(pssss…if you want to see doms you have to click here)
Hi Everybody! Welcome to another edition of Slayer’s Wrestling and Stuff! Is it me or are the Tommy Lasorda MLB Playoff commercials a riot? It’s me? Ok. Anyway, we got plenty to do in this column. We say a prayer to Vince McMahon on behalf of King Booker. I briefly look at TNA, I explain how it’s possible to watch Smackdown while not wasting a Friday night. We also have lots of WWE Diva stuff to catch up on including the release of Francine and I have plenty to say about that.
I also review the Best of Intercontinental DVD. Hey, someone had to do it. And no I did not miss a word”¦.
ALSO, THE LAST SLAYER’S SPORTS AND STUFF SHOULD BE UP”¦.LIKE NOW! Go look”¦click on Tailgate Crashers”¦it won’t hurt you”¦.go on”¦I know, I know”¦a non-wrestling section of IP”¦but do it”¦and when you click on my column, I assure you this:
Even if you don’t care about sports, there is a nice little gift in there for all your support over the past few years. If you don’t click it”¦..well, you don’t get the gift. And that’s that!
Let’s talk about Rasslin!
I’ll say this about the Kurt Angle thing, I think most of what he is saying is bullshit and he really doesn’t hate the WWE. Actually, most of the stuff he is saying is either tame or really doesn’t go against any of the wrestler’s ‘personas.’ But, it is working. It’s creating some juice that TNA has never had in its pitiful existence. Will the IWC juice translate into higher ratings for TNA? Not at 11:00pm on a Thursday on a channel that is basically defunct. Like I said before, I have nothing against TNA but they drive me up the wall with their incredibly talented roster and ridiculously draconian booking style.
Until TNA starts to form its own identity, take some chances, and be an actual alternative that doesn’t look like the old WCW Worldwide show, I can’t see the Kurt Angle thing doing much. However, they could use it as a catalyst to finally be different and daring. Will they? Probably not, but trust me, I will be more then happy if I am wrong.
Enough people are chatting about non-diva RAW that I’ll leave it alone for now outside the fact that Cryme Time had a hell of a debut and Edge/Orton has endless possibilities that can last for a looooooooooooong time. Two things everyone knows. So I didn’t really contribute there. I do have something to say about Smackdown.
It’s really good. Yes, yes, I know. Fridays at 8. But tape it or digitally record it or however you do it. You’ll love it. It has been on a roll ever since King Booker won the title and ever since the “Season Premiere” it is finally for the first time since Eddie died a whole two hour wrestling show. Three “sinces” in one sentence…horrrible. Speaking of taping”¦.
This brings me to a tangent. I tape all the wrestling shows. That way, I can watch the stuff I like and FF through the stuff I’m not too crazy about. What a concept, eh? Besides, on Mondays you should be watching Football and on Fridays you should be outside. Unless you’re going out late. And if you don’t feel like going out, tape the wrestling anyway and watch a movie or read a book or something. Speaking of Book”¦.
Back to Booker T. Every true Rasslin Fan wants Booker T to be the Champion of Champions for three reasons, each more important then the other, and because each is more important then the other, we’ll count backwards to illuminate that fact.
3) It will be good for Smackdown
2) It will be great for the King Booker character.
1) It will be excellent for Booker T for no other reason then he deserves it. For the past 16 years, he has been one of the most consistent top wrestlers in the industry. So for godsakes, Booker T should get this.
Speaking of godsakes, let’s pray to God also known as Vince McMahon.
So let’s have a silent prayer to Vince McMahon so that he may give what Booker T and the fans really want.
Did you prey? No? Well, then you can’t continue to read”¦.go pray”¦.
You can’t read the Best of IC DVD review until you prey”¦.
Ok, good”¦let’s do a DVD review.
BEST OF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP (2005/1993?)
Seeee”¦I didn’t miss a word..and it’s not just a front cover typo, that seems to be name of the DVD. Gloomchen would not approve of the grammar.
THE CONTEXT
This was an old school Coliseum Video re-release and like most of the “themed” coliseum videos they were either a perfect hit or just a plain miss. This was a plain miss. Let’s get one thing straight: This is NOT the Best of the IC Championship. It does not go over its history nor does it show the best matches. At the end, it was simply a video to to promote Shawn Michaels. The irony of it all”¦.Shawn Michaels would be suspended shortly after the video was released due to reasons that are still disputed by all parties.
Why it was re-released is beyond me, but they did and my magic roulette table told me to review it.
THE CONTENT
Five matches”¦and none of them all too important regarding the IC mythology and really only one of them is a great match and only one other can be called at least a good match. However, there is some nostalgia value here for people who were wrestling fans during this time and younger fans get to see what a “squash match” looked like and what the old RAW was like as well. You also get a slew of different announcers from that era. And finally, Gorilla Monsoon is your host”¦and that’s always nice.
The order of the matches make no sense what so ever, and you may want to watch them in order of the date to get a sense of what is going on but you won’t know how HBK won the belt and you won’t know that in between two of the matches, he briefly lost the belt to Marty Jennety. Also, every HBK match ends by countout or DQ with HBK keeping the belt.
Let’s take a quick look at the matches.
Bret Hart vs. Skinner (Prime time wrestling 8/24/92)
A few days later he would lose the built in the classic match against the British Bulldog. But, why show that one? Skinner is a fun blast from the past though. Remember his face push? Also he is still employed by the WWE as a producer or something.
Shawn Michaels vs. Crush (Sheffield, England 4/11/93):
Probably one of Brian Adams’ best matches. Not saying much.
Shawn Michaels vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan (Raw 5/3/93):
Fun to see how popular Jim Duggan was”¦even in a tough NY crowd. Match is eh.
Shawn Michaels vs. Marty Jannetty (Raw 7/19/93):
One of the gazillion times these two wrestled each other and the comfort level can be seen as the match is a good one. It’s also the only real “win” HBK has in this DVD.
Shawn Michaels vs. Mr. Perfect (Summerslam 8/30/93):
Mr. Perfect as a good guy? It happened! Obviously, this match is the best of the DVD and I would save it for last.
Extras: None
So, should you buy it? Well, if you see it in a 4 dollar clearance bin, hey go for it. You won’t get much value out of it though, but you may have a little fun.
For those who are more selective with their DVD buying, I would recommend this only to a hard-core HBK fan looking to “fill in the blanks” of their match collection.
Total Score=1.5 (out of 10)
Now, let’s get to the real wrestling”¦.
SLAYER’S WWE DIVA REWIND
Third title for this section”¦there will be a fourth!
Not a big week in DivaLand, in fact nothing from ECW except an announcer that talks really slow. We start with Smackdown
King Booker comes in carrying his World Heavyweight Championship, Queen Sharmell comes in holding her World Heavyweight Left Breast.
Heheh..look at The Queen stare down JBL..look at JBL quiver”¦even the Wrestling God is a mere peasant in the presence of the Queen! Stare him down”¦stare the jackass down! (actually, I like JBL”¦.) Also, Booker T is showing off his new Royal Condom. Interesting”¦I’d buy one.
Paul, Brian, Jimmy, and Ashley all get stoned and walk to the ring. I would ask what they were laughing about but, like most things with pot induced laugh attacks, you had to be there.
Uh oh”¦Evil Vicky has that “look” women get when they’re mad but they refuse to tell you because you should know”¦you know that look? Well if you don’t, that’s it. Cool shirt Chavo is wearing.
And that’s about it with Smackdown”¦.let’s see what Raw had for us.
The King and Queen holding the belt”¦together”¦awwwwwwww”¦they really love each other! It makes me want to draw a ♥”¦”¦I should also admit I’m a sucker for the whole Slit up the left leg of the dress thingeee”¦.tried and true.
King Booker: I think my run is ending in a couple a weeks”¦..
Queen Sharmell: Don’t worry about it my king, the readers at Inside Pulse all gave Vince a silent prayer.
And now we have a match!
WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP FIRST ROUND ALL OR NOTHING SECOND CHANCE BRA & PANTIES MATCH
Dam, say that ten times fast.
Maria vs. Victoria vs. Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michelle
They grapple, Maria strategizes and stays out of the way as Torrie and Candice do a lesbian rape scene with Victoria. Torrie masturbates Victoria to orgasm as Victoria holds on tight to Candice as Candice rides her dildo.
Really! That’s what happened!
Anyway, Victoria and Candice are out and it’s down to Maria and Torrie”¦.
Maria unpantses Torrie and wins the match! What an upset!
Maria celebrates and joins Lita, Melina and Mickie James in the Semi-Finals!
And finally”¦
Torrie”¦.ummmm”¦looks at”¦..cant”¦think”¦.must continue to stare”¦..yeah, ok”¦.um”¦.if you need a five minute break from this column, feel free..lord knows I’m taking one.
SLAYER’S DIVA OF THE WEEK
It goes to”¦”¦.
MARIA!
Will the Cinderella story continue as she enters the Final Four? We shall see! Man, this is bigger then George Mason beating Connecticut!
Ok, let’s talk about Francine for a bit.
For an old-school ECW fan such as myself, this one hurt. Francine was probably the first woman in wrestling I fell in love with. Not a crush (Hi Sherry!) , not a masturbatory fantasy (Hi Sable!), not dreams of marriage and eternal bliss (Hi Ivory!…yeah”¦so what? It’s my dream..I can do what I want with it), but true love for a female wrestler/performer. She had it all: The body, the personality, and dam could the girl take a bump. Many of us were there from the beginning”¦let’s go down memory lane”¦
Being Steven Richard’s #1 fan!
Being humiliated by Stevie, Raven, and Beulah
Getting revenge by managing the Pitbulls in one of the best ECW matches EVER!
Turning on them and joining the Triple Threat. This is when she truly found her character. Dam, she was evil.
And following her throughout her managerial career with Tommy Dreamer, Justin Credible, and even Raven until ECW went *bloop*.
I thought after a six year semi-hiatus (she worked some indies, but had little impact), the glorious return would finally happen when she was signed by the WWE.
Then one week went by”¦
Then two weeks”¦
Then two months
Then we saw her briefly for like a second at the food stand.
Then the glorious return happened, and she FINALLY came out and wrestled Ariel which gave Slayer’s Wrestling and Stuff some good strap-on jokes,
Then she got fired..because the WWE didn’t like her”¦look?
Welllllllllllllllll FUCK YOU WWE! So what if you can’t see her sideways? She’s the Queen of Extreme, man! What disrespect”¦”¦what bad karma”¦.
All I can say is I hope Francine doesn’t disappear from wrestling again and end up in some fourth-rate porn site. Go to TNA, hell go to Ring of Honor, they’d love to have you. And if you must go to a porn site, at least let it be a good one.
Keep in touch, Francine. Hope it’s not another six years before I see you again.
Next time will be ECW themed. We’ll review an ECW DVD and I will also talk about my feelings on the new WWE-ECW as a whole and you’re going to here it from an old-school ECW fan that has been there from almost the very beginning. And no, it’s not a bitch-fest. Well it is, but not at WWE. It’s a bitch fest at YOU and YOU and yeah”¦”¦”¦”¦YOU! Not you though.
God Bless
