Hey guys. I’m back. I’m also here for *ugh* three hours of Wrasslin. Keep it here.
At least I get to see Law and Order in all it’s glory again. We’re live from DC. Man, I miss DC.
Battle Royale: EVERYONE’S IN IT!
Apparently even Jerry is involved in this. Shawn gets his own entrance. So does Carlito, Randy, and finally the HHHs. Triple H is in heel looking mode tonight. It goes off. Edge is waiting on the outside. Masters bails and Carlito gives chase. Spear by Edge and Carlito gets rolled in to be the first eliminated. The Brooklyn Brawler goes out next. Dammit. First he loses his Doink gimmick and now he loses the BR. At least he still has Kim Chee. Hacksaw is gone. Sgt. Slaughter is tossed next. Ron Simmons is in this thing too. Flair tries to dump Randy but can’t. Triple H tries to dump Edge. That’s not happening either.
Time for a new paragraph as we watch a lot of people almost get dumped, but no new eliminations. Woos fill the arena as Ric chops someone. JR brings up how Andre won a lot of Battle Royales and that helps out Vis. He’s a *ahem* dark horse. Mmmkay. This is boring as hell. Triple H hits his knee drop on Viscera and he and Shawn dump him. Commercials.
We’re back, JTG nearly gets dumped. Conway is gone during the commercial. Ron Simmons dumps Johnny and Val Venis only to be dumped by Cryme Tyme. Simmons gets a microphone and says “Damn”. JTG gets dumped. The World’s Greatest Tag Team dumps Chad so Cryme Tyme is gone. TWGTT is then dumped by DX. Masters tosses Jerry. Super Crazy eliminates Jeff and himself. Eugene is trying to dump Shawn with his retard strength. Flair makes the save though. Triple H hits a big DDT on Snitsky. Triple H comes over and confuses Eugene. He’s gone. Snitsky tries to take out Orton but goes over the top. Murdoch is taken out.
Flair is trying to eliminate Kenny, but they get jumped by a large group of heels. We’re left with DX, Orton, Edge, Nitro, Masters, and Lance Cade. The heels eye DX as we go to commercial.
DX is fighting the heels as we come back. Lots of double and triple teaming but no eliminations. Randy and Edge try and drop Michaels. Triple H hits a few knees and such. Facebuster to Masters. Huge clothesline sends Masters out, but there goes Triple H. He gets tossed. Michaels is the only face left. It’s four on one. Michaels races into the pack. Nitro charges and gets dumped. Edge takes this to roll out. Big elbow on Orton. HBK tunes up the band and nails Edge on the apron. Edge is not eliminated. Cade hits a huge clothesline on HBK, but gets dumped by Randy. Randy goes for the RKO and it’s blocked.
Michaels pulls himself up by the ropes and Orton charges. Orton gets dumped. It’s down to Shawn and Edge, but Shawn thinks he won. Edge tosses him over the top so Edge wins. Edge/Cena Part 242423. Awesome…..
Winner and Getting a Title Shot Tonight: Edge
Michaels looks upset and confused. Commercials.
Join the WWE on Christmas for a very special WWE Event. Here’s a recap of the Battle Royale. The King is back.
Chris Masters is with Maria. He has a match with Carlito. Maria wants to know why Masters did what he did to Torrie Wilson. Carlito got his payback on Carlito. Later tonight, it’s the Hardys against the World’s Greatest Tag Team and Nitro. Mercury broke his nose last night. More commercials.
We’re back and Tood Grisham is interviewing Vladimir Kozlov. He’s the Russian Mixed Martial Arts World Champion. Kozlov wants to wrestle in the Double Double E. He shouts in Russian and gets booed. Todd calls him Victor.
Time for Indifference: Masters vs Carlito
Carlito goes right after Masters and fights him into the crowd. Carlito takes a shot from a camera but pops right back up. Carlito is busted open. Masters creates some distance and takes off. Carlito has a crimson mask as he walks to the back.
Melina is bringing Nitro to the ring. The tag match is next it seems.
This Should Be Fun: Nitro and TWGTT vs the Hardy Boys
Haas is looking like a huge wigger. The Hardy’s looked wrecked. Benji starts out with Matt. Matt and Benji trade arm bars until Shelton hammers away on Matt’s bad arm. Matt gets his arm worked over, but he fights Shelton off and makes a tag. Jeff is taken down pretty quickly by Shelton who makes a tag to Haas. Scoop slam by Shelton on to Haas’ outstretched leg. Jeff gets moved to the heels’ corner and they work him over. Nitro gets a tag and stomps a hole into Jeffykins. Nitro kicks Jeff into the corner and follows with a few punches. Nitro tosses Jeff into the corner, but Jeff counters and hits a Whispers in the Wind. He can’t make the tag though.
Haas gets tagged in and hits a few punches only to be dropped by Jeff’s huge swinging neckbreaker. Matt gets the tag and drops Haas. Haas gets tossed into the corner and it’s Hardy double team time. Shelton comes in and gets dumped. Jeff goes over the top on to TWGTT. Nitro comes over only to eat a huge moonsault from the top to the outside by Matt. Everyone is dead. Commercials.
We’re back and Shelton hits a cheap chop block on Jeff. Shelton gets the tag in as Shelton works over the knee with a leg drag and a submission. Hardy flips Shelton off but he can’t make the tag. Shelton knocks Matt down to the apron who pops up but is stopped by the ref. Triple team and Haas tags in. Haas locks on an Indian Deathlock which Shelton helps stretch out. The heels proceed to work over Jeff’s leg. Melina starts screaming as she kicks him a few times. Shelton tags in and stretches out Jeff’s leg a bit more. Shelton gets dropped with a wheel kick and makes the tag to Matt.
Matt hits a huge Bulldog/Clothesline combo. Two side effects and Matt covers Shelton and gets a two count. The match breaks down a bit. Matt tries to hit the Twist of Fate, but Shelton pushes Matt of. Haas guilotines Hardy across the top and Shelton gets the roll up and the win.
Winners: Nitro and the World’s Greatest Tag Team
Nitro has a bit of a post match beat down.
Last week, Cena beat up a manager. That’s cute. Umaga is pissed though. Todd’s got the interview. Todd asks who he wants Umaga to fight. Blah blah blah. Armando wants to face Cena though. He’s confident that Umaga could be Cena easier then Edge, and he wants personal revenge.
We’re back. K-Fed is here. Christ. Ick. God. The King is interviewing Sly later tonight. Here’s a look at the game. The clip is two seconds. Stallone is live via satellite. Stallone says this is the last Rocky movie essentially saying that he figures that if Rocky is a promoter or something, it’ll lose the emotional impact of the role. Stallone says it’s biographical. Stallone says Rocky couldn’t beat Hogan. He puts over pro wrestlers. What does Stallone think of celebrities wrestling? He thinks that K-Fed has a death wish. He also thinks it’d be fair if K-Fed wrestled Cena’s clothes (it’d probably make for a better match). That’s it.
Cena is in the back. Commercials.
Here comes Ric. Time for a match.
Guess who has a last name? Ric Flair vs Kenny Dykstra
Kenny’s new music sucks. Kenny woos at Flair and does some flying stuff. He knocks Flair to the outside, follows, and suplexes him. Kenny dominates Flair with boots, knee drops, and chokes. Ric turns things around, but he goes up top. Flair gets dumped though. Kenny tries for a leg drop off the top, but he misses. Flair works on the leg, but he tries to injure Kenny’s leg with a side suplex. Kenny reverses it and rolls up Flair for the win.
Kenny didn’t pull the tights. After the match, Flair offers his hand to Kenny. Kenny says he’s the real man around here and refuses the handshake. Booooo.
Edge/Cena is next? Um ok.
WWE Championship Match: Edge vs Cena
How long of they going to give this when it’s bound to end with DX/Umaga interference? Cena gets going faster then Edge, but he runs into a foot and gets dumped by Edge. Edge hammers on Cena and rolls in. Neckbreaker gets two. Huge dueling Cena/Edge chants. Edge gets another two count and hooks on a front chinlock. Cena’s shoulders are down for two. Cena powers up and Edge breaks the hold. Both men hit the ropes and take each other out with cross bodies. Commericials.
We’re back and it’s resthold central, population this match. Cena powers up and hits a blockbuster. Both men are down. Edge is first up, but Cena dodges Edge’s assault off the second rope. Cena runs over Edge with a bunch of clotheslines. Throwback. Five Knuckle Shuffle misses. Spear! 1, 2, Cena’s hand is on the rope. Edge puts Cena on the top rope and tries for a superplex. It’s countered and Cena hits a huge top rope axe kick on Edge. 1… 2…. NO. Edge kicks out.
Cena tosses Edge into the ropes and puts his head down. Edge kicks, charges again, but gets laid up on the top rope. Cena hits the throwback, five knuckle shuffle and goes for the FU. Edge counters but Cena counters into a reverse suplex for two. Edge gets tossed into the corner and almost gets FUed. Edge kicks the ref down. Randy RKOes Cena. Here comes DX. Pedigree to Edge. The ref is up. That’s all she wrote.
Winner and still champ: John Cena
Ok, I’m ready for Raw to be over. We’ve got another hour to go though. DX celebrates with Cena as we go to commercial.
Um. We’re back. John Cena and DX is teaming up to take on Umaga and Team Rated RKO….. seriously. Edge will have been on the show for about an hour tonight.
Here comes Cryme Tyme. Cryme Tyme is pissed at the straight up hating that Haas and Benjamin have been doing. Cryme Tyme has George W Bush to serve as a character witness. The Bush impersonator looks nothing like W other then the eyes. The bit is horrible. Horrible! It ends with fake Bush dancing to the Cryme Tyme music. Cryme Tyme stole Bush’s wallet and he nearly says arrest those niggers. Classy as usual. Fake Bush tosses out the bird.
A Year Ago, I May Have Cared: Mickey James vs Victoria
Victoria superplexes Mickey. Ouch. Mickey kicks out. Victoria keeps it on tossing Mickey into bottom turnbuckle face first. Mickey gets a bit of offense in. Crossbody by Mickey is followed by a few clotheslines and then a hurricanerana. Victoria is up and picks up Mickey for a tilt a whirl slam. Mickey counters with another hurricanerana. Mickey tries for a Stratusfaction, but Mickey gets laid across the top. Kick to the face by Victoria is followed up by a Widow’s Peak. That’s all she wrote.
She checks Mickey off on her list. Women’s Championship is next for her it seems. K-Fed is on his way out to the ring.
Federline sucks it up.