East Coast Bias: The Awful Giants Part III

In a week with a bunch of random news, including the NBAPA suing the NBA over the new ball and the Rasheed Wallace rule, the beginning of the winter meetings, and random stuff like that”¦ however, when the Cowboys play the Giants for first place in the division, I need to dedicate most of my time to watching that. Also, since I was going to be leaving to watch December To Dismember at Pulse HQ, I figured busting through a diary would be the quickest and easiest first draft that I could come back to later.

As always, yes I stole this format from Bill Simmons, no I don’t care.

I come into the game halfway through the Filthy Cowboys’ first drive.

4:17: The Titans have beaten the Colts, thus cementing Vince Young as The Anti-Manning in this column from here on out. Tom Brady is still The Young Sith Apprentice.

4:18: The Jets pounded the Packers, putting the Giants in the position to have to win to remain tied for control of the stadium. While fans of the two football teams don’t share the hatred for each other that the fans of the baseball or the hockey teams do, I still don’t want to be a game behind the filthy Jets.

4:22: Martin Gramatica wastes no time in making Parcells look foolish for dropping Vanderjagt by missing his first field goal as a Filthy Cowboy.

As for the Vanderjagt thing, it’s pretty simple. Vanderjagt built a reputation as the most accurate kicker in the league kicking more than half his games inside a dome off a carpet. He’s now learning to kick outside in Dallas, where now he’s playing more than half his games outdoors on grass. If anyone thought there would be a seamless transition, they were dumb.

4:28 Eli goes into a slide two yards in front of a first down with defenders three yards away, showing off that smashing decision making, but My Favorite Giant Brandon Jacobs picks up the first down

4:30 Eli Manning finds Jeremy Shockey in the corner of the end zone after making a pass rusher miss, reminding me once again why this team (and him specifically) is so frustrating. Giants up 7-0.

4:35: First play back on defense, the Giants immediately give up a 20 yard pass play.

4:36: “Next Tom Brady” Tony Romo throws a tip-interception to Matthias Kiwanuka, making up for the bailed tackle last week”¦ Which he immediately fumbles. New York Giants’ Defense, stepping up in a big spot, as always.

4:38: The Giant pass rush gives Romo about ten seconds to find their tight end in the end zone, who draws a somewhat shaky pass interference call. This sets up a one yard touchdown run for Dallas. 7-7 tie, with seven points on Kiwanuka.

4:46: Shot on the sidelines show Well Dressed Amani Toomer and Luke Petitgout chilling on the sidelines in parkas and winter hats. Twist the knife a little harder, Fox. Maybe you can show Beltran striking out again for fun.

4:50: Romo finds TO on 3rd and 10 for his third 20 yard pass play of the first quarter. There seems to be a theme developing with the Giants’ pass coverage.

4:53: First quarter ends at 7-7 with 2 turnovers”¦ on the same play.

4:56: On the first play of the second quarter, Tony Romo throws a floating interception to Will Demps who, for a heart-stopping moment, looked like he was going to try and lateral, nearly causing him to fumble.

4:57: Tiki “You need to give me the ball so we can win” Barber gets 2 yards in 2 carries, further proving his case, leaving the Giants a long 3rd and 8 which a nine yard pass to Shockey bails him out of. In other news, nothing to Plaxico Burress yet today.

4:59: Back to Tiki on 1st and 10 for a solid one yard run. Just give him the damn ball.

4:59: Manning gives further credence to Mike Hulse’s “I’m going to surgically remove the back of his foot so he stops throwing off it” argument by throwing a floater that was ripe for a picking, but falls thankfully incomplete.

5:00: Speaking of the devil, Plaxico Burress gets bailed out on a drop with a make-up pass interference call, and then, on the next play, runs across the field to level a defender, drawing a personal foul and setting up 2nd and 25. I loathe him.

5:04: The Giants make up 17 yards before MVP Jeff Feagles gets the call and pins the Filthy Cowboys inside the five.

5:08: I was about to type something about how Tony Romo had five open yards in front of him to pick up a first down on his feet, but he then finds his fourth 20+ yard pass play of the day. Still averaging one per drive.

5:10: On the second third down of this drive, Kiwanuka forces a Romo fumble, bringing him back to even with the fan base again. The Filthy Cowboys recover.

5:12: Chad Morton makes a fair catch and then gets hit, giving the Giants a free fifteen yards. Good to see that other teams really do make dumb penalties. Big Blue was starting to feel lonely.

5:15: On replays, for the first time in a couple weeks, Eli Manning doesn’t look terrified. This gives me hope.

5:15: Tiki Barber on 1st and 10, gains two, on 2nd and 8 gains five, then gets a direct snap on 3rd to pick up 19. Give him the damn ball.

5:19: Stat shows that Reggie Bush had a break out day with 150 all purpose yards and 4 touchdowns. For future reference, it takes about 12 or 13 weeks for highly touted rookies to get up to speed. Leinart won today, too. Unfortunately, he’s still on the Cardinals.

5:20: Two minute warning, the Giants get another false start. That’s two false starts today”¦ at home. They fooled me into thinking they fixed this problem.

5:22: First play off the two minute warning: false start number three. Go Big Blue. Manning responds with a 19 yard play to David Tyree on 3rd and 20 after escaping a sack.

5:24: On 4th and a half-yard (forgoing a field goal try), the Giants give the ball to Brandon Jacobs and, for some unknown reason, have him run left instead of straight up the gut top pick up a half-yard. This results in a two yard loss.

“¦

Allow me to rant for a moment. You have a running back who’s 6’4″ 264 lbs. That’s not a typo, he’s TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY-FOUR pounds. Why in the world do you make him cut left instead of running up the gut and slamming into the pile for a half yard Jerome Bettis style? Why? His momentum alone is worth half a yard. The worst POSSIBLE thing you can do is try to get cute and break him left so he can get caught obviously behind the line of scrimmage. At the very WORST if he hits the pile you can get a crafty spot and pick up the yardage. I’m not going to get on the team for skipping a field goal try as I have zero faith in Jay Feely, but how do you try to get cute on something that is obviously an up the gut run. Everyone knows he’s coming up the gut and he will STILL get a yard. This team finds new ways to infuriate me every week.

5:28: 2nd and 4, the Giants give up a 10 yard pass play. Right on schedule. They still have a 20+ yard play to give up on this drive.

5:31: Terry Glenn gives the Giants a gift, killing a 9 yard pass play to TO with an illegal block. This game is a train wreck.

5:34: The Cowboys mix it up and give up their 20+ yard play of this drive (the fifth of the game) on the ground. They’re still averaging one per drive.

5:37: Martin Gramatica caps the half with a field goal to put the Filthy Cowboys up 10-7 at the half.

5:40: My official halftime of the second game shower.

5:55: Capping off a crappy opening drive, MVP Jeff Feagles gets off a 16-yard punt and doesn’t get a five-yard running into the kicker call like he should.

5:57: Joe Buck informs me of a Giant great’s return to the fold. Sean Landeta, punter on the 1986 and 1990 Super Bowl team has returned. Why has this not been top story on Sportscenter?

5:59: Dallas challenges an on-field ruling of a backward pass which results in a five-yard loss instead of an incomplete pass. I don’t know why they’re worried, they haven’t had their 20 yard play for this drive yet so, by definition, they should be fine here.

6:01: Fox reminds of a Browns/Steelers game on the NFL Network this week that I won’t be seeing, even though I have the NFL Network. More on that tomorrow.

6:03: Romo, for the first time today, looks frazzled before the snap as he’s calling an audible and ends up throwing the ball away, leading to the Filthy Cowboys’ first three and out.

6:10: Jeremy Shockey gets tackled before the ball gets to him and doesn’t get the call. Must be his charming personality. About the most obvious pass interference I’ve seen today, while two that could have gone either way got called. I hate officials.

6:11: Now the Manning has found Burress, he goes right back to him. It’s like waiting for something to blow up.

6:12: Hey, the Giants’ Bob Whitfield decided to headbutt a Cowboy defender after the play, because that’s constructive for the Giants’ second worthless personal foul today.

6:13: Tiki has a flashback to his early days and fumbles the ball, and Workhorse Jim Finn comes out of the pile with it. God Bless Jim Finn.

6:15: The Giants are working into a rhythm as My Favorite Giant Brandon Jacobs picks up nine, and then follows it with another five.

6:17: Another pass to Shockey gets the Giants inside the five.

6:19: Credit where it’s due, Giants took three shots at the end zone and Dallas’s defense made three great plays. Tie game. This game is exactly what it should be. Considering the Giants defense’s fourth quarter performance the last three weeks, I’m rightfully terrified.

6:25: The Giants give up another 15 yard pass play. It’s really not even funny anymore.

6:26: And another. Still not funny.
6:28: Sam Madison breaks up a touchdown and almost comes away with an interception. Welcome back, Sammy.

6:29: On 3rd and 7, Owens drops a first down pass for Romo and the Cowboys settle for three. 13-10, Filthy Cowboys.

6:31: The third quarter ends with the Giants down 13-10. Their defense has given up 48 points in their last three fourth quarters. Their offense hasn’t scored a point in their last three fourth quarters. Color me sad.

6:36: Officials call David Tyree for a crackback personal foul. He didn’t do anything, so apparently P-Tags has decided that Cowboys are winning this game. The Giants make enough of them on their own without the officiating crew needing to make them up.

6:38: My Favorite Living Male Brandon Jacobs busts a 43-yard screen pass to get the Giants into the red zone.

6:38: Which they follow with a false start. Awesome.

6:41: The Man Whose Babies I Want To Have Brandon Jacobs picks up 6 setting second and goal from the four. Inexplicably, he’s not in for second down which leads to an incomplete pass.

6:42: Aaron Glenn makes another fantastic play in the end zone breaking up a 3rd and Goal touchdown pass. Giants settle for three, tying the game at 13-13.

Another Rant. Jacobs is the hottest player they have in this game. He just ran for 43-yards. The Cowboys have stopped him, officially, one time on a fourth down run. You take him out on a 2nd and Goal that is absolutely tailor made for him to finish the drive with a four yard run, and you take him out and clear the backfield, obviously setting up a pass play. Who the [expletive deleted] is calling the plays today? If fat idiot sports writer wannabe me sees this, do you not think that the Cowboys do. Dear Lord, I hate this team.

6:49: On 3rd and 4, Will Demps is nowhere near TO as he gets a first down. The pass defense would be funny if I weren’t a Giant fan.

6:52: 3rd and 4, of course leads to an eight yard passing play for a first down. I threw up in my mouth a little.

6:53: Inexplicably, the Filthy Cowboys run on first and second down netting only 4 yards. If you’ve been reading any of this column, you know what’s coming next. If you said a Cowboy’s timeout, you’d be correct.

6:56: Screen pass picks up the first down along with a, you guessed it, late hit out of bounds by the Giants for the fourth personal foul of the day. Fortunately, it does as little damage as possible as it was already first down and they only pick up three yards on a half the distance to the goal.

6:57: A first down run is stuffed and a false start undoes the damage of the personal foul. On 2nd down, a missed tackle leads to a Cowboys touchdown.

7:00: Last chance, the Giants start at their own 40.

7:04: The Giants are moving the ball well. Like a well-conditioned Giant fan, I’m waiting for whatever heartbreaking way the Giants lose this game. If you’re a Red Sox or a Jets fan, you know exactly how I feel right now. Some teams have an incredible knack for losing games in spectacular ways. The Giants are one of those teams.

7:06: Tiki picks up 28 on an underneath pass, putting them back in the red zone. Inexplicably, they call a timeout, preserving the clock for Dallas.

7:08: Tiki picks up seven, and Eli follows it with a touchdown strike to Plaxico Burress in the end zone. This is why I loathe Plaxico, because now I can’t loathe him, which makes it all the worse when I can. He’s a playmaker”¦ just only when he feels like it. Jay Feely ties the game at 20, leaving Tony Romo one minute and six seconds to be the next Tom Brady.

7:11: The Cowboys have one minute and seventy yards.

7:12: The Cowboys pick up 44 yards with one pass play. Yep. The word “porous” doesn’t even begin to describe this defense.

7:15: One incompletion and a stuffed run later leaves the Cowboys with a 4th and 12 and the game down to Gramatica and a 46 yard field goal. As a Giant fan, I know what’s coming.

7:17: Yep. 23-20 ballgame.

If anything positive comes out of this game, it tells me that the Giants offense can play well together when they feel like it.

The negatives are, well, the defense. The Giants’ pass defense has reached a new level of pathetic, and gets worse with every passing day. One good quarterback in the playoffs is going to pick the team apart. The Giants’ defense, as per usual, managed to talk themselves a much bigger game than they delivered, which has been the norm for them most of the season.

Where does that leave them now? Assuming all the NFC division leaders are the division winners, which they are, it leaves them in a 6-6 glut with Atlanta, Carolina, and Philadelphia; two of whom they hold tie-breaks over. Next week, they face Carolina in a crucial game for tie-breaking purposes, which leaves them more of a chance, at this point, then they deserve. They benefit by the fact that Carolina has a much tougher road down the final four weeks, playing them, Pittsburgh, at Atlanta, and at New Orleans, where the Giants play at Carolina, Philly, New Orleans, and at Washington. The Giants have two “should win” games on their schedule, both at home, where the Panthers have none.

Coach Coughlin, for all his problems, really needs to get this team woken up for next weekend. If the Giants lose next week, their season is basically over. If the Giants don’t make the playoffs this season, Coughlin is likely finished in New York. He hasn’t done any of the things he’s promised in the three years he’s been here. The team is still horribly undisciplined, they still can’t stop making stupid penalties, and they’re still plagued by injuries; all the problems Coughlin promised to fix.

The Giants’ playoff season starts next week in Atlanta. Any loss, from here on out, basically ends their playoff hopes. Coughlin has to make them understand it. I hope he does.