BLATT vs. ECW – 01-02-07

Reviews, Shows, TV Shows

This is usually the space that I reserve for saying something depressing about the state of ECW. No Angle, no Heyman, Sabu and RVD don’t give a crap, Dreamer, Balls and Sandman are being phased out, and Hardcore Holly is supposed to be a threat to the world title. On most weeks, Tuesday nights aren’t a time to celebrate. But gluttons, be thankful for one thing… our show doesn’t have Kevin Federline.

Let loose in the The Tuesday Night ECW Thread over in the forums.

The show opens up with Keven Federline coming down to the ring ready for his match with the ECW champion. Wait, wrong show.

The show actually opens up with a promotional video hyping up the ECW championship and the match that’s going to happen tonight. I suppose the WWE is so used to the monthly format with their other shows that they feel like ECW needs to have some kind of flow like RAW and Smackdown even though it has half the TV time and a much smaller roster.

Test is in the ring and he’s whining about how he won the match two weeks ago but lost the vote. He’s not doing the quiet intense screaming thing that everyone else seems to do on a regular basis, and it’s kinda refreshing. Anyway, Test shows how the match ended and what the vote wound up being.

Test claims that RVD can’t beat Test, and the “WHAT” chants begin. Test goes into the intense quiet yell and suddenly this all seems pretty generic.

Test over Sabu by whatever Test’s finisher is called
Lots of punches by Sabu to start the match, you’d think it was legal or something. Test manages to squeeze in a few power moves and slows the pace down. Styles feels the need to try to help establish who Test is reminding us that he calls himself The Impact Player and God’s gift to ECW. that’s like saying that Daphney and Crowbar were God’s gift to WCW.

Anyway, the match continues with Sabu using whatever speed he’s got left and Test slowing things down. Sabu loses clean to Test’s finisher. Surprisingly enough, no blown spots on Sabu’s part, but Test’s promo might have lasted longer than the match.

We’re shown the same video that aired about the Sandman last week, and that segues into… Elijah Burke and Terkay?

Burke and Terkay over The FBI by armbar
Anyway, tonight we’re going by Original=Loss rules. there’s something to worry about here. I don’t think that Terkay is wrestling enough, he’s clearly blown out when he goes to tag out to Burke. Perhaps this is why he went from being a solo wrestler to a tag wrestler.

By the time that Terkay comes back in, he’s still not recovered from earlier in the match and the match needs to end quick before he’s exposed for being as out of shape as he actually is. He did the least in the match and was the most winded, which doesn’t sit well with me. I think I’ve seen Sal E. Granziano not get blown out like that.

Do you think that Trinity could have ever imagined that she would actually have a smaller role leaving TNA to go to the WWE?

Matt Striker is backstage and he’s here to talk about next weeks match between CM Punk and Hardcore Holly.

3 minutes + CM Punk’s Anaconda Vice < Hardcore Holly according to Striker. Holly comes into the shot to back that up. Dreamer is in his home via satellite. They recap Dreamer getting his ass kicked left and right before coming back to Dreamer. Styles asks if Dreamer has a death wish. Dreamer does his best to sell Khali as anythin but a big retarded idiot, but ever since Tommy lost his credibility and became the Yonkers Brawler I don’t buy it. Tommy’s also sporting a nice tan since the last time we saw him. Tommy says he’s not going to stop until he gets what he wants, which is to kick Khali’s ass. Or to get a really even tan. RVD is back stage and he says he’s going to bring the ECW title home in a horribly unmemorable promo. Next! We’re back with Brad Armstrong. Tazz will be doing his best to make Brad Armstrong look bad and Brad Armstrong will be doing his best to put some comedy into ECW. You know, like the old ECW because it was so funny. Balls Mahoney vs. Kevin Thorn
Tazz and Armstrong do not work well together. It overshadows the physical match that Balls and Thorn have. Armstrong offers such insight as “ohhh, in the back of the head.” Ariel is a little colorful compared to previous weeks.

Styles tries to cut through Armstrong and Tazz as Balls takes stiff shot to the mouth and gets potatod by Thorn, gets a quick three count and the ref throws up the X sign to signify that Balls is hurt.

Lashley is backstage with about as much intensity as a kitten with Rebecca backstage.

We’re back and we’re forced to watch a long video in tribute to the tribute to the troops. That is time that could have been spent on the main event, but instead they’ll probably choose to protect Lashley.

For some reason that Russian douche bag is in the audience and he wastes some time before RVD is announced and comes to the ring for the main event and…

commercials!

Lashley plods his way to the ring and we’re finally underway at 10:52.

Bobby Lashley and Rob Van Dam go to a no contest
We’ve got speed and flexibility vs. power. Lashley is the crowd favorite here, but then again, when the company buries Van Dam and RVD doesn’t put any care into his wrestling the crowd just might turn on him.

Well, that’s not totally true.The little kids chant for Lashley and the adults chant for RVD. The little kids care more.

Lashley has the advantage for most of the match, including a gorilla press from the ring to the floor. RVD eventually gets some momentum going with kicks but can’t get a pin.

A strong “Bobby” chant starts but RVD quickly tels the crowd to cut this shit with the dual thumb “R.V.D.”

Lashley tries to get the three moves of possible doom and gets a drop toe hold to prevent the spear. RVD misses a kick off the top rope by feet and Lashley hits the ground like it was “right in the mush”

Lashley takes RVD out of the ring and pulls some heel moves out and RVD eventually gets Lashley out on the table. Lashley stands on the table before RVD can drop a spinning leg drop on him, RVD splashes Lashley and they both fall off the table and act hurt.

Let me make this very clear. This looked like total bullshit from the beginning, despite the ref throwing up the crossed arm sign. Considering they threw up this sign in the previous match, the crowd wasn’t about to buy it again.

The match ends in a no contest. Let me repeat this, I refuse to believe that these guys are actually hurt. Especially after the Sabu vs. Rey Jr. match at ONS2 ending in a fake double injury.

The Inside Pulse
They need to stop with the bullshit that they’re trying to push on what viewers they have left. Screw this show, no stars.