The Anderson Breakdown
Two shows down, three to go. I’m hoping that if I can get this Survivor Series review finished and posted by the end of the weekend, I’ll be able to knock off the ECW PPV by Wednesday and be back on track. I’m also hoping that you, fine readers, abide by the quality over timeliness philosophy, because I’d personally rather take my time with these things and have them out a week after the show than rush something together in order to have it posted by Monday or Tuesday morning.
Anyway, it’s now Saturday morning in beautiful Jacksonville, Florida and I’m up at 7:30 on a non-work day to knock this review off. All distractions have been taken care of (though I did have a close call with Ernest Saves Christmas before forcing myself to turn off the TV), I’ve got a strong black cup of coffee in hand, and I’m ready to rock n’ roll on the Survivor Series.
This review is brought to you by the delicious bowl of Frosted Flakes currently in front of me.
Well friends, much like an overzealous Olympic runner, I fear as if I just executed a false-start. You see, for the first time in ages, my next-day tape source was unable to provide me a copy of the Survivor Series. For over a year now, a friendly anonymous reader has been delivering me a tape of the previous night’s PPV. He’ll usually drop it off in a secret hiding spot near the Starbucks up the street, email me to let me know it’s there, and then I’ll pick it up. I’d love to buy this mystery person a beer sometime in exchange for the tapes, but he prefers to keep things strictly anonymous and plutonic.
Anyway, he didn’t get a chance to order the Survivor Series, so I ended up obtaining a digital copy of this year’s show via illicit channels. In other words, I downloaded it from the intraweb.
When I announced in the above section that it was “time to review,” I failed to take the extraction process into account. So now, after already announcing the commencement of my web review, I’m stuck staring at a WinRAR screen saying “11 minutes remaining.” Forget about making that delicious omelette you had planned for this morning — the yolk is already all over my face.
“Is there anything you’d like to discuss while we wait here together, Ken?” – Fine Reader
Yes, friend… yes there is.
For starters, and I visibly cross my fingers when I say this, TNA appears to be back on track. Miracle of all miracles, I know, but ever since the prime time debut, TNA is really firing on all cylinders. The most obvious — and most important — reason for this is, of course, the absence of Jeff Jarrett. I know it’s only temporary, and I go to bed each night in a cold sweat over the possibility of a babyface title run by The Immortal Jeff Jarrett, but for the time being, the excitement and unpredictability sorely lacking in TNA has returned. I’ve actually made it a point for the last two weeks to catch Impact (spoiler-free). I like how several of the storylines are starting to converge at times (a staple of ECW at its peak), and aside from the mega-cheesy AJ Styles sit-down interview (cheesy in large part because of Mike Tenay), almost everything has been awesome.
I still haven’t had time to go back and read net reaction to TNA Genesis, but I just loved that freakin show. If you’ve followed my TNA reviews in the last year, you know that’s not exactly a regular occurrence. The matches at Genesis were exciting for the most part, and even though I’m sure there was some negative net reaction to the finishes for Sting/Abyss and Angle/Joe, both were (hopefully) means to much more important ends, and because of that, I’m totally fine with what happened. Angle/Joe gets to continue on, and Abyss will make for a pretty solid transitional champ. And Good for Sting, showing up in shape and ready to GO at Genesis. Guy looked absolutely phenomenal in there and totally changed my opinion of his potential utility for TNA.
Five minutes of file extraction time left, so let’s discuss some basketball. I’ve been a huge fan of the Orlando Magic and Chicago Bulls in the last few years. Strangely, the acquisition of Ben Wallace has kind of killed my interest in Chicago for the time being (it was a strange pick-up for a team that was already pretty much set defensively, but was in desperate need of a scorer), but man is Orlando ever looking strong this year. I know they’re playing in a laughably weak conference, but they’ve had some big wins already this year. Orlando had their training camp here in Jax again this year, and when I predicted a 48 win season and a legitimate shot at the MVP for Dwight Howard this year to some friends, I was nearly laughed out of the building. It’s looking like they might actually have a shot of winning even more than that though. Grant Hill might be injury prone, but he is looking leaner and healthier than he has in years, and I really think (if he can stay healthy) that Orlando has a legit shot of making it to the Eastern Conference Finals. What’s that you say, you’d like to see grainy cell phone pictures of Jameer Nelson, Dwight Howard, and Grant Hill? Gosh, why didn’t you just say so:
One minute remaining!
Final non-wrestling thought: If you haven’t already picked the cd up, you desperately need to buy “Christmas Eve and Other Stories” by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Easily the greatest Christmas album ever produced. It’s basically been my soundtrack to December for the last five years, and I couldn’t imagine a Christmas without it. If you really want to take the Nestea plunge though, pick up the awesome gift set, which includes all three Christmas cd’s and the DVD as well. They were just in town, and it was one of the best live shows I’ve ever seen. What’s that you say, “Show us an image? Bog down the IP servers with your non-grapplin’ images, PLEASE KEN? DO IT FOR US?”
Alright, alright.
If you’re going to twist my arm:
It should go without saying at this point, but I have yet to read any net reviews, analysis, or spoilerz for the show. My opinion will be mine, and mine alone, without outside influence. I did watch RAW the night after the Survivor Series, but I don’t even remember the Survivor Series being mentioned, which leads me to believe something INCREDIBLY memorable and far-reaching much have happened at this PPV.
Showtime…
We open up with the traditional WWE “The World is Watching” video package, helpfully serving to remind us of how great the WWE used to be, and how comparatively weak it has now become. We then get a brief video package on the history of the Survivor Series and the tradition of the event. I must admit, it actually does put me in a fine pre-show mood. It’s kind of like when I watched the incredible MLB “100 Years of the World Series” DVD package last year and was suddenly convinced that the upcoming White Sox vs. Astros World Series was a great matchup.
Go figure.
Anyway, I wasn’t going to mention this, but I just did retreat to the living room to watch Ernest Saves Christmas. I woke up at 7:30 with every intention to have this review done by noon, but it’s now 11:15 and I’m only at the intro. The intro DID put me back in the Thanksgiving mood though, so I’m going to thaw out some delicious Thanksgiving leftovers from the freezer to enjoy during the show.
A SWEET fireworks display starts the show, and the Philly crowd is just going nuts. Lillian Garcia is in the ring (looking MP* as always), and quickly goes over the rules for the traditional Survivor Series match.
*Mega Pretty
Ric Flair, Sgt. Slaughter, Dusty Rhodes, and Ron Simmons (w/ Arn Anderson) vs. The Spirit Squad
Man, even six or seven years ago, who ever would have thought that we’d see Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes, and Arn Anderson together in a WWE ring, with Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler casually talking about the classic battles between Dusty Rhodes and Ric Flair, and stating that the Horsemen were the greatest stable in professional wrestling history.
Shockingly, even though the legends are all really over with the live crowd, Ron Simmons seems to get the loudest reception by far when he makes his entrance. I’ve always been a big Simmons fan, and his World Title win over Vader is one of my all-time favorite WCW moments. I’ve also always felt like Simmons was pushed into retirement far too early. With the right push, I could honestly see Simmons headlining on a short-term basis.
While I was typing about my love for Ronny, Simmons was quickly counted out (huh?), Arn Anderson was ejected from ringside (huh?), and one of the Spirit Squadders was counted out as well. The crowd is NOT happy about Simmons and Anderson getting ejected this early. Always a good sign when your live crowd is booing and chanting “Bullshit!” four minutes into the show.
Sgt. Slaughter is in next, and he gets the obligatory, thunderous “USA!” chant. Slaughter works over Nicky for a bit and then tags in Dusty. Dusty hits a few bionic elbows, tags in Flair, and then Flair just goes NUTS with the chops.
Slaughter tags back in and locks the Cobra Clutch on Nicky. Johnny distracts the ref though and kicks Slaughter right in the head. Nicky rolls on top of Slaughter and gets the pin. Slaughter is gone.
Dusty Rhodes quickly comes in though, drops the elbow on Nicky, and gets another three count. There goes Nicky.
We’re down to Flair and Dusty vs. Johnny, Mikey, and Kenny.
You know, although Dusty Rhodes was always limited as a worker (which is a truly stupid thing to even say, considering what he accomplished in the business), his charisma and in-ring ability don’t seem like they’ve aged much at all. Dusty now isn’t that much different than Dusty 20-25 years ago.
As I say this, Dusty Rhodes is pinned by Johnny, leaving Ric Flair alone against three members of the Spirit Squad.
The crowd is going CRAZY with the “LET’S GO FLA-YER!” chants.
Flair gets pumped up from the chants and quickly rolls up Mikey (with his feet on the ropes) for the pin and a huge pop.
And a SMALL PACKAGE ON KENNY FOR THE THREE COUNT.
Two Squadders eliminated by Flair in less than 30 seconds.
It’s down to Flair vs. Johnny.
Flair quickly locks the figure four on Johnny and the ROOF comes off the place as Johnny taps.
Flair wins!
Out of nowhere though, the rest of the Spirit Squad runs to the ring and just destroys Ric Flair. This totally deflates the crowd, and it really is a testament to how short-sighted the WWE’s booking is. The Spirit Squad got the last laugh on the legends, yet they were sent packing by DX the very next night on RAW. This leads me to believe that either a) nobody had any idea what would happen on RAW the next night at the time of this show, or b) DX wanted the Spirit Squad to have some semblance of credibility when they squashed them and shipped them back to OVW (literally) the next night on RAW. Either way, a bizarre ending to a fun opener.
**
JBL and Michael Cole welcome us to the first Smackdown match of the show. JBL (who’s been the best part of Smackdown as of late) makes a questionable moral/bad taste call in referring to Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes, Arn Anderson, Ron Simmons, and Sgt. Slaughter as “coffin dodgers.”
Video highlights of Chris Benoit’s US Title win (from here in Jacksonville) are shown. This is notable only for the fact that I can see myself in the background drinking a cheap draft beer and sending a questionably-buzzed text message to my girlfriend telling her that I had just witnessed a title change. Her response, “Cool… I guess.”
I haven’t seen much Smackdown as of late, but damn does this video package EVER make the Rey Mysterio / Chavo / Vickie / Chris Benoit feud look exciting. Seriously, this three minute video package makes this match feel like a Wrestlemania main event.
Chavo Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit
It’s still very strange to me to hear Chris Benoit announced as being “from Atlanta, Georgia.” I remember reading the reasoning behind this in the Observer several years ago, but it still doesn’t make sense to me.
[Pause]
Alright, my Thanksgiving feast is still cold in the middle, so I just took a quick break to enjoy a bowl of Delicious Holiday Chex Mix, open the windows, and oogle the pretty girl from the Celtic Woman special on PBS. Not sure about the rest of the these strange Celtic Women though.
I’m now back to the match.
This match went approximately 10:00, and though it was a better-than-average encounter between these two, it still felt very much like a match we’ve seen on Smackdown approximately 6,000 times in the last few months. I don’t know if we actually have or not, but that’s just how it feels.
I really feel for Chris Benoit out there. He really has become the Kevin Garnett of pro wrestling. He’s in a separate league than almost everyone else in the sport, and he gives 1,000% every single night, but a) those around him don’t seem a tenth as motivated as he does and b) management has absolutely no clue what to do with him. Unfortunately, both seem destined to spend the rest of their careers quietly below the radar, and both seem destined to retire as tragic figures who did everything right, but could still never quite reach the top.
Vickie Guerrero flexes the heel interference constantly during this match — quite effectively mind you — but it backfires on her at the end of the match. She jumps up on the apron, Chris Benoit goes after her, Chavo rolls Benoit up from behind, and then Benoit rolls into a crossface for the tap.
All of this happens with the added luxury of a nice six-second audio lag courtesy my DivX player. I barely ever use DivX, but I hope all of their files are this finely encoded!
This was your typical Chris Benoit match. Better than your typical match from just about anyone else, but Benoit is starting to look more and more disinterested by the day. Not that he’s trying any less, but the fire in his eyes seems to be slowly going out. That’s a scary thing.
**1/4
Todd Grisham is in the back with Edge and Lita. Todd asks Lita if she’s still considering retiring after her match tonight with Mickie James. According to Lita, some of the nastiest comments she’s ever gotten have come from the Philadelphia crowd, and she’s going to be thrilled to end her career as the greatest women’s champion of all time here in Philly tonight.
Edge makes a cheap comment about Donovan McNabb, and then does that weird thing with Lita where they both open their mouths really wide and flick their tongues ‘round like they are a couple of floppy jellyfish. I’ve seen plenty of smooches in my day, but I’ve NEVER seen anyone kiss like that before in real life.
As Edge continues rambling, Cryme Tyme (the greatest thing going on RAW these days) sneaks into the frame and Philly just goes nuts. They seem to have stolen something, but I can’t quite make out what it is they took.
Grisham catches them when they come back for more, but Cryme Tyme cover his mouth and are all, “”¦.YOU AINT SEEN NUTHIN!”
The crowd again goes CRAZY.
Mickie James vs. Lita
Mickie James is looking as quirkily hot as ever. The Philly crowd certainly doesn’t seem to care much that Lita is wrestling her final match tonight. A shame, as thinking back on the last year and a half, Lita might actually be one of the few genuine heels the WWE has had. I mean, the fans genuinely seem to hate her.
The first five minutes of the match are your typical WWE Women’s Division fare, with hair pulling, slaps to the face, and some basic Finlay-inspired holds and maneuvers. Right when things look like they are going to start heating up, I accidentally X out my Windows Media Player when trying to maximize the window. Damn you Windows Media Player!
Please hold while I double-click the file.
We’re back.
Mickie James takes over on offense, and the crowd is all “LET’S GO MICKIE! LET’S GO MICKIE!”
Somehow, the Philly crowd manages to seamlessly convert the chant into “SHE’S A CRACKWHORE!”
Lita locks on a sleeper on Mickie James, locks her legs around Mickie’s waist, and clamps it on TIGHT. You know, call me crazy, but Lita looks like she’s got that sleeper cinched in legit tight. She doesn’t look like she wants to break it either when Mickie gets the ropes, causing Mickie to have to physically rip Lita’s arms off of her neck.
Crowds all, “SHE’S GOT HER-PES!”
GREAT kicks by Mickie!
Lita comes back though with the moonsault for a VERY close two.
Two straight near falls!
WHOA!
TWO MORE!
DDT Mickie!
THREE COUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MICKIE = WOMEN’S CHAMP!!!
Mickie celebrates down the aisle, and Lita calls Lillian into the ring.
Lita demands that Lillian announce, “Let’s hear it for the greatest women’s champ of all time.”
The crowd boos Lita hardcore, and Lita seems to legitimately hate the Philly crowd. She grabs the mic and says she DEMANDS respect and that she can’t think of a group of fans she’s happier to be leaving behind.
Out comes Cryme Tyme!
Cryme Tyme stole a box of Lita’s stuff from backstage, and they’re ready to have a “ho sale.”
According to Cryme Tyme, “EVERYTHING MUST GO, HOLLA’ AT YO’ BOOOOOOOOOOOOOY.”
Cryme Tyme sell Lita’s bra, panties, and yeast infection medicine. Fans are throwing one dollar bills at Cryme Tyme. JBL wants to buy a pair of Lita’s panties too. But first, he “wants a smell.”
Classy.
Lita’s screaching in the background.
Man is this awkward.
Cryme Tyme is pulling something else out.
Tell me that’s not a vibrator.
Tell me that’s not a vibrator.
… It’s a vibrator.
A spinning, cock-shaped vibrator.
[Microsoft Word is here to let me know that ‘A spinning, cock-shaped vibrator’ is in fact NOT a proper sentence. Thank you Microsoft Word.]
Seriously, this is f*cking embarrassing to even watch.
Doesn’t help that there are kids all over the crowd.
For all that Lita has contributed to the WWE in the last 7 years, you’d think she deserves a slightly send-off than this idiotic, juvenile nonsense.
Match itself was freakin’ SWEET though for a WWE women’s match.
*** (in context, of course)
Michael Cole interviews Batista in a strange sitdown chat. Cole asks Batista how he feels knowing that he had to give up the belt due to injury almost a year ago in this very arena. Batista doesn’t respond. Cole asks Batista how it feels not being able to win back the title yet. No response from Batista. Cole plays a video clip of King Booker knocking out Batista two weeks ago with his royal scepter. No response from Batista.
Finally, Batista takes off his sunglasses, stares intensely at Cole, and says, “… … … tonight, I’m leaving Philadelphia as the World Heavyweight Champion.”
The crowd goes crazy.
The Hardy Boyz, CM Punk, and DX vs. Randy Orton, Edge, Mike Knox, Johnny Nitro, and Gregory Helms
The Hardy Boyz gets a nice pop for their brief entrance, CM Punk gets an even bigger pop for his even briefer entrance, and needless to say, DX gets a decent pop for their fifteen minute, entirely-too-long stroll to the ring.
When all the babyface music stops, the crowd just starts going crazy for DX, Punk, and the Hardyz. They do the thing where everybody points to one side of the arena and asks them to cheer, and by the end of the routine, the fans were just going APESHIT.
Triple H grabs the mic and attempts to begin his long-winded “are you ready” routine. Unfortunately for the H-Man though, the crowd cuts him off and kicks into a THUNDEROUS “CM PUNK!” chant.
This is quite possibly the greatest thing I have ever seen.
The H-Man doesn’t look like he knows what to do, so he quickly cuts off the crowd and, of course, makes it about himself. He awkwardly puts his arm around CM Punk and is all, “Of course this is CM Punk, and he’s got a QUESTION FOR YOU!!!!!!!”
DX shamelessly trying to siphon the heat off of a hotter act? No!!!!
CM Punk wisely plays along and transfers the heat back to HHH, all “Are you ready?”
Triple H eventually does give props to CM Punk and the Hardyz, and despite the awkwardness of it all, it is still a very cool, very Survivor Series scene.
Only two things worth noting from the heel entrances: a) Kelly Kelly is the new co-hottest woman in wrestling (with Gail Kim), and b) Edge and Randy Orton make a great team. If it was 2003 and I was a cyber-geek, I’d probably reference them as hella something.
Time to switch to part 2 of my DixV file Officially Licensed WWE Home Broadcast!
Part two started!
The babyfaces try to decide who’s going to begin the match, and the crowd chants wildly for CM Punk to start things out.
Triple H starts instead.
Triple H starts winking and waving at Kelly Kelly, so Mike Knox confronts Triple H. We get a really cool staredown between the two, but before it goes anywhere Shawn Michaels superkicks Knox and casually pins him for three. Wow, they certainly squashed one of the bigger stars in ECW (one week before the PPV) with no real regard.
Kewl.
Crowd chants loudly for CM Punk to come in.
Shawn Michaels comes in instead.
The Hardy Boyz then come in and start going to work on Johnny Nitro and Gregory Helms. Jim Ross quips that Matt Hardy and Gregory Helms aren’t exactly strangers to each other. I guess they can’t be if they’ve wrestled each other on Smackdown every week for the last 19 years.
CM PUNK chant!
Punk tagged in!
The crowd LOVES Punk here tonight.
PUNK WITH THE ANACONDA VICE ON JOHNNY NITRO!
NITRO TAPS!
Edge and CM Punk then go at it, with Randy Orton taking over on Punk several minutes later. Unlike Michaels and HHH who seem to pretend to treat CM Punk as an equal, but really carry themselves like it’s obvious that no one else is in their league, Edge and Randy Orton both seem to treat CM Punk as a genuine equal. It’s even worse when DX does it to John Cena, acting like Cena should be somehow grateful for borrowing a little of their off-the-charts heat.
Crowd with more “CM Punk!” chants.
Edge misses a spear and CM Punk makes the “hot” tag to Triple H.
While Triple H works over Gregory Helms, Shawn Michaels and Jeff Hardy do a cool double-plancha onto the heels outside. Matt Hardy hits the twist of fate on Gregory Helms, Jeff Hardy climbs the ropes and hits the swanton, and Helms is history.
Edge and Orton see that they’re outnumbered 5-2, talk things over, and then decide to bail. The Hardyz chase them down though as they attempt to make their way to the back. Edge and Orton are dragged back to the ring, and Edge is quickly pinned by a Michaels superkick.
Orton is all alone and again tries again to bail, this time through the crowd.
Matt Hardy and CM Punk chase him down.
Of course, Triple H gets the final pin on Randy Orton with the Pedigree, and the babyfaces make it a clean sweep.
The crowd busts into another CM Punk chant after the match, and Triple H awkwardly pats CM Punk on the back. CM Punk never appears to get too chummy with Triple H, which was probably wise on his behalf, lest he lose some of his credibility with the hardcore crowd.
Interesting, entertaining, spectacle here, though the match itself wasn’t really anything too noteworthy.
**1/2
Ken Kennedy is in the back with Krystal. According to Kennedy, this is the biggest match of his career. Kennedy’s intense and ready to go. His heady is vaselined up to prevent blood loss, and he’s stone cold serious about his task at hand.
MVP breaks up the interview. MVP says he just beat Kane on Smackdown, and he’s got every ounce of confidence that Kennedy will beat Taker tonight. Kennedy gives MVP an aggravated look and walks away.
Ken Kennedy vs. The Undertaker – First Blood Match
When Kennedy gets to the ring, he takes two of the top turnbuckles off — a perfectly legal move in this type of match according to JBL. Kennedy grabs the oversized ring mic and let’s the crowd know that they are looking at the FUTURE of Sports Entertainment, “MR. KENNEDY……. ………. ……… …….. …….. ……….. …….. ………. ……… …….. KENNEDY!”
As the Undertaker does that weird thing where he floats towards the ring on a magic skateboard, Ken Kennedy goes ahead and removes the other two turnbuckle pads as well.
Both guys begin brawling as JBL and Michael Cole discuss the long, storied history of the Undertaker at Survivor Series. From his debut as part of the Million Dollar Team to his “complete destruction of Hulkamania” in 1991, they manage to cover most every base.
Also, according to Michael Cole, “the records show that Mr. Kennedy has beaten FIVE former world champions this year.” Can’t recall who they are off the top of my head, but it’s a cool stat.
I love the fact that Ken Kennedy has never run from the Undertaker. He’s always gone straight at him. Unlike a guy like Randy Orton, who was booked to run like a fruitfairy every time Taker’s music as much as played, Kennedy stands his ground.
The Undertaker goes to work on Kennedy’s ribs for several minutes, causing Kennedy to roll to the outside for a breather. As Kennedy lays at ringside, the camera crew catches him spitting up blood. According to JBL, Kennedy is bleeding internally! Kennedy tries to hide the blood, and MVP runs out to ringside to help him. Kennedy takes a towel from MVP and cleans out his mouth.
As MVP is sneaking back towards the dressing rooms though, he creeps back up behind Kennedy and throws him right back to Taker, apparently as payback for something that happened on Smackdown a few weeks ago that none of us saw and/or remember.
As Taker continues just destroying Kennedy, the ref gets bumped.
MVP runs back to the ring, waffles the Taker over the head with a chair by mistake (he was aiming for Kennedy), and busts him open good. Kennedy sees what has happened and just starts POUNDING on the Taker’s forehead.
The ref comes back to and declares Kennedy the winner.
Kennedy grabs the mic all, “The winner of the match… …. Mr. Kennedy …. “
Before Kennedy can get off the second “…. Kennedy” though, the Undertaker reaches up, grabs Kennedy by the throat, and just PLASTERS Kennedy with a chairshot.
The Undertaker continues kicking Kennedy’s ass, complete with a poorly executed tombstone that appears to have nearly broken Ken Kennedy’s neck.
Kennedy is now busted open as well, the Undertaker goes for the chair again, and referee Charles Robinson finally drags Kennedy out of the ring for his own protection.
Wow, now there’s a shocker. Even though Ken Kennedy did win the match (with the help of outside interference, a ref bump, and a steel chair), the Undertaker came away with all the heat, and walked away looking like the bigger, badder, tougher, better man. Kennedy was given almost no legitimate offense, and from the looks of it, this feud is now over with Taker moving on to face MVP. Surprise, surprise, Kennedy gets nothing out of this whole feud.
Hooray for the locker room leader!
He’s still tough!
**
King Booker cuts the promo of all promos on Dave Batista, referencing the “royal scroll,” the “royal scepter,” and the “BITTAH’ BITTAH’ defeat that Dave Batista is sure to suffer tonight.” King Booker is SUCH a great character. In the event that booker loses tonight, I really hope they don’t kill off the character.
For Batista/Booker, though I’m all for putting the world title match in the main event slot to protect the belt, I hope the WWE learned their lesson from last year’s Royal Rumble and doesn’t place an exceptionally weak SD title match in the main event just to prove some kind of a point.
Well, it appears as if I was wrong.
Batista/Booker headlines.
MVP, Test, Umaga, Fit Finlay, and the Big Show vs. John Cena, Kane, Sabu, Bobby Lashley, and RVD
The only note of interest from the ring intros: Philly really hates John Cena.
Cena and Umaga start things out, and the Philly crowd actually breaks into a few somewhat coherent “UMAGA!” chants. Cena clotheslines Umaga to the outside, flips in Fit Finlay, and tags RVD into the match.
Umaga is pissed at Cena, so he grabs a monitor from the announce table, re-enters the ring, and just starts bashing John Cena over the head with it. For his efforts, he’s promptly DQ’d.
As Van Damn and Test fight in the ring, part of the Philly crowd breaks into a random “ECW” chant. Almost at once, they seem to realize what they are doing, and immediately stop. Leave it to the WWE to ruin the fun of ECW chants in Philadelphia.
Van Dam wrestles around with MVP near mid-ring while Sabu cheers him on with some sort of Arabian dance from the apron. I’ve never seen Sabu do such a thing before. Interesting.
After some extraneous shenanigans, RVD pins MVP with a five-star splash.
As RVD’s getting back to his feet, Test nearly TAKES OFF VAN DAM’S HEAD with a kick and scores the pin.
Sabu THEN comes up behind Test and nearly rolls him up for the pin. It doesn’t work, but Sabu’s tornado DDT does. Test is out.
THEN the Big Show pins Sabu.
Rapid fire eliminations here!
Kane and the Big Show square off, and as they’ve got their hands locked around each other’s throats, Finlay’s midget runs into the ring, casually stands between them and looks up, and then runs from the ring. As all eyes follow the midget, Finlay runs in and hits Kane across the head with his club.
Kane is pinned, and we’re down to Cena and Lashley vs. Big Show and Finlay.
The Philly crowd continues to hate Cena, and the Big Show delivers some absolutely sick chops to the chest of The Marine.
Bobby Lashley and Fit Finlay brawl in the ring, and Lashley is surprisingly over in Philadelphia. Lashley almost pins Finlay with a power slam, so Finlay gets frustrated and goes for the midget. Finlay grabs Little Bastard and tries to throw him at Bobby Lashley. In a cool spot, Bobby Lashley ducks under the midget shot, SPEARS Finlay into the mat, and gets the pin.
What happens to the midget, you ask?
John Cena catches him and attempts to hoist him up for an F5. The Philly crowd is all “WTF?!?!”
They’re thrilled when the Big Show breaks things up and kicks the midget off of Cena’s shoulders.
Cena hits the five-knuckle shuffle on the Big Show, and the crowd is all “CENA SUCKS!!!!!”
FU BY CENA ON THE BIG SHOW!!!!
The match is over!!!!
Lashley and Cena are your winners.
Decent match, but the whole Cena FU’s Big Show (OMGHAVEYOUEVERSEENSUCHAFEATOFSTRENGTH) thing is starting to get a bit old.
Lashley and Cena celebrate in the ring together, and I must admit, visually, they look like a mega-superpower combo of the future.
Next, we get a preview for the Extreme Elimination Chamber from the ECW PPV.
King Booker vs. Dave Batista
Teddy Long makes his way out to the ring before the match. According to Teddy Long, because Batista signed King Booker’s royal proclamation, if he loses this match tonight, it will be his final shot at the World Heavyweight Title. But says Long, to add some extra flavor to the match, if Booker gets DQ’d or counted out, Batista will win the World Title. PLAYER.
Things like this always seem to foreshadow the outcome a little too much for my liking. Just like that previous paragraph might have contained just a little too much HtML for your liking.
Big DAVE gets a good response as he makes his way to the ring; King Booker, as always, has the single best entrance in the WWE. That semi-colon really wasn’t needed — I must admit, I was just kind of showing off.
We get about 10:00 of plodding, back-and-forth action before Batista takes control.
BIG pop for the Batista-bomb.
Almost a three count, but Booker grabs the rope.
Sharmell tries to interfere.
BATISTA GRABS HER AND SETS HER UP FOR THE BATISTA BOMB.
HE CHANGES HIS MIND THOUGH AND LETS HER GO!
WHAT A BABYFACE!!!!!!!
WHAT A BABYFACE!!!!!!
WHAT A WONDERFUL, MORALLY-SOUND BABYFACE!!!!!
LOOK AT THAT SMILE!!!!!!!!!
Booker T tries to hit Batista with the title belt, but Batista blocks and (behind the ref’s back) hit’s Booker with the belt.
Batista gets the pin, the crowd goes quasi-crazy, and we have a new one-third-of-the-world CHAMPEEN!
**1/4
A nice effort by two wrestlers I thoroughly enjoy. Unfortunately, the WWE can’t treat Smackdown like the C brand for a year and still expect them to provide a strong main event for a show containing A-B-C wrestlers. Not bad by any stretch of the imagination, and it might have actually worked if the feud had taken place on RAW, but overall, a rather forced, flat finish to an otherwise passable show.
Closing Thoughts:
Though this admittedly isn’t saying that much, Survivor Series 2006 was actually a fairly entertaining show. The classic Survivor Series matches didn’t do much to advance any long-term storylines (long-term storyline in the WWE — Ken made a funny), but they did elicit some warm, fuzzy, nostalgic feelings. I’ll settle for that.
I do wonder how long it’s going to be though before DX recruits CM Punk in an effort to siphon off some of his freshness and heat.
I wouldn’t recommend going out of your way to see this show, but if you’ve got a spare copy laying around, give it a watch.
I’ll be back in a two or three days with a review of last night’s ECW PPV.
Till then, stay cool.
Ken Anderson
KenAnderson242@aol.com
