Monday Night Rabble

Reviews, Shows, TV Shows

LAST NIGHT WAS ECW’S

D E C E M B E R
T O
D I S A S S O C I A T E

TONIGHT, WE CONTINUE THEIR SUCCESS WITH…

T H E
M O N D A Y
N I G H T
R A B B L E

Starring…
Danielle – The girl under my mistletoe…
Jeffrey – The head elf…
Mike – The plancha’ing present!
Eric – Santa’s own milk & cookies.
Bill – Mrs. Claus’ lingerie distributor.
Chris – Hanaukah Harry’s personal moyle.
Hernandez – Dominic The Donkey’s handler.
Jenna – Our own Blitzen…
And your host, Chris Kringle himself, me, James Hatton

Ok – so tonight there is a four man tag match, DX & Hardyz vs. Ordge & MnM… umm.. sure, why the hell not.

First though, we bid a fond farewell to Ric Flair who passed away last week on Raw, at least that’s what they would want to make us believe.

Now the intro…
“G’night guys.” – Hernandez
“That’s pretty cool, you saw the best part of the show..” – Me
“The intro?” – Eric
“Nah, the recap of last week’s show..” – Me

Hey, Cena’s here! Who woulda thunk it. Cena has got a message tonight, because last night he was challenged by Umaga. He marched down to the ring and accepted that match. So he wanted that match right then and there, but apparently Armando didn’t want that. So Cena wants it… NOW! This is all ended by none other than Melina.. who had to be getting some face work done, she’s looking better.
“You are looking at her breasts..” – Hernandez
“Yeah, they greased them up extra tonight. Very shiny.” – Chris

She keeps touching her nose.. so we’re thinking nose job..
“Then again, she could be feeling for cocaine lines..” – Chris

Melina says he’s going to have to face a real man tonight.. Kevin Federline? Ohh boy.

Cena turns this into a joke about Melina not wearing underwear. Sure, why not. She, in fact slaps him.
“Ahh, it must be that time of the show.” – Bill
“John Cena needs to kill a bitch.” – Chris

So he lifts her up for the FU..
“..there he goes..” – Chris

And this is stopped by… Masterpiece?!??!?

Coach comes out to stop all of these shenanigans. No Umaga tonight. That’s for New Years Revolution… tonight he gets the Masterlock Challenge! Umm… yay? So if Masterlock succeeds, he gets a match next week.

Cena then makes a fine point by saying how that was completely unentertaining television. At least Eric Bischoff (whom was fired in that very arena), made television interesting… unlike Coach who sings Right Said Fred in the bathroom – and then we see footage…. no seriously.
“Are we supposed to believe that Cena is a bathroom voyeur?” – Chris
“Nope, just the restarting of GTV” – Eric

So this pisses off Coach, and so he makes the Masterlock challenge FOR the World Title?! Wow.
“..Go Powdered Toast Man..” – Mike
“That’s right, he deserves it.. great mic skills..” – Bill

COMMERCIAL ONE – 9:15

In the back – Kenny asks if he can join Ordge!
“Who?” – Hernandez
“Ordge + Kenny = Ordgey?” – Forum-User (Not Insyder) Cash_Kerouac

Lillian then comes out and discusses Piper – and this match is dedicated to the good health of Roddy Roddy Piper!
“We’ll exploit him anyway!” – Hernandez

So this match is dedicated to him.. HERE COME THE HIGHLANDERS!!!!

They are in Hot Rod shirts! Nice!
“They’re gonna win!” – Me

Versus Cade & Murdoch.. and Cade’s in chaps?! Sure..
“Brooks & Dunn?” – Jenna
“What are they stealing clothes right outta Shawn Michaels locker room?” – Eric

CADE & MURDOCH vs. THE HIGHLANDERS
I’M RODDY!! NOOO I’M RODDY!

So Cade & Murdoch in the ring take down Robbie… but he ducks a double clothesline and Rory leaps off the top rope and hits both of them! Now they send Cade & Murdoch off the top rope.

Finally this ends in a tag situation with Robbie in Murdoch in the ring… Cade ends up clubbing Robbie on the back and a tag to Cade – he holds up Robbie and a big boot from Murdoch.

A backslap to Robbie, and a tag to Murdoch.
“So far, better than the ECW PPV” – Mike

A backelbow to hit Robbie now with Cade in the ring. Cade kicks Robbie around, and a fast tag to Murdoch, and they continue to beat down Robbie… Murdoch then goes to the second rope.
“High risk manuever!” – Hernandez

Finally Robbie gets a tag to Rory.. and as Cade & Murdoch are trying for the double team.. Murdoch hits the ropes and Robbie pulls him down. Rory wraps around Cade’s back and rolls him up for the pin!
“Even THEY’RE surprised!” – Jenna

WINNER: THE HIGHLANDERS

COMMERCIAL TWO – 9:26

We get a flash to last week’s Diva battle royal… and we watch Candice’s nose break in twain at least twice.

Here comes Maria!!!! She’s wrestling!! In a gold number. This match brought to you by ‘Unaccompanied Minors’…
“The James Hatton Story” – Me

And now here comes Victoria… dammit. She’s got a list with her, Candice, Maria, and Torrie on the list before Mickie James, and go fig.. Candice is checked off…

Kick to the gut a few times that drop my cute lil Maria… chokes her on the second rope.
“Stop it you are hurting her!” – Me
“Jamie wanted to do that!” – Bill

So now Maria goes for a few shots the face, but it ends with a clothesline from Victoria. Picks up Maria, and a spinning side slam. That’s that.

WINNER: VICTORIA
“That match was beter than the ECW PPV..” – Me
“High five!” – Mike

Mickie James runs in to check on Maria, and Victoria boots her in the back of the head..
“Finally a real wrestling match” – Hernandez

Victoria then knees her in the head and screams ‘Who is a crazy bitch now!’
“You! You are a crazy bitch!” – Bill
“Does that mean that Stevie’s coming back?” – Eric
“DANCING Stevie Richards” – Hernandez
“I’m so fine with that..” – Eric

“Oh Victoria. Sorry Hatton, but if she kills Maria, she is even hotter.” – Insyder Claus_trophobic
“Psycho-bitch rules!” – Insyder 5Star_Christmas

Victoria leaves, and she has left her hit list. Maria checked off.

COMMERCIAL THREE – 9:35

This past week at the South Carolina Retirement Home. A pair of WWE folks are coming to entertain them…. Of course, it’s Cryme Time amongst all the old folks…
“What are they going to steal from old people?” – Mike
“Their dignity?” – Bill
“This is a bad advertisement for integration” – Chris
“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA…look at the faces on all the old crackas!” – Insyder CaptainKringle
“Tee hee! Black people make old white people nervous! Tee hee!” – Insyder The_Bumble

They then sing sogns about crack rock, theiving, and pimping. Leave with an old woman and she tells off the head of the retirement home.
“Umm.. I speak jive.” – Me
“Cryme Time.. you cads…” – Chris
“…Scalliwags..” – Bill

In the back, Super Crazy, Todd, and Hacksaw laugh at the bit while Shelton gets upset about how Cryme Time is setting race relations back twenty years. He also makes a point of telling us how ‘Educlated’ he is.
“You tell em’ P-Shelton!” – Chris

This brings us to a verbal sparring match between Shelton and Super Crazy… which of course is racial comedy gold. So later we’re getting Shelton vs. Super Crazy.. yeaaahhh…
“How bad does it suck for Shelton to know that a guy that hardly speaks english is more charismatic than him?” – Insyder MRobWantsURMoney

COMMERCIAL FOUR – 9:45

We come back with Shelton in the ring, discussing Cryme Time. He’s ready to face Super Crazy now…

SHELTON vs. SUPER CRAZY
Si!

As Crazy gets into the ring, he gets kicked down. Crazy gets up and runs to the corner, crossbody to land on Shelton for two. He hits a tiltawhirl rana… but back on their feet Shelton misses the crescent kick only to hit a nice snap kick right in Crazy’s chin to cover up.. ouch.

Back body drop to Cray and he throws him in the corner to hit the Shelton splash, but it is ducked! Crazy leaps up – and goes for the moonsault – PERFECT… MISSED!

Shelton grabs Crazy and hits the Exploder … and that’s the end? Awwww….

WINNER: SHELTON BENJAMIN

So now in runs Charlie Haas. He hugs Shelton! Shelty is NOT thrilled with this.
“We’re going on an ADVENTURE Charlie!!” – Me
“We’re in a ring!” – Bill

COMMERCIAL FIVE – 9:54

Now for the ten o’clock spot.. the Masterlock – World Title Match….

Here comes Chris Masters…. Bill is outside smoking.
“Don’t call him” – Hernandez
“But he’ll complain that he missed it..” – Eric
“Masters has been weezing da’ JUUUIII…….CCEEEE” – Me
“Meat Group!” – Hernandez

And Johhhnnnn…. Ceeeeenaaaaa…. and while he’s coming down, JR pimps the fact that no other champion had to win a match like this… Buddy Rogers, Bruno Sammartino.
“Because they had integrity – and told good stories!” – Me

CHRIS MASTERS vs. JOHN CENA
Oi.

Back from the cigarette — “Damn, we didn’t miss it.” – Chris

So Cena sits in his chair, and Masters is about to get it on, but Cena gets a touch upset about it.
“No touching the champ’s chest!” – Chris
“The champions breasticle…” – Hernandez

So Masters has it locked in now….
“YOU LIKE DUDES!” – Hernandez

Cena fades. Oh wait! He’s Marining Up! Cena now runs back slamming Masters into the corner.

The ref gets into the corner.
“Wait for it!” – Mike

So Cena Allllmost breaks the Masterlock. Masters lets it go and RIGHT into the ref goes Cena…. Cena clears around and full-nelson of his own!

WINNER: JOHN CENA

Hey, here comes Umaga!
“Oh.. NOW you come down..” – Bill
“After the vicious… Masterlock..” – Eric

So ‘maga charges in annnd the beatdown goes on. Security tries to break it up, but they roll out of the ring.
“That’s the worst security ever!” – Jeffrey

Cena gets thrown over the table.
“Wow, he knocked JR’s face straight” – Mike

Umaga dives over the table….
“Kiss me!” – Umaga

So Umaga starts clearing security, and Cena breaks through security again to hit a flying crossbody on the Booldoozer. There are local jobbers flying EVERYWHERE!
“Does that whole scene remind anyone else of Angle/Joe?” – Insyder Legion_of_Snowgoons

COMMERCIAL SIX – 10:07

So we get a flash to what JUST HAPPENED…
“I like that it was a time killer BEFORE the commercial.. and AFTER the commercial too.” – Chris

Torrie Wilson now in the back. She’s mixing a drink and hey.. here comes Big Viscera.
“I could fit you underneath one of my folds!” – Hernandez

This is all stopped by Carlito. He then tries to give him an apple.. to the face…
“Hmm.. this is pretty good!” – Me

Of course, here comes Ron Simmons…
“Is that Jim Brown?” – Chris
“DAMN” – Ron Simmons
“Reggie Jackson?” – Chris

In the back now Todd with Degeneration X…
“Jay & Silent Bob?” – Hernandez

Shawn proclaims that you can’t keep Ric Flair down..
“He’ll be back in six days..” – Me
“Three.” – Eric
“Really?!” – Me
“Yeah, didn’t you know that?” – Eric
“I’m a Reverend! Do you think I know this shit?!” – Me
“Isn’t it funny that we call that Good Friday?” – Jeffrey
“That is pretty good..” – Me

COMMERCIAL SEVEN – 10:16

THIS WEEK IN WRESTLING HISTORY! Chris Jericho won the Unified World Title!
“Hey Hernandez! You should check this out.. Hernandez? … E..Erik?… there’s… j..jericho…” – Me
“…” – Hernandez

Big Visc….
“Hungry Hungry HIPPOS! Hungry Hungry HIPPOS!” – Insyder Abominable_Snow_Titan

And heeeere comes Carlito!
“I wonder…if Carlito hits Big Vis with the backcracker, will he just disappear in his backfat?” – Insyder CaptainKringle

CARLITO vs. VISCERA
Everybody has left the room… no seriously.. just me and Eric

“The fact that Viscera and Haas were used in this show mystifies me..” – Eric

Match rings and Viscera charges after Carlito, but Carlito ducks out of the way and throws some punches only to get tossed down and chopped a few times.

Visc hiptosses Carlito down and chokes him out in the corner. Carlito then hits the ropes, but Viscera clotheslines him down and well.. ouch. Carlito tries to get up, but big punches keep him down and stepped on. Visc goes for a big elbow, but he moves out of the way.

Punches and a kneelift from Carlito. Visc then hits the black hole slam. Visc goes to leap on Carlito, but Torrie grabs his leg! Then tries to bail to the corner, but Viscera turns around to hit a missle dropkick on Visc.. one second rope rolling thunder, bad moonsault.. and a pin.

WINNER: CARLITO

So Torrie’s top almost came off.. and to celebrate this, she kisses Carlito.
“Somewhere, Billy Kidman kills himself.” – Mike

In the back Armando starts to talk to Cena…
“You killed my father.. prepare to die..” – Bill
“This could be a whole run of fanfiction based on Cena not being able to touch Umaga for a month” – Chris
“So is Coachman the GM now?” – Mike
“Executive Assistant.” – Eric
“…GM…” – Me

Coach breaks this up and makes a match for next week… Armando versus Cena.
“Armando does make a good villain.” – Bill

COMMERCIAL EIGHT – 10:29

Now we have the Kiss Cam… the Maria Kiss Cam? It’s Val Venis in the ring?!
“Nicole Bass?” – Hernandez
“Viscera… Charlie Haas… and Val Venis are on Raw…” – Eric

So after all the kisses… Val tries to make two girls kiss… so the two obviously (im)plants climb into the ring. Now they have two girls kiss.
“Wow, they really have nothing going on tonight.” – Jeffrey
“So who brought them?” – Chris
“The local strip club..” – Me
“At least Val Venis has good taste in planted actresses…” – Insyder Abominable_Snow_Titan

So Val gets them to peck…
“Val goes limp” – Hernandez
“CHOPPY CHOPPY YOUR PEEPEE?” – Me

So the girls charge each other… and make out… and here comes Eugene.
“I had two Mommies…” – Bill

Eugene now grabs the mic and HE wants a kiss… he asks the girls to kiss him.. they say no…
“Kiss Val Venis!” – Hernandez
“GIMME A KISS YOU BITCH” – Chris

So Eugene goes Tard all over Val… screaming he’s special…
“Val jobbing to Eugene?!?! What a world we live in” – Hernandez
“KISS ME!!!!” – Eugene
“WITHHHH TONGGGUEEEE!!!!!” – Bill
“INNNN MY ASSSHOLLLEEE!” – Me

Eugene then climbs on the announce table.
“He mounted the table?!?” – Chris
“Wait til he humps it.” – Me

So now Eugene heads on to the back screaming about being special…
“CALL ME ALGERNONNNN!!!!” – Me
“Never let Eugene get turned on, he gets all sex-nuts and retard-strong” – Insyder Claus_trophobic

COMMERCIAL NINE – 10:37

“HEY!” – Me
“HEY!” – Bill
“HEY!” – Jeffrey
“HEY YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME!” – Bill

And now here comes MNM….

ORDGE-N-M vs. THE DX-TREME
Spots? We hope so!

So in runs everyone and the beatdowns begin! Good guys clear ring and Trips goes after Orton, beating him on the table. Brings him in the ring and the beatdowns begin. Tag to Michaels.

Michaels chops him down and a tag to Hunter who now beats down further on Orton..

I looked away – when I turned back – Matt is in the ring with Nitro… hey, what happened. Anyway – tag to Jeff who leaps over the top into a dropkick. The tag to Matt and they do the reverse flapjack to Mercury…

COMMERCIAL TEN – 10:50

We’re back and Jeff is going for his top rope dropkick – but he’s gutted by Nitro’s boots.. tag into Mercury now! He runs in and punches Hardy. Tag now to Orton who kicks the hell out of Jeff.

Tag now to Nitro and a kick to Jeff’s gut. They give him a double monkeyflip against the ropes… and a double gutbuster. Nitro left in the ring who hits the breakdancing legdrop for a two count. Tag now to Edge who punches Jeff in the gut. Drags him to the center of the ring, chinlock. Jeff elbows Edge to get up – but he eats a dropkick for two.

Tag to Orton who starts with a couple of kneedrops. Tag to Edge.. geezus.. Orton picks him up for a sideslam with a neckbreaker from Edge. Pin goes for two as it’s stopped by Matt. Tag to Orton and he goes for the Round The World Garvin Stomp… flying kneedrop for two. Another chinlock.. hey Orton doing a chinlock? He slams Orton down and there are lots of tags. There are lots of beatdowns on Jeff until finally he runs to the corner and hits a sloppy Whisper on BOTH members of MNM…. tag to Matt!

Now all hell breaks loose as Shawn tosses out Mercury. Jeff throws out Edge. Matt throws out Mercury and then they ALL plancha off the toprope. Orton now gets the spinebuster.
“Not yet Trips.. seven minutes left!” – Eric

Kenny now runs in and hits Shawn with a chair?! OOoooo snap. Orton left in the rope, and Jeff climbs to the top… Mercury runs and hits Jeff to knock him off. Matt in the ring, turns and EDGE SPEARS!

WINNER: EDGE & CO.

So Orton and Edge bail to the top while Triple H throws in Kenny…. Shawn has gotten to his feet in the corner.

J E S U S – WHACK – KICK – WHAM – PEDIGREE!

That’s the end of Kenny…. and the show!

So what did we all think about it?
“It was better than the f*cking ECW show..” – Jeffrey
“…Better than ECW” – Jenna
“I’ve heard it’s better than the ECW PPV..” – Eric
“Better than ECW… or so I’ve heard..” – Chris
“It wasn’t as good as that OVW PPV we watched last night..” – Bill
“CRAP!” – Hernandez

I think the verdict is in… we totally liked ECW better…. or.. maybe I’m confused.

That’s it all. We’ll see you next week.