The ECW Short Form, 10.17.06

Yeah, it’s another week of doing ECW on Thursday morning. The reason it wasn’t done Wednesday is simple: I slept for thirteen hours in a futile attempt to get rid of this cold that I have. So, it’s get home from work, put the laundry on, and do ECW before I go unconscious and let it become more irrelevant.

Memo To Bisman: I don’t think The Ohio State University and Michigan have ever faced off as #1 and #2, but they have been ranked #1 and #2 before back in the Schembechler/Hayes era for a couple of weeks, with Michigan getting the duke at that time. Wish I could help a little more than that, but my university left the Big Ten in 1938 because, hey, none of the teams in the Big Ten could keep up with us in either Heismans or Nobels.

By the way, Neil, you and Tierney spend far too much time reflecting on the managerial changes in the nonexistent team in Chicago. Really, put all of your efforts toward the South Side where they not only belong, but they are worthy.

Oh, hell, I don’t have a good lead-in. Let’s just do the show and see if I can come up with something to put in the damn box for a teaser…

Match Results:

Sandman over Matt Striker, Singapore Cane On A Pole Match (COR): Oh, shut up about the ending, will you? Yes, it was a COR in an ECW match. Who cares? It was Angle Advancement anyway, so a shitty, inappropriate ending doesn’t hurt it. It can’t be hurt. It’s already Angle Advancement, so it’s wounded to the point of death regardless. If you have a knife sticking out of your chest, do you bitch about a paper cut?

As for the match itself, it’s a Pole On A Pole match, isn’t it? If you stretch the definition of “pole” slightly, of course. You know what I’d like to see? An Insignificant Object On A Pole Match, where if you take down the object, you can use the pole itself as a weapon. Come on, Russo, you know you want to do it. And I’m surprised CZW already hasn’t.

Striker just found out that when Sandman once said, “Scorpio’s got nothing on me!”, he wasn’t lying

CM Fuckin’ Punk over Rene Dupree (Submission, Anaconda Vise): Punk definitely needs an elevation in the level of competition he’s facing. And, no, Mike Knox is not an elevation over Rene Dupree. Compared to Mike Knox, Tatanka would be an elevation. Punk needs to start moving up in class. Maybe he can start by beating the piss out of Van Dam…no, not Van Dam. That’d be Chicagoan versus Polack, and my brain would go ‘splodey trying to figure out my loyalties. Make it Sabu. He’d be willing to take a beating.

You don’t tug on Superman’s cape. You don’t spit in the wind. And you definitely don’t bitch-slap anyone from Chicago, Dupree.

Test over Balls Mahoney, Make Genital Jokes Like They’re Going Out Of Style Match (Pinfall, swinging crucifix neckbreaker): While gearing up for Bob Holly’s back to get unstitched, Test decided to mark some time with this match, and, hey, it wasn’t bad. Balls knows how to go with guys who have less skills than he has, few of them there might be. And if it makes Test look more credible, so be it. But speaking of credible, Test really shouldn’t go around calling himself an “impact player”. And if he does, Lance, please come out of retirement to show him what a real Impact Player is.

Mahoney’s Sabu impression has won a number of backstage awards, you know

Sabu over Shannon Moore (Pinfall, somersault legdrop): And speaking of Sabu…meh. Another squash. Dear God, does ECW need a secondary belt or what?

We’ve seen Sabu go aerial so many times that we’re rather blase about it now

Rob Van Dam over The Big Show, Non-Title Match (Pinfall, Five-Star Frog Splash): There are a few columnists out there who seem to be rather skeptical on the subject of a Bob Holly face turn. I’m not. First of all, it’s not really a face turn. He’s definitely going tweener here. Second, it sets up a very interesting four-cornered feud with Holly, TBS, Van Dam, and Test. This kind of feud is necessary to get the belt off of TBS; I don’t think I need to explain the rationale behind a Fatal Four-Way for the title being the best way to remove the strap from Wight’s presence. As to who the belt goes on…you know what? I’d give it to Holly. Not only would it be a nice “services rendered” perk, but after his bloodletting a few weeks ago, the audience would buy it; plus, you’d have to admit that it would be interesting to see what he could do with it. Also, not giving the strap to Van Dam would provide verification that Vince is not pleased at Kurt Angle’s remarks in his recent interview about what an All That And The Bag Of Chips Van Dam is.

Slick Rick made a comment regarding this match about how Van Dam, Sabu, et al, need their old ECW entrance music back. Well, you do have to remember that Heyman never paid the rights fees and got away with it because ECW was too small to be on the RIAA’s radar in the late 90s. Nowadays, with the higher visiblility of a WWE-owned company and the RIAA going batshit over copyright to the point of suing dead people, the rights fees would end up costing far too much. Rule of thumb is to never pay more for your music than your jobbers. So I can understand keeping the music as is instead of reverting. Yes, it does lose a little bit of atmosphere without that particular music, but not as much as you may think. The current taping environment makes the music a more negligible part of the whole package that a wrestler is presenting. In the Bingo Hall or a smaller venue, the music is more important. For the Raw or Smackdown people, the music is a key part of a wrestler’s entrance when combined with the Titantron video and (if present) pyro and special lighting (including lasers). An entrance in ECW is walking through a curtain at floor level. So music doesn’t really have the impact on this particular scale with this particular show design. In that case, save the money for important stuff, like hookers and beer.

Anyone not see this before?

Angle Developments:

Just what ECW needs: its own Maria Kanelis or Kristal Marshall. Aren’t those two torture enough?

Testing The Waters: Wait a second, did Andrew Martin cut an effective, coherent, intelligent promo that actually advanced an angle in a fashion which an audience can accept? Who put what into his water, and can they dig some more of that up for John Cena?

Demonstrating that the power of prayer actually works

I’m drugging myself up, I’m going to sleep, and I’m going to see if I can regain some semblance of health. See you on Impact.