No pyros to open the show, instead Theodore Long is already in the ring. He announces that tonight will begin the Sprint, which will involve a total of sixteen wrestlers, with all matches picked at random – no one will know their opponent. Whoever wins his match the quickest will get a title shot against Batista at the Royal Rumble. JBL makes a fantastic note that it’s at total random, which means some wrestlers won’t even know if they’ll wrestle tonight or not and that’ll have a mental effect. Batista says that he had to fight hard to get this title, to regain it, and he’ll continue to fight hard to keep it. Long introduces the first man … Kane! Cole says Batista vs. Kane at the Rumble would be a first, totally ignoring their match at Armageddon a few years ago.
Commercials.
Opening Contest: Sprint Match: Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero
Ha, interesting combo. Guerrero gets some kicks in but Kane quickly begins to dominate, Guerrero goes for a school boy but Kane kicks him off. Guerrero gets a sunset flip for a one count. Guerrero gets sent outside by Kane after trying to pin him. Kane hip tosses Guerrero back into the ring, scoop slam and leg drop follows for a failed pinfall attempt. Kane takes Guerrero down with a clothesline and then hits a military press, Kane signals for the chokeslam but Guerrero leaves the ring. Back in the ring, Guerrero looks to be getting the upperhand but Kane sends him right back outside. Guerrero drop toe holds Kane into the steel steps, with Kane rolling back in just before the ten count. Guerrero with a dropkick to the back of Kane, before he chokes Kane using the bottom rope. Guerrero gets a two count, using the ropes as well. Kane with a backwards falling electric chair, flapjack, and Kane goes for a suplex but Guerrero turns it into a DDT for a two count. Kane sits up and big boots Guerrero; running clotheslines in the corner, sideslam by Kane and Kane goes up top and comes off with the flying clothesline for a two count, with Guerrero getting his foot on the rope. Chokeslam attempt is stopped by Guerrero who kicks at Kane’s feet but runs into a shoulder toss. Kane runs into a boot by Guerrero in the corner, Guerrero tries to go up top but Kane goes to stop him, Guerrero throws him off and goes for the frog splash but Kane grabs him by the throat and Chokeslams him for the victory!
Winner: Kane at 7:53
Very bleh match, but these two have a surprising chemistry together. I’d love to see these two do a quicker match. One out of Ten. Simply because I think they worked well together.
Commercials.
Maryse is in lingerie and says something about SmackDown … thankfully, we’ve got the Hooliganz next.
Second Contest: Sprint Match: Paul London vs. Brian Kendrick
Kendrick has another damned haircut too, bastard! Handshake starts. Lock up and London gets a one count school boy, Kendrick gets a one count roll up. Kendrick with a headlock on London, London comes off the ropes with a shoulder block for a failed pinfall attempt. The pair with some nice holds with London flipping out of a headscissors. Kendrick with a NICE back roll up, and London gets in a very provocative cover on Kendrick. The two try a test of strength, with Kendrick getting the better of it and London kicks out of a pinfall attempt, London gets Kendrick in a double arm power bomb situation and keeps it applied as a submission, before he goes for the power bomb but Kendrick rolls through and there’s a few pinfall attempts. Another headlock by Kendrick which London escapes and .. Man, I can’t keep up. The two connect arms again and Kendrick gets a front face lock before turning it into a headlock, London gets him off the ropes and the two connect with crossbodies. The pair exchange elbows, London and Kendrick gets a series of roll ups which ends with Kendrick being rolled outside by London. London with a roll up for two, Kendrick with some headlocks into pinfalls, the pinfall attempts continue. The bell runs out at 7:53, with neither advancing!
Winner: Draw
Ashley Massaro runs down and checks on Kendrick and then checks on London, before she raises both their hands. I’d rate this match higher (and everyone knows I love to rate these guys matches high), but the crowd was virtually dead during the majority of it, which lead to it being a bit boring. I’m surprised this was so technical based, even if it does make perfect sense considering the time limit, but considering these two are known for their high flying abilities and all. Six out of Ten. But, if you can handle how little the fans get involved in a match, then you’ll love this match.
Commercials.
JBL is in the ring, so it looks like this anti-Long movement is actually going somewhere. JBL reminds us of his thoughts re: MVP in the Inferno Match. He calls him the brightest light and shows us footage of what happened at Armageddon. He shows a picture of the burns which MVP has … make up effects, obviously, before JBL introduces MVP. MVP makes his way out, slowly, and thanks JBL for how he has represented him the past few weeks. He says that his burns were so severe that he had twenty four hour medical attendance and couldn’t do anything for himself. MVP asks if Long has any idea of what he did to him, saying he now has no man hood .. right .. MVP talks about the SmackDown sprint and says that if his name gets called, he’ll become the Champion. Okay, I like where the anti-Long stuff looks to be headed, but please try and keep MVP off of the microphone. At least have it kept to a minimum and have JBL speak for him; not only is JBL a better speaker (duh), but it would almost make it seem like MVP is too hurt to talk.
Commercials.
Queen Sharmell introduces her husband …
Third Contest: Sprint Match: King Booker w/ Queen Sharmell vs. Gregory Helms
Another interesting combination, I like the Sprint. Helms with shots to Booker, sending Booker into the corner but running into a clothesline. Chops by Booker to Helms in the corner, before Booker gets a scoop slam on Helms and follows with an elbow drop for a one count. Booker with a suplex attempt, Helms falls behind and punches away at Booker but runs into a spinebuster for a two count. Booker with the superkick to Helms for a two count. Shots by Booker in the corner, Helms begins to fight him off but Booker with an eye poke. Helms ducks a crescent kick attempt and comes back with a forearm for a pinfall attempt. Helms hooks Booker’s leg on the ropes before he gets a school boy for another pinfall attempt. Helms goes for the ten count punches in the corner but Booker drops him throat first on the top rope. Booker with a hook kick for a two count. Booker sends Helms into the corner but runs into an uppercut and missile dropkick by Helms for a two count! Helms gets the mounted punches, Helms gets a top rope crossbody for a two count, almost a three. Booker goes for the Scissors Kick but Helms moves and trips Booker, but gets distracted by Sharmell! Helms turns into a crescent kick by Booker, and Scissors Kick finishes it!
Winner: King Booker at 6:24
Another match I enjoyed, I’d love to see these two meet again if Helms turns face. Five out of Ten. Post match, the Boogeyman comes out with his mouth foaming and hits Helms with the double handed chokeslam and worms Helms!
Commercials.
A video package for the evolution of Batista; I’m thinking it may be a teaser for the return of Evolution. Pretty good video package, actually, even if it did become a bit melodramatic with the involvement of Mark Henry.
Backstage, Ashley Massaro and Layla El are hanging out, and we’ve got diva action next.
Commercials.
Fourth Contest: Ashley Massaro vs. Jillian Hall
Hall kicks Massaro in the gut and slams her down before getting a blatant choke. Hall with the shimmy on Massaro. Massaro gets a few punches to the gut but Hall knees her directly in the face. Hall forces her elbow into the face of Massaro in the corner, before getting her with a scoop slam. Hall gets a foot choke on Massaro. Hall runs into an elbow, and Massaro gets a headscissors takedown. Massaro clotheslines (wow, for Massaro standards) Hall down and shortly gets in another headscissors. Massaro goes for a hurricanrana but Hall gets a power bomb. Hall goes for a scoop slam but Massaro turns it into a roll up for the three count.
Winner: Ashley Massaro
What happened? These two were coming along so nicely! Sigh. -One out of Ten. And yeah, that’s Diva Standards. Massaro will shortly be the next Lita; whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing, however, I don’t know.
Commercials.
Maryse welcomes us back to SmackDown. I, of course, don’t much care for these segments.
Fifth Contest: Sprint Match: Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Tatanka
This is a Sprint Match?! Tatanka is right on Yang with shots, but Yang gets a school boy for a two. Yang with a roll up for a pinfall attempt. Neckbreaker and Yang goes for another pinfall. Tatanka military presses Yang outside, back in the ring Tatanka gets a two count then a one count. Tatanka whips Yang into the corner and gets a two count. Gutbuster by Tatanka for another two count. Tatanka with a suplex for a two count. Rib breaker gets Tatanka a one count. Tatanka whips Yang into the corner, Yang evades the attack but Tatanka stops before he hits the turnbuckle. Tatanka goes to take Yang to the corner but Yang kicks him off, missile dropkick for a two count. Tatanka goes for a scoop slam, Yang falls behind and kicks Tatanka down for a two count. Yang with a nice spinning heel kick in the corner, crossbody off the top for ALMOST a three count. Yang sends Tatanka face first into the corner and goes for the moonsault, but Tatanka trips him and nails a top rope back drop for a two count. Another two count. Short arm clothesline by Tatanka, scoop slam and Tatanka can’t defeat Yang! Tatanka whips Yang into the corner but runs into a boot by Yang, Yang gets a moonsault and covers as the bell rings, and the time limit is over!
Winner: Draw
Post match, Tatanka attacks Yang from behind. Tatanka hits Yang with a flapjack and clotheslines him down, before hitting the Trail’s End. I enjoyed this match, actually. Four out of Ten.
RAW Rebound: John Cena vs. Kevin Federaline; John Cena vs. Handi-Cap guys.
Commercials.
Kristal Marshall is backstage with Vickie Guerrero. We get footage of two weeks ago when Chavo ditched her. Vickie says no one knows what she’s been going through, or anything about her. Everyone has turned their back on her, the fans included, and that now Chavo Guerrero has done it too but he’s walked out on her too. Vickie breaks down and says she feels distraught; can’t focus or sleep, she doesn’t know who she has left. Hm. A step down from our usual Vickie goodness, but I’m very tempted to see where this goes – after all, her and Chavo’s brief (if you consider four months brief) time together has given them both a great set up for their future careers. I’d love to see her bring in a new addition.
Recap of the SmackDown Sprint so far.
Mr. Kennedy makes his entrance …
Commercials.
Main Event: SmackDown Sprint: Mr. Kennedy vs. Chris Benoit
Lock up and the two end up in the corner, with Kennedy getting a kick to the gut of Benoit and clubbing away. Kennedy takes Benoit into the corner and whips him into the opposing corner for the quick pinfall attempt by Kennedy. Fall forward suplex from Kennedy for a two count. Benoit with chops but Kennedy gets a drop toe hold and clubs away at Benoit before he whips him into the corner; Kennedy getting another pinfall attempt. Kennedy goes for a scoop slam but Benoit turns it into a pinfall attempt. Benoit gets another pinfall attempt with the back slide. Benoit gets another with a school boy. Benoit goes for the Sharpshooter but Kennedy escapes. Kennedy goes up top and gets the Kenton Bomb, but Benoit gets his knees up! A heap of Germans by Benoit, and Benoit goes up top and goes for the Swandive Headbutt but Kennedy moves out of the way! Kennedy removes the top turnbuckle padding and goes to send Benoit into it, but Benoit gets the Crossface! Kennedy gets to the ropes and whips Benoit into the exposed turnbuckle, and Kennedy gets the three count!
Winner: Mr. Kennedy at 5:07
Mr. Kennedy gets on the microphone and says he’ll soon be the champion, but Theodore Long comes on out. Long announces that he’s not the Number One Contender yet; and that the SmackDown Sprint shall continue. There are still four matches to go; MVP, Matt Hardy, Finlay, and The Undertaker still have to compete. Long leaves and Kennedy finishes his Kennedy shtick. Too quick of a match to mean much. Two out of Ten.
JBL and Cole discuss the SmackDown Sprint and hype the four contestants which have been revealed for next week’s Sprint matches as the scene fades to black.
Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero: 1/10
Paul London vs. Brian Kendrick: 6/10
King Booker vs. Gregory Helms: 5/10
Ashley Massaro vs. Jillian Hall: -1/10
Tatanka vs. Jimmy Wang Yang: 4/10
Mr. Kennedy vs. Chris Benoit: 2/10
SmackDown 05/01/07: 17/60
The Inside Pulse
I actually enjoyed this show very much. The at times odd matches and the uncertainty, and the fact that it seemed to come across well in the matches with there really being no other game plan than to win. Of course, the SmackDown sprint loses a little bit of meaning because the Hooliganz, Tatanka, and Jimmy Wang Yang are in it (since none of them are anywhere near title contenders at all), but it was still one of the more fun episodes of SmackDown in a long while, and it was one of the few times we can actually accept multiple time limit draws in one evening. Nice way for SmackDown to start off the year.
