thanks for reading, and see you in the future.
