Check it out I’m on wireless internet bitches! I have set up a wireless network in my home, and now it’s on. This should increase my profligacy by 700%. I fully expect this to result in my ending up like Tommy from Trainspotting, losing my mind and soul and dying from an infestation of toxic plasmosis.
So that means we better get while the gettings good. I missed yesterday, so that means today you gets two division updates, the NFC and AFC North.
NFC NORTH
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Do you like the Bears Great Pumpkin Orange Jerseys??? I hope so! Because they’ll be wearing them tomorrow when they take on the Niners at Soldier Field. The Bears wore the Orange when SF came to town last year, a game the Bears won thanks to that Nathan Vasher return of a missed 60 yard field goal which Mike Nolan inexplicably had his kicker attempt despite the fact it was headed straight into a monsoon-force wind.
In other Bear news, Sports Illustrated this week ran a players poll that had LB Brian Urlacher ranked as one of the 5 most overrated players in the game. Other luminaries on the list were Ray Lewis and Terrell Owens. My view on this is that the Bears may be overrated, but Urlacher is not. He’s the truth.
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The Vikings have the #1 rated run defense in the NFL. I know I’ve said this before, but it is amazing how this team has completely remade itself in less than a year. They’ve done this despite having turmoil and turnover at every level from the active roster to the sideline to ownership. This team should be an uncompetitive mess by all laws of physics, yet somehow here they stand as one of the top teams in the league. I don’t know who to credit for this. I credit chaos theory. I credit Jeff Goldblum in his leather pants and sunglasses.
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Remember way back in Week One when Roy Williams siad the Lions could have had 50 points in a game in which they actually scored six? Well, Crazy Roy is at it again. He told the Detroit News this week I’m going to say we can put this together. “I feel we are a 9-0 ballclub (meaning the 1-6 Lions would finish at 10-6).” Next week, I’m sure Roy will say something like, “I have all the confidence in the world that we can win a Super Bowl with Rod Marinelli as our coach and Matt Millen as GM. If that isn’t a dream team on the level of Halas and Lombardi I don’t know what is.”
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Here’s a little game I like to call, “Looking Down the Road”. Green Bay plays Arizona this week and Buffalo next week. This means they very well could be 4-4 at the midway point of the season. Everyone who had the Pack winning 4 of their first 8 games, put your hand down because youre lying. I didn’t have them winning 4 games all season.
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AFC NORTH
In case you are wondering, I played the Bengals/Falcons matchup on Madden 07 today. A couple weeks ago, the XBOX 360 accurately predicted a yay-yo performance for Willie Parker against the Chiefs. If you want to know what happens tomorrow, here you go
– The Bengals lose 10-7
– Warrick Dunn turns it on in the 4th quarter to give the Falcons the go ahead touchdown.
– Chad Johnson struggles to get open against D’Angelo Hall.
So there you go, that’s what’s going to happen.
As for Chad, Mr. Ocho Cinco, he was on the cover of SI this week, looking, well kind of not hetero in his cover shot. That’s just my opinion. I should talk, I look more and more like Grandpa Munster with each passing day.
Speaking of wide receivers, Chris Henry made parole or something, and he will make his season debut tomorrow.
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The Pittsburgh Post Gazette reports that Ben Roethlisberger WILL start tomorrow against Oakland. His brain feels A-OK after smacking into the wall of his skull last week. Listen to me now and believe me later, the Raiders are going to beat the Steelers tomorrow, and they will both be 2-5 after that. Oh yes. Being Super Bowl Champs isn’t all plaques and hams.
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A Louisiana News Star headline this week reads, “Saints Will Have to Deal With Rejuvenated McNair”. We should all be so lucky. The Saints will also have to deal with Brian Billick’s play calling since he launched offensive coordinator Jim Fassel during the team’s bye week. Deal with the smarm, Saints, deal with it.
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Cleveland also is minus its offensive coordinator, Maurice Carthon, who quit earlier this week. There’s also a nasty staph infection running rampant through the team. I think God is displeased with the way this team plays, and the time has come for self-flagellation and donning masks with giant beaks.
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That’s it for the Great White North. Check in tomorrow morning for the pregame show where I’ll set the stage for tomorrow’s games.
