Swindle Sheet Update! – Britney Spears sex tape has NOT been leaked…

Insider

Mathan Erhardt’s buddy Kevin Federline recently made it public—within a week after being dumped by Britney Spears—that he’s in possession of a sex tape involving him and Spears, which was reportedly filmed early in the couple’s relationship. And, of course, he’s not afraid to use it in order to get even more money which he does not deserve.

Of course, Internet outlets everywhere are claiming that the video has been leaked and it is currently running on several different sites, including PornoTube (ABSOLUTELY NOT WORK SAFE). The video in question shows a young woman who bears an uncanny resemblance to Spears (but hey, so did this one) performing oral sex on an unidentified man, who is supposedly Federline.

IT IS NOT HER.

NO IT’S NOT.

NO.

Kevin Federline, being the squirrelly urchin that he is, would not leak the tape out onto the Internet for free if he knows that he can sell it for a shitload of money. It’s basically the only thing that he has (if it exists at all) of any interest to anyone in the world, because he certainly has nothing else to offer society. We all know he’s a useless piece of shit and is more than likely doing this as a last resort to keep a modicum of the spotlight that was on him as he was with Spears. This is understandable, as last week a show at the House of Blues in Chicago, which was selling tickets to his concert for around $25, decided that due to poor ticket sales that they would only enforce the convenience charge of $2.50. Still, only a couple hundred people showed up, and Federline left the stage after about 40 minutes.

This is what Britney Spears gets for marrying an opportunistic scumbag. I don’t think that there’s anyone out there that isn’t surprised by this. But, on the other hand, you can’t really blame her. A lot of people are just dreadful judges of character, and it’s a well-known fact that Spears’ intelligence and tact leaves something to be desired, so it wouldn’t come as a massive surprise if she’s a terrible judge of character as well. After all, she did think that Canada and the United States were separated by an ocean. I think we all have or know someone that has dated someone in the past, and in retrospect that person was a real piece of shit, but there was something that made you oblivious to that at the time. Oh well.

Back to the video in question… it looks an awful lot like Spears, but it’s not. There’s no way that her areolae are that big. Sure, I haven’t seen them, but I’d bet at least 70% of my paycheck that she’s not a silver-dollar type of girl. I wouldn’t mind being proven wrong, but of course, that would mean that I’d have to see her real ones. Moreover, this video has been around for a while, according to a few sources that had posted it way before this whole breakup brouhaha occurred.

Federline will more than likely make an effort to sell this thing once he ends up with a lot less money from the divorce than he wants, and unless Spears can beat him in court in order to keep the tape under wraps, you won’t have to wait too long to see it. On the other hand, let’s hope that Federline ends up going to jail for extortion (which this certainly sounds like), where he can tell Big Bubba about his sex tape while he gets f*cked in the ass. I guess we’ll have to wait and see how it all pans out. In the meantime, rent Maléna, Ultimo Capodanno, and La Riffa because they all feature several naked Monica Bellucci scenes, and she is exponentially hotter than Britney Spears anyway.

Cheers
-JF2k6!