The SmackDown Report

Reviews, Shows, TV Shows

Armageddon is this week (man, I’ve forgotten all about that PPV) and tonight we’ve got the Brothers against Kennedy and MVP, but to open the show we have wrestling’s answer to Van Wrinkle, John Cena making his way out. Cole says that every town is John Cena’s home town, which comes across as stupid as it sounds. Cena says he’s here for three reason; he apparently lives here so there was no way he’d miss this show, number two is being that it’s the Holiday season and he got stuck with Cole in the secret Santa – and he’s gotten every single thing Cole wants to Christmas. A big hard salami, a picture of shirtless David Hasselhoff, and a giant bag of salty nuts because Cole loves salty nuts … Wow, THAT’S faggy, all he needs is a Kylie CD and he’s got a gay flush. And the third reason he’s here is for Armageddon, where history will be made (like every other pay per view), because fighting with Batista is history making – of course, that’s ignoring when they teamed together earlier in the year. Booker, Finlay, and Sharmell make their way out. Booker says that history shall be made when he and Finlay destroy the pair of champions in the same match. A clip plays of Finlay and Booker attacking Batista last week. Booker says that since it is the holiday season, they don’t want Cena to feel left out so Finlay and he will give Cena the same beat down they gave to Batista. They make their way down to the ring but Batista’s music hits, and he stops a possible beat down from happening. Long then makes his way out and announces some more history tonight; for the first time ever, Finlay vs. John Cena. Not exactly as historical as the “I have seen war, and I hate war” speech, but since it’ll go down in the record books then I suppose it is technically history.

Commercials.

Opening Segment: Brian Kendrick, Paul London, and Jimmy Wang Yang w/ Ashley Massaro vs. William Regal, Dave Taylor, and Gregory Helms
So, why exactly did Amy Zidian get the boot? London and Helms start, with Helms taking down London with a fireman’s and gets a headlock. London gets an arm drag on Helms and tags out to Kendrick, and we get a nice atomic drop elbow smash combo for a one count. Helms sends Kendrick into the corner for a cheap shot by Regal, Helms stomps away at Kendrick and sends him into the corner. Taylor tagged in. Taylor picks Kendrick up for a fall away slam. Regal tagged in, and he whips Kendrick into an elbow by Taylor, before taking to Kendrick with the knee. Regal distracts the referee and Helms chokes Kendrick with the boot. Regal works the throat of Kendrick with headlocks and applying weight to it. Regal nails Kendrick with an exploder suplex, Taylor in with a headbutt to the gut. Helms tagged back in, before shortly tagging back out to Taylor. Taylor runs into the turnbuckles and Kendrick gets a kick to the back of the head, but Helms is tagged in before Kendrick can get the tag. Kendrick with a suplex to Helms, and Yang is tagged in! Hurricanrana to Regal by Yang, Yang with a spinning heel kick to Helms. London with spinning heels to the brits, before Taylor and Regal begin making their way to the back. Yang gets the moonsault on Helms for the three count.
Winners: Jimmy Wang Yang, Paul London, and Brian Kendrick

Fun and good little opening match, featuring two of the better matches for the pay per view. Nothing to rave about, but still enjoyable. Four out of Ten.

Still to come: The Brothers vs. Kennedy and MVP, and John Cena vs. Finlay with people banned from ringside. Whatever.

Commercials.

Footage of the Armageddon conference (holy crap, Josh Matthews is still alive!).

Second Contest: Matt Hardy vs. Joey Mercury
What ever happened to Mercury going to ECW? Lock up and Hardy forces Mercury into the corner but Mercury turns it around and gets some shots in on Hardy, clothesline for a no count. Hardy with the clothesline bulldog combo for a two count. Mercury runs into an elbow, and Hardy goes up to the second turnbuckle but Mercury trips him up and gets in a very gay cover for some pinfall attempt .. we think. Mercury gets a two count over Hardy, before locking in a sleeper hold. Hardy looks to be out of the sleeper, but Mercury gets a neckbreaker, before making fun of the yodel legdrop and getting a knee or something on Hardy. Hardy gets whipped into the corner but Hardy comes off the ropes with a clothesline. Scoop slam by Hardy, before he goes up top the second turnbuckle and nails a yodel elbow drop for a two count. Hardy gets the Side Effect, and Twist Of Fate finishes it.
Winner: Matt Hardy

Well, it wasn’t bad, but I’ve already forgotten it ever happened. Two out of Ten.

Video package for the Inferno Match. I never got to see the HHH vs. Kane Inferno Match, so it was nice to see some footage of it.

Commercials.

MVP is backstage on the phone to his agent, he hangs up on him before Kennedy enters the scene. The two, as always, bicker about whose match at the pay per view is worse before they agree to be on the same page for tonight, at least.

Meanwhile, Undertaker and Kane do their thing and pose for the camera.

Commercials.

MVP, Kennedy, Kane, and Taker all take their sweet ass time making their entrances … Cole reminds us that there hasn’t been an Inferno Match since 1999, which makes it seem pretty damned special in the WWE. Now if only they could make other gimmick matches seem as special (I’m looking at Hell In A Cell, and Elimination Chamber specifically).

Commercials.

Third Contest: Mr. Kennedy and MVP vs. Kane and The Undertaker
We’re back and it’s Kane vs. Kennedy at the moment, and Kane takes to Kennedy in the corner with shots. Kane picks Kennedy up in a double handed choke. Kennedy tags out to MVP, and MVP in with shots before he gets a headlock with knee shots to Kane, and runs into a sideslam by Kane. Kane goes up top and comes off with the flying clothesline. Taker tagged in, and he comes in with shots in the corner before he scares off the referee. Taker whips MVP into the corner and he comes back into a clothesline, Taker forces his forearm into the face of MVP and knocks Kennedy off the apron to boot. Taker goes for the Old School, but Kennedy distracts him and MVP gets him with an arm drag from the top rope. Kennedy right in with shots to Taker and kicks him out of the ring, where MVP sends him face first into the steel steps. Back in the ring, Kennedy takes Taker to the corner and tags out to MVP. MVP in with kicks and punches, before he takes Taker to another corner. Taker grabs MVP and sends hi into the corner for a heap of right hands, before he goes for the Old School again and this time connects with it. Taker goes for the Snake Eyes, but runs into Kane – who made the blind tag – who takes MVP down with a big boot. Big boot to Kennedy by Taker. Double Chokeslam to Kennedy, before the Brothers slice their thumbs and Taker goes for a Tombstone but MVP pulls Kennedy outside! Taker follows MVP and Taker slams him into the entrance set, Kennedy sends Kane into the steel steps repeatedly and the bell rings. Count out, I suppose.
Winner: Draw

Kennedy DDTs Kane on the aisle way floor, before he enters the hearse and goes to hit Kane but MVP stomps away on Kane a bit. MVP moves and the lights go out. When the lights come back on … Taker is in the passenger’s seat! Kane sits up and Kennedy and MVP run backstage. Well, that’s a pretty cute ending at least. These guys are starting to work a lot better together, if only because their matches are starting to get a bit fairer. Four out of Ten.

Commercials.

The Guerreros come down to the ring for the following contest, but Chavo gets on the microphone and talks about how Chris Benoit has scarred Vickie Guerrero. Chavo demands that Benoit come down and publicly apologize to everyone, and Vickie Guerrero as well, for what he has done. Chris Benoit comes on out, and Vickie hands him the microphone. Benoit says he doesn’t owe anyone an apology, and won’t apologize for what he’ll do to Chavo at Armageddon.

Fourth Contest: Chavo Guerrero w/ Vickie Guerrero vs. Funaki
Wow, Funaki is still alive too?! Guerrero is right on Funaki, choking him at the ropes and yelling at Benoit who is still at ringside. Funaki gets some shots in but Guerrero regains control with back drops. Funaki again gets some shots in but Guerrero goes back to dominating. Brainbuster and Frog Splash, and it’s over.
Winner: Chavo Guerrero

-Five out of Ten. You know how I hate squash matches. Benoit attacks Guerrero right away, locking him in the Sharpshooter, and Vickie comes in and slaps Benoit a few times while he has it locked in! Benoit smiles at Vickie, and Vickie plays it perfectly by getting on her knees and praying, before we fade to black.

Video package for the Tribute to the Troops. It’s on Christmas Night, which is only a week and a half away … man, this year’s gone quickly hasn’t it?

Commercials.

Fifth Contest: Vito vs. Sylvan
Sylvan doesn’t even get an entrance. JBL is really having a ball with the Cole and Vito jokes. Lock up and Sylvan forces Vito in the corner, but Vito ducks a clothesline and flashes Sylvan. Vito dances on the apron but gets clotheslined down by Sylvan. Sylvan sends Vito back in the ring for a one count. Elbows by Sylvan in the corner, but Sylvan runs into an elbow. Vito spears Sylvan into the corner and gets a shoulder body toss. Vito with clotheslines, scoop slam and leg drop for a two count. Sylvan drops Vito face first in the top rope and nails some weird DVD faceplant for a two count. Sylvan whips Vito into the ropes, but Vito comes back with the tranny Lou Thesz press. Vito gets the pinfall shortly after.
Winner: Vito

JBL absolutely loves whatever happened between Cole and Vito. Two out of Ten.

Run down of the Armageddon card. Well, not exactly the entire card, but just the three main events. Way to learn from the ECW PPV mistakes, guys!

Commercials.

Kristal Marshall (looking heaps different tonight) and Mike Mizanin are in the ring. Miz is going to take some stupid challenge, and has done Trishelle (is that the girl from the Surreal Life?), and Mizanin will eat crap. Mizanin eats a Pig’s Tongue first, and then – allegedly – Monkey Brains. The third dish (with Boogeyman obviously hidden underneath), are Worms. But he can’t eat them, and Boogeyman arrives from under the ring. It’s nothing without the music, lighting, and smokes for his entrance. Marshall and Mizanin run backstage. What a shitty segment. Cole announces Mizanin vs. Boogeyman at Armageddon.

Up next: John Cena vs. Finlay.

Commercials.

Main Event: Finlay vs. John Cena
Finlay with a headlock which leads into the usual irish whip stuff, ending with a hip toss, scoop slam, and elbow drop by Cena. Cena takes Finlay to the corner but runs into a high boot by Finlay. Finlay with an uppercut and short arm clothesline, before he applies the shoulder claw, before he hooks the face and elbows it. Finlay into the ropes and back into a belly to belly by Cena. Cena with elbow drops for a two count. Finlay sends Cena into the corner and follows with a spear, positioning Cena on the apron for a face plant and elbow to the throat. Cena with a small package for a two, only to get clotheslined back down by Finlay. Cena with a drop toe hold and goes for the STFU but Finlay gets to the ropes. Finlay spears Cena into the ring apron, and the Little Bastard comes on out! Cena catches him and throws him into JBL! JBL hits him with his cowboy hat, before Finlay throws him back under the ring.

Commercials.

We’re back and Finlay has Cena in a key lock, but Cena takes him into the corner but Finlay back with a clothesline. Finlay with the thump drop, knee to the face during the pinfall for a two count. Cena gets a shoulder body toss but runs right into a drop toe hold and Finlay applies an arm bar. Finlay throws Cena outside and slams his hand against the steel steps, back in the ring Finlay returns to the arm of Cena. Cena with punches to Finlay, irish whip but Finlay kicks Cena in the sore shoulder – Cena goes for the F-U but Finlay escapes and gets clotheslined down. Cena with his trademark back drop, and five knuckle shuffle. Cena goes for a spear but Finlay moves, and Cena slams into the steel post! Celtic Cross for a two count! Almost a three! The Little Bastard hands Finlay a chair but Cena kicks the chair into Finlay’s face, F-U for the victory.
Winner: John Cena

King Booker comes through the crowd and a fight breaks out between he and Cena, Finlay joins in with the shillelagh but Batista runs down to the ring and fights off Booker and Finlay! An alright match, these two go together pretty well. Six out of Ten.

Hooliganz and Yang vs. Regal, Taylor, and Helms: 4/10
Matt Hardy vs. Joey Mercury: 2/10
Mr. Kennedy / MVP vs. Brothers Of Destruction: 4/10
Chavo Guerrero vs. Funaki: -5/10
Vito vs. Sylvan: 2/10
Finlay vs. John Cena: 6/10
SmackDown 15/12/06: 13/60

The Inside Pulse
A rather blah blah show this week. Average borderline acceptable. All the storylines continued along nicely. I’m just apathetic about this show. On the upside, Armageddon should be a positive PPV, not sure if I’ll buy it or not but the majority of the matches should be good. Until next time guys, enjoy the Christmas Season while it lasts.