The Impact Short Form, 10.19.06

If it’s easy to come up with four separate, interesting leads per week for columns, you do it, jackass. However, I will ask this: how much coverage will we have now of the World Series on this site? Would “none” be a pretty decent assumption?

On to Impact and its final push toward Bound For Glory. Remember, folks, it’s TNA’s Wrestlemania…

Match Results:

Christian over Norman Smiley, Orlando Street Fight (Pinfall, Con-chair-to): Honestly, look, what can I say about a squash match between a guy wielding a chair and another guy dressed in a football outfit whom some of us remember from his days wearing a football outfit in WCW as a comedy specialist? Well, if this was ECW, I’d probably have something to say, but that’s a freak show anyway. Next.

In case you didn’t get enough replays of the Florida/FIU game…

Low Ki over Jay Lethal, Non-Title Match (Pinfall, half-cradle powerbomb): Has any X Division champion been as poorly built up as Low Ki? Yes, he had the unfortunate distinction to have to follow up the three-way absolute domination of Joe/Daniels/Styles, which destroyed all the other X Division guys as serious competition, but he still should have been able to do something, anything with the title. That hasn’t happened, and thanks to Nash’s return, won’t happen. It’s almost as if TNA “creative” looked in on Inside Pulse, saw how many times we wrote, “It’s not Low Ki, so we don’t care” in regard to Sheremetyevo’s revolving partner, noticed the name change, and agreed with us. One of these days, Brashear, Blatt, and I will have to pull a train on Dixie and take the book away from Russo.

Jay Lethal still hasn’t learned that just because Superman can do it doesn’t mean that he can too

A. J. Fuckin’ Styles, Christopher Fuckin’ Daniels, Road Hogg, and Billy Gunn over Homicide, Hotstuff Hernandez, Chris Harris, and James Storm (Pinfall, Styles pins Harris, rollup): Double PPV Pimp Match, so double the lack of attention, especially given its incredibly short length due to Angle having to be served. Negligible. But kudos to Gail Kim for taking one helluva bump.

Why Puerto Rican osteopathy has never caught on

Angle Developments:

You ever wonder what the term ‘beating the ugly out of someone’ meant? You now have your answer.

The most effective “Don’t Do Drugs” ad you could ever come up with

Three dickheads

Makes You Wish For Bif Naked: Wizard Magazine’s Ben Morse (which is how all of us here have to refer to him now, but still the little bastard won’t use his clout to get us in there too) pointed out something to me that I personally never would have noticed. Angle’s entrance music is “a rocked-up version of ‘Lunatic Fringe’ by Red Ryder”. That’s true. In fact, it’s a sucky rocked-up version of “Lunatic Fringe”, which is a great song as it is, thank you, and does not need to be “rocked up”. Morse speculates that it may have been chosen due to the song’s appearance in “Vision Quest”. Never seen it, thank you…oh, it’s the movie for which Madonna recorded “Crazy For You”. Okay, so it’s a shitty mid-Eighties movie with a typically great mid-Eighties soundtrack. Like you can differentiate between those.

Where was I going with this? Nowhere, really. Just wanted to point out that Red Ryder’s lead singer was Tom Cochrane, he of “Life Is A Highway”, which has destined him to make a better living from royalties from car ads than I will ever make in my life. Cocksucker.

A thousand fanboys’ Photoshops come to life

One more to go. I’ll start it up right after I submit this, I promise.