The Chrononaut Chronicles: TNA No Surrender 2006 — Sunday, September 24, 2006
– A really awesome PPV-opening video this month, splicing in footage of atomic bombs and soundbites from world leaders with buildup for the top two matches tonight: the Tag Team Ultimate X and Joe/Jarrett. I’ve seen some criticism of this for its “heavy-handedness”, but I love Dave Sahadi’s knack for tying in “real-life” with the wrestling world. Superb stuff.
– “Showtime” Eric Young vs. A1
Eric enters from outside the building and leads a group of fans around the ring as Mike Tenay notes that the paranoid Showtime thinks the big announcement tonight is his firing. Eric is sporting some swank new white-and-red tights with “Showtime” on the back and “Don’t FIRE Eric” logos on the legs. The crowd chants “A1 Steak Sauce” as A1 trashtalks and piefaces Eric, who rolls out to ringside and leads the crowd in cheering him and booing A1. Eric outsmarts A1 a few times and even jumps into the crowd as they chant “Don’t Fire Eric” before landing a high crossbody off the top turnbuckle for a two-count. A1 responds with a running powerslam for two, avalanches him in the corner, and tosses him over the top rope before mocking Eric’s Bushwhacker-like taunt. “Fire A1” chant as Eric fights out of a surfboard (I hate that hold…OH MY GOD HE’S HOLDING HIS ARMS BACK A LITTLE BIT!) and hits a Stone Cold-style Thesz Press with punches. Eric drops the flying elbow off the top for a near-fall, but A1 rolls him up with his feet on the ropes and referee Slick Johnson (now in regular referee attire) stops the count when he sees it. The Canadian muscleman goes for a Tombstone, but Eric reverses it and counters with the wheelbarrow neckbreaker for the three-count on A1. Afterwards, Eric celebrates with the fans as Don West comments that Showtime feels relieved now since his win means he won’t be fired tonight. Good comedy opener with great crowd interaction.
– Footage from the Preshow features fans displaying their strength in preparation for the Fans’ Revenge match tonight. Some hot chick in a “Dirty Girl” t-shirt (she had to be a plant) whips a Jeff Jarrett effigy with a leather strap.
– Jeremy Borash interviews Jim Cornette, who promises that the major announcement will change the landscape of professional wrestling around the world, but won’t tell JB what it is because then it wouldn’t be a surprise. Cornette announces that a wrestler not booked on the show will deliver it and warns JB that nobody will want to tune out early. Yeah, for $30 you’re damn right I won’t be tuning out early. Does Cornette understand how Pay-Per-View works?
– Petey Williams vs. Jay Lethal
Lethal doesn’t appear when his music plays, so we go backstage where Jay, Chris Sabin, & Sonjay Dutt are goofing off and playing videogames until Jerry “Dad” Lynn yells at them and reminds them about their matches. Sonjay produces a box of laxatives and claims they have it taken care of as Lethal heads out and Sabin offers Jerry a chip, but Lynn storms off. In the ring, Petey looks suspiciously at the water bottle he’s been drinking from as Lethal arrives at ringside, still pulling up his shinpads and taping his wrists. Lethal takes the advantage and lands a springboard dropkick for a two-count, but when Jay goes out to the apron again, Petey slides out to the floor and yanks him down onto the guardrail. Back inside, Petey controls Lethal and starts to hold his gut and his butt, looking sick as he keeps trying to finish off Lethal, but Jay keeps kicking out. The ref and Lethal make faces like something smells bad as West does his best commentary ever, noting that Petey is now trying to concentrate on “three or four different things” and doesn’t know how much time he has left until meltdown. Been there, buddy, it ain’t easy.
Petey declines to perform the “O Canada” due to his situation and Sonjay appears at ringside with the box of laxatives for some overexaggerated Bollywood-style laughter as Lethal battles back with shots to the gut and an atomic drop. Lethal somersault-splashes and pounds Petey’s midsection, dropping him with a gutbuster for two. Petey mounts a comeback with a slingshot chestcracker and the wicked cradle-guillotine DDT he debuted on Impact for a near-fall, but it doesn’t help his delicate condition as we get a “Hold it in” chant. Sorry, I laughed. Petey sets up for the Canadian Destroyer, but decides against it for obvious reasons and tries to leave the ring. However, Lethal rolls up Williams from behind for the 1-2-3 and Petey retreats up the ramp to take care of business while Jay & Sonjay share a laugh. I know I’ll get flamed for this, but I actually liked the unique psychology and it did 100 times more to develop the characters than a serious, straight-up ***1/2 match would have done. As long as they keep building Lethal & Dutt as mischievous pranksters who rib their opponents to achieve victory, I think TNA is onto something. I also think it’s funny that everybody online is blaming Vince Russo for this, but the Torch reported that the wrestlers came up with it themselves and Russo really didn’t contribute anything to the PPV since it was all ready to go.
– Jeremy Borash interviews Rhino and explains that doctors advised him not to wrestle tonight after what Christian did to him on Impact, but Rhino claims that if he listened to doctors, he wouldn’t have been in half the matches he’s had in his career. The War Machine keeps blinking and losing his train of thought to sell the head trauma as he promises to teach Cage what happens when you stab a friend in the back and vows to take him out with the GORE! GORE!! GORE!!!
– A really good video package sets up the No DQ three-way.
– No Disqualification: Abyss vs. Brother Runt vs. Raven
Tenay notes that Team 3D advised Runt to behave himself before they went on hiatus, but instead he picked a fight with two of TNA’s most uncontrollable, unstable maniacs. Runt fires the opening shots with a trashcan lid to Raven’s head and a kendo stick on Abyss, but they knock him out of the ring and Abyss lands the Earthquake splash on Raven. I think that’s the first time he’s actually hit it without getting a chair in the nuts. Runt comes back in and canes Abyss, who tries to ram Runt into a trashcan but Raven helps Runt ram Abyss against the can instead. Runt drop-toeholds Raven through the ropes to the floor and Abyss presses Runt overhead, hurling him out of the ring like a projectile onto Raven near the ramp. Raven slams Runt against the railing with the Russian legsweep and returns him to the ring for more punishment while Abyss retrieves a variety of objects from underneath the ring. Runt ducks a trashcan shot and Raven whacks Abyss instead before Runt unloads on both of them with weapons. Runt places a ringbell between the Monster’s legs and rings his bells with a kendo stick, then knocks him through the ropes using his head as a battering ram. Raven one-ups the former Spike by wearing a gladiator-style helmet to ram him in the gut and drop a headbutt to the groin. Raven headbutts Abyss at ringside and removes the helmet as he drags Runt up the ramp and drop-toeholds him down the entrance tunnel in a great-looking spot.
Abyss pounds Raven on the stage to bust him open and lays Raven on a table before setting up a ladder beside the table. Raven fights Abyss off and bashes him with a trashcan to lay him out on the table, striking the crucifix pose as he prepares to climb the ladder. Suddenly, Runt flies off the entrance set (in front of the ImpacTron) with a double-stomp that just grazes Abyss and knocks the table over in an awesome “out of nowhere” spot. Raven rams Runt with the ladder and locks a dog-collar around his neck, leading him past the broadcast table to an area where Raven has a stack of two tables waiting under a black cloth. Raven climbs up on the scaffold and hangs Runt with the collar as he pulls him up on the scaffold, only to knock him down and Runt crashes through the top table but bounces off the second one. Crazy bump. Raven covers Runt on the floor, but the ref reminds him it’s not Falls Count Anywhere so Raven drags Runt to the ring and goes for the pin. However, James Mitchell puts Runt’s foot over the rope to stop the count so Raven chases Mitchell around the ring. Abyss enters the ring as the sinister minister escapes and Raven grabs Runt for a bulldog, but Runt shoves Raven off toward Abyss, who catches Raven in the Black Hole Slam to score the pinfall. Really good brawl between three guys I really dig. Tenay comments afterwards that Raven did everything except win the match, so I assume there’s another chapter or two left in this story, probably involving Team 3D somehow.
– Jeremy Borash interviews Jeff Jarrett, who looks more ridiculous than usual wearing several layers of t-shirts with his sparkly ring robe on top. When JB remarks on his outfit, Jarrett claims that silver looks good on him and that somebody has to sell merchandise, which is partially a shot at guys who don’t wear their own t-shirts on the show. The NWA World Champion goes on to discuss the major announcement, noting that any website will tell us what the surprise is and namedrops SpikeTV. Jarrett guesses that Sting will be the wrestler Cornette mentioned earlier as Eric Young arrives and offers his help to make up for the tape he delivered on Impact, so Jarrett sends Showtime off to keep Sting from stealing his thunder. Great idea, Jeff; Eric has had such good luck in the past when it comes to finding Sting.
– A video package recaps the Naturals/Shane Douglas and AMW breakup storylines for the Triple Chance battle royal.
– Triple Chance Tag Team Battle Royal: America’s Most Wanted (“Wildcat” Chris Harris & “Cowboy” James Storm), The Naturals (Chase Stevens & Andy Douglas), The Paparazzis (Alex Shelley & Johnny Devine), Shark Boy & Norman Smiley, Kazarian & Maverick Matt, Ron “The Truth” Killings & Lance Hoyt, Diamonds In The Rough (David Young & “Primetime” Elix Skipper), The James Gang (Kip James & BG James)
When the Paparazzi (still spelled with an “s” according to TNA…grrr) come out, Devine gets a closeup of Gail Kim’s sweet sweet ass with the PaparazziCam. Tenay explains that when one man is eliminated, he may remain at ringside until his partner is also eliminated; when it comes down to the final two, their partners return to action for a standard tag team match with the winners to receive a future title shot. Storm hides out at ringside with Gail while everybody else goes at it in the ring, but he comes in to slug it out with Kip. Norman performs the Big Wiggle on Young, but Skipper tosses him over the top rope for the 1st elimination. Sharky avenges his partner with the Sharkbite on Primetime before Hoyt boots Skipper over the top for the 2nd elimination. Lance chokeslams Kazarian out, but he lands on the apron and legsweeps Hoyt over the top for the 3rd elimination. Devine climbs to the top for a moonsault, but Killings dropkicks him in the back to put his head through the Ultimate X truss (with the perfect camera angle) and kicks him off the turnbuckles to the floor for the 4th elimination. Shark Boy is the 5th elimination when Shelley back-bodydrops him over the top, so Smiley & Sharky are the first team out to the surprise of nobody. We get the usual battle royal action until Stevens decides to try a springboard for some reason, so Storm shoves him in mid-jump and Chase goes sailing into the crowd to mark the 6th elimination, taking out a couple of fans along the way.
Truth clotheslines Matt over the top for the 7th elimination and then scores the 8th elimination with a bicycle kick to knock Young over the top, eliminating the Diamonds. Truth faces off with former partner BG and they dance before trading punches as Shelley sneaks up and dumps them both over the ropes for the 9th and 10th eliminations, so Truth & Hoyt are finished. Kazarian decks Shelley with a cool kick and runs off the ropes, but Devine pulls the top rope down from ringside and Kazarian falls over for the 11th elimination to end Mazarian’s night. Kip presses Shelley overhead and drops him out, but Alex lands on the apron. However, Storm superkicks Kip, who crashes into Shelley and knocks him to the floor for the 12th elimination to wipe out the “Paparazzis”. Kip kicks Storm in the head as he tries to “skin the cat”, making the Cowboy the 13th elimination as the Paparazzi argue with Matt & Kazarian on the ramp. The two teams brawl so the referees try to separate them while Kip eliminates Harris, but since the refs were distracted, they didn’t see it and Storm rolls Harris back in. Kip drops Andy with the Famouser and Harris quickly tosses Kip over the top for the 14th elimination, eradicating the James Gang and leaving AMW and the Naturals as the final two teams.
Storm hops up on the apron and Stevens is shown crawling up the ringsteps, nursing his injured ankle from the nosedive into the crowd earlier as Harris scores a near-fall on Douglas. The James Gang argue with the refs on their way up the ramp while AMW control Douglas and continually knock Stevens off the apron every time he makes it up. AMW set up Douglas for the Death Sentence, but the James Gang return to ringside and distract them long enough for Andy to tag Chase, who slips out of the Eye Of The Storm and rolls up the Cowboy for the 1-2-3. Afterwards, the Franchise comes out and finally tells the Naturals that he’s proud of them, reminding them to “never give up” and “never surrender” as he helps Stevens up. This was your average battle royal with some different eliminations and three possible storylines came out of it: AMW/Jameses, Paparazzi/Mazarian, and of course the Naturals.
– A video package recaps Sabin’s Jackass Number Two preparation for his title shot against super-serious Senshi.
– X Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Senshi [champion]
Tenay sets this up as a battle between polar opposites as they start off with some nice chain-wrestling and avoid each other’s kicks. Sabin strikes a mocking martial-arts pose, so Senshi literally kicks his ass and Sabin responds with tilt-a-whirl headscissors and a pair of cradles for two-counts. Senshi kicks out of an armbar and chops away, but Sabin comes back with an Eddie-style slingshot senton for one. Senshi nails the screaming koppu kick for two and controls Sabin, cracking him with the release hook kick for two more two-counts. They trade chops and Senshi rolls out to the floor after Sabin dropkicks him, but when Sabin tries a suicide dive through the ropes, Senshi meets him with a kick to the head for a near-fall. Senshi hits an enzuigiri and Sabin leans out between the ropes to recover as Senshi quickly goes to the top turnbuckle and leaps off with a double-stomp to the back. That looked wicked, but Senshi only gets two. Senshi turns Sabin’s chest deep-red and leaves marks with his chops before Sabin counters a kick with a dragonscrew legwhip and sends him face-first to the turnbuckle. Sabin blasts Senshi with the running Yakuza kick, drops him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, and lands a springboard missile dropkick for a near-fall.
Senshi comes back with a trio of stiff kicks for two, but misses a springboard back-kick and Sabin goes to the top. However, Senshi cartwheels across to blast Sabin with a kick and climbs up with him, but Sabin double-legs him into the tree of woe and nails the Hesitation dropkick for a near-fall as Senshi gets his foot over the rope. Senshi elbows out of a powerbomb and squashes Sabin with a jumping double-stomp to the chest before going to the top, but Sonjay Dutt comes out to distract the ref and the X Champion while Jay Lethal appears with a Sabin blow-up doll. I don’t even want to know. Sabin rolls out to the floor as Lethal slides the doll in his place and Senshi leaps with the Warrior’s Way, but realizes it’s not Sabin and lands on his feet without stomping. He should have just stomped the thing. Sabin clotheslines Senshi and puts the doll on top of him before going to the top turnbuckle as the crowd chants “This is stupid”. Sabin dives, but Senshi throws the doll at him and Sabin catches it, landing on his feet. Senshi creams Sabin and the doll with a double-foot dropkick and pins him using the ropes for leverage to retain the X Division Championship. This was a pretty good match, probably Senshi’s best one-on-one since returning to TNA, and yeah, the Jackass stuff was stupid, but I think that was the point. I could see this leading to either Sabin breaking away from Lethal & Dutt and refocusing, or the three of them adapting into a DX-style group and pranking opponents. Either way, it’s great to see them giving Sabin a personality.
– Jeremy Borash interviews Christian Cage, who doesn’t care if Sting shows up to steal his thunder because he’s the biggest star in the company. Christian cuts another great heel promo on Rhino and claims to be the brightest star in TNA past, present, and future. “Why? Because…” and pushes the mic down with a heel smirk, declining to continue with his catchphrase. Good stuff.
– A video package builds up Rhino/Christian.
– Christian Cage vs. Rhino
Rhino charges out ready to go, so Christian bails out to the floor to remove his entrance gear as the crowd chants “Gore”. Christian no-sells a “CLB” chant (good, I always thought that was kinda dumb) as he tentatively locks fingers with Rhino and tries to get away, but Rhino holds on and short-arm clotheslines him. The War Machine unloads and presses Cage overhead, but he slips out and goes for the Unprettier. Rhino shoves him off and back-bodydrops him, but Cage runs away from a Gore so Rhino chases him back into the ring and spears him in the corner from behind. Christian tosses Rhino to ringside, but Rhino climbs up on the apron and back-bodydrops Christian over the top rope all the way down to the floor. Rhino throws Cage into the crowd in front of that hot “Dirty Girl” chick from the Preshow (maybe she wasn’t a plant) and sells the head pain as he batters him in the bleachers and knocks him down the stairs. Rhino charges with the Gore, but Cage moves and Rhino smashes into the wall. They fight toward the guardrail and Rhino presses Christian overhead, dumping him back to ringside. Cage lures Rhino up the ramp and pokes his eyes before drilling him with a vicious implant DDT on the ramp. OMG RUSSO BOOKED THAT BCUZ GANGREL IS COMING 2 TNA 2 REFORM THE BROOD!!!!!11 Christian drags the busted-open Rhino to the ring and pounds his head as Rhino flops around. Running kick to the head gets a two-count and Christian cranks on a solid chinlock as Rhino drools and fights out of it, but Cage yanks him down by the hair from behind and goes to the top turnbuckle. Rhino finally staggers to his feet and Christian hits a missile dropkick for a near-fall.
Inverted DDT across the knee and Christian lands the frogsplash off the top, but Rhino kicks out again and Cage chops away in the corner as the crowd boos. Rhino avoids a charge and mounts a comeback with a flying clothesline off the ropes and a spear in the corner en route to the belly-to-belly suplex for a two-count. Christian tries the Unprettier, but Rhino escapes and slams him with a spinebuster. Cage counters a Gore with a kick to the head, but Rhino catches him in a powerslam for a near-fall. Cage slips off Rhino’s shoulder and rakes the eyes from behind before planting him with the Unprettier for a very close near-fall. I believe that’s the first time anyone has kicked out of the Unprettier in TNA, so they had me there. Rhino catches Cage across his shoulders and drops him with the fireman’s cutter for another near-fall, but Christian ducks a clothesline and Rhino clobbers the ref. Christian drops Rhino with the Edge-o-matic and retrieves a pair of chairs to set up the one-man Conchairto, but the War Machine gets out of the way and rips into Cage with the Gore. However, the ref is still down so Rhino sets up his own Conchairto on his former friend, but the ref arises just in time to yank the chair away and Christian kicks Rhino low. Christian drills Rhino with the Unprettier on the other chair and the ref returns to make the three-count. Afterwards, TNA trainers come to check on Rhino while Christian sneers and celebrates. Good match with a good story, although it lacked the raw emotion and intensity it should have had.
– Jeremy Borash is outside the building with Eric Young, who has used his “Native background” to track Sting down to a car in the parking lot. Eric sneaks up on the car, but LAX emerge from behind it so Showtime apologizes because he didn’t know they were trying to steal the car. Line of the night right there. Konnan calls Eric a “walking gloryhole” and he runs away while K-Dawg cuts a promo about tonight’s Tag Team Ultimate X, noting that Styles & Daniels better hope another fire breaks out like last month so the match will be called off. Konnan promises violence and Homicide provides machine-gun noises. Great segment all-around.
– A prerecorded interview from earlier in the day features Don West in the ring with Styles & Daniels in the empty Impact Zone. AJ agrees that the Ultimate X will be the equalizer to LAX’s “gang warfare” and Daniels rants about Konnan’s racist propaganda and tributes to great Latino wrestlers, commenting that if Eddie Guerrero were alive and standing between Konnan and his goal, K-Dawg would slit his throat too. The Fallen Angel claims that race doesn’t matter and calls Konnan an uncensored “asshole”, promising to climb up and regain the belts. And that is the Gospel according to the “Patron Saint of Phenomenal” and the “Guiding Light of TNA”. Damn, Daniels has really stepped up his micwork the last few months. Great interview.
– A video package builds up the Ultimate X as a company-defining match and recaps the LAX/Phenomenal Angels feud.
– NWA World Tag Team Title – Ultimate X: Christopher Daniels & AJ Styles vs. Latin American eXchange [champions]
This is the first-ever Tag Team Ultimate X, so we get JB’s Super Special Ring Introductions after the entrances and Moody Jack Melendez’s Spanish intro for the NWA World Tag Team Champions. Only one belt hangs from the center of the Ultimate X and all four men brawl to start before the ring clears and Homicide goes for the Gringo Killa, but AJ escapes and gets catapulted throat-first under the middle rope. Homicide then catapults Styles toward Hernandez, who catches AJ and hurls him with an overhead belly-to-belly. Homicide climbs the cables as Daniels knocks Hernandez through the ropes with a flying knee and pulls down the Notorious 187, ramming his bandaged shoulder into the turnbuckle and dropping him with an armbar takedown. Hernandez comes back in and receives a double drop-toehold followed by an elbowdrop from Daniels and a somersault splash across the back from Styles, who goes up the cables while Daniels tries to fight off LAX. Homicide rocks Styles by the feet until he finally falls down on the top rope and retrieves a chair, but Daniels avoids the chairshot and unloads on both of them. Homicide back-bodydrops Daniels over the top and follows out with a crazy twisting suicide dive through the ropes before Styles leaps over the top with a Fosberry Flop that almost missed the Notorious One. Hernandez runs off the ropes for a dive of his own, but Daniels cuts him off and drops him with a reverse STO into the Koji Clutch.
Homicide comes in to break it up and slams Daniels with an exploder suplex as Styles springboards in and Hernandez catches him for a powerbomb. AJ tries to escape, but Homicide hits a sliding dropkick to the face as he hangs upside-down and Hernandez launches AJ in a powerbomb. Homicide uses his brain and sets up a ladder (called by somebody on the comment boards at The Blog Of DOOM a couple weeks ago) but Styles stops his climb and throws the ladder in his face. The Phenomenal Angels lift Hernandez and drop him scrotum-first on the edge of the ladder before discarding the ladder like a pair of dorks. Styles climbs the turnbuckles, but he crashes hard to the floor with a thud when Homicide yanks him down. Meanwhile, Hernandez catches Daniels on the top and brings him down with an awesome Super Crackerjack as we get a “This is awesome” chant. Konnan stomps Daniels at ringside while LAX damage Styles in the ring, allowing Hernandez to go up and climb the cable rather impressively for such a big guy. However, Styles fights off Homicide and springboards in with a flying forearm to the back to knock Hernandez down to the mat. Homicide smacks AJ with a chair and climbs up the X, scissoring the cable with his legs as he slides toward the center, but Styles climbs up behind him and kicks him in the back, so Homicide grabs AJ’s head and crashes to the canvas with him in a Cutter. Daniels climbs the cables, but Hernandez pulls him down onto his shoulders and Homicide comes off the top turnbuckle with the Steiner Bulldog on the Fallen Angel.
Hernandez climbs the cables again while Daniels levels Homicide with the STO and Styles pulls Hernandez down so that he lands with a splash on his own partner. Nice. AJ unloads on LAX and uncorks the Pele on Hernandez before planting Homicide with the springboard-moonsault inverted DDT. Styles can’t suplex Hernandez on his own, so Daniels comes in and they drop the big man with a sweet double suplex-neckbreaker. Homicide misses a frogsplash on AJ and the Angels level him with the Hi-Lo double-team, but Hernandez cuts them both down with a dual-clothesline while Konnan sets up a table at ringside. Hernandez lifts Styles for a Border Toss, but Daniels rescues his partner and slams the big guy with a standing uranage as Styles dives off the top turnbuckle with a frogsplash. Daniels adds the Best Moonsault Ever and Styles puts the exclamation mark on it with the wicked Spiral Tap to a great pop, but Homicide neckbreakers Daniels and goes out to the apron with Styles. AJ wins the struggle and drives Homicide off the apron with a killer Styles Clash through the table that Konnan set up earlier. In the ring, Daniels is on the top turnbuckle and fights off Hernandez before Konnan charges in and starts swinging a kendo stick at him. Daniels slips around to the outside of the Ultimate X truss and climbs up to the very top while Konnan argues with the referee. It looks like Daniels might try to perform a suicidal tightrope act, but instead the Fallen Angel leaps all the way to the center of the X and retrieves the title belt to win the match and regain the NWA World Tag Team Championship. Great match with an awesome finish. I have no problem with the title change either, because I like these two as a team and LAX can be hot without the belts. Afterwards, the Phenomenal Angels celebrate in the crowd.
– A promo airs for TNA Bound For Glory ’06 on Sunday, October 22 in the Motor City of Plymouth, Michigan. Should be pretty cool to see this product in an actual arena on PPV.
– A video package recaps the Jarrett polygraph saga and the buildup for tonight’s Fans Revenge match. I like that “Fighter” song.
– Jeff Jarrett is looking around backstage on his way out to the ring when Eric Young arrives to report that he’s looked everywhere, but can’t find Sting. The NWA World Champion points up and Eric doesn’t understand, so Jarrett asks if he checked the rafters and Showtime responds, “Do you think he’d be up there?” Hilarious delivery from both guys as Jarrett explains that Sting has made a career out of coming from the rafters and orders Eric to go check up there, informing him that this is his last chance.
– Fans Revenge – Non-Title: Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Jarrett
As advertised, 18 TNA fans armed with leather straps surround the ring, including Mullet Lady from Impact, and threaten the NWA World Heavyweight Champion as West points out the multiple layers of t-shirts on Jarrett to protect himself. Jarrett takes control early but Joe hits the front leg lariat, knees him in the corner, and nails a sweet spinning kick. The Samoan Submission Machine abuses Jarrett with slaps and kicks before pulling off one of Jarrett’s shirts and slamming him with the standing uranage. Jarrett bails out to the floor and gets whipped by the fans until he gets back into the ring and sends Joe through the ropes to ringside, where he hits the guardrail. The fans obviously don’t attack Joe, so Jarrett comes out to bring him back in and he gets whipped, but manages to grab one fan’s strap and he whips Joe like a dog. Jarrett chokes and whips Joe with the strap, then wraps it around his fist and punches Joe before diving off the top turnbuckle with a flying bodypress for a two-count. Crossbody off the ropes gets two and Jarrett goes for a fake-out crossbody off the turnbuckles, but Joe calmly walks out of the way and Jarrett splats on the mat. Joe blasts Jarrett with the running one-foot dropkick and the senton backsplash before pulling off the rest of Jeff’s shirts and chopping away at his bare chest. Joe knocks Jarrett out to ringside and the fans unleash their straps across his back until he rolls back in.
Joe acquires a belt and whips Jarrett, but the NWA Champion surprises him with a dropkick for a two-count. Joe catches Jarrett in the snap-powerslam for a near-fall and chops him across the back, but Jarrett ducks a kick and rolls up Joe for two. Jarrett chokes Joe with the t-shirts and tries to tie his wrist to the top rope with the strap, but Joe stops him and ties Jarrett’s wrist to the rope instead, holding him there as the fans/lumberjacks enter the ring in orderly fashion and each whip Jarrett with their straps until the referees clear them out. Jarrett gets whipped some more when he goes out to retrieve his guitar, but Joe ducks the guitar and snatches the NWA Champion in the Kokina Clutch. Jarrett struggles and gets his foot over the rope to break the hold. They’re really killing that finish with Steiner and now Jarrett treating it as basically a resthold rather than the lethal submission it should be. Joe argues with the ref as Jarrett lowblows him and Strokes him onto the guitar for a near-fall. They exchange slaps and Joe charges into the corner, but Jarrett sidesteps him and sits him up on the top turnbuckle for the Super Stroke. However, Joe blocks it and fires off an impressive kick before crushing Jarrett with the Muscle Buster for the 1-2-3 to keep his undefeated streak alive. It was satisfying to see Joe pin Jarrett and it wasn’t a bad match per se, but disappointing considering the intense promo from Joe on Impact. He didn’t get in enough offense or look like he was trying to kill Jarrett, and worst of all for a babyface, he didn’t even make JJ bleed like he promised.
– Afterwards, Samoa Joe grabs the NWA World Title belt from the announce table and heads up the ramp as Jim Cornette comes down the other ramp calling Jeff Jarrett’s name (of course, he’s the centerpiece of the company, you know) and enters the ring. To be fair, Cornette does mention that Joe might want to hear the announcement too, but we don’t see him so I wonder if that was just Cornette on his own trying to involve Joe. Cornette announces that because of the fans’ support, TNA Impact will debut in true primetime at 9pm on SpikeTV Thursday, November 16. Cornette claims that was his announcement but it wasn’t THE announcement, and points to the ImpacTron as we see a video informing us that a former World Heavyweight Champion and Olympic Gold Medalist is coming to TNA: KURT MOTHERFUCKING ANGLE. Angle states that “it’s real… it’s DAMN real” and puts in his mouthpiece as he laughs maniacally. Must be the painkillers. We hear the crowd in the Impact Zone cheer, but the PPV ends and goes to black. Then we suddenly go back to the Impact Zone, where the fans are cheering as Tenay exclaims “HOLY CHRIST!” in the high-pitched voice of a teenage girl at a boy-band concert. Jarrett wanders around the ring looking confused and West slips out a “Holy shit” in a moment of genuine surprise that we don’t often see in wrestling as the PPV goes to black again, this time for good.
Afterthoughts: Now THAT is how you do a surprise. Apparently only a few people knew about Angle for sure and they had to sign confidentiality agreements so the surprise wouldn’t be leaked out. Even though Angle didn’t appear live, it was still worth it just to see that video firsthand. I’m not going to judge Kurt or TNA for this because Kurt is an adult, TNA is a struggling business, and I’m already sick of reading every self-righteous, judgmental jerkoff on the internet talking about what’s best for Kurt. He’s old enough to make his own decisions just like everybody else and he and his family will live with the consequences of whatever happens, good or bad. Anybody who says they wouldn’t have signed Kurt if they were TNA is just delusional. I don’t care what they say publicly, if WWE was desperate enough, you know they’d bring him back in a heartbeat. At least in TNA he’ll be working like 3 or 4 days a month, working maybe two or three matches at most (one or two on Impact, one on PPV) and will have the rest of the month to spend with his family, so lighten the f*ck up. As a fan, I’m happy because it will provide fresh new confrontations, rivalries, and matches. I’m very excited about the opportunities.
As for the rest of the PPV, I really enjoyed it and thought it was entertaining. Maybe it’s because I watched it with some non-‘smarks’ who enjoyed the show, but the overly negative reviews I’ve read online baffle me. Yeah, the Jackass stuff was stupid, but it seems to be leading somewhere and the matches were good; besides, if Petey/Lethal and Senshi/Sabin were just straight-up no-frills matches, critics would bitch that they were too bland and the guys had no personality, like they do every month. Joe/Jarrett and Christian/Rhino were both slightly disappointing but both had the right finish, and the Ultimate X was awesome as expected. I really liked the No-DQ three-way and Eric Young’s antics were hilarious, so I think people are ready (moreso than usual) to jump all over TNA for any mistake or stupid bit because Russo is back. Case in point, the Jackass stuff: Monday morning, the internets were abuzz with the smarkiest smark-smarks from Smarky Town “welcoming” us to “Russo’s vision of TNA”, but he had nothing to do with it. It’s called cross-promotion, idiots. Overall I’d give this PPV 7/10 or *** but that’s just me. Thanks for reading, and see you in the future.
