The 10th Annual Top 50 – Part 2

Welcome back to the 10th Annual Top 50. We’ll crack on with the rundown from #30 to #11 in just a bit but first, a brief reminder of just what it is that we’re looking for here:

We’ve based this list on many factors – it can be best summed up in that we’re looking for all-rounders. We’re somewhere between kayfabe and not, since we do consider the success a chap has had onscreen in our ratings. If a guy holds a World Title, chances are that he’ll make the list, mainly because he was indeed elevated to the station of World Champ and attained a very high level of success. Don’t get me wrong, if there’s a lousy World Champ who has wrestled and interviewed badly through a lousy year, he’ll likely be rated below a guy who wrestles brilliantly, interviews at a top level but just so happens to have lost almost all his matches.

Ring-work. Interview delivery. Angle performance. Level of success on-screen. These are the main areas we look at. We’re not taking much notice of people’s behaviour backstage, since we’re not rating the best politicians in wrestling, we’re rating the best performers.

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Now, before the 50 continues, let us bow our heads and observe a few moments of reflective silence for those who made the cut last year but couldn’t quite rise to the occasion this year their positions last year are also listed

CHAVO GUERRERO [#50, as Kerwin White]
What we said: ”…his only value since being drafted to RAW recently is showing up looking like Gunther from Friends.”

TAJIRI [#47]
What we said: ”…limited only by WWE’s strange refusal to send him to the cruiserweight division on Smackdown.”

NUNZIO [#46]
What we said: ”Biggest drawback of the year? No Goldberg to smear him over the mat during the Royal Rumble.”

FRANKIE KAZARIAN [#45]
What we said: ”Hopefully there will be another X Division stint from Frankie before too long.”

DOUG BASHAM [#44]
What we said: ”Before he took on the rather moronic nickname of “The Bash Man”, our Doug was quite the tag team wrestler.”

SEAN WALTMAN [#43]
What we said: ”If you want an example of a wrestler that is trapped by his past, then look no further than Waltman.”

ELIX SKIPPER [#42]
What we said: ”Heralded as a superior athlete, sometimes he’s extremely on and sometimes he farks around looking like a trombonist without his trombone.”

JIMMY WANG YANG [#40, as Akio]
What we said: we’re certain that he’ll be turning up in TNA any time now to spin, leap, flip and possibly perform ‘Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves’ at Karaoke.”

ROB CONWAY [#39]
What we said: ” he also has the most reactionary entrance music since the original version of “Sexy Boy” back in 1992.”

CHRIS HARRIS [#38]
What we said: ”I think we’ll drop him from the 50 next year unless he can actually use the 12 months to further his career rather than just keep it in the same place.”

JAMIE NOBLE [#35, as James Gibson]
What we said: ”It may well turn out that Gibson is better off staying with ROH rather than being over-shadowed by the WWE heavyweights yet again ”

RON KILLINGS [#34]
What we said: ” let’s all hope he continues to be enthusiastic in the ring and gets a chance to put said energy to good use before he gets stuck in a career rut and begins doing an impersonation of Booker T circa 2003.”

CHARLIE HAAS [#33]
What we said: ” the thought of him mixing it up with the likes of Styles, Daniels and Joe down at Universal Studios should bring a smile to the face of every wrestling fan in the whole wide world.”

JAMES STORM [#32]
What we said: ”Storm does appear to have a lovely hat.”

EUGENE [#29]
What we said: ”Dinsmore badly needs a character makeover if he is to have any longevity in WWE.”

KANE [#27]
What we said: ” a parade of increasingly absurd events that have bypassed ‘crap’, sped past ‘lame’, burnt up ‘unwatchable’ and landed slap-bang in ‘guilty pleasure’ territory.”

MONTY BROWN [#20]
What we said: ”I sincerely hope that TNA catches on to the fact that they’ve got a hugely bankable commodity here and should do something major with him forthwith, before Vince sinks his teeth into those firm, chocolatey buttocks.”

SHELTON BENJAMIN [#18]
What we said: ” perhaps dragging Haas back in and hooking up a very entertaining tag team would be the best thing for all concerned?”

PETEY WILLIAMS [#17]
What we said: ”Let’s all celebrate by eating maple things.”

RAVEN [#15]
What we said: ”Raven does of course have the advantage of still being able to surpass expectations ”

CHRIS JERICHO [#14]
What we said: ” a year mainly spent lathering, rinsing and repeating.”

JOHN BRADSHAW LAYFIELD [#9]
What we said: ” just bring back the Blue Meanie for another game of ‘Ouch, That Hurts!’”

EDDIE GUERRERO [#8]
What we said: ”He’s on the verge of another title program at long last, one which he has no chance in hell of actually winning but should provide a good platform for an even more impressive year to come.”

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And, in the spirit of brief reminders everywhere, here’s one to briefly remind you of who made the cut so far, from #50 to #31:

50/ HARDCORE HOLLY
49/ STING
48/ HERNANDEZ
47/ ERIC YOUNG
46/ JAY LETHAL
45/ SONJAY DUTT
44/ COLT COBANA
43/ RODERICK STRONG
42/ SABU
41/ GREGORY HELMS
40/ MICKIE JAMES
39/ BATISTA
38/ TRISH STRATUS
37/ CHRIS SABIN
36/ SENSHI
35/ MATT HARDY
34/ RANDY ORTON
33/ KEN KENNEDY
32/ JEFF HARDY
31/ RIC FLAIR

Of course, you can find out about all of the above in much greater depth by reading Part 1, which is available in all good bookstores everywhere (a true testament to the number of those left in the world now) but can also be found a lot quicker by clicking HERE. Or there.

On with the countdown!

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NUMBER 30 – BRIAN KENDRICK
*New Entry*

Ross: He’s got a masky thing, a shiny pair of shorts, does a lot of flips and looks a bit like Leonardo DiCrapio. What more could a young lad want? How’s about a lengthy run with the Tag Team Titles? Why not! Kendrick sort of snuck back into the ‘E under the radar and tagged up with London in a natural pairing that has seen them dominate the tag scene on Smackdown for the entire year and churn out a bunch of stuff that makes you go “that was good”. Nothing that would make you go “oooo” and dribble a bit, except the Ladder Match at Armageddon, but I get the distinct impression that he’s being told to behave himself and not show off. So, we’re now seemingly going to have him go heel when he gets jealous of Ashley showing the world her wobblies in Playboy and will take said frustration out on his good buddy Paul who, let’s be honest, is far more of a man. Still, let’s all take a minute and reminisce about our earlier days. In the words of a great and scary (in gray) man, oh to be young and in shorts.

NUMBER 29 – AUSTIN ARIES
Last year’s #36

What we said last time: ” he’s surely in for a big climb up this chart next year if he keeps going like he has been.”

Ross: Not quite the climb we suspected might be in the offing, but a climb nonetheless. At this rate, he’ll be number one by 2011. Look beyond the rudimentary maths of the climb and you’ll see a performer who won’t ever be number one and that’s the truth. On the other hand, there’s enough talent here for the boy to move up and move up considerably, we’re talking top 10 potential. He’s got the in-ring abilities and you all know this. The transmogrification into Austin Starr has been odd but with a beard like that, how can anyone say no? They can’t, and that’s that taken care of. He’s growing as a performer and character and, if this continues, along with continued growth in-ring, which he seems to have licked given his keenness to not coast on what he already knows, we should be looking at Starr/Aries being one of the key players to watch in the X division next year and, if they’re not serious about using the lad properly, I wouldn’t say no to the man taking a hike up North and giving Helms a good slapping.

NUMBER 28 – PAUL LONDON
Last year’s #25

What we said last time: ” Now the fat lady is writing on the wall and it seems only a matter of time before London ‘does a Kazarian’ and bails ”

Ross: Not much to differentiate this lad from his mate Brian, aside from the fact that London has had a couple more singles matches and generally seems to get to do the more fun bits in the tag matches. I guess Vince still has a thing for his cheeky young buttocks. You’ve got to be honest about this – who would have thought that London would now be in his 4th calendar year of employment with the ‘E and has actually held one title or another for a very respectable chunk of that time? I’d certainly not claim to be such a person, but then again, I’d claim to be a complete bastard who thought Hogan’s autobiography should be flung firmly in the fiction file. You gotta love alliteration. Back to the point, and the point is that London rules. The person, not the city. The city is disappointingly grubby and expensive, which Paul London is not. Grubby that is, I have no idea how much Paul charges for sexual favours. They’re either quite pricey or relatively inexpensive in the city of London, depending on where you go to. Time will tell if the wrestler Paul London is a Kensington sort of guy or if he’s Old Kent Road. Which is not to infer Paul London is gay or a hooker or a gay hooker. I don’t think he is but I wouldn’t be shocked if I found out there was something in his past. His hair is too floppy for him to have not done something amiss.

NUMBER 27 – JOHNNY NITRO
*New Entry*

Iain: Well, nobody would have expected the legacy of Nitro to be this guy a decade ago, that’s for sure. He deserves a lot of credit for hauling himself above the bumbling comic sidekick role that he was lumped with upon first turning up on Raw. Okay, so he was helped immeasurably by MNM being given a gimmick, and a manager, that were guaranteed to get them plenty of attention and, no, the team never really elevated itself to the heights that it seemed capable of reaching, but Nitro sure as hell put a lot of effort into his work. Compare his work at the tail end of 2005, when MNM were trying to keep up with Batista and Rey Mysterio, with the level of performance we have come to expect from him at the end of 2006 and you’d be forgiven for forgetting that it was the same man. His association with Melina and Kevin Federline has allowed him to garner a lot of heat by proxy, yet his recent performances against people as diverse as Carlito and the Hardys have only helped to increase his stock. It’s too early to tell how far he’ll be able to go, but at the very least Nitro should have a stellar career in the upper midcard ahead of him.

NUMBER 26 – BOBBY LASHLEY
*New Entry*

Ross: This is odd – Big Bad Bobby was fast becoming my favourite active wrestler in his final days on Smackdown. I liked his deal. He was getting better as a wrestler, they seemed to understand the basic principal of never EVER let him attempt to talk and he would break stuff. True, he never got the hang of getting his pyro in time with his music, which would have been neat, but you can’t win ‘em all. With the assistance of Booker T and especially Dave Finlay, Lashley learned a whole bunch of stuff in a short time and found himself able to hang with the big boys, so much so that some people who won’t be mentioned but have the initials DB and have a tattoo of a massive great thing on his back and another one around his belly button and some form of fish on his arm and is currently the Smackdown champ called Batista seems to have started feeling threatened enough to speak out about the guy in interviews and try to “put him in his place”. Not quite sure about the insecurity here but I guess if I were in “DB”s position, I might feel threatened too, especially if people like Lashley as much as it seems. He’s held the US belt for a fair chunk of the year and recently stacked his shelf with his first “big” belt, the ECW Title, although the actual value of that is very much up to question. However, since he’s joined ECW, I’ve lost all interest in him. Perhaps it’s that they’re trying to get him to speak. Perhaps it’s that the Elimination Chamber was so piss-poor that I just can’t get behind him. I dunno. Either way, the guy is in the lead position on a brand that will likely live or die on the respective shoulders of him and CM Punk and the two of them alone have got to give this sucka CPR and quickly. I know I’m not watching any more and I can’t be the only one.

NUMBER 25 – JEFF JARRETT
Last year’s #22

What we said last time: ” The guitar is about as relevant to him as him smacking someone about with an Etch-a-sketch, although the latter clearly has more comedy value.”

Iain: Look at him, striding his manly buttocks around, throwing caution to the wind as those tight, tight, faded white jeans chafe merrily against his thunderous thighs magnificent… Sorry, I seem to have drifted off onto Planet Jarrett again. It was a warm, intimate, firmly-gripped place… we should all be lucky enough to visit it once in a while, so it can give salty meaning to our useless little lives. Oh, it’s not gay, it’s just good sense. Seriously though, by now it should be clear to all and sundry that Jarrett will never change his little ways and we’ll just have to tolerate as best as we can – by naming every phallic object in sight Jarrett in his honour, then inserting them into other, fleshier parts whilst spelling his name and laughing and enquiring as to whether he is great or not. JARR-ETT! JARR-ETT! JARR-ETT! JARR-ETT! JARR-ETT!

NUMBER 24 – NIGEL MCGUINNESS
*New Entry*

Iain: Not the highest-ranking Brit in the 50, which is certainly unusual by #24, but he is a dead cert to claim that dubious honour in the years to come. Basically, 2006 was his Year Zero, a time when everything learned in his previous endeavours suddenly clicked to produce a steady flow of superb performances. His exploits with the Pure Title in ROH were often show-stealing, especially in the conclusive feud with Bryan Danielson. Now McGuinness is generating the same sort of buzz that surrounded C.M. Punk a couple of years ago and it’s not too much of a stretch to imagine WWE calling him with a developmental deal in the near future. A feud pitting McGuinness the football hooligan punk against William Regal and David Taylor (his former trainer) the stereotypical uptight British gents would be quite something indeed. Frankly, if Queen Elizabeth has now been reduced to handing out honours to Bono then she might as well just give one to McGuinness now. After all – he can do a headstand on the top turnbuckle; all Bono can do is accumulate material wealth.

NUMBER 23 – C.M. PUNK
Last year’s #11

What we said last time: ” If pessimism is the new realism then this may well have been the year that C.M. Punk’s enigmatic career finally stops moving onwards and upwards.”

Iain: Punk indeed did take a tumble in the rankings this year but that was largely due to him spending most of it in OVW, only being let out for the day to play dress-up with John Cena at WrestleMania. The more time he spent in developmental, the more anticipation over his future in the big leagues grew. We’re still waiting. In the meantime Punk has been in ECW and quite frankly been the only person to benefit from the brand’s existence. Although he wasn’t an ‘ECW original’ he was already popular enough with those fans to be accepted immediately, winning over the rest of the audience in good time as management pushed him with a steady patience that has sadly become ever rarer for debuting WWE wrestlers. Then there was Kelly Kelly, Mike Knox, blah, blah, whatever. Then came Survivor Series and a bigger face reaction from the sold-out crowd than anybody else on the card – and a pre-match public endorsement from Triple H. Not bad. Not bad at all. But just think of what the future may hold! In a recent interview Punk said his dream match would be to team with Benoit to fight Regal and Finlay. The phrase “f*cking come on then!” springs to mind.

NUMBER 22 – WILLIAM REGAL AND WILLIAM REGAL’S PENIS
*New Entry*

Ross: No titles, no major fanfare, no major push – why so high? Simple, my friends – because Regal is YOUR Daddy. Whether it be his backstage skit work wherein he has been absolutely instrumental in getting King Booker over in all his majesty, or in his in-ring work where he teaches a youngster a thing or two before selflessly putting them over, all the way through his hijinks with that malapert Burchill the Pirate and the fine comedic performances therein up to his present “I’m sick of being held back so I’m going to kick people in the face a lot” stage with the very old looking David Taylor at his side, Regal has been cock of the walk this year and the next year looks set to be smashing for Blackpool’s finest and you’ve gotta love it. Also, the penis.

NUMBER 21 – ALEX SHELLEY
Last year’s #41

What we said last time: ”Let’s hope that young Shelley’s wrestling career brings him several standing ovations, shiny belts and attractive, large-breasted and “open-minded” teenage girls.”

“I have some very disparaging news, people, listen up! I know you’ll all be very upset to hear this, but Kevin Nash injured himself teaching Tito Ortiz the 840 degree splash you saw on Impact at the UFC Dojo. When TNA releases a ‘50 Saddest Moments in TNA History’ DVD I have no doubts in my heart of hearts that this will be #1.” .”Sure I smoke, I enjoy the occasional drink, and who doesn’t love boobs?” .”Hey Kevin, you know what would help with this workout? A beat! Ah! Push it! P-p-p-push-up! Ah! Push-up! Push-up real good!” .”I’ve got tapes from Mexico, Japan, and Madagascar!” .”I only check that email account to get passwords for ‘adult’ websites” .”Excuse me pal, but I don’t go down to McDonald’s, slap the burger out of your hand and tell you how to do your job okay? And I definitely don’t go down to the street corner where your buddy’s on, slap the dick out of his mouth and tell him how to do his job!” .”If Kevin would do it, it’s probably a great idea for you to do it.”

Iain: Really, he just speaks for himself.

NUMBER 20 – THE UNDERTAKER
Last year’s #24

What we said last time: ” Also, a Batista vs. Undertaker match at WrestleMania is the biggest and most intriguing match that WWE can offer right now – at least with their currently active full time roster.”

Ross: He may not be around all the time any more, but when he’s on the card, he’s usually on. From a surprisingly excellent (but overrated in my view) match with Kurt Angle at No Way Out through actually making Mark Henry interesting in the year’s obligatory hammering at ‘Mania, then going out of his way to make Khali look like a threat before the clueless putz ruined it for himself by having no talent/coordination/buttocks, and including a fantastic Tarzan impression at the Bash in that odd yellow bamboo cagey match and then letting Kennedy bloody him up a treat, it’s actually been an impressive year for the lad, possibly his best for some time. I’ve learnt my lesson about suggesting he should be about to retire soon, he never does and I’m not certain he will for a while, though these pesky rumours of Batista vs. Undertaker are still circling, with Batista finally ending the streak as part and parcel. Let me offer the ‘E some advice. DON’T DO IT. Do the match, by all means, but DON’T have Batista end the streak. It’s either got to stay intact or has to absolutely MAKE someone. Hart in 93. Austin in 98. Goldberg in 99. Rocky in 2000. That’s the sort of person you get to end the streak. Not an unpopular 40 year old with detachable muscles and nowhere near the fan appeal he had one short year ago.

NUMBER 19 – CHRIS BENOIT
Last year’s #2

What we said last time: “Benoit is out there as the constant thread of wrestling greatness that can easily weave its way into any single aspect of Smackdown that needs it, which is something that nobody else on that roster could hope to do to the same level as he can.”

Iain: A hefty fall in the rankings for everybody’s favourite least-cuddly Canadian, which was mainly due to him taking a sabbatical for four months. Still, we are unselfish enough to understand why he needed the rest and are pleased that he did it. Then we see his matches with Regal and Finlay this year and start selfishly wanting more, more, more. Then we remember the desolate wasteland inflicted upon us at the start of the year in his feuds with Booker and JBL and remember the importance of being unselfish when it comes to tired, jaded wrestlers of a certain age. Then he comes back to do one of those strange feuds about Eddie Guerrero and we remember the non-physical reasons behind his leave. But then we cheer for him anyway because, hey, why wouldn’t we? And that’s the same mentality that leads to Benoit thinking that he should still do all those suplexes and top-rope head-butts because, hey, why wouldn’t he? And then off we go again into the vicious circle of pain and pleasure amid the escalating rumours that Benoit might be entering his last year with WWE. Whatever the future holds, it will be all the better because of his presence.

NUMBER 18 – RHINO
*New Entry*

Ross: Rhino likes running full tilt at stuff. I think we can all identify with that and who doesn’t like a guy who says lots of bad words at Vince McMahon? Whilst some counseling might be in order for Mr. Gerin, let’s hope it comes at the end of his career instead of taking away his zest for bashing things about the shop. Despite his nearly more than 2 week title reign at the arse end of 2005, Rhino still finds himself in the upper mid card of TNA, which is probably exactly where he should be. He’s loved by the fans, respected by the smarks for his general intensity and ability to have a good match with pretty much anybody and some of his stuff this year has been the stuff of a guy with something major to prove – from his weapon laden brawls with Abyss through to his exceptionally exciting outing with Cage in a cage, let’s hope that Terry can ride the wave into the next year with motivation and that the lack of Monty Brown will allow him to edge his way towards playing with the Joe’s, Angle’s and Sting’s of his world, whilst breaking stuff along the way.

NUMBER 17 – SHAWN MICHAELS
Last year’s #3

What we said last time: “Age and circumstance might not let him stop the show anymore, but he’s sure been pausing it an awful lot lately, and that’s just fine with me.”

Iain: Another big faller this year, with Michaels proven guilty of running the joke into the ground, digging a grave for it, giving it a proper Christian burial, pissing on the grave, then heading over to the wake to not take some coke and not order strippers and not make a drunken pass at the widow that ends with him asleep in a toilet bowl wearing somebody else’s trousers back-to-front. Oh, sure, he could have gone to Smackdown and become World Heavyweight Champion again but God had already booked him for his indy shows in Texas on Wednesdays so that was out the box. And, yeah, he could have used his pull in the company to end his incessant feud with the McMahons at WrestleMania or Backlash or Vengeance or SummerSlam or Unforgiven And, okay, he could have spoke up about the benefits of using DX to get younger talent over rather than just jobbing out half a dozen of them on any given night, plus their extended families, dead pets, former school teachers, potential blood donors and those who appeared in their record collections And, no, Michaels really can’t go as far as he traditionally does in the ring on anywhere near even a semi-regular basis anymore But! His charisma, panache, timing and presence have not diminished. Good on you. Now, go away.

NUMBER 16 – REY MYSTERIO
Last year’s #12

What we said last time: ” Rey’s done his usual collection of jumping, spinning and twirling and has done it with as much enthusiasm as ever.”

Ross: A World Title, eh? So why the drop from last year? You’d have thought that winning the Royal Rumble AND the World Title at WrestleMania would snag you a top ten spot, wouldn’t you? Yep, you would have because it got Benoit #2 two years back and Batista number 7 last year back when he was DAVE worthy. Yet Mysterio mysteriously gets 16. Not such a secret, given that the guy got what? ONE win when he was the champ? He lost by pinfall to basically everyone short of Greg Helms in non-title matches and just about held on to it now and then when it was on the line. Eventually, he was thankfully relieved of the Big Gold Belt by Booker T and a whacking great chairshot from Chavito. His performances as WC were decent to good, his match at Mania was rushed as we all know but still action from bell to bell. I guess he just didn’t have what it took as World Champ, despite moving merch like crazy and having a good safe work record. It didn’t help that all of his interviews were just sorta “awww shucks, the belt’s as big as my head” and he was very much Charlie to everyone else’s Willy Wonka – “you’re just lucky to be here!” I love Rey-Rey, I love his in-ring abilities, I can cope with his dodgy interviews and I love the idea of an underdog champ but the underdog champ has to WIN sometimes and not just get squished every time out. The point of the underdog champ is that he doesn’t win all the time, but generally finds a way – just SOME way – to sneak out alive, with the win and the belt. Usually, Rey’s way was just to not put the belt on the line and then get pinned. It worked for the heel Ric Flair in the 80s. Not for a face Rey in the 2000s thanks. Good year on paper for the boy, one of his worst in terms of onscreen performance, amazingly.

NUMBER 15 – JOHN CENA
Last year’s #23

What we said last time: ”Short of drastically improving his in-ring game or adding some fresh layers to his character, he won’t get that much-coveted longevity we are constantly told he already has.”

Iain: Watch out, haters! He’ll brush your mouth like Colgate! Absurd rap lyrics aside (though I’m certain there is money to be made in a Cena/Savage rap-off somehow) this was the year when Project Cena stumbled, appeared to be on the brink of collapse, but weathered the storm with sheer belligerent arrogance. That’s been the official party line for most, yet the truth is that Cena has never even come close to failing. He has been the sole constant source of ratings boosts, merchandise sales and emphatic heat in the whole industry since moving to Raw and there is no reason to believe that will change anytime soon. Sure, there are plenty of people who don’t like him just as there were plenty of people who didn’t like Hogan in the ‘80s. Back then, of course, those people could just go and watch Ric Flair in the NWA instead. These days, for most, viewing options are rather more limited and so they’ll just stick around and boo instead. That’s fair enough, it’s their prerogative. But think about the people that do cheer Cena. Think about the younger viewers that like him, support him wholeheartedly, and want to stick around and watch wrestling for years to come because of him and maybe, just maybe, you might come to grudgingly appreciate Cena’s presence. Failing that, it’s hard not to be impressed by the hard work Cena has put in this year. He’s been involved in more WWE PPVs than anyone else, made ample appearances on Smackdown and ECW, done a full house show schedule, been on Raw every week, made a huge number of public appearances, turned up on any chat show that would have him, toed the promotion’s PR line perfectly, pimped the hell out of his movie and somehow still kept himself in good shape. Compared to what other champions have been up to this year, especially Angle and Van Dam, it’s hard not to be impressed with the lad’s work ethic if nothing else.

NUMBER 14 – THE BIG SHOW
Last year’s #31

What we said last time: ”He has recently managed to do some rather nifty beard trimming though, so it’s not all that bad.”

Ross: A bit high for a fat bugger, I hear you cry? Not at all – this has been the Show’s best year for many a year and I won’t hear anything against it. Also, given that we hear how broken down he is, added to the fact that he’s got enough money for a lifetime AND he evidently doesn’t need to impress the powers that be for a contract extension any longer, he could have just sleepwalked his way through the twilight of his career but he’s gone out there since his switch to ECW and worked his arse off to become “hardcore” and, you know what? He’s bloody gone and done it as far as I’m concerned. None more hardcore in this new iteration of ECW. I’m aware that there’s not much hardcore about it, but here’s a guy at 7ft and 500lbs in extreme physical discomfort taking table bumps off aprons, ladder matches, thumb tack involvement and pretty much blading every week. He didn’t have to. But he did. He was a tag team champion with Kane in a mildly entertaining kit for a while, then he and Kane had a particularly odd feud which involved the PA system far more than usual, then he transitioned off to ECW and worked his nuts off whilst holding the ECW title for pretty much six months and doing his damndest to get the thing over. Hat’s off to you, big man – if this is your final year, it’s a damn good one to go out on.

NUMBER 13 – ABYSS
Last year’s #21

What we said last time: ”Really, short of removing and eating his own body parts, there’s not a lot more that this guy can do to prove just how scarily tough he is.”

Iain: This was the year when Abyss finally won the title by getting thoroughly pasted in a fight, then saw his character fleshed out by virtue of a convoluted prison flashback story involving Tyson Tomko. Two steps forward, three steps back. We come together cos opposites attract. Paula Abdul aside, if opposites really do attract then perhaps the Abyss character would be better served by acquiring a cute little puppy instead of an outdated Vince Russo storyline. At least then we could laugh with him, not at him, and perhaps the world title wouldn’t be submerged in such tedious nonsense that not even 1997 would want to know about it. Still, Abyss the wrestler has continued to earn his keep this year. He is one of the few cases where TNA seem capable of playing on a wrestler’s strengths whilst hiding their weaknesses, leading to some suitably graphic brawls with predictable but enjoyable results that make you go “Ow! Bloody hell!” This year’s victims have included old foes like Rhino and Raven, new pals such as Joe and Runt, and the rather unhelpful involvement of Sting and Christian. We also got to see Jake Roberts turn up to admonish TNA over the lack of top-grade crack being banded about backstage. Basically, it’s been more of the same from Abyss but at a slightly higher, slightly more memorable level. The sad part is that it’s almost certainly all downhill from here.

NUMBER 12 – ROB VAN DAM
*New Entry*

Ross: What a wolly. I think that’s probably the best way to describe Van Dam. Let’s get the good stuff out of the way first – great performance at WrestleMania, good stuff on RAW over the next few months, top outing with Cena at One Night Stand, pretty much solid to exciting performances consistently through the rest of the year on ECW with everyone from Big Show to Hardcore Holly to Test and boy did that one take effort. He won his first World Title, he won the IC title too along the way and he got *his* brand back in the public eye. The bad stuff? He f*cked it all up for himself because he couldn’t be professional enough to hold it all together when he was upped to the top line. There are certain things that go hand in hand with being a corporate figurehead – and say what you will about wrestlers, the ones with the straps are the figureheads – and you can’t act the same way as when you were one of the sheep. He continued to be a sheep, so he lost his executive washroom key and rightly so. It was the equivalent of me building my company to 5 million turnover, agreeing a sale to an investment group and then greeting them to the final sign off meeting by pissing on their shoes. Which I wouldn’t do, but then again, I’m not a total fool. Without his immature inability to knock the drug habit, he’d have been ECW champ for most of the year, would likely be leading an exciting and fresh brand to greater glory and would be in our top 5 at the least. Very sad.

NUMBER 11 – CHRISTOPHER DANIELS
Last year’s #4

What we said last time: “I just attempted the highly tricky bottle opening with a filing cabinet maneuver and was promptly rewarded with an explosion of beer in my face and all over my desk.”

Iain: Yes, well, *I* just attempted the always dangerous feat of going for a walk whilst wearing my new boots and, as was to be expected, they were somehow able to navigate me towards an exceptionally muddy and narrow path. Every bloody time. Anyway, Daniels and the biggest neck in wrestling have faltered a little bit in the rankings this year. After the X Title series with Joe and A.J. was done he seemed to have the most difficulty of the three in moving onto pastures new, lacking the immediacy of Joe or the general necessity that is A.J. His only truly memorable highlight involved, once again, working with A.J. to muck about with LAX, already the hottest act in TNA on their own merit, which led to much jumping and bleeding and even a bit of lobbing. Then came yet another spell in the X Division and the tease of yet another feud with A.J., which wound up becoming a far less exciting angle with Sabin and Jerry Lynn instead – with X Division Champion Daniels somehow left as the definite third wheel in the quarrel. Don’t get the wrong idea; we still have the utmost respect for Daniels. He is a great wrestler, a very under-appreciated promo and instantly benefits any show that he appears on. It’s just that his place in the top ten was lost because, while he festered, others raised their game or succeeded in new ways. The fact that most of this blurb has involved his work with A.J. Styles says plenty about how constrained Daniels has become by the TNA hierarchy nowadays, which is a damn shame. Ah well, at least Curry Man made it to the States.

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Part 3 is coming soon!

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