I’m doing Impact and Smackdown back-to-back (and hopefully get done while Smackdown’s still on the air; God bless satellite feeds and BitTorrent). I didn’t have a column lead for doing Impact. What makes you think things have changed since? No big news breaking. I don’t own an iPod, so its fifth anniversary can’t really be marked by me other than quoting Rob Malda’s famous judgment, “No Wi-Fi. Less space than a Nomad. Lame.” “Lame” just about summarizes this intro, so I’ll cut it off now.
Let’s head over to Smackdown, shall we?
Kane over Montel Vontavious Porter (DQ, kick to the nads): MVPiss off.
This could detatch some knee ligaments. If we’re lucky.
Elijah Burke over Vito (Pinfall, Terkay kick to Vito’s head): Well, it was just there. Both guys did a decent job, they didn’t embarass themselves, Vito made Burke look good, and they’re successfully avoiding actually having Terkay in the ring until he has competition “worthy” of him (read: how long will it take UT to work a program with him, and will UT kill him dead?). Time-waster and piss break match, despite Vito’s French maid outfit.
There may be no scarier sight in the known world than this
Mister Regal and Mister Taylor over Sho Funaki and Scotty Go Potty (Pinfall, Taylor pins Scotty, double-underhook suplex with floatover): The only thing missing from this match were the words “blue” and “bloods”. At least High-Quality Speaker Boy finally got around to mentioning the fact that these guys have tagged together since they were teens after building up Taylor’s credentials…
…hold it, I should make this clear. When I use the name “Taylor”, I am referring to Dave Taylor, the man who made the pinfall, not to Scott Taylor, the guy who took the pinfall. Knowing some of the sub-arctic IQs of my readers, they may have been confused.
Ooooh, we haven’t seen a good make-a-wish in a while
Chavito over Rey-Rey, I Quit Match (Well, duh; how do you think an I Quit Match ends?): In the spirit of this match, I will say I Quit as well. I Quit covering this f*cking abortion of a never-ending nightmarish feud. Of course, considering that Rey-Rey’s targeted body part was his knee and we all know he’s needed knee surgery for a while, it may just be the end of the feud anyway. We can only hope. In this case, this match leaves us with a legacy. That legacy is that it broke Foley/Flex’s record for most gratutitous chair shots in a non-ECW match. Good riddance, hopefully.
This is Rey-Rey landing, not Chavito doing a powerbomb. You can’t tell anymore with these two.
This is f*cking nuts, period
The Undertaker over Novocaine Helms (Pinfall, tombstone piledriver): Okay, Mister Calloway, I definitely owe you a check for beating the piss not only out of Novocaine, but of FudgePacker as well. Just give me the address to send it to.
This makes me a happy man
DAVE over Booker T, World Title Match (DQ, Big Show-ference): This just goes to show you how low DAVE is on the food chain nowadays. Before his injury, they would have never used a world title shot for him as a prop for a PPV Pimp Match that didn’t involve him. I kinda feel sorry for him right now. This is the Year Of The Forty-Something in WWE, and he’s the only one of the bunch who isn’t taking full advantage of it. Hell, Dave Taylor’s got a job again, and Batista has to be a sideshow for a dubious match at Cyber Sunday. Pray for him.
Batista seems amazed that someone other than Flair is allowed to chop him
Nothing other than that. I, of course, ignored the Diva Dance-Off like the plague that it was, and they’re too far away from any PPV (other than the Booker involvement in Cyber Sunday) to do anything pimp-worthy. Besides, they needed time for the Chavito/Rey-Rey necrofest high ceremony. So, that closes off this week. I’m busy this weekend (in fact, I’ve already finished my Bound For Glory Round Table entry), so I’ll try to see you on Tuesday for more fun and games. Ta.