SLAYER’S WRESTLING AND STUFF!
Hi Everybody! Welcome to another edition of Slayer’s Wrestling and Stuff! First off”¦holyguacaomlebatman, THANKS EVERYONE for all the wonderful feedback of my Bret Hart DVD review. This added to the fact that the address wasn’t working for several days, I probably didn’t get all of it. I try to answer everyone and I will, but if you don’t hear from me in the next few days, it means your email has evaporated in thin air. So how about that, I decide to get serious for once and write a real introspective DVD review and people like it”¦go figure. But it’s not gonna happen too much, so don’t get used to it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like this week!
Awww shit this week, we got Divas! We got Victoria! We got the DVD review of the very first Vengeance to celebrate the five years universe of Jericho’s Undisputed Title win! And of course we got Paul Heyman”¦”¦”¦”¦..
Let’s start with that.
So when I heard, like everyone else, I was shocked, surprised, and intrigued. So I did what I shouldn’t have done”¦what I had no business doing”¦what I keep telling myself not to do”¦I scoured the IWC for info”¦
So now I have this to say”¦
Are you f*cking people insane? I mean what the hell is going here! The absolute garbage that comes out of so called “professional journalists”, the inantiquated opinions of columnists, and just the absolute silliness that comes from the general reaction. I realize I have no choice but to talk about this subject…it is a mental health emergency!!!!!!!!
Of course none of it came from the fine writers of InsidePulse or any of the wonderful readers”¦except for the writers and readers in the forums..
Ok, let’s get to this. Right now everyone is very very angry.
First, ECW December to Dismember was quite possibly the worst PPV ever since the first Halloween Havoc. Thank God I didn’t see it.
Lashley is named ECW champion who for the past 18 months had been marketed to 9 year olds making the more mature fan (ha!) which tends to watch ECW more upset.
Then Heyman leaves ECW or WWE or something.
As a result, everyone goes insane.
Don’t worry”¦we will get back to sanity by the end of this column. We’re gonna do a little something called Cognitive Restructuring. It’s a therapeutic process where we will replace the delusional schemas with those that are based on reason, logic, and more importantly, reality.
So first off, we all gotta get the shit out of our system. Scream at the computer! Cry outlud that Vince is Satan, Stephanie is Satan’s Mother, and that ECW is now dead! Scream it, yell it, get it out of your system”¦.here is a visual to help you”¦
Go on, let it alllllllllllllllllllllllllllll out!
Now take a deep breath”¦..
Relax”¦”¦
Take another deep breath…in through the nose, out through the mouth”¦”¦
Relax even deeper”¦
Hey, I said to f*cking relax!!!!!!!!
Relax”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦..
You”¦the one in Tennessee”¦Relax!
Everyone Relaxed?
Good!
Ok”¦.let’s start off with the first schema
Is this a work or is real or is “weal”?
The answer is we don’t know and won’t for at least a couple weeks, maybe less, but probably more.
Ok, that was an easy one..let’s move on to a more complex schema”¦
Vince McMahon never allowed Paul Heyman to be the booking genius that he is
Paul is a genius”¦no doubt about it. But he has flaws. The truth is for a few years, 1995-early 1999, Paul was booking the best wrestling show quite possibly the world had ever seen. I mean if you went to an ECW non-televised house show, you would be at the best wrestling show in your life. It was THAT GOOD.
Then Paul made Justin Credible champion and he started going downhill from there. From then on, he had some wonderful success including the Smackdown Six and OVW but that was also with conjunction of several people. Could ECW version 2 been more successful if Vince just let Paul be Paul..maybe”¦but then again, it’s not our millions of dollars being invested in it. I’m also not convinced that Paul minus the handcuffs would have been any more successful. But that’s debatable. It’s a intriguing schema, because there could be truth it, BUT we must recognize the other side of it.
Now the two schemas above were just starters because they had some basis in reality..now the schemas start becoming a little silly
Vince is an asshole, Paul is a saint.
Guys..Paul is no saint. Ask the number of performers he screwed over. I’m talking about the guys that had no shot to work anywhere else and gave up their livelihoods for Paul Heyman and got a bounced check in return. He instilled the belief in them that ECW was their blood, their obligation, and their commitment. And like most Manic Depressives, when Paul ended ECW, he changed his tune and he gave everyone the cold shoulder because it was over and everyone should accept it. Creep.
I know, I know. That was hard to accept. It gets more difficult from here on out. Don’t continue unless you’re truly ready for reality.
Vince screwed over Paul
Yes, he did. Let’s look at all the ways Vince screwed Paul.
He bankrolled ECW.
When ECW flopped, he immediately gave Paul a job.
Promoted the character of Paul Heyman and pushed him to the moon as Paul would become for the next several years one of the most vivid personalities on WWE programming.
He gave Paul carte blanche on an episode of Smackdown and allowed Paul to basically chastise him on air so that he could finally let it all out.
When Paul refused to play nice and pissed off the other employees, Vince always allowed Paul to transfer somewhere else in the WWE corporation.
Unfortunately, most of you are having trouble due to this schema which must be dealt with right away.
Yeah, but that’s only because Vince didn’t want Paul to work for TNA
Oh god”¦ok”¦this is a tough one. Because TNA sucks. I know this, most of you know this, Vince knows this, and Paul knows this. Paul Heyman and the Jarrets”¦yeah”¦that would work”¦”¦.
Though I will admit if he did go to TNA, it would make things interesting, he just wouldn’t last more then 6 months.
Ok, now we have to move on to the schemas that start to get a little psychotic.
Paul got fired because Stephanie HATES him and always HATED him!
I’ve heard this for years”¦and people base this on what? Oh, absolutely nothing. Ok.
Actually from what I hear, Stephanie is an extremely nice person.
And then of course we get to the complete insane”¦..
Vince and Stephanie purposely started the ECW brand so they could kill it and show people that WWE is indeed the superior wrestling company
Now everyone STOP!
Look at that last schema”¦.ask yourself, is that YOU?
It may be. I’ve seen that everywhere. Columns, forums, and even Mr. Don’t go to his site or your computer will die. Yes, even “reporters” said this.
Now be honest, do you truly believe in your heart of hearts, that the McMahons started another brand of wrestling to purposely have it fail?
If the answer is No. Please continue and enjoy the Vengeance DVD review and the Diva Recap.
If the answer is Yes. I want you to X out this column, take InsidePulse and all other wrestling sites of your favorites tab, and NEVER WATCH WRESTLING FOR AT LEAST SEVEN YEARS. It has rendered you psychotic and you need a nice long break from professional wrestling. So go, do something else. Get into sports, start drinking more, do drugs, visit your local S&M club, join a cult”¦do ANYTHING but watch professional wrestling. It’s not healthy for you.
Let’s move on.
VENGEANCE (2001)
So our boss asked us if we wanted to do anything for the five year anniversary of Jericho’s Undisputed Title win, I thought to myself Vengeance has mostly been a summer event, I have this DVD, and what better chance to review it then now. So let’s get to it.
THE CONTEXT
The invasion had ended and WWF (as it was known in the day) had won! But then, Ric Flair came along to inform Vinnie Mac that he bought out his kid’s shares in the company and is now co-owner of the WWF. So now we got these two championships, the WWF and the temporarily named, “world” championship. It’s time for one undisputed championship in a three match tournament that consisted of Steve Austin, The Rock, Kurt Angle, and the darkhorse, Chris Jericho. Who would win this historic tournament? Everybody had their guesses, but most wouldn’t dare think Y2J. However”¦..
THE EVENT
December 9th, 2001-San Diego, CA. (A fun crowd but has the tendency to be very apathetic with the non sports-entertainment stuff”¦you know..the wrestling).
Your announcers are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler who is making his first PPV appearance since making amends with the WWF over the whole Kat nonsense.
You know how this works by now but if you don’t, we quickly go through all the matches. No snowflakes, no ratings, no play by play. Plenty of other writers here do that better then me. Let’s get to it!
Get the crown riled up match
Scotty 2 Hotty & Albert vs. Test and Christian
Who would of though out of these four, it would be Scotty that would achieve the most consistent success in WWF/E. Anyway, fun match but Test is such a weak-link in this fight, but Stephanie loves him, so he gets a pass. The San Diegans love that worm!
IC Championship Match
Champion: Edge vs. Challenger: William Regal
This was the beginning of a very good feud, however this match ain’t all that. The two seemed to have a difficult time complimenting each other’s style. Edge was very much off his game in this one”¦he may have been drunk.
Brother vs. Brother Match
Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy with special guest referee: Lita
You know, Lita looked so much better before all the butchery. Anyway, call me crazy but I felt the two sort of dropped the ball with this match. They really could have gone all out, but for whatever reason, did not. The two were put back together right after all this, so I guess I wasn’t the only person that thought that.
Tag Team Championship
Champions: The Dudley Boyz w/Stacy Kiebler vs. Challengers: Kane and Big Show
Good match, with Kane essentially covering for the Big Slow. However, the Big Slow did get some licks in by spanking Stacy. Thankfully that team didn’t last too long. But still, any match with the Dudleys is a good one and this is no exception.
Hardcore Championship
Champion: RVD vs. Challenger: Bikertaker
How’s this for a dream match. It not only delivers but is the best match on this PPV. Though that may just be more to do with the fact that this PPV aint’ that great, we’ll let that slide for now. Great stuff by both these guys.
Women’s Championship
Champion: Trish Stratus vs. Challenger: Jacqueline
Ok, now this is important. We’re a few weeks into Trish’s first reign as champion, and her first challenge is the experienced Jacqueline. It’s just like the men’s world as in this match Jackie is potatoing Trish to preserve the veteran tradition of beating up young champions to toughen them up. Trish f*cks up a couple times but actually delivers a couple nice moves including a pretty back-slide to get the win”¦
Didn’t I say I wouldn’t do PBP? I can’t help myself with the DIVAS!!!!!!!
UNDISPUTED CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT
So, first we get
WWF Championship
Champion: Steve Austin vs. Challenger: Kurt Angle
This is a weird match. Steve lowers it a gear to preserve energy and Kurt obliges him. In turn, we have a very awkward match.
So Steve wins and now we get
World Championship
Champion: The Rock vs. Challenger: Chris Jericho
In the few months the two feuded, each match was a treat and this is no exception. Great match with some extra shenanigans by Vince McMahon.
So Chris wins and now we get
Undisputed Championship!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At this point it’s obvious, Austin is not in good shape tonight. Because of that this match was filled with the shenanigans by all the participants, Vince, and Flair. Even Booker T gets into the mix and makes his comeback to start a very short feud with Austin. Jericho gets the pin, the win, and becomes THE FIRST EVER UNDISPUTED CHAMPION OF THE WRESTLING UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And San Diego couldn’t give a shit.
Other Shannigans
Fun stuff by Vince and Flair throughout the program including highlights of the Kiss my Ass Club which started just a couple weeks before this PPV.
In all, an event that should have been one of the most spectacular nights in sports entertainment was just”¦”¦”¦..ok. Score is 3 (out of 6).
Extras: None!
Total Score=3
Dammmmmmmm, low score. And due to the rarity of this DVD, it’s probably not worth it anymore. But if you luck out and find it for a descent price, pick it up as it is a huge part of wrestling history. Just for whatever reason, it didn’t feel like it during the night it actually happened. The fact there are no extras..none whatsoever”¦is another sign that the WWF was very much off the kilter. For the next several months (some say years) this company would be grasping at straws looking for anything that worked and a lot of things would explode in their faces. Some their control, others not so much. As for Jericho, well”¦. his reign as champion is less then spectacular, that we can all agree on. Our very own Scott Keith states that Vince called it “The biggest flop as WWF Champion” ever. If I may be bold and state that I would find it hard to believe Vince did state that, it is interesting, after Wrestlemania X-8, Y2J would never win another PPV match again!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, that’s not true, I think he would win like”¦two.
Either way, beating the Rock and Stone Cold in one night makes for one hell of a legacy and in my opinion, Jericho deserves to have that be part of his. Unfortunately, the legacy is better then the actual night itself.
Ok, enough of this crap, time for the main event
SLAYER’S ONE MATCH DIVA REVIEW WHERE WE JUST FOCUS ON VICTORIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, I wanna end this column on a positive note. So we’re just gonna look at one match, and only one match!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY? Because it’s best we leave ECW alone for a little bit, and I’m still miffed King Booker lost to Batista, and he tried to violate the Queen”¦asshole”¦.
Anyway, Victoria is on the Rampage! Who called the comeback!!!!!! Who did it? Who did it wayyyyyyyy back a couple months ago????? ME! Memememememmememememe!
So anyway, here’s the rundown
So we got”¦”¦..
Candice Michelle
Maria
Torrie
Mickie James
Ok, Maria is Next!
Victoria’s Path of Dooooooooooooooooooooooom
Victoria vs. Maria
Why did *I* make this list? What the f*ck did I ever do? Why am I in this ring? Why can’t I be just a bimbo reporter, that was fun, now they put me in this wring every dam week to get my ass kicked, I did not sign up for this crap, I swear if Victoria is stiff, I’m sewing.
Maria: Goddamit Victoria! Didn’t someone tell you wrestling is supposed to be fake?
Victoria: Do you like my new highlights? ISAIDDOYOULIKEMYNEWHIGHLIGHTS??????? ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Victoria then Kills Maria.
Winner is Victoria
So now we got”¦
Candice Michelle
Maria
Torrie
Mickie James
Mickie James tries to stop the madness but”¦”¦..
Now you die too! This will be my championship soon! You have the audacity to steal my crazy bitch gimmick! IMTHECRAZYBITCH! I’m the Queen Of the Worrrrrrrrrrlllllllllllld! Dam, I look sexy in a knee brace.
This is getting ridiculous. Hey Creative, can I get my psycho gimmick back. This whole, ordinary girl thing is turning me into a retard.
And the Diva of the week goes toooooooooooooooooooo
Who else?
I got some life issues next week, so it may be a couple weeks before I see you all again.
Until then, God Bless.
