WEEK 11
Sorry I didn’t get a pregame show out yesterday. I got called into work in the morning, and I did try to get one out despite that. I was distracted though, and the column wasn’t very good, so I just scrapped it and decided not to post it. If anything I blame society.
Hey, remember when I wrote this earlier this week?
“I highly doubt the Elias Sports Bureau just decided to break down this game film on Wednesday afternoon like the Zapruder tape and decide that Reggie Brown never had possession of the ball, and change their ruling. What had to have happened was Donovan McNabb’s agent calling the Bureau and pushing hard to change that play to being considered a touchdown pass.
Donovan McNabb, because of this, you are on my shitlist forever. I will bring you down, amigo. Just you wait.”
And then, not 72 hours later, McNabb proceeds to blow out his knee and is out for the year, prompting stunned response from readers:
“-RE: McNabb
Remind me to avoid your curses.”
—
ML Kennedy
“I no believe that you put Donovan on double secret probation (your article from 17th) and within 72 hours he’s finished. Now just do that to Peyton Manning.. please..”
Dooku
Now, I will be the first to admit, I giggled in evil glee all Sunday long after McNabb went down. I posted a wonderful “I told you so” diatribe on my Fantasy League message board. But as the day wore on, it dawned on me that perhaps karma would come back to bite me the same way it came back to bite McNabb. All of a sudden, my 35 point lead heading into SNF didn’t look quite so safe, not with LaDanian Tomlinson still to play for my opponent.
Then LT went bonkers, my lead evaporated, and I lost again. It was then that I realized, life is one endless cycle of retribution being doled out by the universe. I apologize to McNabb for the hideously effective Gypsy curse I placed on him. I wish him well in his surgery and in his rehab.
Oh, by the way, stay away from Fantasy Football kids. This is how it warps your mind and soul.
So, how did our wacky contestants for supremacy in the NFL’s version of the National League (read: the weaker half of the league) fare this weekend?
NFC
#1 BEARS 10, JETS 0
Now THIS is Bears football. No score at halftime, the quarterback struggling with all his might to break the 100 yard barrier. If I squinted hard enough it almost looked like Kyle Orton was back at quarterback. The Bears ran the ball well, like most teams do against the Jets, and the defense was impermeable. A nice, workmanlike victory for the Bears. They needed to prove they could win games like this.
NEXT WEEK AT PATRIOTS (7-3)
BENGALS 31, #2 SAINTS 16
Let’s start off by saying that Drew Brees threw for 510 yards in this game. He also got picked off twice in the Bengals’ end zone, and had another pick taken back for a TD. He is the ultimate weapon..but whose side is he on?? In other news, the Saints defense has been alarmingly bad the last couple of weeks, and they’ve lost 3 of 4 since the bye week, and Marques Colston left this game with an ankle injury. I worry for them.
NEXT WEEK AT ATLANTA (5-5)
49ERS 20, #3 SEAHAWKS 14
I’d love to see a run-blocking competition between the Seahawks offensive line, and the Cardinals offensive line. Actually, no, I would not like to see that.
Shaun Alexander made his long awaited return and is obviously still bothered by the hole in his foot, as he mustered only 37 yards on 17 carries. This was bad news for Seattle going against a Niners team that is slowly discovering that if you can run the ball effectively, that’s going to be enough to win some games in the dismal NFC. Frank Gore rolled up 212 yards on 24 carries for the Niners, who are now, brace yourselves, very much in the thick of the NFC Playoff picture at 5-5. This from a team that was losing by 40 every week not too long ago. Only in the NFC.
NEXT WEEK
SEAHAWKS V. PACKERS (4-6)
NINERS AT RAMS (4-6)
#4 GIANTS AT JAGUARS MNF
Tonight’s Monday Night matchup is unique because it actually features 2 teams with a chance of making the playoffs. For once we won’t be subjected to the Raiders or Buccaneers or Redskins or any of the other not ready for prime time squads that have been trotted out on the national stage this year.
The Giants looked like they were well on their way to their 6th straight win last week, jumping out to a 13-3 lead against the Bears. Then the Giants’ defense checked out, the team fell behind, and Eli did not have the wherewithal to bring them back or keep the game close.
Tonight, the Giants hope to keep the heat on the Jaguars for 60 minutes in North Florida. David Garrard is ready and willing to throw the ball all sorts of crazy places, including into the hands of the Giants’ DBs. We’ll see if Big Blue can keep the Jags reeling.
#5 COWBOYS 21, COLTS 14
It doesn’t matter that they have a kicker that looks like he’s trying to pin the tail on the donkey every time he attempts a field goal, the Cowboys have beaten the Colts!! You know what that means don’t you. Somewhere, in South Florida, Mercury Morris is at CVS stocking up on KY Jelly. 72 Dolphins, let the Annual Elephant Walk commence. That’s 33 years and counting.
As for the Cowboys, they are now 2 for 2 after that ridiculous loss to the Redskins, and if it wasn’t for that game they’d be unbeaten since benching Drew Bledsoe for Tony Romo.
RAVENS 24, #6 FALCONS 10
That’s 3 losses in a row for the Falcons. The vultures are beginning to circle. I’m not going to blame Michael Vick, that’s just getting tired. The Falcons are just a bad team right now. They lost because of special teams breakdowns and because their defense just had no answer for Jamal Lewis at the end of this game. They also, apparently, have lost any ability they used to have to run the ball, which once was the one thing they did really well. They are a mess.
NEXT WEEK V. SAINTS (6-4)
#6 PANTHERS 15, RAMS 0
Funny how the Panthers and Bears looked almost exactly alike this week. Carolina’s 6-2 since dropping their first two games this year. The defense is starting to play up to it’s capabilities, the running game is getting going, and Steve Smith looks healthy. Very quietly the Panthers have become the second best team in the NFC. I wouldn’t be surprised to see them earn a rematch in Soldier Field for this yea’s NFC Championship game.
NEXT WEEK AT REDSKINS (3-7)
TITANS 31, #6 EAGLES 13
Get well soon Donovan.
NEXT WEEK AT INDIANAPOLIS (9-1)
NFC POST WEEK 11 PLAYOFF PICTURE
1. Bears (9-1)
2. Giants (6-3)
3. Seahawks (6-4)
4. Panthers (6-4)
5. Saints (6-4), 5-1 NFC
6. Cowboys (6-4), 3-3 NFC
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES
Eagles (5-5), 4-3 NFC
49ers (5-5), 4-3 NFC
Falcons (5-5), 3-3 NFC
NEWS YOU CAN USE
– Former Philadelphia Eagles safety Andre “Muddy” Waters, has died of an apparent suicide at age 44. He was the fifth oldest surviving former NFL player.
– Saints’ rookie wideout Marques Colston left yesterday’s loss to the Bengals with an ankle injury. The results of X-rays haven’t shown any breaks, ruptures, contusions, or parasites though, and his condition will be monitored throughout the week before deciding whether he will be available for the Saints’ critical Week 12 matchup against the Falcons.
-Brett Favre left yesterday’s Packers loss with an elbow injury. His understudy, Aaron Rodgers, apparently suffering from the same condition Samuel L. Jackson’s “Mr. Glass” had in “Unbreakable”, broke his foot in relief of Favre. This means that someone named Ingle Martin is now one Favre elbow twinge away from being the Packers first string quarterback. The Bears are 9-1 and the Packers might have Ingle Martin playing quarterback when they come to Soldier Field in a month and a half, can this season get any more awesome?
– Cardinals DE Bertrand Berry (six sacks) tore his triceps in Sunday’s win over Detroit, and will be out the rest of the season. “A big loss for us,” coach Dennis Green said. “I’ve always said Bertrand is the No. 1 leader on our team.” Uh, Denny, I think maybe it might be best for this particular team if they were “led” in a different direction. One that doesn’t lead to being 2-8.
– Raiders’ RB Lamont Jordan tore a knee ligament and will miss the rest of the season. I am surprised by this because I always assumed he was made of Pillsbury dough and thus did not have ligaments to tear.
Okay that’s it for today. Tomorrow I’ll check in with the AFC and have more news provided anything happens between now and tomorrow. If not, I’ll just tell knock knock jokes.
