We’re back, with days to spare! I’m away down to Birmingham this weekend to A) buy comics and B) drink stuff, so this is getting put up earlier than planned”¦ but will be posted at the planned time! The space-time continuum weeps as the internets steal its lunch money and say cruel things about its retarded sibling, Greenwich Mean Time.
Things have been almost-too-quiet on the question front, though we’re getting there. Remember and keep them coming to this address or else a kitten will get kicked up the arse.
Kyle McCowin demands vengeance:
“December to Dismember ended at about 10:15. Was this the shortest “3-hour” PPV a major promotion has ever done? If not which shows clocked in with a shorter time?”
The WWF held a This Tuesday In Texas PPV in November ’91 that clocked in at just 2 hours but I’m not sure whether it was meant to last for longer. I’m fairly certain it was only meant to be on for a couple of hours, a precursor of the two-hour In Your House events they started in ’95. The shortest of those was In Your House 16: Canadian Stampede, which barely even made it to two hours on account of having just four matches on the card. Thankfully, all the matches were very good and the return of the Harts to Calgary in the main event made for one of the most unique and enjoyable moments in wrestling history. December to Dismember, on the other hand, relied on guys like Mike Knox and Kevin Thorn to flesh out the card and the only extreme thing about the main event was how cynical it came across. I’m sure it was actually the shortest ‘3-hour’ PPV (with a $40 price tag) from a major wrestling promotion but I have no sympathy for anybody who bought it. I once read a review of the 7,456th Beatles compilation that said they could release a recording of John Lennon farting and they’d still manage to sell it. The same seems to be true of Vince McMahon with regards to wrestling PPVs. I would love the buyrate to plummet into the five-digit range to scare them into not taking the audience for granted ever again but it seems the audience enjoys the abusive relationship.
Amusing anecdote: when the show ended so early Sky Sports, the channel broadcasting it in the UK, got so confused they put up a ‘technical difficulties’ sign on the screen. Well, WWE *is* difficult”¦
Next”¦
WildRover69 commands me to respond to:
“Burnside……What are the chances of Bret Hart wrestling again?”
Roughly the same as discovering concrete evidence that proves the existence of God. Ironically, a serious concussion could greatly increase the chance of the concussed believing that such evidence exists. Ironically v2.0, concrete could cause a serious concussion. Ironically v3.0, it all hinges on disproving God. Ironically v4.0, just who does this God fellow think he is anyway?
Next…
Betty Nhgal is on the lookout for a good woman:
“I was wondering what happened to some of my favorite female wrestlers.
*Ivory
*Jacqueline
*Dawn Marie
*Madusa
*Goldylocks (early TNA)
*Nidia”
After she wound down her TV wrestling days, Ivory went to train newbies in OVW in 2004 and also co-hosted WWE Experience. She was allowed to wrestle on a few indy shows in early 2005 and later that year her contract was not renewed. After that she continued to wrestle on the indy circuit under her real name, Lisa Moretti, for Carolina Championship Wrestling and SuperGirls Wrestling among others. She also went into the landscaping business and did some charity work in New Orleans following Hurricane Katrina. More recently she went on a rather random wrestling road trip with Nora Greenwald, a.k.a. Molly Holly, in honour of Trish Stratus’ wedding and not self-gratification or self-publicity, honest.
Jacqueline, as you probably know, worked for TNA at their Victory Road and Turning Point PPVs in 2004. She has worked some of their house shows this year as well but hasn’t signed a full deal yet. She’s also appeared at various other indy shows and is said to still be in very good shape. Aside from wrestling she is also pursuing an acting career (aren’t they all?) and was in the horror movie Sin-Jin Smyth, which also starred Roddy Piper and Jenna Jameson, among others. Oh, to be a fly on the wall of that set. She’s also meant to be in something called Knight Fever but, well, there doesn’t really seem to be much happening at that site, so who knows?
By the way, here’s the trailer for Sin-Jin Smyth:
Dawn Marie (Psaltis) was taken off of WWE TV in 2005 due to her pregnancy and subsequently released from her contract in July that year. She appeared at the Hardcore Homecoming: November Reign event, doing a run-in during the main event. A heavily-pregnant run-in at that. She prematurely gave birth to her son, Matthew, in December and the following month filed a lawsuit against WWE for wrongful termination and mental distress suffered as a result of it. That’s still outstanding but she has been in training for a return to the ring. She was in the corner of Chris Candido’s brother Johnny at a National Wrestling Superstars event. His opponent? Lex Luger. In Luger’s corner? Tammy Sytch. Oh, to be a fly on the wall of that locker-room.
Madusa only wrestled one more match after WCW folded, retiring herself from pro-wrestling in 2001. Now, as Debra Miceli, she is pursuing a monster truck driving career and running a pet grooming service. Read all about it here.
Goldylocks had been pursuing a music career before working with TNA. Her real name is Moon Shadow, so that’s one of the few times when Russo was out-swerved by reality. She plays the guitar, keyboards and the violin and had a hit song, “Kiss”, on American Mid-West radio back in 2000. After leaving TNA, she’s gone back to focus on music again. You can read about that and hear some songs here. TNA should never have let her get away, really. She’d be great for the Abyss face turn.
Nidia Guenard kept wrestling on the indy circuit after WWE released her in 2004, most notably for Rikishi’s successful NWE promotion in Italy. She’s now living in Italy with her boyfriend and has retired from wrestling as she is expecting their first child. Oh, and apparently she was once engaged to Eric Angle. Weird.
Next”¦
Joey Head keeps it short and bloody:
“I was wondering when and where the first barbed wire match happened?”
Sometime in the latter half of the nineteenth century when barbed wire was first patented, I’d imagine. As far as wrestling matches are concerned, barbed wire was first used in Japan by the various nutbar promotions, the first noteworthy one being Atsushi Onita’s Frontier Martial-Arts Wrestling, which opened in 1989. Onita had been a successful junior-heavyweight in AJPW in the ‘80s but retired early due to various injuries. Feeling the itch to return to action, as so many do, he masked his limitations with the garbage/hardcore wrestling style that became FMW’s trademark. Onita became more popular than ever before with this new style and had umpteen death matches featuring umpteen different types of weapon, including barbed wire. The first such match FMW booked was Onito & Tarzan Goto vs. Jerry Blayman & Mitsuhiro Matsunaga at Korakuen Hall in Tokyo on the 10th December 1989″¦ however, Onito was said to have gotten the idea from watching tapes of Puerto Rican shows. I’d imagine that those tapes were of the bloody feud between Carlos Colon (Carlito’s dad) and Abdullah The Butcher in the early ‘80s, when they had some vicious barbed wire matches in Colon’s WWC promotion. Finding out records of shows from back then is tricky, doubly so if you don’t know Spanish, but they did have a Loser Leaves Town Barbed Wire Match in June ’82. Abdullah lost it, yet returned the next month and declared himself WWC Universal Champion. And we think TNA is bad for upholding match stipulations! I’ve also heard from some people that Dusty Rhodes had some barbed wire matches with Abdullah in Florida in the late ‘70s but I couldn’t find anything about them.
Next”¦
Ross Williams has the right idea:
“What colour panties is Test wearing NOW?”
Test, as with any truly enlightened individual, has transcended the morally imposed boundaries of fabric. No more for him the gradually unpleasant sting of the buttock-sweat stain. No longer shall he put it back in an awkward position that becomes ever more noticeable throughout the day after a trip to the urinal, which almost always results in a spot of trouser-shuffling that is most certainly noticeable to the rest of the world despite your best efforts to conceal it. Not for him are the shackled constraints of the boxer, the brief, the thong, the Y-front, the G-string, the edible, the Granny knickers, the coconut shell, the gripping palm, the codpiece, the abusive uncle, the overprotective mother, the jockstrap, the cup, the loincloth, the fundoshi, the drawer, the bloomer, the garter, the high side, the low side, the pouch, the flap, the never-can-get-it-right-in-a-hurry button, nor even the commando. No, Test has fine-tuned his mental worth to such a shiny degree that he can, without blinking, restrict any and all movement of his nether regions until it becomes necessary. Thus, he requires no support or protection. He fears none of the gravities. He steadfastly refuses shrinkage at any particular temperature. His mouse resides in a passive house on a street well-protected by CCTV.
But his favourite colour is now purple.
Next”¦
Nope, that’s it for now. Please send in more of your questions here and we’ll answer ‘em next week.
And remember: if you buy Armageddon you are a total moron.
Cheerio!
