Chrononaut Chronicles: TNA Impact – 11/16/06

Reviews, Shows, TV Shows

The Chrononaut Chronicles: TNA iMPACT! – Thursday, November 16, 2006

– The first primetime Impact begins with a new TNA “We Are Wrestling” montage and Eric Young leading a line of fans from the backstage area toward the Impact Zone before we go to a cool new Impact opening with the same old music. I really liked Fozzy’s “Enemy” tune from that Bound For Glory video package, too bad they couldn’t use something like that.

– Eric Young leads his fans around the ring as pyro shoots off and confetti falls from the ceiling to celebrate TNA’s move to primetime. After Mike Tenay & Don West run through tonight’s lineup with much-improved graphics, Eric stands up on the announce table in front of them and states that he has a huge announcement to make, but the Latin American eXchange’s theme kicks up with the gunshots and Eric runs away because he thinks there’s a sniper in the building. LAX come out to the ring and Konnan promises to send a message to the gringos by burning the American flag, but America’s Most Wanted’s music plays as AMW run down and unload on the NWA World Tag Team Champions until Hernandez & Homicide capitalize on a distraction from Konnan. However, Gail Kim makes her big return from injury to even the odds and lands the HuraKimrana off the top turnbuckle on Homicide. Hernandez grabs Gail for the Border Toss, but Chris Harris pulls her out of harm’s way and James Storm superkicks the big guy as TNA Security rush in to hold AMW & Gail back while LAX retreat and Tenay hypes the LAX/AMW title bout at Genesis. Interesting choice to open the show and a cool angle to build the PPV match as well as show new viewers that TNA has a thriving tag team division.

– A great video package airs to hype Samoa Joe as a “natural born killer” and put him over as a true top star, ending with the James Earl Jones soundalike stating “Joe’s going to kill you.”

– Samoa Joe vs. Jay Lethal

Tenay notes that Lethal is the youngest member of the TNA roster and even remembers that he debuted for TNA in December 2005 as Jay poses on the ropes and Joe attacks him from behind to kick off the match. The Samoan Submission Machine clocks Lethal with the front leg lariat and snapmares him into position for the chop across the back, the kick to the chest, and the big kneedrop off the ropes, but Lethal mounts a comeback with a springboard dropkick and the hiptoss/cartwheel/dropkick combo for a one-count as the crowd wants Angle. Joe catches Lethal charging in the corner with the standing uranage and kills him with the Muscle Buster before Joe locks Lethal in the Kokina Clutch for the tapout to remain undefeated in TNA. Afterwards, Joe refuses to release the choke until Sonjay Dutt runs in and breaks it with a standing shooting star press, but Joe plants Sonjay with the snap-powerslam and applies the choke on him instead. Chris Sabin stands on the apron as he is about to make the save for his buddy, but Sabin officially turns heel (I think) by abandoning Dutt and heading up the ramp while Jerry Lynn comes out to attend to Dutt when Joe releases him. Joe announces that he wants Angle’s blood tonight. Great introduction to Joe for newer fans and even Lethal got one of his trademark spots in too.

– Outside the Impact Zone, Christy Hemme tries to talk LAX out of burning the American flag but Konnan warns her to stop being a patriot and start being a journalist. Petey Williams arrives on the scene to accept Konnan’s invitation from last week and heads off with LAX toward their vehicle as Konnan advises Christy to get herself a car and follow them if she wants the scoop.

– In a Paparazzi Productions takeoff on “Wrestlers’ Court”, Alex Shelley & Austin Starr are in the men’s room using the urinals as Starr blames Shelley for costing him the match last week, but Alex suggests they let Kevin Nash settle their argument like they planned and they shake. And I don’t mean a handshake. Big Kev peeks over from his stall and puts on a judge’s wig as he states that he was a “Harvard Law grad” and walks out of the stall in a black robe and boxer shorts to preside over the case. Starr explains how Shelley cost him the match and Alex objects, but Nash overrules him and vows to find someone guilty and someone innocent by the end of the night.

– Jeremy Borash interviews Team 3D as Brother Ray talks about how every wrestler’s career has a defining moment and that the Naturals’ defining moment was last week when they laid out the former Dudleys. Ray makes threats and Devon testifies.

– Tables Match: The Naturals vs. Team 3D

Footage of the Naturals putting Ray through a table last week is shown during their entrance and Team 3D kick things off by hurling the Naturals to the floor and abusing them through the crowd. When they finally get in the ring, Team 3D land the “Whazzup” headbutt on Andy Douglas and Ray leads the crowd in ordering Devon to get the tables as they retrieve a pair of tables and set one up. They prepare to 3D Andy, but Shane Douglas pushes Andy out of the way and sacrifices himself as the former Dudleys plant the Franchise with the 3D through the table. That was actually pretty cool from a storyline perspective as it shows Shane believes in the Naturals enough to put his own body on the line. West points out that putting Shane through a table doesn’t count as the Naturals take the advantage and TNA Security clear the Franchise from the ring. The Naturals annihilate Ray with the 3D (West cluelessly calls it a “nice combination”) and he sells it like they broke his neck as Andy sets up the table and the Naturals slam Devon through the table to win the Tables match. Tenay notes that history has been made because 3D have never lost a Tables match. Way too short, but a cool character-development spot with the Franchise and it’s early in the feud anyway.

– My new absolute favorite video package of all time takes a look at Abyss and describes his character as well as his relationship with James Mitchell. This was awesome stuff and since Voiceover Dude mentioned that we don’t know what life events turned Abyss into the Monster, I still hope they’ll delve into his backstory again at some point.

– Eric Young makes his way out through the crowd to the ring to inform us that he’s checked the building and the sniper is gone, but he’s cut off again from making his big announcement as Kazarian (in Raven-style gear and makeup), Maverick Matt (looking like a butch transsexual), and Johnny Devine (wearing a faux-caveman getup) come out and poke Eric with sticks. Kazarian explains that their “Great Redeemer” has enlightened them about sacrifice being more important than winning or losing and says a New Movement has begun in TNA as the lights go out and a cool video plays, but it’s just the James Gang. BG & Kip clear the ring to a mediocre pop before BG talks about “creative control” (RUSSO ALERT! RUSSO ALERT!) and renames their team the “Voodoo Kin Mafia” or “VKM” for short. The initials are cute, but what the hell is it supposed to mean? Are they going to start putting curses on their opponents and leaving horse heads in their beds? BG declares war on Paul Levesque & Michael Hickenbottom to really confuse the fans (West knows who they are though!), but brings them back by namedropping Vincent Kennedy McMahon and Kip brings up D-Generation X without mentioning the name as we get a “DX Sucks” chant. Sorry but it’s true. Kip gets bleeped when he calls them “pieces of shit” and BG revokes Kip’s microphone privileges as he promises that VKM will bring the war to VKM’s door. Ehh, I was expecting some on-location footage from WWE HQ. This was pretty pointless and the promo would have meant a lot more if it actually made sense and was delivered by someone other than a washed-up midcard tag team living off past glories.

– Another really cool video package previews the Barbed Wire cage as if it were a consciously malevolent entity.

– Courtesy of Paparazzi Productions, we are back in Wrestlers’ Court as Kevin Nash promises a decision and returns to his chambers, which is the stall behind him. We hear him cough and grunt like he’s taking a shit. I guess TNA really is going after the WWE audience.

– JB interviews Rhino, who has the straitjacket over his shoulders and cuts an intense promo vowing bloody revenge on Christian, ending with the GORE! GORE!! GORE!!!

– Six Sides of Steel Barbed Wire: Christian Cage vs. Rhino

Tenay notes that Christian jumped to TNA one year ago and West explains that the weapons and means of escape each man won two weeks ago (chairs and boltcutters for Christian, straitjacket and keys for Rhino) will be held outside the cage and passed in by the referees when requested. This is escape-only with no pinfalls or submissions and the top of the cage is lined with barbed wire to make escape via climbing very difficult, as they slug it out and trade chops. Christian slithers out of a military press and drops Rhino with an inverted DDT, but Rhino stops him from getting the chairs and corner-spears Cage twice. Cage tries to climb up, but finds the barbed wire a tad prickly as Rhino pulls him down and tosses his head against the cage several times. In a nice psychological tactic, Rhino asks for the keys and dangles them in front of Christian on his knees, but the War Machine pulls the keys away and throws them over the top of the cage as we go to break. When we come back, Cage knocks Rhino to the mat and lands a frogsplash off the top turnbuckle as we see footage from During The Break of Rhino catapulting Cage into the cage to bust him WIDE open, Cage ramming Rhino’s head into the mesh, and Cage leveling Rhino with the boltcutters before using them to cut some of the barbed wire away. Christian climbs up the cage to escape, but Rhino climbs up with him and grinds Cage’s severely bloody face against the barbed wire, then takes him down to the mat with a backdrop superplex for a “TNA” chant.

Rhino tries to put the straitjacket on Cage, but Cage gets away and tries to climb out until Rhino climbs up with him and they slug it out while standing on the top rope. Christian spikes Rhino with an awesome Super Unprettier off the top rope and bleeds to death as he puts the straitjacket on Rhino and fastens the sleeves around the top rope, but requests the chairs rather than escaping the cage since Rhino is “defenseless” even though his legs are free. And wouldn’t you know it, Rhino kicks Christian in the sac when he winds up for a chairshot and escapes the straitjacket as the War Machine unloads with clotheslines and a spinebuster. Rhino sets up Cage for the one-man Conchairto, but Cage moves and whacks a chair across Rhino’s back. Man, that’s one sick crimson mask he’s got going. Christian sets up the two chairs and hooks Rhino for the Unprettier onto them, but Rhino breaks free and drops Christian on the chairs with a fireman’s cutter. Cage crawls toward the door and throws a chair at Rhino, but Rhino catches it and throws it back in Cage’s face before charging with the GORE! GORE!! GORE!!! and inadvertently blasting Christian through the door, giving him the victory in the first-ever Six Sides of Steel Barbed Wire cage match. Great finish to put Cage over as a smart heel like he said last week. Afterwards, Rhino stands over the bloody Christian as he looks like he barely survived a car wreck. This was a really great, heated cage showdown with some awesome spots and an incredibly manly bladejob by Christian.

– A video package profiles the X Division and lists Styles, Daniels, Senshi, Sabin, Lethal, Dutt, Petey, Shelley, & Starr as its stars. These video packages are like the ones TNA did for the first few Impacts on SpikeTV last year as a way to introduce the cast of characters to any potential new viewers.

– We go to Louisville, Kentucky, where Jim “Remember Me?” Cornette interviews World Series MVP David Eckstein, who names Rhino as his favorite wrestler and refuses to pick a winner for Joe vs. Angle. Eckstein promises to visit the Impact Zone soon, which could provide some nice publicity for TNA if he gets involved in an angle on TV.

– TNA X Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Christopher Daniels vs. AJ Styles [champion]

Styles & Daniels shake hands to start, but Sabin mocks AJ and eats a series of forearms and a sweet dropkick in return. Styles crashes into Daniels when Sabin sidesteps the X Champion, but Daniels grips Sabin for an inverted DDT and slams Styles on top of him simultaneously with a uranage in a cool spot. Arabian moonsault gets a two-count on Sabin and the former NWA World Tag Team Champions work together again as they level Sabin with the Hi-Lo double-team, but Sabin counters a double back-bodydrop by ramming Daniels into Styles and springboarding off AJ’s back to hit an enzuigiri on the Fallen Angel. Sabin connects with a basement dropkick on AJ, but takes too long mocking the Phenomenal One and only gets two before mauling AJ and applying a surfboard. Daniels breaks the hold and Sabin pokes him in the eyes, but Styles springs to the turnbuckles as Daniels waistlocks Sabin from behind. However, Sabin ducks and Styles comes off the turnbuckles with the springboard-moonsault inverted DDT on Daniels instead, but grabs Sabin for a regular DDT at the same time. AJ unloads on both challengers and slams Daniels with the inverted Clash for two as Sabin makes the save and drills Daniels with a twisting tornado DDT, but Styles quickly breaks the pin and Sabin rakes his face. Daniels goes to the top turnbuckle and Sabin climbs up to hook him for a superplex, but Styles sneaks under and back-superplexes Sabin as he superplexes Daniels in a nice Tower of Doom spot. All three guys are down as Christian Cage staggers down to ringside with his head bandaged and the crimson mask dried on his face. Christian looks disoriented as he stands on the apron with the mic and declares that he is still the #1 Contender, but AJ dropkicks him off the apron and pounds him on the ramp as Tenay recalls Cage’s interference in last week’s AJ/Abyss match. Meanwhile in the ring, Daniels counters Sabin’s Cradle Shock with a crucifix rollup for the three-count to capture the X Division Championship for the third time. Afterwards, Styles comes in to argue and Daniels explains himself. Good little three-way to advance the Styles/Daniels storyline.

– Courtesy of Paparazzi Productions, Kevin Nash says there’s no hung jury, just a “hung judge” and references Shawn Michaels vs. The Blu Brothers in MSG 1995 as he finds for the plaintiff, Austin Starr, and orders Alex Shelley to pay him $100. Nash leaves the men’s room with Starr as Shelley tries to appeal the decision and we get a wonderful shot of Big Kev’s bare ass. Shelley notes that he must work out. Toilet humor, penis jokes, and manass… it’s like TNA threw everything I hate about WWE into these Paparazzi segments. I wonder if this is some kind of inside joke since Nash didn’t go to WWE, he brought WWE to TNA.

– Don West does a funny commercial for SpikeTV’s James Bond Thanksgiving Marathon parodying his Home Shopping Network stuff. Interesting to see SpikeTV using Don in other capacities. Maybe they’ll steal him away from TNA.

– Christy Hemme is on the scene with LAX & Petey Williams as Konnan threatens Christy and offers to let Petey light the fire while Hernandez pours gasoline on the American flag. See, that’s smart because then it’ll be Petey who gets arrested for defacing the flag. Petey accepts the torch and lists off the bad things the American flag stands for but changes his mind, adding that it also represents opportunity and the chance to live his dream as he states that LAX can burn the flag… over his dead body! I believe that can be arranged, as LAX beat Petey down but can’t pull the flag out of his hands, so they pour gasoline on him too until police sirens can be heard and LAX flee the scene. Christy tends to Petey and ladies and gentlemen, we have a face turn. This could work if they have Petey explain how he’s moved to the US and regrets his former anti-American activities. I wouldn’t mind seeing Petey & Christy pair up as a result and feud with Robert Roode & Ms. Brooks in the future since they have history in Team Canada.

– Tenay puts Petey Williams over as a hero for defending the American flag before we go to West in Genesis Central to hype the 50 Greatest Moments DVD and this Sunday’s Genesis: LAX/AMW, Sting/Abyss, and Angle/Joe.

– A video package explains Sting’s return to wrestling to remove Jeff Jarrett and his current mission as the NWA World Heavyweight Champion and a “Warrior of Light”.

– Abyss vs. Kurt Angle

Tenay namedrops Lou Thesz, Harley Race, & Bret Hart as experts who endorsed Angle as the greatest wrestler in the world and he gets a huge superstar reaction for his TNA in-ring debut. This is almost surreal to see Kurt wrestling in the six-sided ring. West suggests that Joe is one of the main reasons Angle came to TNA and Tenay adds Daniels/Sabin and Styles/Christian to the Genesis card as the Olympian takes Abyss down and works over his leg, but Abyss kicks him off and they slug it out. Abyss chokes Angle with his foot in the corner, but Angle chopblocks the Monster and zeroes in on the leg again as the crowd chants “Make Him Tap”. Abyss breaks free from a leglock with a facerake and whips Angle sternum-first into the turnbuckles before dropping him with the Shock Treatment while James Mitchell brings out a wheelbarrow full of thumbtacks and empties them at ringside as we go to break. When we come back, Angle is tossed to the floor and Abyss scoops him up for a running powerslam on the tacks, but Angle slips out the back door and rams the Monster against the ringpost and the steel steps. Angle hits a stiff kneelift and a double-axhandle off the apron, but Abyss throws Kurt into the guardrail and takes him back in the ring for a delayed vertical suplex that earns a two-count. Tenay & West analyze the Joe/Angle match as Angle back-suplexes out of a chinlock and the crowd rallies behind the former six-time WWF/E World Champion. Angle pops off the three Rolling Germans and pulls down the straps as the crowd explodes, but Abyss escapes the Olympic Slam and plants Angle with a wicked Black Hole Slam for a very close near-fall. Abyss lifts Angle in a chokeslam, but Angle rolls through and counters with the Ankle Lock. The Monster hangs in for a respectable amount of time, but Angle cinches in the Ankle Lock on the mat in mid-ring and Abyss taps out to give Kurt Angle his very first TNA win. Great match-up that showed Angle’s still got it and proved Abyss can work a standard wrestling match without thumbtacks, chairs, and tables. The loss didn’t hurt Abyss either, as he looked strong and didn’t tap right away. After all, it is KURT FUCKING ANGLE.

Afterwards, Samoa Joe runs in to ruin the celebration but Angle snaps off an overhead belly-to-belly. Angle attempts the Olympic Slam, but Joe escapes and decks Angle with an enzuigiri before Angle slips out of a Kokina Clutch attempt and applies the Ankle Lock. Joe flips out of the submission and Angle sails through the ropes out to the floor, where the Samoan Submission Machine cracks Angle in the face with a chair and rolls him back in. Abyss limps over and Joe stares him down, but they decide to stomp the shit out of Angle together and post his shoulder as the fans boo. Joe & Abyss choke Angle in the corner until the lights go out as Sting rappels down from the rafters onto the announce table and dives off on Abyss when he comes out after him, knocking the Monster onto the thumbtacks. Back inside, Sting cleans house with the baseball bat and drives Abyss up the ramp with the bat while Joe returns to the ring and traps Angle in the Ankle Lock. Meanwhile backstage, Sting is hanging upside-down while Abyss assaults him with the bat and West theorizes that Mitchell had set a trap for the NWA World Champion. Back in the ring, Angle is busted open and Joe’s eyes roll back in his head maniacally as he chokes Angle out.

– For some reason, the “Adrenaline Rush” video recap begins with the “4 Years of TNA” highlight package that was shown at Slammiversary. I guess this was for new viewers and it would have fit better somewhere in the middle of the show, but with a PPV on Sunday this wasn’t the smartest time to use this video. After that, we see the highlights of tonight’s Impact to close the program without a last-second “GENESIS THIS SUNDAY!” onscreen graphic or anything.

Afterthoughts: That was a great action-packed broadcast although it didn’t really feel like a go-home show for a PPV. I think TNA were between a rock and a hard place since I’m sure they didn’t choose this date for their primetime debut, so with this special two-hour Impact they had to not only hype a PPV for Sunday but also produce a blowaway PPV-type show to entice new viewers. I feel they did a great job of doing that with two PPV-quality matches, an X Title change, a Tables match, some slick video packages, and introductions to some of TNA’s hottest freshest acts such as Joe, LAX, Paparazzi Productions, & Eric Young. The only thing that really felt unnecessary and dragged the show down was the “VKM” deal with the James Gang. That time would have been better used on the very brief Tables match or the X Championship three-way, but whatever. All in all TNA did a really great job with the two-hour primetime show and hopefully this could lead to a two-hour program every week in the near-future, maybe even LIVE on Monday nights. I’d love to hear any comments from new TNA viewers about this show, so feel free to shoot me an email or post a message on the cWo Blog of Doom. I’ll be back on Sunday with the Genesis lineup and my PPV predictions, so see you then and thanks for reading.