SLAYER’S WRESTLING AND STUFF!
Hi Everybody! Welcome to another edition of Slayer’s Wrestling and Stuff! Sorry to miss last week, but alas I had to pull an Eric S and move! But instead of going from one state to another, I went three blocks”¦but dam..I be movin on up”¦to the eaaaaaaaast siiiiiiiiiiiide”¦I finally got a piece of that pIIIiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiieeeeee.
So we’ll do the ECW thing another time. Maybe in the week before December to..is it Dismember? This week we’ll celebrate the upcoming CyberSunday by looking at his Grandpa, the 2004 Taboo Tuesday DVD. And we also had a
BIG
week in DivaLand. So no commentary about the guys this week. Besides, plenty of people here do that better then me. And listen, I’m all about having fun, but it’s been four f*cking days and she is still not letting me out of these ankle-cuffs so I apologize for any typos, but I’m sort of in a weird position..uhh..nevermind”¦TMI”¦I know”¦I know”¦
Let’s do a DVD review.
TABOO TUESDAY (2004)
THE CONTEXT
Weird few months for WWE as it was currently”¦”in transition”, especially on the Raw side of things. Whatever momentum that was gained from Wrestlemania XX was quickly reversed as the title was hot-shotted over to Randy Orton and very quickly given back to HHH. Edge was in the middle of quite possibly the longest heel turn in the history of wrestling and the miscarriage angle was sort of weirding everybody out. However, in hind sight, while the IWC was crying over it, this was a very important step forward for the WWE and most of it was successful including, the Kane face turn, the Edge heel turn, (which would collide and have Lita turn completely evil), returning Ric Flair to a full time wrestler (at least on television) and the solidification of Randy Orton as a major player. Until most of this was complete, HHH was essentially baby-sitting the title. Whether one agreed or disagreed, it doesn’t take away from the fact that this is an excellent PPV without one bad match, a classic, and TWO diva matches! How can one go wrong?
THE EVENT
October 19, 2004-Milwaukee, Wisconsin (a marksih crowd especially for the Midwest).
Your announcers are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler w/Jonathan Coachman as the MC.
You know how this works but if you don’t, we quickly go through all the matches. Now I’ll be a good writer and even tell you what the choices were before the matches were made. Special thanks to Wikipedia for the exact results, but they are probably wrong, so take it as such.
IC Belt Match: Chris Jericho vs. ???
And the voting went Shelton Benjamin 37.48%, Batista 20.11%, Jonathan Coachman 7.01%, Christian 6.69%, Rhyno 5.77%, Maven 4.23%, William Regal 3.81%, The Hurricane 3.77%, Tyson Tomko 2.49%, Tajiri 2.36%, Steven Richards 2.24%, Val Venis 1.69%, Rosey 1.10%, Chuck Palumbo 0.68%, Rodney Mack 0.58%
Now this was a HOT time for Shelton. He may never have been more popular in his career. It’s also a great opener with Shelton Benjamin winning his first title making the whole voting thing seem somewhat important.
Fulfill Your Fantasy Diva Battle Royal for the Women’s Championship
Champion: Trish Stratus vs. Challengers: Molly Holly, Gail Kim, Jazz, Stacy Keibler, Nidia and Victoria
And the voting went: School Girl 53.10%, French maid 30.03%, Nurse 16.87%
Ok, wait”¦school girls over nurses!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is where ME and ALL OF YOU part ways”¦.or maybe it came where before that, who knows. But come on”¦we had nurses”¦NURSES! Anyway, fun stuff with Evil Trish dominating all.
Weapons of Choice Match
Kane vs. Gene Snitsky
And the voting went: Chain 40.84%, Steel Chair 29.93%, Lead Pipe 29.24 %
A chain? You people are suckers. This match is all Emo with the whole baby thing. It’s also quite possibly Snitsky’s best match”¦which ain’t saying much..but you know..it’s a compliment.
Choose the Loser’s Fate Match
Eric Bischoff vs. Eugene
And the voting went: Hair vs. Hair match 58.73%, Loser Wears a Dress 20.77%, Loser is Winners Servant 20.50%
The match is like 47 seconds long, but the fun stuff comes afterwards as Vinnie Mac comes out and makes Eric lose his hair as we all see his grey roots. He also makes the Coach wear a dress for the rest of the show. Good times.
Timeout!
So, we had HHH vs three challengers. The winner gets a title shot, the losers team up and fights La Resistance for the Tag Team Titles. Everybody got that? Ok!
Timein!
And the voting went: Shawn Michaels 38.72%, Edge 33.42%, Chris Benoit 27.86% So, Benoit loses and is all gentalmanly about, Edge loses and goes insane. While in 2006, we’re all used to that wacky Edge, this was very new and shocking for most WWE fans. Good stuff.
So now we got.
World Tag Team Title Match
The heel turn continues as Edge abandons Benoit which at the time was like WTF! Still, Benoit wins the titles anyway, fun moment for Benoit fans. And aren’t we all Benoit fans?
Christy Hemme vs. Carmella DeCesare
And the voting went: Lingerie Pillow Fight 56.48%, Evening Gown Match 33.22%, Aerobics Challenge 10.30%
You know”¦I would wave really liked to seen an Aerobics Challenge. I guess see one Lingerie Pillow Fight, seen them all, right? So, it’s a good chance to see Christy early in her wrestling career and really ‘getting it’ right away. You know, Carmella was a good heel, too bad she didn’t stay. She had as we say”¦potential.
World Heavyweight Championship
HHH vs. HBK. The best part of the match was the announcing, as Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross have some great back-and-forth bickering. As for the match, it was nice. HBK had this leg injury which was half real/half kayfabe. Probably the weakest match on the card, but not a bad one. It’s just that we’ve seen these two kill each other in the past, so this was quite tame. Also, Edge interferes finally concluding the longest heel turn..EVER! The end was also depressing, so it couldn’t be the last match”¦however”¦..
Choose Which Type of Match Match
Ric Flair vs. Randy Orton
And the voting went: Steel cage match 68%, Falls Count Anywhere 20%, Submission Match 12%.
The voting was obvious, but don’t let that deter you. This match is incredible and really was Flair’s official comeback in terms of in-ring work. An absolute classic and one of the best matches of 2004. Need I say More?
Other Stuff:
Lots of fun backstage in-ring shenanigans including La Resitance hooribly butchering the French version of the Canadien anthem only for Benoit to come down and give them the worst look. I give it a score of 5.0 (out of 6)
EXTRAS
Not much outside some Taboo Tuesday propaganda and a Benjie interview. However, the propaganda gives you a good context of what is going on that night. 1 (out of 4)
Total Score=6
One word can describe this PPV: Entertaining. Worth buying especially if you lucked out like I did and got it used for ten bucks. :D
Now let’s do what they pay me the big bucks for.
Title #4 is”¦.
SLAYER’S WEEKLY TRIP IN DIVALAND
Come join me! Butfirstallpicscourteosyofwwe.compleasedontsuemeidontgetpaidforthishit.
Let’s do Smackdown first!
Diva Halloween Battle Royal
Jillian vs Michelle McCool vs Kristal vs Ashley vs Layla
First of all, Ashley had the best outfit of the night as the Leather Fairy. No pics though. And we’ll see why later.
But we do have a pic of”¦..
McCool as a Nurse!
Not a schoolgirl, but a NURSE! You see how hot nurses are..do I make myself clear..now two years ago you allllllllllll had a chance to see the Divas of 2004 wrestle in nurse outfits..and you allllllllllllll blew it”¦for a schoolboy fantasy”¦now a nurse”¦that’s what real men fantasize about! What the f*ck am I talking about anyway”¦”¦
Your special guest referee is The Miz. Ok”¦.but I was sort of hoping to enjoy this match”¦sigh. Anyway, Jillian and Ashley get eliminated because they are not important in tonight’s story progression”¦though I would have really liked a pic of Ash’s outfit”¦..sigh.
Kristal: Hey Ashley
McCool: Yes, Kristal
Kristal: Ever fantasize of Lesbian Raping a black woman with another black woman.
McCool: Excuse me”¦..
Kristal: I said ever of Lesbian Raping a black woman with another black woman
McCool: Oh..that’s what I thought you said”¦actually..I have”¦
Kristal: Wanna do it to Layla with me?
McCool: Sure by golly!
They go at it!
McCool: OMG! This is soooo fun”¦let me me get my enema out!
Kristal: HAHAHAHA! What a treat”¦dark meat”¦
Layla: This is fun!
After Layla’s forced orgasm, she comesback and eliminates McCool. It’s down to Layla and Kristal when”¦
The Miz interferes but then has to hold himself from puking when he realizes Layla has a dick. But it did explain why she enjoyed being assaulted so much”¦.
Kristal wins with help of the Miz! The Miz then bows down to her to give her complete omnipotence (actually, I didn’t make that up, it’s what he did”¦hey”¦I would have).
Kristal then celebrates her win by doing her Undertaker impression”¦.
BUT THEN”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦
Guess who’s back!
Boogeyman: So you like to sexually assault people”¦I’ll show you the true meaning of that!
Kristal: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Boogeyman: You’re gonna know the meaning of submission!
Kristal: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Boogeyman: Get ready for the ride of your life, bitch!
Kristal: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Boogeyman: Get ready”¦for the WORMS!
Kristal: worms? Oh, you’re gay”¦whew..i was worried there for a second.
And this is why we got no Ashley pics in her awesome leather fairy outfit”¦because we needed a zillion pics of Boogeyman”¦.sigh.
Let’s move on, shall we?
After Chavo and Evil Vickie destroyed Mysterio, they now eye”¦Benoit”¦
You know..both these cats wear the coolest clothes”¦.ironically, Benoit tends not to wear any”¦
And finally”¦.
Booker: Oh hell Big Show, get in the dam ring and tag me.
Big Show: No!
Booker: Why Not?
Big Show: I don’t wanna”¦wah!
Queen: You know Paul, My husband gets his biggest push in half a decade and for the past few weeks you’ve completely ruined everything. Will you retire already so my husband can finally have a real feud?
Dam, don’t f*ck with the Queen. Let’s go over to Raw and look at a real Diva match, shall we?
Women’s Championship Tournament: Second Semi-Final
Lita vs. Maria w/ Micky James on commentary
First of all..a little commentary on the commentary: The whole Mickie James being Sane and Sweet”¦bleh. They’ve been on a weird pattern of putting over female wrestlers with great gimmicks, then pulling the plug when the fans take to them. I want them to stop it already”¦.Let’s get to the match.
Weeeeeeeeee! Maria gives Lita the good ole’ swinging neck breaker. Looks fun!
Lita with the DDT. Ow. That does not look fun..so this is how Lita basically injured the entire female roster a few years back”¦.
Lita then continues with the offense with a backbreaker and the good ole’ fart in the face.
Lita with the pin and..oh my”¦Maria is dead! Thanks a lot Rita! Just when she was getting good too”¦
All kidding aside, the obvious MATCH OF THE WEEK. How about that Maria, showing some strut”¦.
Anyway, it’s Lita vs. Mickie for the Finals at Cyber Sunday. Your choices are a No-Disqualification, Submission or Diva Lumberjack rules..lemmie repeat”¦.they are No-Disqualification, Submission or Diva Lumberjack rules.
Yes, a no-DQ match between the two best female wrestlers in the business right now. I swear to God, if you punks choose the diva lumberjack match”¦then”¦just”¦go away”¦”¦
Of course, what’s a multi-brand PPV sell without”¦.
So for ONE LAST TIME”¦Let us all pray that Booker T wins the match this Sunday so he may become the CHAMPION OF CHAMPIONS!
Go and pray”¦.
You can’t see the pics of Ariel, Trinity, and Kelly until you do!
I’m serious..I’ll call it a column right here if you don’t”¦”¦
Ok”¦On to ECW
Hey”¦who knew Ariel was a Monty Python fan. What a girl!
That one went over most of your heads didn’t it? All right, not even five columns, and I’m already dating myself”¦
I must admit”¦she’s quite terrifying in that pic”¦if she was a giant, you could ski off her nose”¦.cool”¦.
So now we have the”¦
ECW Diva Halloween Costume Contest
Trinity vs. Kelly vs. Ariel
Because Halloween Costume Contests are FUCKING EXTREME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Trinity goes first and is”¦a Road Sign! That’s gonna hurt when she take that off.
Then Ariel goes and is Herself! Honey, don’t let the crowd get to you hon..just keep doing what you’re doing….
Kelly then undresses and is”¦CM PUNK! That’s just really creepy now”¦
And the winner is”¦.
Trinity! Oh the things she is doing so she doesn’t get fired. I give her props. I liked the old Guidete gimmick”¦but I think being a roadsign has potential for her.
What a seven days in Diva Land
This is a tough one, Kristal, Trinity, Maria, and Lita all deserve nominations but the Diva of the Week goes to”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦..
Michelle McCool”¦for being a nurse!
Have a great week everyone, thanks to Goddess Torture for the pic, and God Bless.
