The ECW Short Form, 11.28.06

In Memoriam: Dave Cockrum. In the late 70s, I started to read comics because of two books: Chris Claremont’s X-Men and Cary Bates’ Legion. If you know comics, you know who illustrated both. It was just his rough fate to be succeeded on those books by artists who would be identified with those works, thus minimizing his accomplishments. That being said, I did like the “give credit where credit’s due” tone of the AP obit, but they went too far. Dave created a lot of characters, AP, but Mystique wasn’t one of them. She’s Claremont/Byrne/Austin all the way.

From the CNN wire:

A federal judge has ruled that the U.S. Treasury Department is violating the law by failing to design and issue currency that is readily distinguishable to blind and visually impaired people.

So, when exactly are the Nineties due to end?

Look, that’s the best I can do. It’s piss raining outside, it’s supposed to drop thirty degrees tonight (thus freezing the piss rain and making nighttime travel, such as I do at work, difficult), and I’m trying to wolf down some food and get some sleep. All that, and I still have to watch ECW to do this column. Plus, none of you bastards got me presents. So screw this, on with the column…

Match Results:

Rob Van Dam over Sabu (Pinfall, Five-Star Frog Splash): Aw, how cute. They’re actually trying to pretend that this is really ECW, right down to Sabu blowing a big spot. And they’re trying to pimp the PPV in the process. Here’s a hint, guys: you have a PPV coming up on Sunday. Right now, you have two, count ’em, two matches announced for it. Yes, one’s going to be a mega-length match, but, really, don’t you have to create an actual card to go along with it? And, no, I’m not counting the other match. Others here have already had fun with the spectacle of Raw and Smackdown singles stars reuniting into their former glory-days tag teams and fighting on an ECW PPV. Besides, I have to store up my gay jokes for Tuesday’s column.

They were both so wasted, it was a cinch to convince them that this was still 1996

Mattsy-Poo and Jeffykins over Sylvester Terkay and Elijah Burke (Pinfall, Mattsy pins Terkay…hold it, who pinned who? No, that’s ridiculous…Twit of Fate/Swanton combo): Oh, poor Terkay. In the space of thirty seconds, his carefully-built image was destroyed beyond repair. He will NEVER be taken seriously again. And it was all to pimp the f*cking Hardys. This really crossed the point into tragedy, didn’t it?

Oh, God, I’m out of Gay Kama Sutra jokes

CM Fuckin’ Punk versus Test (DCOR): Punk beat the shit out of Test. Hey, sometimes it doesn’t take much to make me happy.

Test gets it Chicago-style

Bobby Lashley over The Big Show (DQ, Basham-ference): Yeah, nothing says “ECW” like a match between these two guys. Well, the match. The beatdown afterward lasting longer than the match, now that says “ECW”.

Well, at least he has some flexibility left

Angle Developments:

Some Random Musing: So, in an effort to try to block SurSer out of my mind, I was thinking about Royal Rumble. Yes, I know, slightly premature, since each brand has one more PPV to hold prior to that. But I’m a neurotic pre-planner, and I was thinking about how they were going to handle the logistics this year. In the past, it’s been fifteen guys from Raw and fifteen from Smackdown. Will each brand get ten slots? If ECW’s supposed to be an equal, it’s only fair. The thing is, does ECW have ten guys to put into the Rumble match? Let’s see, four of the five losers in the Elimination Chamber (leaving one for Lashley to have a title match against), Little Guido, Tony Mamaluke, Tommy Dreamer, Bob Holly, Mike Knox, and Balls Mahoney (if he’s back from suspension) should make a ten-some of reasonable quality. You even have two serious candidates for victory among that bunch in Punk and TBS (despite the fact that they’ll never let TBS win it because there’s no way in hell they’ll give him a title match at WM, unless they do the ol’ title opportunity swap, preferably with Punk).

The thing is, they need to do it this way in order to give ECW some credibility. Vince has never really failed at a new wrestling project before, and, despite the appearance that he doesn’t give a shit about ECW, I don’t think he wants this to be his first. I think he’ll do anything to salvage it (as witness this week with the tag match that I don’t care about). Taking five slots each from the jobbers of Raw and Smackdown would be a small price to pay to bolster this project. So do it this way, guys. Ten from each show. At least PRETEND that ECW has some importance. After all, I have to keep watching, and I don’t want to have my time wasted.

Geez, Basham, what did those stairs ever do to you?

I don’t respond well to threats

Okay, that’s ECW out of the way. Now to do two shows that don’t have PPVs this weekend. Maybe by the time I get those done, I can forget this show enough to do the DtD Round Table. I hope.

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