Welcome back to The Saturday Swindle Sheet.
If I may start out with a bit of Mathanistics, MySpace is currently running the following banner ad…
This is an outrage. Why the hell do both of the landscapers have to look so Mexican? Not all landscapers are Mexican, and not all Mexicans are landscapersâ€â€why, some of us are busboys, dishwashers, and logistics managers for Target. I suck at landscaping, so f*ck your stereotypes. No free cell phone ringtone is good enough to justify this abomination.
BLURBS OF THE WEEK
The Game was arrested on Thursday in New York, for impersonating a police officer. According to the driver, the rapper had hailed his taxi outside of the Park Central hotel at around 10pm, and after getting into the taxi, he told the driver not to obey stoplights because he was an undercover police officer and needed to get to 48th Street and 8th Avenue as quickly as possible. On the way to the destination, however, the driver flagged down a real cop, who subsequently questioned and arrested The Game, taking him to the nearest station to be charged. Loser.
At the World Music Awards in London on Wednesday, Michael Jackson was booed onstage by irritated fans after a lackluster performance of a few lines of “We Are the World”, during which he could barely hit the high notes, and moments later his audio cut out altogether. Fans were also not pleased that Jacko decided not to perform “Thriller”, as was previously reported by one of his representatives, last week. Instead, singer Chris Brown performed the hit, with Jacko nowhere in sight. In an effort to keep the natives from getting too restless, Jacko gave a quick speech thanking his fans and his children, before tossing his jacket into the crowd; however, people were still very obviously disappointed. He had been honored with the Diamond Award, for having sold over 100 million records (his lifetime total is estimated $750 million). As expected, Jacko had some pricey demands during his stay, including 20 plane tickets for members of his entourage, and exclusive access to the entire Hempel Hotel in Hyde Park (costing $94,430 per night), where he insisted that a wall be knocked down so that his children could have a larger playroom. He had also gotten the management at Madame Tussaud’s wax museum to kick out all of the peon common folk so that he and his children could tour in private. He then had his children escorted out so that he could spend some time with the Haley Joel Osment wax figure in private.
Gwen Stefani recently told reporters hat she will more than likely return to No Doubt sometime next year, adding that “I don’t plan on making another one of these solo dance project records.” It really doesn’t matter either way, though, because the damage has already been done (see “Hollaback Girl”).
DJ Jazzy Jeff recently announced that he will be releasing the follow-up to his 2002 solo album, The Magnificent, early next year, and at will feature cameos by KRS-One, Big Daddy Kane, De La Soul, Method Man, CL Smooth, Little Brother, Rhymefest, and Kardinal Offishall. All of the material has been recorded for the album, titled The Return of the Magnificent, as DJ Jazzy Jeff said, “I technically could be done. I probably was done about a month-and-a-half ago, and I’m really just tweaking stuff. Plus, I probably would’ve have been done a lot sooner, but Uncle Phil kept throwing me out of the house whenever I would wear that white and brown shirt with the gold stripe across the middle.”
Peter Gabriel received the Gorbachev Foundation’s “Man of Peace” awardâ€â€which is given out annually at the World Summit of Nobel Peace Laureatesâ€â€on Friday, in Rome, for his dedication to human rights, world peace, and shocking of monkeys.
Moby and Tony Bennett collaborated on a version of “I’ll Be Home for Christmas”, which will raise money for the Institute for Music and Neurological Function.
Velvet Revolver are working on a new album.
Uncle Kracker‘s new album will feature cameos by Leo Sayer and Boyz II Men. It will still most likely suck.
My Chemical Romance definitely sucks.
THE MOST RIDICULOUS ITEM OF THE WEEK
Singer Ms. Dynamite suffered some minor injuries and was airlifted to a nearby hospital after being involved in a racecar accident while filming British reality television show The Race. The show pits different celebrities against each other as they race different types of cars. It sounds lame. The cast, which also includes AC/DC singer Brian Johnson, Gary Numan, and Melissa Joan Hart, was racing Formula One cars at the Silverstone racetrack in central England when the accident occurred. Brian Johnson accidentally clipped Ms. Dynamite’s rear wheel with his front wheel as he was passing her, sending her hurdling into a barrier and then spinning out of control, finally coming to a stop before bursting into flames and exploding. I may have exaggerated part of the preceding story.
Cheers
-JF2k6!
