The Impact Short Form, 11.23.06

In Memoriam: Anita O’Day. The white Billie Holliday or the female Keith Richards? Both.

Let’s just forego the intro for this one, because I can’t think of anything to write right now. If you’ve got a request on some subject of current import that you want me to write about, please write me with your ideas quickly, since I need something for the Smackdown intro.

I knew it would come to this. I just knew it would.

Match Results:

A. J. Fuckin’ Styles and Christopher Fuckin’ Daniels over Chase Stevens and Andy Douglas, who are managed by Shane Fuckin’ Douglas, Friendly Divorce Match (Pinfall, Daniels pins Douglas, BME): Well, if that’s it for Styles and Daniels as a team…normally I’d say “never say never”, but TNA has never succumbed to the temptation to team up Daniels and Skipper again. Apparently that match stip somehow stuck. Decent way to go out, of course. Totally harmless match, but let’s see what happens to both of these guys and how they’re going to be booked. Within three months, of course, they’ll be battling for the X Division title, but I want to know how they get to that position. Then I’ll criticize, bitch, and moan, like I always do.

Franchise this, bitch

Eric Young over Bobby Roode, Turkey Suit On A Canadian Match (Pinfall, rollup): Oh, God, you have got to pity Bobby Roode. After the Team Canada break-up, everyone was mentioning Roode as the can’t-miss guy of the bunch, sure to be a fixture in the upper-mid-card. Now look what’s happened. Young is incredibly over with one of the silliest gimmicks to have made it recently. Williams is screwing around with the tag champs and will be teaming up with Angle in two weeks. Devine’s in Raven’s new Flock. And Roode? Well, we all know what happened. The whole build-up to Traci was an incredible anti-climax, and now they’re on the verge of breaking them up since it didn’t work (surprise). Poor Bobby. He should have chosen me as his manager like I asked him to.

Oh, by the way, Eric Young cannot, by law, run for President of the United States. So if you were thinking of voting for him, switch your vote to someone who deserves to hold that office. Me, for instance.

Roode is obviously protesting USDA’s incredibly lax bacterial contamination standards for turkey (yeah, I purposely waited until after Thanksgiving to mention that)

Christian versus Sting, Number One Contender’s Match (ND, Tomko-ference): Well, hell, it just wouldn’t be a top-level three-way feud for the NWA title without Tyson Tomko, would it? Christian just can’t be a serious threat without his little buddy there with him, can he? Oh, God…well, we know that it’s going to be a three-way at Turning Point for the title, but I just can’t see Abyss losing that match. Maybe this is the way to give Sting a graceful exit: have Abyss, Christian, and Tomko all beat the shit out of him. The problem is that we’ve seen Sting in this position before, and, quite frankly, the Horsemen are a little more serious than those three as threats. Please, Bambi, comment seriously about this development. You seem to be the sane one in this subject.

How nice of Sting to just stand there and let Christian nail him

Angle Developments:

He’s Always A Woman To Me: Hold it, did Jim Mitchell quote Billy Joel? That kinda blows the old image, doesn’t it? I mean, you’d expect Mitchell to quote, oh, Megadeth or Slayer, but Billy Joel? I love Jim Mitchell, and I love Billy Joel. I also love lobster, and I love chocolate pudding, but I don’t put lobster in chocolate pudding. Maybe chocolate pudding for dessert after lobster, but…oh, hell, the train of thought has just done a twenty-car derail here. I’ll just leave it behind, I think. But now I have a taste for lobster.

Someone’s taking the phrase “born-again Christian” a little too literally

If you want proof that D’Amoron’s not booking anymore, here it is

Get used to this sight. We’ll be seeing it a lot for the next year or so.

Okay, two down and Smackdown to go. I’ll cut off my much-needed sleep and attempt to do it before I have to leave early for work tonight. The things I do for you people…