CENA FACES UMAGA
EXPECT A SPORTZ ENTERTAINMENT ENDING…
LET’S GET TO THE
M O N D A Y
N I G H T
R A B B L E
So we are here at the fabulous O’Brien’s Tavern in New Jersey and we have gathered under the flags of flowing booze and unfettered commentary on the Monday night entertainment we know and love…. the Rabble. Who IS the Rabble?
Joining us tonight are:
ERIC – Heyooo!
BILL – Hey!
JEFFREY – Huh…
and joining us late…
HERNANDEZ – Hola!
JENNA – Hrmm!
MIKE – Ha!
And ..err…umm… Me…
From time to time you might also see folks from the Inside Pulse Forums lovingly referred to as the Insiders.
Of course here comes DX! Starting off here in England and Bill notes we have a new DX entrance video… with blowing up tv’s.
“Shawn’s wearing a hat.. how disrespectful” – Bill
“He’s going to throw the whole night off” – Me
They give us the match for Survivor Series, if you didn’t hear is:
DX – CM PUNK – HARDY BOYZ
ORDGE – MIKE KNOX – JOHNNY NITRO – HURRICANE
So the boys take the long set-up to intoduce the show… Trips primps the crowd up and goes for the cheap pops..
“Trips has also cut off his ear and written a children’s book.” – Bill
“For the thousands in attendence,
the millions watching at home…”
“And the four watching on BBC Channel 4” – Bill
“Could Shawn be wearing any more DX gear? He could be wearing your DX underwear, Jamie” – Eric
“You have DX underwear?” – Bill
“Yeah, they say SUCK IT across the crotch” – Me
So they are making a list…
“Checking it twice” – Eric
Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon, Eric Bischoff… Check Check Check…
“Somebody will say ‘Mate’ by the end of this.. my prediction” – Me
Bischoff is like every other authority figure that thought he could tell DX what to do, he got his head shoved up someone’s ass.. and we sadly get a replay of Big Dick. Oy..
And now in Slow Motion….
“Somewhere Vince is giggling about what he got to do to Bischoff again!” – Me
“God what won’t that guy do for money…” – Eric (in reference to Big Dick)
So this just leaves Edge & Orton… and they are interrupted by Coach.
“With IRS’ suitcase!” – Me
“Money Inc. versus DX?” – Eric
“Don’t even tease me..” – Me
The crowd begins a nice chant of ‘ahhssshole.’
“Arsehole” – Bill
Eric, Jenna, and Mike show up.
“Dammit, I was hoping we would miss the Coach promo.” – Hernandez
Coach has apparently issued a bounty on DX… of 5200 pounds.
“Monopoly money?” – Hernandez
“Who’s the old bint on the front?” – Me
So this all equals bout 10,000… Trips feels this isn’t enough. They deserve more.
“Where’s the fan leaping the barrier?” – Mike
“Didn’t they try this with Kevin Nash?” – Hernandez
So now we get a ref running down with their four opponents. Cade, Murdoch, Haas, and Viscera.
“Job Squad R Us!” – Mike
COMMERCIAL ONE – 9:15
In the ring, Shawn is shoulder checking Charlie Haas… he eats an armdrag.. and then Shawn gets pushed into the corner and a tag to Cade who charges SHawn into the corner, beats him around for a bit and then whips him into the counter corner and eats a boot.
More ropes, and this time Shawn drops down and eats a boot… and he picks him up with a tag to Murdoch and he eats a SOLID boot to the face!
“Awww Murdoch’s tanning…” – Mike
So Murdoch goes to the top rope and eats another boot. Tag to Viscera and Shawn gets slammed down followed by a black hole slam. Tag to Haas who goes for the quick pin of two.
Haas punches Shawn to the head a few times, slams him down, snap kick to the back. Tag to Cade and now they have beaty & chops to his chest…. and an enzuigiri drops Cade. Hot tag to Trips and he gets the clear house spot…. finally knee lift to Haas, Rednecks tossed, and he’s superkicked into Viscera and bounced into the Pedigree..
That seriously is the best way to explain it.
“What does this say about those four guys?” – Hernandez
“They got paid tonight.” – Mike
“So, how many times does DX get to go over almost the entire Raw Tag division?” – Insider Creature
“As many times as they want.” – Insider RVD4ever
Tonight – Flair & Piper vs. Edge & Orton
“Guess who is getting the tag belts tonight!!” – Hernandez
“I don’t want them to lose the belts…” – Mike
COMMERCIAL TWO – 9:23
In the back – Spirit Squad discuss how they want the bounty… and Kenny makes sure he knows that JOhnny shouldn’t screw up their match next. So DX is walking down the hallway as the Spirit Squad try to bum rush them and are all defeated in comical like ways.
ANd now it’s time for the Highlanders!?!?
SIGNS OF THE NIGHT:
“Why are the English cheering them?” – Me
And here comes the Spirit Squad’s remaining members… Kenny & Johnny
HIGHLANDERS vs. SPIRIT SQUAD
Johnny starts with Robbie in the ring – ducks a clothescline and Robbie beats him down in the corner and a slap to Rory.
Rory hits a flying crossbody for two. Chinlock to Rory, and he gets to his feet and eats an eyerake. Tag to Kenny and now he takes time beating down on Rory. Big chops to his back. Kenny then pushes Rory to the corner, holds him there with a tag to Johnny and he throws a splash on Rory.
Quick tag back to Kenny and a second rope punch to the gut. Pin for two into his own chinlock. Kenny screams and we all comment about how much like Owen sound like.
“So he’s destined to die in the next PPV…” – Jenna
“And they should give him a Blue Blazer outfit.” – Mike
So while we discussed this, a hot tag to Robbie and he starts clearing house… hitting a beautiful back body drop on Kenny, only to step into a boot from Johnny. A clothesline from Rory runs in to destroy him outright. Double dropkicks to both members!
They go for the slingshot suplex off the top rope with Kenny, and Johnny catches him! Kenny THROWS Johnny into the members of the Squad and a roll-up to Rory for the win.
WINNER: SPIRIT SQUAD
Kenny screams ‘I WON!’ as they head off to the back…
“They are all leaving Kenny in the ring alone at SS..” – Mike
So we get a flash to last week, where Lawler ate the Masterlock.. tonight he’s taking the Masterlock challenge… this can’t be good.
COMMERCIAL THREE – 9:35
During the WWE Action Figure Ring toy..
“Wow, Orton can’t even get over in a toy commercial..” – Hernandez
Hey – Masters is here…. oy..
“Powderrrred Toaaaaasssst Maaaaaaan” – Bill
LAWLER vs. MASTERPIECE
JR tries to explain that the Masterlock is a MODIFIED Full-Nelson… Modified HOW?!
“Duh. He sits in a chair.” – Dani
So Lawler gets into the chair… the lonnnnng set-up. Finally Lawler gets up and shoves him.
“oooooooooo Snap” – Me
Finally he gets it locked in.
“PLEASE LET HIM BREAK OUT OF IT!” – Me
“He’s not gonna break out of it.” – Bill
“Pleaaaase!” – Me
Lawler starts throwing elbows! He’s trying at least. Finally he starts powering down…. Warlord style… Drops to one knee……. awww oh well.
“They’re trying to build him up again on TV” – Dani
“They DID give him steroids again..” – Eric
In the back – DX is in the locker room… Eugene knocks on the door and he’s here for the bounty.
So they give him a roll of paper towels ‘It’s the quicker picker upper!’ He knocks again and starts to tard up… slams his fist on the door….. knocks again.. they open the door and he charges through the door…. comedy gold there….
COMMERCIAL FOUR – 9:46
I come back from a cigarette to see an interview with Lita.
“We should have stayed out in the rain” – Mike
Also DX in the back – and Hunter has to go to the bathroom… where Chris Masters is waiting.
“Think he was waiting at the hole in the stall?” – Me
All this for the punchline from Shawn –
“Holy crap you crapped a Masterpiece..”
COMMERCIAL FIVE – 9:52
Hey – here comes Umaga… wait a second… Cena and Umaga at 10pm?! Like I said… sports entertainment ending..
So here comes Cena, getting a decent Brit pop.
JOHN CENA vs. UMAGA
Cena starts by pounding Umaga. Umaga gets pissed and he ducks a clothesline… then goes and starts punching Umaga in the corner. Gets tossed down and keeps the beating up. He steals a crossrope bulldog from Jericho and gets punched in the face to end all of that.
Umaga throws him to the ropes and he eats the tossed samoan drop. Picks up Cena with a big fist to his head. Nerve pinch.
Cena fights out of it…. slowly….
“..oh my god.. how is cena doing it…” – Me
“IT’S LIKE THE HEART PUNCH!” – Eric
“It makes your nerves skip a beat.. or the remote skip the channel” – Bill
Cena finally gets out of it and hits the flipping neckbreaker… couple of crossbodies… third one locks Umaga in the ropes. Beats him down while he’s locked in and in runs Armando to try and stop this and here comes Big Show to really end it… Umaga gets out and the doubleteam beatdown.
WINNER: CENA via DQ
“Where’s Maria out.. she should make the save” – Mike
Umaga tosses him to the corner and he eats splash after splash. Chokeslam. Thumb poke.
“He should really bury it in his neck like Baki the Grappler..” – Jeffrey
COMMERCIAL SIX – 10:06
In the back – Coach gets interrupted by DX…. they try and calm his nerves. They apparently give up – and we get a Benny Hill like comedy wrap-up.
“They ARE in the UK…” – Hernandez
“Sexy party?” – Me
So DX is leaving for tonight. They promise they aren’t coming back, too…. so while Trips tries to negotiate for the 10k, Shawn steals it. They then leave.
“So that last image of Masters on the toilet.. will they use that in the montage when he dies?” – Hernandez
“Only if he dies like Elvis.” – Me
JEFF HARDY vs. JOHNNY NITRO
Heeeeeeeere’s Johnny…. yep, just for that joke.
Melina’s hair is looking lovely tonight.
“It’s the rest of her that’s the problem.” – Bill
“Nah, just the face.” – Me
So they have their standard entry with the slide in and all..
“Think they practice that at home?” – Eric
“Yes, that’s all they do” – Bill
Lock up and they roll around the ring a bit in the corner. Hardy breaks the hold. Nitro goes for a kick, caught and turned into a sideheadlock – he pushes Hardy to the ropes for a shoulderblock and two count.
Hardy now continues to armbar him, but is slammed down by Hardy. Armlock from Nitro to the ropes…. Hardy grabs the rope and reverses with a 360 and now they fight on the ropes and Hardy clears the ropes with a dropkick off the apron.. nicely done.
He gets ten punches of doom on Nitro. Climbs to the top, but Nitro rolls out of the ring and eats a through the second rope dropkick and a flying cross over the top rope for the commercial break.
COMMERCIAL SEVEN – 10:18
We’re back with a leg drop from Hardy. He goes for a jawbreaker and he eats a knee to the gut. Nitro hits the second rope and a nice guillotine legdrop! CHINLOCK!
“I saw Nitro do that spot on the video earlier.. how’d they do that.” – Eric
“I say Time Machine.. they call it Mister Fusion.” – Me
Nitro gets out, but a hairdrop ends that… Nitro misses his capoiera legdrop and Nitro runs into a roll-up from Hardy, great lil spotty bit and exchange of pins.
Finally Nitro charges Hardy and he gets hotshotted onto the top rope and the both drop for the double count.
Hardy gets up and elbows Nitro down a few times… hits a I guess err.. reverse enzuigiri… then a back body drop. Legdrop pin for two.
Both to their feet again and Hardy gets tossed to the corner. Top rope with whisper in the wind and missed it. Hardy on his feet he hits a reverse sitdown powerbomb for two. Nitro hits the top rope… leaps for a hurricanrana, but is caught and powerbombed down! That’s a two count!
Now Hardy hits the Senton! Goes for the pin…. Melina’s in the way distracting the ref! He goes for the Twist… but Nitro pushes him out of the way and Melina grabs his leg… goes to the top… HITS THE CORKSCREW!!!!!! NICE!
Goes for the pin…. HARDY PUSHES HIM UP OUT OF NOWHERE! HITS THE PIN! WOW!
WINNER AND CHAMP AGAIN: JEFF HARDY!
Hardy goes outside and grabs a ladder..
“What are THEY setting up for?!” – Nitro
He brings the ladder, but Nitro swings it back at Hardy leaves Hardy in the corner and Nitro climbs to the top and rides the ladder down over Hardy.
“You would think that doesn’t hurt… but it does..” – Mike
Outside, Shawn and Trips are pondering what to do with Coach’s money. So they are goign to buy some tickets and go watch the show… who do they run into scalping tickets… of course.. Cryme Tyme. They have tickets everwhere! Trips doesn’t understand them.
“Lemme handle this… I speak jive.” – Shawn
Shawn babbles at them as Trips watches on in confused wonder… there is a hysterical gun spot.. I’m not getting into it… but it’s good. Cryme Tyme ends up selling them the tickets of course.. another find it on Youtube moment.
COMMERCIAL EIGHT – 10:32
In the back… Carlito reading the Star while Torrie is hanging out with Daily Star girls..
“We’re all single!” – Hernandez
They pepper the bit with local references while Carlito tries to look interested. Torrie then invites Carlito to a club with her and the rest of the divas.
“Wundersex!” – Hernandez
Torrie invites Carlito to spend the night…
“He does talk in his sleep and nobody can understand him” – Eric
At the t-shirt stands… DX is seemingly buying people shirts… and for some reason a giant bratwurst…. in exchange for the case of money.
“Did they just pay 10,000 for a handful of shirts?” – Jeffrey
“Yes, and they still owe Vince like $20.” – Me
“He’ll just take it out of their pay..” – Bill
COMMERCIAL NINE – 10:41
LITA vs. MICKIE JAMES
As a note – Shawn and Trips are in the front row…
They get Lita’s attention and wave at her and dance along to Mickie’s theme song…
She is looking quite lovely tonight.
Lita got the mic….
“She’s wearing a horrorpops shirt, and that counts for something” – Me
“She should be wearing nothing else.” – Mike
Tonight, for some reason Lita gets to decide tonight’s stip and Mickie has to have her legs shackled together. Finally, Lita asks what Mickie has to say.
Mickie then calls Lita a whore and the match begins….
Lita kicks her in the gut a few times.. chokes her on the second rope….
“That’s kinda hot” – Mike
“This match?” – Hernandez
“Mickie’s legs..” – Mike
“Yeah, now she can’t run real far..” – Hernandez
Kicks to the gut…. as Trips leads off the ‘Lita’s a Ho’ chant. Pin for two. Finally Lita steals their bratwurst and Lita pushes Trips. She squirts Lita with mustard….
Mickie then hits Lita with the bratwurst and the ref didn’t see it at all. Mickie then picks her up and hits the high end DDT ….. She got the win!?!?!?
WINNER & NEW CHAMP: MICKIE JAMES
Oh… wait.. it seems that the title wans’t on the line… wasn’t it? We’ll see in a moment.
“Do you realize the title almost just changed hands over mustard and a bratwurst?” – Me
Hey Ordge & Coach interruptus! Trips and Coach have some words and DX has been ordered to leave, even though they have tickets. So wait – was the title on the line!?!?
Guess not… damn.
COMMERCIAL TEN – 10:54
As we come back – Nitro & Hardy is now a ladder match.
“Match of the night if they are both on..” – Me
“..on what?” – Eric
EDGE & ORTON vs. RIC & RODDY
So Piper walks on down to his theme music and before he gets in the ring he gets a chairshot and a beat down followed by Flair running down to save his ass… Piper eats a conchairto outside the ring.
Flair runs up to cover over Piper and try and wake him, but now Orton & Edge beat HIM up too… and Piper is totally out.
In the ring now, the bell rings and across the back of the audience is a ‘Woo’
Flair eats a back bodydrop as Piper is lead out of the ring, by Mike Rotundo!?!?!?
“They’re taking him to the back for tax evasion” – Me
In the ring Edge is beating on Flair.. tag to Orton as he kicks and beats him down in the corner. Flair then fights back, Orton hits the ropes and clotheslines Flair oer the top rope.”
“I’VE WON THE ROYAL RUMBLE” – Me
Outside now Orton chops down Flair and slaps him around…. throws Flair in and a tag to Edge who struts around a bit. Knee into Flair’s back now. Flair fights out of it…. Edge throws a back elbow and drops Flair. Tag to Orton.
Orton walks in and eats a nutpunch. Flair gets to his feet as Edge gets tagged and he gets chopped down a few times… now Flair tosses Edge to the ropes, throws a bodydrop. Punches down Orton. Punches down Edge. Knee lifts Orton and sets-up the figure four and eats a sloppy spear… ewww…
WINNER & TAG TITLE CHANGE: EDGE & ORTON
Now umm… here comes DX… followed by cops.
“More jobbers!” – Mike
“They started the show and ended the show beating jobbers.” – Me
They clear house and that’s the end of the show kids….
What did everyone think?
“All I have to say.. in New York City’s War on Cri– it was pretty good” – Bill
“Blarrrrrrrrrrrgh” – Eric
“Suck it” – Hernandez
“Lita should already know how to handle her sausage” – Jenna
“BAM!” – Mike
“Best DX spots in a long time” – Jeffrey
And I just have to say Mickie should be champ right now.. past that, good work on hotshotting the IC title back and forth. Other than that… vhaddever.
And for the first time ever – a Post Raw Commentary from the Insiders:
“James is gonna kill all of you. Nobody talked enough tonight. I can feel the anger.” – Chuckles
“Hey I tried, but I was lonely, and the show wasn’t very interesting.” – Creature
Nah kids, not mad at you, sometimes it’s a hit, sometimes it’s a bust. Just glad you guys want to continue to try and be a part of the Rabble. Much like this cheap plug is hoping more people want to be forum Insiders….
And that’s another fine feathered Raw…. see you next week..