The Chrononaut Chronicles: TNA iMPACT! – Thursday, October 19, 2006
– Welcome to a Very Special Birthday Edition of the Impact Recap. You know where to send the gifts.
– We begin with video recaps of last week’s Kurt Angle interview and Joe/Christian ladder challenge before going to Mike Tenay in the ring as he announces that “TNA Management” has given Joe until the end of the show to return the NWA World Title belt or he will be removed from the TNA roster effective immediately. He didn’t mention Jim Cornette’s name… I hope that’s part of an angle and not because Cornette decided to quit due to Russo after all. The crowd boos as we go to the usual Impact opening.
– The opening pyro is firing off overhead and Tenay & West are introducing the program as Abyss, Runt, and Raven brawl out in front of the announce table while James Mitchell stands nearby. Raven spills onto the table when Abyss dumps Runt on him, but he avoids a chairshot from Abyss and Runt lowblows the Monster. Raven dishes out a chairshot to Abyss and counters Runt’s Acid Drop by ramming his taint into the ringpost before entering the ring and drop-toeholding Abyss into the chair. The former NWA Champion fires off some punches and swings the discus clothesline, but Abyss catches Raven in the Black Hole Slam. Some new music plays and the lights dim as Jake “The Snake” Roberts emerges from the entrance tunnel making funny faces and semi-staggers down the ramp with a huge sack over his shoulder. It looks like there’s seriously something wrong with him but as soon as Abyss turns to Mitchell, Jake quickly regains his senses and unleashes his snake after Mitchell gives the “Doomsday” signal to the Monster. I think Jake was just pretending to be f*cked up since that’s what everybody expected, which is actually pretty cool psychology if true. Abyss swiftly bails out to the floor and stares bug-eyed with fear at the massive python, so now we know two things that scare the Monster: snakes and barbed wire. If Raven, Joe, or Runt are smart, they’ll bring a snake wrapped in barbed wire to the Monster’s Ball. Runt comes in with the bag and wants Jake to put the snake away, but the Snake pushes the snake in his face and plants him with the DDT. Roberts explains that TNA wanted him to be the special referee for the Monster’s Ball, but he doesn’t like the stripes and will instead act as “the guide who takes you through the labyrinth in your mind”. Sounds good to me.
– Jeremy Borash is outside the Impact Zone as a white limousine arrives and he opens the door expecting to find Samoa Joe since he hasn’t arrived yet, but instead it is Kurt Angle. The Olympian reminds JB that he told us it was “real, damn real” and heads into the building.
– An ad airs for the Road To Glory countdown show on Saturday at midnight on SpikeTV.
– The Artist Otherwise Known As Austin Aries promises that TNA will be Starrstruck as the vignette informs us that “A Starr Is Born” this Sunday at Bound For Glory.
– “Moments Ago”, Kurt Angle arrived at the Impact Zone. The fans chant “We Want Angle”, but Christian walks out instead so they boo. Great way to ensure Cage’s heel heat there.
– Orlando Street Fight: Christian Cage vs. Norman Smiley
Christian brings two chairs with him and Norman is in full football gear with helmet and shoulderpads, reminiscent of his WCW Hardcore Championship character, as Tenay eventually explains that Cage had posted an open contract for an Orlando Street Fight in order to prepare for the 8 Mile Street Fight at Bound For Glory. Cage cracks Smiley with a chair, but the football helmet protects Smiley and he dances. Smiley unloads on Cage and sets up the Big Wiggle, but Christian mulekicks him in the Little Wiggle and whacks a chair across his back before removing the helmet and spiking Smiley with the Unprettier. Christian finishes off Norman with the one-man Conchairto and pins him with one foot in a tremendous cocky heel pose. Christian retrieves a straitjacket from under the ring and starts to put it on Norman as a message to Rhino, but Shark Boy comes out to rescue his tag team partner and Cage lays him out with the football helmet. Cage tries to put the straitjacket on Sharky until Rhino roars out and Christian sprints up the ramp. Not much of a match, but a great segment to put Christian over as a heel and build up Rhino finally getting his hands on him this Sunday.
– JB is still outside awaiting Joe’s arrival when Eric Young appears and tries to act inconspicuous in a trenchcoat and hat, but Borash recognizes him and Young blames his mom for telling him it would work. Since Eric has apparently been too paranoid to check the internet (good idea, there’s a lot of negative shit there), JB informs him that he will be wrestling Larry Zbyszko at Bound For Glory and if Showtime wins, Larry’s out and Eric’s in. I guess that’s our comedy match of the night. Eric claims he saw Samoa Joe and that Joe said there isn’t a man in TNA who can take the NWA Title belt from him. Eric looks happy and says he’ll see Jeremy in Detroit as JB teases Joe and Angle being in the Impact Zone at the same time.
– Backstage, Sonjay Dutt & Jay Lethal are playing Mortal Kombat and wearing baldcaps as Jerry “Father Knows Best” Lynn enters the scene and asks where Chris Sabin is. They do a lame Senshi impression and Jerry scolds them for not taking things seriously before shaking his head and walking off. The two Jackasses continue to play the video game until Senshi attacks them and rams Lethal into a locker as we go to the ring.
– Non-Title: Jay Lethal vs. Senshi
Lethal’s music plays as Senshi batters him through the entrance tunnel, down the ramp, and into the ring. Lethal mounts a comeback with a dropkick and a suplex, but misses the Diving Dynamite off the top turnbuckle and the X Division Champion clocks him with the handspring kick. Senshi crunches Lethal with the Ki Krusher for the 1-2-3, or should that be “Shi Krusher” now? Afterwards, Senshi pounds Lethal and steps on his throat until Chris Sabin makes the save, but Senshi blasts Sabin with the screaming dropkick and stomps him with the Warrior’s Way off the top. That looked wicked. Another nothing match, but a great angle to build the PPV match.
– Paparazzi Productions presents the Kevin Nash press conference, which is held in a bar as hot chicks play pool and guys drink. Johnny Devine must be filming (including some sweet ass shots of the girls) while Nash stands in front of a board that says “Kevin Nash Open Invitational X Division Gauntlet Battle Royal for Bound For Glory” and announces that his partner Alex Shelley will be in the match as the bar patrons applaud. Nash teases that another old partner of his named “Hall” might participate, but reveals that he means Monty Hall. Almost had me there. A random shmuck asks for speculation on other participants, so Nashelley list off Bob Newhart, Cecil Fielder, Tom Zenk, Erik Watts, Carol Burnett, Foreigner, and all the living members of ABBA. Nash also teases a “Hogan”, but mentions Crocodile Dundee and reveals that he means Paul Hogan. This concludes the press conference. Funny stuff to reference the nWo rumors from a few weeks back, but it doesn’t do much for the PPV. At least we know Shelley will be wrestling though.
– In a prerecorded interview with Tenay, BG James claims that he has no heat with Kip James but explains that Jeff Jarrett took him into his home for six months and helped him out after he made some stupid decisions early in his career. BG states that Jeff has a lot of weight on his shoulders that BG doesn’t want to get into right now (hey maybe they will reveal JJ’s part-ownership of TNA) and advises people to get to know Jeff as a person because he is a “damn good man” and anybody who says different is wrong. I’ll get heat for this, but I’m interested to see where this goes as it adds another layer to Jarrett’s character and incorporates reality. I somehow totally forgot about their partnership in the WWF when BG was Jarrett’s Roadie.
– Tenay & West plug the following matches for Bound For Glory: Senshi vs. Sabin for the X Championship, Monster’s Ball with Jake Roberts as guest referee, Christian vs. Rhino in the Eight Mile Street Fight, LAX vs. Styles & Daniels for the NWA Tag Team Championship in the Six Sides of Steel rubber match, and Jarrett vs. Sting for the NWA World Championship in the Title vs. Career match with Kurt Angle as the Special Enforcer.
– America’s Most Wanted & Latin American eXchange vs. The James Gang & AJ Styles & Christopher Daniels
Sitting in for Moody Jack, Willie Urbina performs the Spanish introductions for LAX. The babyfaces storm the ring to kick off the match with a brawl as LAX and the NWA World Tag Team Champions spill out to the floor while Chris Harris crotch-chops the crowd and receives the dancing punches from BG, who adds the shaky kneedrop for a two-count. Meanwhile, Daniels rams Hernandez into a guardrail near the Spanish announce table and Urbina weakly splashes a bottle of water on Daniels, who handcuffs Urbina to the section of cage set up in front of LAX’s entrance area. The Fallen Angel takes Hernandez to the ring and tags in as we go to break. When we come back, Hernandez drops Daniels with the Trainwreck for two and locks on a dragon sleeper as we see footage from the break of the Wildcat cheapshotting Daniels from the apron and Hernandez hurling him with the Crackerjack. BG makes the save and Hernandez tags Harris, but Daniels makes the hot tag to Styles, who springboards in with a flying forearm on the Wildcat and cleans house on the heels. AJ is on fire with the springboard-moonsault inverted DDT on Homicide and the Pele on Harris, but James Storm breaks a Styles Clash setup with a superkick. Harris covers, but Homicide pulls him off of Styles because he wants the pin and they argue as we see Urbina displaying the dedication and professionalism of the Latino Nation by doing commentary en español while handcuffed to the cage. ¡VIVA LA RAZA! An enzuigiri from AJ causes the Wildcat to knock Homicide through the ropes and Styles rolls up Harris for the 1-2-3.
Afterwards, Tenay announces a Four Corners tag for Bound For Glory featuring AMW, the James Gang, Team 3D, and the Naturals as Gail Kim tries to mediate an argument between Storm & Harris, but Konnan comes in and piefaces her. She slaps K-Dawg in the face and LAX tease leaving the ring, but they attack AMW and Konnan slapjacks both of them. Gail bravely jumps on Homicide’s back, but Hernandez drags her off and launches her with an absolutely sick Border Toss. That looked f*cking brutal. LAX cover AMW & Gail in the Mexican and Puerto Rican flags as Konnan drapes the Cuban flag on the ropes. We get some replays of the Border Toss to reinforce the brutality of the assault. I’m not sure, but I think we just got a face turn and a great setup for a very hot feud after Bound For Glory.
– Another slick Sting video features more Bible passages (“he is the Alpha and the Omega”) to build the anticipation for his rebirth. No noticeable changes this week… I hope they’ve got something big planned for the PPV.
– Tenay is in the ring with Earl Hebner, who holds the “official documents” for no real reason as Iron Mike calls out Samoa Joe for his answer. The fans chant “Keep The Title” as Joe looks over the documents and gives his answer by ripping them up. The lights go out and the crowd erupts as Kurt Angle rises up through the stage draped in the American flag and heads to the ring. This is almost surreal. Joe lays the NWA Title belt on the mat like a line in the sand and goes eye-to-eye with Angle before the Olympian delivers a wicked headbutt and plants Joe with the “Olympic Slam”, as called by Tenay. Kurt really doesn’t look like he’s gained that much weight (although to be fair, I haven’t seen much of him the last few months since I only saw ECWWE a couple times) as he holds the NWA belt and strikes his trademark pose, but a bloody Joe nails him with a jumping kick to the head. Joe tangles with Angle on the mat and TNA Security tries to separate them while Jeff Jarrett makes his only appearance of the show to sneak in and regain his belt. The focus is on the pullapart brawl on the ramp between Angle and Joe as Tenay warns us not to miss Bound For Glory THIS SUNDAY!
– The Fozzy video for the song “Enemy” featuring Chris Jericho includes TNA clips to build up the Bound For Glory lineup. It’s weird seeing Jericho on Impact, but I hope it leads to more involvement with TNA. Good song too.
Afterthoughts: The Russo influence can definitely be felt as the matches were really just backdrops for the storylines and angles to build up Bound For Glory and set the table for after the PPV. While some will complain, I think it’s brilliant because action is TNA’s strong suit and we got plenty of it, even if it wasn’t all contained in matches per se. Instead of endless in-ring promos and backstage skits, Russo is using physicality and intensity along with the usual well-done video pieces to build characters and feuds, not to mention the noticeable lack of Jarrett. I’m really excited for TNA’s future after the last two weeks of Impact if Russo can keep this up because it kinda reminds me of early ’97 WWF where you could see a distinct style and presentation developing. I might be completely wrong, but I think TNA is on the right track and hope it continues this way. Thanks for reading, and I’ll be back on Sunday with my Bound For Glory predictions.
