Haven – DVD Review

Film, Reviews

Available at Amazon.com

Written and Directed by
Frank E. Flowers

Cast
Bill Paxton ………. Carl Ridley
Orlando Bloom ………. Shy
Stephen Dillane ………. Mr. Allen
Zoe Saldana ………. Andrea
Razaaq Adoti ………. Richie Rich
Agnes Bruckner ………. Pippa Ridley
Victor Rasuk ………. Fritz
Lee Ingleby ………. Patrick
Anthony Mackie ………. Hammer

DVD Release Date: December 26, 2006
Running Time: 115minutes
Rated R for language, drug use, sexual content and some violence.

The Movie
Frank E. Flowers’s Haven tells the story of a doomed love between a poor fisherman called Shy (Orlando Bloom) and his boss’s daughter, Andrea (Crossroad‘s Zoe Saldana). Their relationship is strained after Bloom eats a faceful of acid tossed tossed by Andrea’s brother Hammer. Bloom goes on to play the home version of Man without a Face, while Hammer tries to figure out whether or not he is adequately legit to avoid quitting.

Havenalso tells the story of businessman Carl Ridley (Bill Paxton), his trouble with the feds and the tribulations of his spoiled pothead daughter (The Woods‘s Andrea Bruckner). Paxton flees to the Cayman islands, pursued by that fella from Will and Grace and Snakes on a Plane. There, Bruckner befriends a local hoodlum, smokes some bad weed, and makes a bunch of other bad decisions.

While both stories share settings (the Cayman islands/ Friday the 13th), they aren’t really connected in any interesting or meaningful way. The main characters of storyline A never really interact with the characters from storyline B. Essentially we have two mediocre films that share a handful of secondary or tertiary characters.

I assume, since you are reading a DVD review, that you have seen a few DVDs before. You know those anti-piracy PSAs? “You wouldn’t steal a car?” You know how they have that dingy, ratty look about them? Now imagine one of those, stretched out to 115 minutes, with framing done in the style of “grandma got a new camera” and starring Legolas and Coconut Pete. That’s pretty much what you get with Haven, a joyless two hour clinic in punishing an audience.

The DVD

The back of the DVD boasts Special Feature in lieu of Special Features, which is an accurate assessment of things. Other than subtitles and a few trailers, the dvd has only one special feature. It is labeled as a Making Of, but that is a bit of a misnomer. Really it is a 3 minute promo piece, of the sort one would see during the credits of a film playing on HBO.

The DVD Lounge’s Ratings for Haven
CATEGORY
RATING
(OUT OF 10)
THE MOVIE

4
THE VIDEO

6
THE AUDIO

6
THE EXTRAS

1.5
REPLAY VALUE

1
OVERALL
3.5
(NOT AN AVERAGE)