Welcome back to The Saturday Swindle Sheet.
This edition has actually been in the queue since Wednesday, on account of me being out-of-town this weekend. My apologies if anything huge happened on Thursday or Friday and I didn’t cover it. If it’s anything terribly pertinent, I will address it next weekend.
BLURBS OF THE WEEK
Fabolous (né John Jackson) is in stable condition after being shot in the thigh late Monday night in Manhattan, presumably by a spelling nazi who doesn’t enjoy an “o” in place of a “u”. The rapper was standing around with three associates at a parking garage when an unidentified man started shooting at them. The four got into a Dodge Magnum and immediately fled the scene; perhaps trying to get to a hospital quickly, they were subsequently pulled over by police after blowing a red light. After a search of the car, officers recovered two loaded, unregistered firearms and placed the four men under arrest, sending the rapper to the hospital shortly thereafter. The next day he and his associates were charged with criminal possession of a weapon and possession of a defaced firearm, which likely was considered as such because its serial number had been filed off. In a related story, Fabolous has a new album coming out in December on Def Jam, according to his MySpace page. According to Open Mike Eagle’s MySpace page, he’s “starting to get bitter again.” Awesome!
Apple released a statement this week announcing that a small percentage of video iPods released on Sept. 12 contained a virus that would affect users running Windows. Ironically, the company claims that the iPods got the virus from a computer running Windows at one of the manufacturing plants that produce the iPod. RavMonE.exe would have been detected and eliminated by most PC users’ standard anti-virus software, and that so far Apple has received “less than 25 reports” from people who no doubt deserve what they got. Only the iPods shipped for release on Sept. 12 were affected, and newer shipments (as well as the iPod Nano and iPod Shuffle) do not have the virus. In a closing jab at Microsoft, they added that “we are upset at Windows for not being more hardy against such viruses, and even more upset with ourselves for not catching it.” This is the latest in a series of issues with new iPods, including the iPod Nano released over the past year, which was reported to be very fragile and easily scratched, and the 20GB iPod released in 2004 that exploded on impact with shitty music. Not really, but that would be pretty cool.
U2 singer Bono appeared in an Irish High Court on Tuesday to testify again Lola Cashman, a former stylist for the band who allegedly stole several pieces of band memorabilia and was trying to sell it when they found out. Bono told the Court, “We want our stuff back. We want her to stop selling it.” The defendant claimed that the items that she was trying to sell had been given to her as gifts, and that “250 XXXL t-shirts from the Pop album shouldn’t technically be considered memorabilia, since no one remembers or wants to remember that album anyway.”
After filing for separation last month, singer Whitney Houston filed for divorce from wayward husband of 14 years, Bobby Brown, this past week. It’s about f*cking time. Must have been that 183rd beating that did it. Those are always the worst.
Panic! At the Disco lead singer Brendon Urie recently said that he hates that his crappy band gets pigeonholed as emo. “It’s ignorant! The stereotype is guys that are weak and have failing relationships write about how sad they are. If you listen to our songs, not one of them has that tone,” Urie griped to NME. “Emo is bullshit! … If people want to take it for the literal sense of the word, yes we’re an emotional band, we put a lot of thought into what we do. People always try to stereotype us, but we don’t fit the emo stereotype.” Yes you do, because you’re WHINING, you whiny whining whiner. ZZZZZZZZING.
THE MOST RIDICULOUS ITEM OF THE WEEK
Professional sperm donor/rappe… musici… (no, I just can’t call him either) Kevin Federline was a guest on Monday’s episode of WWE Raw. After being booed gratuitously by the audience, he was later insulted and Death-Valley-driven (it’s a f*cking Death Valley driver and you know it) by John Cena. This was good, but didn’t John Cena not-so-long-ago use a gimmick that was almost identical to what Kevin Federline is? In any event, Shawn M. Smith hasn’t been this happy since he was on top of Gloomchen for 3 seconds back in May for his UPSET MAY MADNESS WIN BY GAAWAWWAD.
Cheers
-JF2k6!
