The ECW Short Form, 12.19.06

Well, since I just finished the big column about an hour ago, there’s nothing to put in here for a lead. Unless you want me to break down all of the lies in Dubbaya’s press conference. However, I do have faith in you that, by now, you should be able to tell exactly what he lied about.

Match Results:

Bobby Lashley over Rene Dupree, Non-Title Match (Pinfall, Dominator): What does it say about the state of OVW and DSW right now that WWE’s still using Rene Dupree on one of the main shows? Goddamn, what a waste of this kid’s career. He had so much potential that’s just been pissed away. Of course, he could be jobbing on Smackdown to lesser wrestlers than Lashley like Grenier is, or he could be Heat fodder like Conway…okay, what does it say about the state of OVW and DSW that all three of them are gainfully employed at the major league level?

This wasn’t authorized by the European Space Agency

Matt Striker over Balls Mahoney (Pinfall, Golden Rule): If you’ve ever wondered how deep the barrel actually is, this match pretty much gives you a good reading. And the sad part is that this was better than their match at December To Dismember.

Balls shows off his ultra-technical, lucha-puro-savate fusion style

Bob Holly over CM Fuckin’ Punk, Three-Minute Warning Match (Punk fails to make Holly submit): A lot of people are going to be upset with this match because it’s initiating a feud with Punk that will keep him away from the world title scene for a bit while they decide which heel is really going to take the strap off of Lashley (actually, they may be serious about reviving their plan to give Test the title, God help us). This feud with Holly is going to do nothing but help Punk. Holly’s a master at working stiff and giving guys he likes the rub. He can’t help but see Punk as a younger version of himself, one that isn’t being hobbled with shit gimmicks. If Holly can help Punk, he will. And working stiff with Punk will help Punk’s rep with the casual fan. So why are you worried? From my viewpoint (the only one that counts), they’re doing a good thing with Punk here, and that’s all that matters.

The Passion Of The Punk

The Great Khali over Shannon Moore (DQ, Dreamer-ference): Yes, Shannon Moore once shared tag teams with Novocaine Helms. Yes, Moore shared a locker room in OMEGA with Jeffykins, Mattsy-Poo, and Lita. But not even he deserves this. And neither does Dreamer, for that matter.

Touchdown!

Test over Rob Van Dam and Sabu, Triple Threat Pimp Our Website Match (Pinfall, Van Dam Five-Star Frog Splash): Based on the evidence at hand, I’d vote for none of them. Of course, the vote for Van Dam going to be circumvented next week to give Test the title shot, since we can’t have a face/face match. Come on, Dave, take a f*cking risk now and then. Of course, if you do take that risk, you know who should get the title shot…

If the crowd still loves him, they’ll break his fall. Or so he thinks.

Angle Developments:

The Nuts In The Family Tree: Okay, so Brian does tacky promos, Scott does reffing, Bob does arm wrestling. That must mean that Brad’s the one that does porn. Or have I mixed him up with another one of the Armstrongs?

By the way, with Scott and Brad on the same show, does anyone else think that this is a set-up for Bullet Bob to get a Hall of Fame nod come Wrestlemania? Considering what’s happening in TNA, it’d be just like Vince to do that.

Way to kill the buzz

Damn, that obit’s going to have to wait. ECW has pretty much put me to sleep. Until that time, enjoy.

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