WEEK 13 RECAP
Sorry it took me so long to post this week. I’ve been working late every night. If I can somehow figure out a way to get paid to write this and volunteer to support the hotel and travel industry then I think we’d be all set.
NFC
1. CHICAGO BEARS 10-2
WON v. Minnesota 23-13
I don’t know if I’m the only person that feels this way, but the NFL is kind of bumming me out this year. This game was an illustration why. Rex Grossman goes 6 of 19 for 34 yards, 0 TD and 3 INT, and the Bears still win comfortably. I mean, how bad does one have to play to lose in this league? Hmmm..let’s see, Brad Johnson threw 4 INTs instead of the 3 that Rex threw, and got benched for Brooks Bollinger. I guess THAT’S how bad you have to play.
Fans in Chicago are clamoring for Rex to benched in favor of Brian Griese. My response to that is why would you bother doing that when Rex can suck as bad as he can possibly suck and the Bears still win by 10. Rex’s awfulness is the only thing keeping this season interesting for Bears fans until the playoffs start, why would you want to throw that all away?
While I’m on the subject of Rex, a subject I could talk about all day, let me just note that in his final season at Florida he was picked off 17 times (versus 22 TDs). He is just not a quarterback that makes good decisions. He makes bad decisions and put up mediocre numbers even as a college quarterback. He went backwards at Florida (second in the Heisman voting in 2001 with Steve Spurrier as his coach, suck-o in 2002 without Spurrier) and he’s going backwards in the NFL. Has he ever been any good without playing in Spurrie’s pass-silly offense that made Danny Wuerffel look like Black Jesus?? Again, why is it surprising that he sucks now? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.
NEXT WEEK
At St. Louis (5-6); Monday Night
Whether Rex is good or bad in this game should be a moot point because the Rams’ defense ranks 31st in the league against the run. I want to see Thomas Jones and Cedric Benson pounding the ball all night long and a boring win for the Bears.
2. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 8-4 (7-1 NFC)
WON v. San Francisco 34-10
Reggie Bush had 168 yards from scrimmage and 4 TDs, while Deuce McAllister carried 26 times for 136 yards. Granted, this came against the second worst scoring defense in the league, but let’s think about this here. If it came down to a playoff game between the Saints and Bears right now, would you pick the team that has an offense performing at the level the Saints performed at in this game, or the team whose quarterback gets worse every week on a seemingly irreversible journey towards McNown Town? Who, I ask you? When answering this, please bear in mind that I totally don’t give a shit that the Ravens won a Super Bowl with Trent Dilfer at quarterback 6 years ago. The other team in that game’s quarterback was Kerry Collins, not Tom Brady, get over it.
NEXT WEEK
At Dallas (8-4); Sunday Night
The flex schedule has flexed this game onto our Sunday Night viewing schedule, and it’s a crucial one. Both the Saints and the Cowboys are competing for a first round bye, and whoever loses this game likely will be out of the running for that prize. Trust me, you don’t want to face the sixth seed in the NFC playoffs. It’s sure to be a team that has run roughshod over the league en route to an 8-8 playoff season.
3. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 8-4 (6-3 NFC)
WON at Denver 23-20
Matt Hasselbeck has been really, uh , bad since he came back from his injury. The only thing that kept him from losing this game for the Seahawks was the gift Mike Shanahan bestowed by deciding to start Jay Cutler in this game, who looked every bit like how you’d think a guy who was quarterbacking Vanderbilt at this time last year would look in his first NFL start.
The good news for Seattle is that Shaun Alexander (90 rushing yards, 1 TD) seems to kind of be rounding into form. Not the superhuman form he was in last year mind you, but at least in better than Maurice Morris form. Still, this win for the Seahawks was about as unimpressive as the laws of physics will allow a road win in Denver to be.
NEXT WEEK
At Arizona (3-9) 4:05 PM
The Cardinals have played really well the last 3 weeks, and are coming off a convincing road win over St. Louis. When these teams met in Week 2 the Cards held Alexander to 89 yards on 26 carries. This could be a tough game for the Hawks.
4. DALLAS COWBOYS 8-4 (5-3 NFC)
WON at NY Giants 23-20
Everything the Cowboys big-bosomed coach does this year seems to turn out right. First, benching Drew Bledsoe for Tony Romo saved the Cowboys season. Now this week, Busty LaRue releases high priced drunken idiot kicker Mike Vanderjagt, signs washed-up Martin “Autoerotica” Gramatica, and Gramatica nails a game winning 46 yard field goal to win the game. It’s been a great year for this big fat man.
As for Romo, this was probably his roughest outing as the Boys starter. He threw 2 INTs and posted a 58.1 quarterback rating. But at the same time, in the NFC, a QB rating of 58.1 means you can practically write your own ticket to the Pro Bowl, so good for him. Marion Barber continues to overshadow Julius Jones at running back. MB3 averaged 6.3 yards per carry and scored twice, Orange Julius carried 11 times for only 24 yards.
NEXT WEEK
Vs. New Orleans (8-4); Sunday Night
WILD CARD MESS HALL
NY GIANTS 6-6 (5-3 NFC)
LOST v. Dallas 20-23
Pretty much the only reason I write this column is so I can refute the endless cycle of NFL bullshit ESPN/FOX/CBS/NBC keeps pumping into our brains.
Case in point, I can’t stand Bill Parcells or Tom Coughlin. All you ever hear about these guys is what tough, no-nonsense, disciplinarians they are. Meanwhile, every Super Bowl Parcells ever won was because he tolerated having a coked-up Lawrence Taylor on his team because Lawrence Taylor was awesome at football, and Parcells himself can’t exercise enough self-discipline to keep his cup size below DD.
As for Coughlin, he has the same reputation Parcells does. Yet, it seems like every season I can remember, at some point during the year stories surface about how Coughlin is losing his team and nobody on his roster can stand him. How is that a positive personality trait if your team quits on you like clockwork in November every year and fritters away a fast start and ends up under .500? The Giants pretty much lost this game because despite winning every statistical category they racked up stupid penalty after penalty, so apparently Tom Coughlin’s “discipline” does not lead to any useful results.
NEXT WEEK
At Carolina (6-6); 1 PM
This is your first playoff game of this NFL campaign. The winner of this game remains in the wild card hunt, the loser continues to spiral into the abyss. Jake Delhomme is listed as questionable with a thumb injury, so the Panthers may be playing Yinky My Weinke in this one.
PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 6-6 (5-3 NFC)
WON v. Carolina 27-24
You know who I like though, is Jeff Garcia. For whatever reason he is universally reviled wherever he goes. Actually I’ll just come out and say that he comes off as being gay, and the reputation never goes away, and a lot fans want to see him fail because they think he’s light in the loafers.
Maybe he is, and maybe he isn’t, but as a quarterback, he’s always been gutty and able to absorb some huge hits, peel himself off the turf, and come back and perform. He played a great game at home on a Monday Night in front of a crowd that was just dying to boo him off the field from the second he stepped on it. He silenced all those boos, threw for 312 yards and 3 TDs, and got his team back in the playoff race. Welcome back, Jeff Garcia, you’re alright in my book.
NEXT WEEK
At Washington (4-8); 1 PM
In their last game before the annual Donovan McNabb season ending injury, the Eagles walloped the Redskins 27-3. Both teams will have a different starting QB in this game. Can the Eagles, the NFC’s sissiest team (with the AFC’s being the Colts, natch) continue to surprise us all by showing backbone in the absence of their vomiting oft-injured leader and stay in the playoff hunt?
ATLANTA FALCONS 6-6 (4-4 NFC)
WON at Washington 24-14
I’ve been busily bashing Jim Mora Jr. the last few weeks, so I’ll have to give him his kudos this week. He did a great coaching job in this game. The Falcons fell behind 14-0 in the first quarter, and rather than doing what so many NFL coaches have done this year when their team falls behind (AHHHHH-BILL COWHER-CHOOOO!!) and abandoning any semblance of a game plan and having the quarterback chuck it up 50 times, Mora stuck with what he wanted to do in this game, which was to have a 41/16 run to pass ratio. The Falcons rolled up over 200 rushing yards, softening up the defense enough to allow Michael Vick to throw 2 TD passes, and the Falcons rolled off 24 unanswered points to win comfortably. Nicely played, Jim Mora, I salute you.
NEXT WEEK
At Tampa Bay (3-9); 1 PM
For my money, Tampa’s probably the worst the team in the league right now. ATL easily handled the Bucs back in Week 2, 14-3, and that was before Chris Simms took leave of his spleen. This should be a win for the Falcons, which will put them in the drivers seat in the NFC wildcard race.
CAROLINA PANTHERS 6-6 (4-5 NFC)
LOST at Philadelphia 24-27
When you are struggling like the Panthers are, the answer to everything is always to change quarterbacks, even if you’re talking about sitting down Jake Delhomme in favor of Chris Weinke. Nevertheless, that’s what I kept hearing on Monday Night, “Ohhhh they’ll be talking about Jake Delhomme in Carolina this week”¦” I don’t know fellas, I never played the game, and I know I just got done singing the praises of Jeff Garcia, but Madden 07 and Al Michaels were also talking all night about how bad the Eagles offense was, yet that bad offense was allowed to get 312 passing yards against the supposedly staunch Carolina defense. So how again is Chris Weinke the answer to this? Why isn’t anybody saying, “God the Panthers’ overrated defense sure did suck in this game.”?
NEXT WEEK
Vs. NY Giants (6-6); 1 PM
Okay then that’s all for today. Tomorrow the AFC.
