Ugh. I’m Tom Pandich. This is cutting into my Wii time.
Fireworks, we’re live in Baltimore, MD. Cena brings Team Cena down to Raw. He wants Team Big Show tonight. Team Ordge comes down instead. They come to brag about their victory over Flair/Piper. Nitro is going to win tonight, blah, blah, blah. Here comes Flair with his Legends Team sans Piper. Here comes the Spirit Squad. *yawns*.
Team DX comes out next and hopefully makes things a little bit more interesting. Shawn wants to start the Royal Rumble right now! Trips corrects him, and Shawn sees the point. Trips runs down everyone and Edge is sad.
Edge says he’s sick of Trips two words. Edge says even Cena is sick of them. Cena says he isn’t, he calls Big Show gutless which brings Show down. Show wants to rumble. Cena says let’s have everyone rumble which brings Vince out. Vince makes a Captain’s 8-man tag. So tonight it’s Cena/DX/Flair vs Rated RKO/Big Show/Kenny. Everyone else involved in the Survivor Series is in action tonight too.
Ugly and Ugh: Sabu vs Umaga
Sabu gets beaten up. Umaga no sells. Squish. Sabu hits a few springboard things and hits a nice springboard DDT. He tries again but gets spiked.
Winner: Umaga
In the ring, Torrie Wilson is shooting t-shirts. The King wants one. Chris Masters comes out. What a combination. Masters looks like he might be on the roids again. Masters is going to molest Torrie when Carlito’s music hits. Carlito says Masters may have big guns, but downstairs he has a little pistol. Carlito beats down Masters and he escorts Torrie out… BUT IS ATTACKED BY MASTERS! Carlito has the Masterlock attached and Jerry hits the ring to chase him off.
Later tonight: IC Title Ladder match. WWE Rewind: Hardy wins it and is beaten down by Nitro after the match.
Live on January 1st: K-Fed vs Cena. Ugh
Todd is interviewing Nitro and Melina. Nitro is going to win. Blah blah blah. We watch Hardy because we want to see him crash and burn.
In the back, Nicky gets assigned to wrestle Dusty. Flair has a little thing with Kenny and Ron Simmons shows up offering a “damn”. Cute.
IC Title Ladder Match: Johnny Nitro vs Jeff Hardy
Nitro slides under the ladder. Hardy goes under the ladder. Hardy dodges the right hand first and floors Nitro to start things off. Nitro bails, but comes back in and takes over. Electric chair to a facebuster takes Hardy down. Nitro goes out for the ladder but has it baseball slid into him. Hardy then heads over the top. There goes both men. Commercials.
We’re back. Hardy is climbing the ladder. He gets pushed over. Ouch. Nitro sets up the ladder in the corner. Hardy climbs the ladder, Nitro climbs it too and tries for a superplex. Hardy blocks it, but then gets crotched by Nitro. Nitro sets up the ladder in the center of the ring, but Hardy destroys him with a missle dropkick. Hardy is slow setting up the ladder and Nitro punches him down. Nitro tries to slingshot Hardy into the ladder, but he lands on it. Hardy races up, but Nitro stops him. They both climb up and Nitro is two steps from the top when he throws a dropkick over the top of the ladder on to Hardy. Dammmmmmmn.
Nitro is the first up. He hammers Hardy with it in the corner. Nitro is going up, but Hardy pulls him by the hair down. Hardy scoop slams Nitro on the ladder, and then he heads up to the top. Swanton bomb misses, and Hardy is dead. Nitro is up first, Hardy up shortly after. Nitro grabs the ladder and tosses it on to Hardy’s neck like a horseshoe (as JR called it). Dropkick follows and Hardy is dead. Nitro props up the ladder on the second rope, and chucks Hardy into it. Ouch.
Nitro heads out and grabs a second ladder. It’s one of the 12 foot ladders as opposed to the smaller, 8 foot ladder. Neckbreaker by Nitro is followed by a ladder shot to the ribs of Hardy. Nitro sets up the ladder and tries tossing Jeffykins into it. Jeff counters and Nitro crashes into the ladder. Hardy tries to move up, but he’s met by Nitro. Nitro sunset flips over the top of the ladder and powerbombs Nitro! Huge awesome spot is followed by a double leg drop off them top, over the ladder. Nitro is dead. Hardy sets up the ladder over Nitro, pinning him, and climbs. He’s got it. Match over.
Winner: Jeff Hardy
This week in wrestling history, the Undertaker is introduced by the Million Dollar Man. He’s responsible for lots of things. The Ravens are in the house tonight.
Todd Grisham introduces Dusty Rhodes. He blathers and nobody understands what he says. Something about laughing about postal addresses and cooking jacks.
Match of the Year Canidate: Nicky vs Dusty Rhodes
Here we go. I predict we’ll be passing this one down to our grandkids’ grandkids. WWE is going back to Iraq it seems. It looks like it’ll be Smackdown. Nicky tries to get a jump on Dusty, but he stops him with a glare. Jesus, a minute in and no moves yet. Dusty threatens a bionic elbow only to cause Nicky to slide away. Nicky goes for a lock up but pokes away at Dusty’s eyes. Nicky kicks out Dusty’s leg and works it over. Nicky pops up top, but he gets caught by a right. Punches and here comes the bionic elbow! Elbow, elbow, strut, elbow drop, that’s it. Man, that elbow is dangerous!
Winner: Dusty Rhodes
Edge and Lita in the back… K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Orton has Maria and she wants to ask Edge if Team RKO can win tonight and at the Survivor Series! Cryme Tyme is making some noise. Orton says as long as these guys are in the tag division, they’ll keep the belts. Cryme Tyme goes off, and Edge has no idea what they’re saying. That’s ok. He’s cool with black people, he’s Canadian. He spent all of his teens listening to Whitney Houston. Anywho, Ordge takes off. Maria sits with Cryme Tyme and watches See No Evil as they hold her close because they’re scared.
WWE Rewind: Mickey James is shackled. DX sprayed mustard on Lita. Lita got DDTed.
Bounce, bounce!: Mickey James vs Lita
Mickey James is blindfolded this time around. Here comes the Coach with blindfold in hand. Wait, it’s not a blindfold. It’s a sack. Hot. Double axe to Mickey in the back of the head. Mickey gets ahold of Lita, but Lita quickly takes over. DDT by Lita. That’s it. Wait, never mind. Lita goes up top and hits a moonsault. That’s it.
Winner: Lita
Lita says she deserves respect. Lita goes ahhhhhhh about herself. Christ her voice is annoying. She says it’s all about her. She’s crying. Aww. Without Lita, there would be no Mickey James or Trish Stratus. Lita says at Survivor Series she’s going to quit after Survivor Series, but she’ll retire as the greatest Woman’s champion of all time. Meh.
Edge and Orton meet up with Kenny and Big Show. It’s time! Next!
Ooo, See No Evil promo. It’s on DVD next Tuesday.
Smackdown Rebound: Lashley/Batista vs King Bookah/Finlay. Scepter shot almost ends it, but a huge spinebuster saves him. Booker gets pinned.
Captain’s Tag Match: DX, Ric Flair, and John Cena vs Rated RKO, Kenny, and the Big Show
Hard sell for the PPV, and all of the intros take a long time. We go to break after the heels come out. We’re back, Flair, Cena… beatdown… DX saves. Edge is left in the middle of the ring with all four Team Good Guys. Michaels hits the big elbow off the top. Superkick almost comes, but Big Show saves. Show comes in and takes everyone out. DX are the first up and they double team Big Show. They almost get caught in a chokeslam, but Flair hits the low blow. Double low blow by DX and Cena hits the flying shoulder block sends Show to the floor. More commercials.
We’re back and shock of shocks, HBK is our face in peril. Edge stomps away at him. Kenny gets the tag. Scoop slam gets two. Shawn fights back, but he gets hit from behind. Orton gets the tag and stomps away at Shawn, and he tags in Big Show. Big boot by Show is followed by a big leg drop. Count is broken up, and Kenny gets tagged in. Flying elbow hits for two. Edge tags himself in. Shawn fights his way up after being beaten a bit, but he gets dropped by the Edge-o-matic. Orton gets the tag and is measuring Shawn up for an RKO. Randy misses and it’s time for a tag!
Kenny is tagged. Cena gets the tag and cleans house. He drops Kenny. Throwback. Five knuckle shuffle. FU is countered by the Big Show. The faces take out Big Show. Superkick sends Big Show over the top. FU to Kenny and that’s it.
Winners: Good Guys
All the Survivor Series teams hit the ring. It’s chaotic! It’s madness. It’s the end of the show. Night all.
