TEAMS ENTERED
TEAMS LEFT
I WAS IN OHIO
SHILLING MY WEBCOMIC
I HEARD IT WAS SO SO…
WELCOME TO:
T H E
M O N D A Y
N I G H T
R A B B L E
So yeah, myself and Bill were out shilling our webcomic wares, and I made a decision that in the act of complete and utter pimpage, when one of the Rabble has a link they want posted up.. I’m going to post it for them. So at the end of the Rabble henceforth, expect links to In His Likeness and Bill’s Silver Rage.
For now though, let’s get to Raw!
Joining us tonight:
JEFFREY – Bartender and member of team ‘Don’t Tell Jamie The Results of SurSer’
MIKE – Indy wrestler and just back from a Canadian Tour
HERNANDEZ – Just getting his ring rust removed and initiator of the ‘Results’ joke.
JENNA – Workin on getting her first match & probably involved in the joke.
BILL – Webcomic artist and sitting next to me for 8 hours in the car…
ERIC – I assume knew about the joke all along, and it’s his birfday!
DANI – My darling fiancee whom was sleeping in the car
And the guy who was reading Survivor results at 4am, when he got home… Me, James Hatton.
Now to the show…
Tonight, the Hardyz fight with Rated RKO.. aka Team Ordge… but now – Ric Flair in the ring who won last night at SurSer.
“WOO!” – Bill
Flash to last night and they show Ric winning the match in the end.. yet Spirit Squad has not broken up yet. Why? Maybe tonight?
Well anyway – Ric wants this feud with the Spirit Squad to end tonight. Apparently Ric’s got partners to help him do so.
“Please stop hitting me!” – Me
So interrupting him is, the Spirit Squad. They have a cheer…
“Worst Cheerleaders ever!” – Dani
Who are Flair’s partners? Hey, wait.. it’s…… DX!
“…but….but… Triple H doesn’t like … ” – Dani
“Yes he does.. he’s a face.” – Bill
“Stupid wrestling..” – Dani
Anyway, Triple H grabs the mic. He wants to know if we’re ready.
“Are you ready?” – Me
“No.” – Mike
Neither is Trips, as he feels that they’ve kicked Spirit Squad’s ass enough.
“I agree” – Dani
So Trips does his standard opener, promising us it’s the last time we’ll ever see the Spirit Squad.
“I’ve made note that he promised…” – Me
So Spirit Squad interrupts the intro and Shawn is left in the ring with Mikey, and a quick tag to Trips – and seems the match started.
SPIRIT SQUAD vs. RIC, SHAWN, HUNTER
Oh, hey, a match..
Trips hits Mikey in the head in the corner. Countertoss to the corner and Hunter tags Ric and he now tosses Mikey to the corner and hits the back body drop.
Tag to Shawn. Armwringer. Chops him down. Slams him headface to the corner, and now Shawn tosses – but he gets whipped into the corner, but boots Mikey down. Tag to Flair and he gets tripped into the corner and SS all come into the ring and beat on Flair. In run DX and the Squad gets booted over the ring. Every one of them and Shawn goes head over ass off the top rope to land on em all..
“He has Jesus on his side..” – Mike
All three men strut their stuff Flair style – and we gotta commercial.
COMMERCIAL ONE – 9:10
Back in the ring – Shawn hits a side suplex on Mikey and Mikey tags Kenny and Shawn doesn’t get to the hot tag in time…
“Why does Shawn always get the heat?” – Mike
“Christians turn the other cheek.” – Bill
So now a tag to Mikey and they just beat on Shawn in the corner for awhile. Elbows and beatdowns and quick tags and all that other stuff. From Mikey to Kenny. Moonsault. Clotheslines. Stomps. Tag to Mitch. Slam. Snap suplex. Tag to Kenny. Tag to Mikey. Splash off Kenny’s shoulders MISSES!
Shawn gets the tag to Trips and he goes nutzo! Clears house. Hits the knee. Clotheslines someone over the rope. Spinebusts. Tag to Flair. We now get the set-up for the figure four, but Ric chops down interrupting members of the SS… Trips hits a Pedigree. Shawn hits a Superkick. Now every member of the Flair team goes and hits figure fours…. every one taps…. it’s a fun sportzentertainmenty ending.
WINNER: DX w/ RIC
So now Shawn and Ric hug and then Flair does the DX Lightflair chop with them.
“See! This is what DX is about.. bringing up new talent!” – Me
“Aww, Shawn and Ric are going to make out!” – Insyder Claus_trophobic
So then we see some pedophilia with the Hardy Boys.
“Why are you complaining?” – Jeffrey
“”WWE: DO try this at home.” – Insyder BSUVincent
COMMERCIAL TWO – 9:19
We’re back – and during the commercial – Trips brought out the sledge. SS bailed. The end. In the back – they lock the SS in a big equipment trunk. The trunk is labeled ‘DESTINATION: OVW’ They give it to the OPS guy – make fun of the fact that he’s labeled OPS – and then Trips makes Shawn sign because he’s ‘trying to stay off the grid’.
So Shawn and Trips shed a tear for the Squad as it’s the ‘end of an era’…
In the back – Nitro & Melina… and their mic’s don’t work. Mercury is here! The A-Listers – The Extremes – The..
“Guys with no more trackmarks in their arms..” – Me
“Eyeballs.” – Hernandez
“Toes.” – Bill
Right now – a Diva Battle Royal for no apparent reason… we assume to choose a new #1 contender.
So here comes Mikey and she’s bouncy!
Now Melina in a cool leather bodicey bit..
“Did they get bigger somehow?” – Mike
“Wardrobe Malfunction?” – Me
Now it’s time for Candice Michelle in a white shiny number. Not bad.
COMMERCIAL THREE – 9:31 And smoke break for the boys.
DIVA BATTLE ROYAL
Maria? Please?
And here comes Torrie wearing a shiny gold number, with her puppy. Maria’s in the ring too!!! So’s Victoria.. but MARIA is!
Candice and Torrie doubletoss Victoria and she ducks it and hits her own. Melina is beating on Maria in the corner, that whore. Victoria is kneeing Torrie and then Melina goes to charge in on Torrie, but Victoria clotheslines Melina over. Maria gets tossed into the ropes – planchas the top! Hangs on! IT’S ADORABLE!
Candice gets up and slams on Victoria down. Victoria lands on the apron and they fight it out with a gorgeous high kick to get back in and TOSS Candice out.
Victoria has won.
WINNER: VICTORIA
So now Victoria comes in and grabs Candice…. annnnd Widow’s Peak.
“Victoria’s looking Butter Face tonight..” – Me
“Butter Face?” – Mike
“Yeah, everything looks good – ‘butter face'” – Me
“Wow.. I haven’t heard that in… ummm..” – Mike
“Second Grade is in session PAL!” – Me
The Hardy’s Debut at Heat versus Kaientai.
“EVILLL!” – Me
“Indeed” – Eric
“Wow, Kaientai were even losing on Heat in 98” – Me
COMMERCIAL FOUR – 9:41
(And Dani says good night.. she’s going home to play the WII)
Hey – it’s Eugene time! Now it’s Hacksaw time!
“They’re fighting finally..” – Eric
“World’s Strongest Man contest..” – Hernandez
“Just take Eugene’s baseball – and he’s got it” – Me
HACKSAW vs. EUGENE
“And it is the Living Mass vs. Tardomatic” – Insyder Claus_trophobic
“They didn’t save this for pay per view?????” – Insyder The_Bumble
So Eugene bitchslaps Hacksaw and that apparently starts the match… now Hacksaw just goes and throws him to the ropes. Clotheslines abound. Slam down. Hacksaw gets his own bitchslap and throws Eugene to the ropes and he eats a back body drop. There is the USA chant..
“That’s right, take out that retarded communist.” – Bill
Duggan goes for a Three-Point Stance, but Eugene bails and chokes Hacksaw on the top rope. Eugene hits the swinging neckbreaker – and a win?!?
Eugene grabs the mic.
“Eugene signaling that he wants to eat the Mic.” – Insyder BSUVincent
“DON’T MAKE FUN OF ME! I AM SPECIAL!” – Eugene
“Prick me and do I not bleed!” – Bill
“And then the entranceway eats him” – Eric
In the back DX gets interrupted by Dusty & Arn. They’ve got a party for Ric a bit later, Shawn got chips.. dips… and even.. guess… a karaoke machine! Yay…
Trips has two words for Arn & Dusty – ‘Booze & Broads’
Ron Simmons has one word – ‘Damn’.
COMMERCIAL FIVE – 9:51
This week in wrestling history – November 1999 –
The marriage of Stephanie McMahon and Test. Hey, guess who interrupted… Triple H!
One Little White Chapel later – Mr & Mrs. Triple H.
“This Week In Wrestling History: Steph’s Nip Slip!” – Insyder Captain Kringle
Hey! You Think You Know Me!
“No Lita.. YAAAAAY” – Mike
“Claps” – Bill
“Now he’s gotta f*ck someone elses girlfriend to get over.” – Mike
Edge wants to congratulate DX for beating the Spirit Squad for the thousandth time. Not like it compares to how many times he’s beaten the Hardy’s… he’s going to dedicate his win tonight to the greatest women’s champ over.
“Fabulous Moolah?” – Eric
“Trish Stratus?” – Bill
“Medusa?” – Me
So now it’s Edge’s guest time.. annnnnd he never appears. Edge gets pissy. He declares that since he can’t get a guest, might as well end the show now.
“Tv goes black” – Me
Randy is there though and he says he’s got Edge’s guest behind the curtain…. but he needs verification. Edge comes on back and yep that’s his guest…. they pull out a bloody and beaten Ric Flair.
“Is that Owen?” – Jeffrey
“THEY’RE ALL GONNA LAUGH AT YOU!” – Me
So Edge tries to call down DX to save Ric Flair.
“This is really….” – Bill
“Long?” – Me
“Boring.” – Bill
“SET HIM ON FIRE!” – Eric
So Edge goes to get a pair of chairs for the con-chair-to and they get it all set-up… Orton punches Ric’s bloody head for a bit.
“Ewww Hepatitus..” – Eric
El-KaBong!!!! Now Orton’s turn.
“He’s gonna f*ck up on purpose” – Mike
El-KaBong!!!! And I didn’t hear it, but apparently somebody in the crowd was yelling ‘One More Time’ – Thanks to the Insyders for picking up that gem.
“Well at least he gets a party after this” – Bill
“That’s not Flair! That’s old man Withers!” – Me
COMMERCIAL SIX – 10:04
Hey – Lawler’s facing Mathters again! Wheeeeeeeeeeeee…. And here comes ol’Steroidhead..
…
…
“Bill?” – Eric
“Oh. Right. POWWDERRREEED TOASSSSST MAAAAAN! We’re back” – Bill
“STERRROIIIDSSSSSS” – Jeffrey
“..ONNNN PARAAAAADE” – Me
MATHTERS vs. LAWLER
whatever
Lock up and Masters slams down Lawler. Hits the ropes, and elbow drop misses as Lawler gets to his feet. Masters now throws Lawler corner to corner – bearhug….
SIGN OF THE NIGHT (so far): “MASTERS SHRUNK”
Lawler breaks out of the bearhug – and then hits the Fistdrop! Hits it again! Then again! Oh my god.. three times!
“Ow, my fist hurts” – Bill
Masters tosses Lawler and slams him down.
“Lawler has now finished as he has no more moves.” – Mike
Backbreaker from Masters and some stompy stomps. Suplex from Masters. Then he goes for his own fistdrop of his own and misses!
“Look Lawler’s Kinging Up!” – Me
Lawler hits a bunch of punches then gets choked against the top rope… Now set-up for the Masterlock! As the Masterlock continues here comes Carlito!
Masters finally lets go of the hold to yell at Carlito. He gets some apple in the face, and Lawler grabs the roll-up!
“Awwww, I wanted a piledriver.” – Mike
WINNER: LAWLER
“God Lawler’s gonna suck Carlito’s dick for the next month.” – Jeffrey
“Correction: He’s going to suck Carlito’s dick MORE for the next month” – Me
COMMERCIAL SEVEN – 10:16
The Steelers are here!
“LOSERRRRSSSSS” – Me
“Of course the stealers are here – Cryme Time are showing up later.” – Me
Ummmagggaaaa time…
“The Samoan Garbonzo..” – Hernandez
Armando’s got the mic – and he’s upset about Survivor Series. Umaga got DQd, I believe we predicted that. He’s apparently unstoppable!
So they’re putting John Cena on notice. Hey, here comes Cena!
“I still have no idea how Rosie is gone and the guy with the bad attitude gets the push” – Hernandez
So Cena grabs the mic…
“NO! DON’T TAKE THAT!” – Jeffrey
“As for your challenge…” – Cena
“Did you forget the first half?” – Eric
“I accept” – Cena
They go nose to nose. Cena removes his shirt… and Umaga backs off.
“Don’t show him your nipples” – Hernandez
“Umaga fears them!” – Me
“Umaga’s never been beat!” – JR
“Of course he’s been beat, how do you think he got this way” – Hernandez
Umaga then bails and Cena salutes…
COMMERCIAL EIGHT – 10:27
So Bill is heading out for the night – still exausted from the Ohio trip..
“You are gonna miss the Hardyz..” – Me
“I missed them the first time around too..” – Bill
JR now wants to talk about Michael Richards…. the f*ck?
“…and RAW has hit rock bottom.” – Insyder BSUVincent
“ARE THEY REALLY DOING THIS?!?!?!” – Insyder fear_the_claus1313
“Up next! The Huckster and the Nacho Man talk with Billionaire Ted and Scheme Gene!” – Insyder CaptainKringle
“Biting social commentary there by Vince and co.” – Insyder The_Bumble
“Self-Destruction = Ratings people!” – Insyder MRobWantsUrMoney
Here comes some footage….. with Nick Burke on stage (If you don’t know who that is, you don’t listen to the Rabblecast!)
So he repeats the Michael Richards bit… and in run Cryme Time. They are about to yell at him, but he apologies. He tries to leave and eats the HUGE big boot. Cryme Time bows and takes the mic.
“What’s the deal with the bloods and.. the crips… can’t we all just get a long…”
They then steal his wallet.
“That’s what I was waiting for – Jamie you look like you didn’t like it.” – Jeffrey
“I was just expecting Nick Burke to end up with a racist comedian gimmick” – Me
So Edge in the background talking to Jeff Hardy… So Edge explains that Matt is overrated and that he’s the albatross around his neck.
“No no no – that was TNA” – Hernandez
COMMERCIAL NINE – 10:37
We get the Edge/Orton remix tune… Orton doesn’t have his belt… weird.
“I really don’t want DX to get involved in this match, but they will” – Mike
We get a flashback to they beating on Ric.
“At least Orton HIT Flair..” – Eric
“Daddy issues.” – Hernandez
We come back and Orton somehow now has his title… weirder.
“It just… materialized!” – Hernandez
And now here come the Hardyz.
“Matt lost his V1 pants, he just lost his identity.” – Insyder Claus_trophobic
“He’s now V 1/2.” – Insyder RVD4ever
“Really I thought he was “Jeff’s Bitch” or “Second Fiddle”” – Insyder Claus_trophobic
EDGE & ORTON vs. HARDYZ
Is this Edge / Matt: Act III?
Starting in the ring are Jeff and Orton.
Side headlock from Orton. Jeff gets tossed to the ropes and slammed down by Orton. Same exchange that Jeff wins with a hiptoss. Now Jeff keeps on Orton, a tag to Matt and then slams him right into the corner. Continues to wring Orton with a tag to Jeff. Orton knees out of it – clubs Jeff down and a tag to Edge.
Edge now beats down on Jeff. Throws him to the ropes and eats a kick to the gut. Jeff hits the jawbreaker, but Edge backs up and a hard clothesline.
Tag now from Edge to Orton, and they continue to work on Jeff. Punches and stomps. He even gives him the Ronnie Garvin around the world stomp. Tag to Edge. Matt on the outside reaching for the tag.
“BEAT THAT LITA FUCKER!” – Me
“Has everyone in that ring f*cked Lita?” – Jeffrey
“The ref’s got an appointment tonight..” – Hernandez
So Edge has Jeff locked up – he is fighting out and then gets hairslammed down. Tag to Orton. Chokes him on the ropes. Continues the stomping barrage. Tag to Edge. Tag to Orton. Finally they try for a doubleteam back body drop – and Jeff hits the double DDT instead. Jeff gets the hot tag!
Clotheslines to Edge and Orton. He tosses Edge to the corner, hits a bulldog on Edge, and clotheslines Orton… hot shit. Jeff comes in – double suplex on Orton – and now they both go to the top. Edge pushes Jeff off and Orton runs up to stop Matt…
Matt pushes Orton down and goes for a moonsault! Hot. Miss.. Whiffffff……..
Tag to Edge and now Edge is sizing up Matt — annnnd…….. COMMERCIAL!?!?!?
“I guess he doesn’t finish there..” – Hernandez
COMMERCIAL TEN – 10:51
Back in the ring…. Orton has Matt all locked up – and Matt fights out of it..
“Clearly the Spear didn’t work” – Eric
Tag to Edge as Orton beats Matt down again… Edge kicks him in the gut. Edge now wraps himself up around Matt.
“Now Edge is just whispering in his ear ‘yep.. just you and me again'” – Me
Edge hits a flapjack on Matt. Now they fight it out in the corner. Drop toehold from Edge, and a tag to Orton. Knees to Matt’s back. He slaps down Matt in the gut.
“Pink belly! Pink belly! Pink belly!” – Jeffrey
They keep Matt locked up for awhile…. set him up on the top rope. Matt elbows away from Edge, and Matt HITS the moonsault! Pin for two! Edge gets a tag to Orton, and Matt misses the tag to Jeff.. now that doesn’t seem fair.
Matt fights to his feet. They beat back and forth. Orton goes for an atomic drop lift – but Matt reverses on his feet… a tag to Jeff.. and he goes – ducks under Orton – Hits Edge! Nice
Now Jeff goes and destroys everyone… they hit the side-effect on Edge! They hit a double side-effect – badly – on Orton! Two count! Now Double Legdrop to Orton. Double from Jeff – Flying from Matt – ONE – TWO – Edge pulls him out!
Matt goes and drops Edge. Back in the ring – Orton tries to hit an out of nowhere RKO… Jeff pushes him into Matt. Matt hits the Nightmare on Helms Street (teehee) – Swanton from Jeff! ONE… TWO………….. EDGE HITS JEFF WITH THE BELT.
WINNERS via DQ: THE HARDYZ
We now watch as they get beat down by Edge & Orton.. La-haaame.
What did we think of the show………
“The first time, we saw tag titles in the main event.” – Jenna
“Is that good or bad?” – Me
“Good. They mean something now” – Jenna
“Is this is actually the last we see of the Spirit Squad – Greatest Monday Night Raw Ever” – Jeffrey
“Everybody’s an asshole in this business” – Mike
“There’s ANOTHER PayPerView this Sunday?!” – Eric
“Another $50 I gotta blow down the drain!!” – Mike
“No, there isn’t a pay-per-view.. just ONE match.. with lots of little dark matches” – Hernandez
So we all kinda shrug it off – and we live to watch another day. So we’ll see ya’ll next week – and remember, if you want to join the Insyders for all of the posting goodness of the Rabble – you can do it on the Inside Pulse Forums!
G’night everyone.
