The ECW Short Form, 11.21.06

In Memoriam: Robert Altman, the iconoclast’s iconoclast. I think the greatest tribute I can pay him is this: when McCullar foolishly indulged in hyperbole a couple of months ago, calling Martin Scorsese “the best American director ever”, I countered with ten names of American directors who I felt were better (three of which he agreed with). One of those names was that of Robert Altman. That says it all, really.

Yeah, this is slightly late. That’s because I worked a thirteen-hour day on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, crashed like a mofo, then had a nightmarish night on Wednesday. And now I’m in “Holiday, What’s That?” mode, since I don’t even get 24 hours off to try to chill. Therefore, I’m trying to get this done in between work on Wednesday night/Thursday morning and a prolonged period of unconsciousness that I will definitely be thankful for.

Might as well knock this out before it knocks me out…

Match Results:

Bobby Lashley over Matt Striker (Pinfall, Dominator): Too bad Simmons is in another SurSer Match on Sunday. Maybe he can show Lashley how to do the move properly. Actually, I’m kinda hoping that Lashley does a run-in during the Legends/SS match. Twin Dominators sounds like an attractive proposition.

This was pretty much the best position Striker was in during the match

Mattsy-Poo and Jeffykins over Little Guido Maritano and Tony Mamaluke (Pinfall, Matt pins Guido, Twit Of Fate-Swanton combo): No. No. No, no, no, no, nonononononononono…

(Hi there, Fingers here. Eric’s currently wrapped in a corner in the fetal position. He thought he could take this, but…well, last time this happened, it took us two weeks to get him coherent. We’ll try to get him functional to do the rest of the show. Right now, I have to go back to give him his next dose of tranquilizers and anti-depressants and get him some dry clothing. The incessant weeping’s saturated his shirt.)

Guido, stop watching the Curt Hennig videos, please

CM Fuckin’ Punk over Kevin Fertig (Submission, Anaconda Vise): Well, well, there’s Kevin Fertig. Wondered what happened to him the last month or so. No entrance, but at least he gets a high-visibility match against Punk. Naturally, he jobs. However, the fact that he pulled a vanishing act after I wrote a nice encomium to him on his improvement and his ability in getting this dubious character over is further proof, if more is needed, that 1) WWE reads me and 2) WWE hates me.

And, yes, I’m fine now. Thanks for asking.

Punk was warned by Buffy that vampires like to punch people in the back

Rob Van Dam over Bob Holly, Extreme Rules Elimination Chamber Quasi-Qualifying Match (Pinfall, Five-Star Frog Splash on chair): So, why was this done other than to kill time until December To Dismember? Remind everyone that there’s such a thing as an Extreme Rules Match? After the way these two have gone after each other, this match was an anti-climax. Decent, but an anti-climax.

The inferior “splash” version of Rolling Thunder, apparently performed by Rob Van Dolphin

Angle Developments:

A Striking Shoot: Having done tours of duty in both the US Army and the Chicago Public Schools System, I can assure you that Striker was telling the truth. Public schools are a helluva lot more dangerous. In fact, that was my standard line with other soldiers when we did shit like live fire exercises: “Dude, aren’t you scared of being shot at?” “No, I taught in a Chicago public high school for a year and a half.” “Woah.” So, yeah, I could empathize with Striker on this one.

He don’t need no education

I could have lived what little remains of my life in a happy fashion without ever seeing this again

Even an overpossessive psycho who should thanks his lucky stars he’s involved in a Survivor Series Match can get his heart broken, and you have to feel for him. By the way, nice new hairstyle, Mike.

That ends ECW. If you’re American, enjoy your holiday. I’ll have Impact and Smackdown up when I damn well feel like it.