So the big storm killed any chance of getting this done last week. We got power back on Tuesday, but there are still people waiting in Buffalo and the surrounding areas. But enough about my storm news.
Our Machinima news for the week: Red Vs Blue starts Season 5, The Mackie nominations were announced (sadly, no PEDS) and Bloodspell releases episode 11. The one feature I want to mention though is a very low budget looking show, called “Machinima Review” done by Reilik at Machinima.com. It’s a review show, but the main character is in one of those green bug eyed alien masks, and the camera changes between to views, suggesting a split personality. It’s pretty funny at times, and downright hostile at others, but for the most part it’s an entertaining look at the latest machinima films. It is certainly unique; you don’t find many guys in alien masks doing ANY kinds of reviews, so it’s got that going for it. Check out his site here.
Of course there’s a PEDS plug here; why? Because Season 2 has finally started! And we redesigned our website, so it has, you know, more than ONE page. Anyway, you can find the season 2 premiere, “Welcome To Liberty City” at our new and improved Pawfect Films website. Come on by and let us know what you think.
And on to the show: it’s Friday Night SmackDown! We’re TAPED from the Staples Center in LA. Cole and JBL run down the night, including Chavo vs Rey in an I Quit match and King Booker defends his title against DAVE! Let’s get rolling, shall we?
Jerk That Curtain, BABY! MVP vs Kane.
Memo to Sir Eric: Sorry, but three letters is easier to type than 1800. Anyway, this is ALL Kane, until MVP goes low to draw the DQ and get the heck out of Dodge. (DUD, Kane d. MVP via DQ/low blow) Exactly how is putting your new guy in a squash feud with Kane going to help him out?
Backstage, Matt Hardy and Gregory Helms have some words. Helms says he can beat ANYBODY. This brings in our SM GM TL, who books Helms vs The Undertaker! Good to see his “last” run (heh) is against quality competition.
Commercials.
Elijah Burke vs Vito.
More of Burke and his crappy offense. Add a lot of the “blurring” of Vito’s Libido and you got this match. Anyway, Terkay gets involved again with the POWER OF THE PUNCH helping Burke get the win after five minutes of CRAP (tee hee). (1/2 *, Burke d. Vito via pinfall) Ugh, are we there yet?
Backstage, William Regal cuts a shoot-ish promo about how he’s tired of being the WWE’s doormat. So he’s bringing in Squire Dave Taylor to make sure that doesn’t happen again. YES! THE FREAKING BLUEBLOODS! Dig it. Meanwhile…
King Booker is watching some footage in preparation for his World Title match with DAVE.
Commercials.
Reunited and it feels so good: William Regal and Dave Taylor vs Funaki and Scotty 2 Hotty.
This is ALL Regal and Taylor, with Funaki taking the brunt of the beating as Regal and Taylor show off how rough and tough they are. Regal actually lets Scotty get the tag before burying him completely with a knee to the face. Maybe he should coach HHH on knee usage; that just looked BRUTAL. A quick tag to Taylor who finishes Scotty with a butterfly suplex for the win. (*, Taylor d. Scotty, butterfly suplex to pin) I know the rating is a bit high considering the content of the match, but it’s the FREAKING BLUEBLOODS! Post match, the Blubloods beat on Funaki and Scotty, just for fun. See, they’re HEELS, get it?
We get a video recap of Rey/Chavo, setting the stage for the I Quit match later on. I smell the Rock/Foley finish from Royal Rumble ’99 tonight…
Commercials.
I Quit: Chavo Guerrero vs Rey Mysterio.
This match has some decent intensity, but it also seems to be stuck in second gear. Maybe it’s just me, but I just don’t see the point of putting two guys in these “hardcore” type matches that are not their forte. Chavo teases a suplex onto the floor from the stage, but Rey blocks and limps to a seated senton from the stage on to the floor. A bit later, Rey climbs a lighting truss, but the bookers show us how dumb faces can be by letting Chavo tie him up in the truss hanging upside down and just destroys his knee until Rey finally quits. (* 1/2, Chavo d. Rey, Rey says I Quit) Eh, they tried. I mean, I wasn’t expecting Flair/Funk from ’89 (Clash 9, in THE I Quit match) but I was hoping for more. So Rey’s gone for a while, and he’s getting that knee surgery that he’s been putting off for a while. That means this angle is OVER. Well, until Rey comes back, seeing as how they have Chavo Classic’s blessing and all. But for now, it’s OVER. Yay!
Angle Advancement Match (TM): Gregory Helms vs The Undertaker.
Taker’s goofy entrance eats up some time, so let’s have some…
Commercials
We’re back and it’s the usual Taker squash until Ken Kennedy wanders down for some good old fashioned interference, apparently still upset over losing the US Title to Benoit last week. But Taker being, well, Taker, fights them both off and getting the Tombstone on Helms for the win. (DUD, Undertaker d. Helms, Tombstone/pin). Exactly WHO is this helping?
The Miz comes out to host the Diva Dance-Off. Sorry, but I am NOT covering this crap.
Commercials.
Big Show and John Cena join the boys at ringside, hyping the Champion of Champions Match at Cyber Sunday.
Commercials.
Main Event: World Heavyweight Championship — King Booker vs Batista.
This is mostly carried by King Booker, while DAVE stumbles around trying not to totally stink up the place. A few minutes in, Finlay wanders down and clotheslines DAVE out of his boots, with reasoning that Cole and JBL can’t even figure out. Way to go guys. The rest of the match is Booker trying to wear down DAVE, until they wind up outside, where DAVE spears Booker into the Big Show. That can’t be good. And indeed, Show jumps in the ring to beat on DAVE for our Sportz Entertainment Finish. Cena jumps in to even the odds and the heels are sent scurrying. (* 1/2, Batista d. King Booker, DQ/Big Show interference) DAVE looked mostly awful out there. I know he’s got the look but his move set just isn’t happening.
Post match, our SD GM TL comes out to make the main event for next week: Big Show and King Booker vs Batista and John Cena. The faces make faces, BUT WE’RE OUT OF TIME-
Blergh. I don’t even know if that’s a word, but that’s how I felt after this show. Aside from the novelty of watching the Bluebloods walk all over JTTS fare, this show was a big, fat DUD.
This is the last edition of Smack THIS!; the product is doing absolutely nothing for me, and it just seems silly to waste three to five hours a week covering a show I’m not even into anymore. Guess I’m just getting old. Maybe I can do the occasional column; in fact, I would LOVE to do a Machinima Roundup type column, just so people are more aware of the medium. In any case, thanks to Widro and Matt for giving me a second shot, and thanks to those of you that read it. Take care!
