Pulse Wrestling Answers #006

Welcome back! Check out Part 1 of the Top 50, then check out Part 2 of the Top 50, then check out Part 3 of the Top 50, and then send in questions and whatnots here. After that, you’re free to do whatever you’d like. Well, after reading the rest of the column

Before we get started, Kevin Marshall has a potential correction from #005:

”The man fka dave returns with:

”i can remember see a single photo of someone in ecw falling of a scaffoling through 1 table out of a stack of 3, it looks like he had then hit the second one and fallen out of the ring. any idea where and when it happen, who it was and how badly he was injuryed?? i’m about 90% sure it was ecw but it might not have been.

thank you.”

”I think this would have been Vic Grimes.”

Nope. It was Brian Lee taking the bump in a scaffold match with Tommy Dreamer in October of 2006. It’s featured in almost every ECW highlight montage.

Apologies if I’m the six hundredth person pointing this out to you.”

Well, I’ll take your word for it. Whoever once was Dave can check out the Vic Grimes clips from last week and see if that was what he was thinking of. If I missed something featured in almost every ECW highlight montage it’s only because there are not enough hours in the day or tea in China to make me watch ECW.

If you spot any potential corrections or have anything you’d like answered by PWA, send them here.

Now, to this week’s questions:

Suzi Snowflake needs closure:

”Iain, can you please settle a debate?

When Al Snow carried a stuffed animal head named Pierre, was Pierre a deer or a moose? I say deer but my friend claims it was a moose.”

Well, feel free to break open the glass that says “Use Only In ‘Told-You-So’ Emergencies”, pick up the bat contained within, march over to your friend’s place and whack him on the head with it, for Pierre was indeed a deer. For those of you who had more important things going on in May 1999, Al Snow started using Pierre when Head had been kidnapped by Hardcore Holly. That’s not even the weirdest part of that little storyline, since Snow was also under the impression that Head was the Hardcore Champion as he had pinned Holly for the belt by using Head. That somehow led to Al Snow vs. Head for the Hardcore Title on Sunday Night Heat, with Snow pulling off a hard-fought victory that for some reason was not good enough to make the final cut on Mick Foley’s Best of Al Snow tape. Speaking of which

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MercuryMark keeps Al Snow’s eternal flame burning:

”Is their legit heat between Al Snow and Mick Foley or is it just an ongoing rib? If it’s legit, what happened?”

There’s no legit heat, it’s all just good-natured banter between two good mates. One of my favourites was when Foley went to give a lecture in Illinois a few years ago. He arrived at the university, pulled up his car and saw an excited young boy standing outside. When he got out the car the boy’s face fell and Mick asked him what was wrong. The boy said Foley wasn’t the wrestler he was hoping to see and started to cry. Mick tried to talk to the boy, who said he didn’t want to live with his mother anymore. Mick asked him why and he said his mother beat him. Mick asked about the boy’s father and the boy said that he beat him too. Mick asked him who he would like to live with and he said Al Snow. Mick asked why the hell he wanted to live with Al Snow and the boy said “Because Al Snow never beats anyone.”

In fact, any Al Snow jokes work well when dropped into simple conversation. To wit:

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Ray Von comes up with this:

”Can we expect to see Samoa Joe, Brian Danielson or Roderick Strong in the WWE?”

At least one of them will eventually be signed by WWE but it won’t be anytime soon. Samoa Joe was under a developmental contract to former WWE developmental territory UPW in 1999, even feuding with John Cena over the title there, but he headed out to Japan instead of being called up to the main roster and the rest is history. Last year he signed a new deal with TNA that will keep him there until 2009. In May 2005 John Laurinaitis was reportedly interested in signing Joe, Bryan Danielson and C.M. Punk before TNA could get their hands on them (partly based on a recommendation by Mick Foley). In the end Joe went to TNA, Punk went to WWE and Danielson remained with ROH to be rewarded with a fantastic title reign in spite of taking a sabbatical to contemplate his future in professional wrestling.

Danielson has made some dark match appearances for WWE in the past and even popped up on Velocity a few times in 2003, including a loss to John Cena. I’m not sure what the status of his ROH contract is but it’s highly unlikely to stand in the way of WWE signing him if the way they got guys like Claudio Castagnoli and James Gibson is anything to go by.

Roderick Strong doesn’t have any past association with WWE but he was trained by Jim Neidhart and reportedly Harry Smith was a big influence on him becoming a pro-wrestler. With Smith due to get a big push in WWE this year along with Neidhart’s daughter Nattie, it’s conceivable that Strong could wind up with at least a developmental deal due to his association with them.

The big question is whether or not Danielson or Strong would want to sign with WWE when they are doing quite nicely on the indy circuit just now. I think that Danielson would be the more likely of the pair to do so. He’s pretty much done everything he possibly can in ROH by now and, with his shoulder in such poor shape, he might feel that he is on borrowed time and prefer a steadier income than the indy scene can provide. Whether or not WWE would want him is another matter altogether. They do finally seem to acknowledge the fact that they do need some out-and-out talented wrestlers on their books, yet most of those are either trainers like Mike Bucci and Dean Malenko or older talents like Dave Finlay and William Regal. It would be in their best interests to have a young, active pure wrestler available to them. Benjamin’s not quite there, Haas isn’t popular, Albright didn’t work out and Punk can only do so much. Danielson would be an excellent addition, as would Strong, although he might feel the benefit of the indy circuit more. I know Danielson isn’t exactly the charismatic entertainer WWE prefers but neither was Chris Benoit back in the day and that worked out great for all involved.

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Dick Ramsbottom makes the tender plea:

”In your opinion, who (male only) has the campest wrestling attire on television?”

I want to say Vito but it seems like such an obvious answer. So let’s go with Mike Tenay.

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Dave Townley risks life and limb with:

”With the benefit of hindsight, do you see Woozie666 as a martyr for freedom?”

I see him as a martyr for stupidity. Only he might not be dead, so he’ll have ballsed that up as well. Tosser.

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Betty Nhgal, who may actually be called Johnny, asks:

”Hey Ian,
I was watching some WWE 24/7 (I think it was an old Halloween Havoc) and saw a Phantom of the Opera-ish character come down to the ring to organ music. My question is, who is he and what happened to him?

Also, did AJ Styles used to work for WWE, what is the best wrestling DVD out there now, and what(in your opinion) is the funniest wrestling moment?”

I do believe that was The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iaukea, a WCW jobber that of similar ethnicity to The Rock, who debuted at around the same time as The Rock and was over-pushed as The Rock initially was and who wound up being nowhere near even half as popular as The Rock became. Eventually, under the wisdom of Vince Russo, he took on the TAFKA gimmick in tribute to the singer Prince because a wrestler based on a singer who peaked commercially in 1984 was what all the kids were clamouring for in the year 2000. He wasn’t brought into WWE after the buy-out and as far as I can tell has stayed in Hollywood to pursue a successful career as a stuntman.

A.J. Styles has had a grand total of one match in WWE, losing to The Hurricane on the 26th January 2002 edition of Jakked, an old syndicated show of squash matches and recaps the company used to have. As rumour has it, he was offered a developmental deal later that year but turned it down, went on to become the first X Division Champion in TNA and has never looked back. Actually, only the first part of that sentence was had by rumour. The rest is all true. Except that I’m sure he has looked back once or twice, possibly whilst suffering from an immense paranoia attack in which he is convinced that Jeff Jarrett is following him down the street by ducking behind parked cars. He was possibly only half-right.

Out of my sadly limited collection, I’d have to pick the Bret Hart DVD as the best wrestling one out there just now. Three discs of good, very good and great matches plus a documentary that was as even-handed as could be expected in some areas and told a very moving story? Sold. But it really depends on what you are after. The best documentary is Beyond the Mat, or Heroes of World Class if you were a WCCW fan back in the day. If you have the money to get it then the WrestleMania Anthology is essential. If you just flat-out want a great wrestling show then pick up one of the favourite ROH releases, perhaps Better than our Best.

One of the funniest wrestling moments, especially with the benefit of retrospect, is Ultimate WOYAH vs. Triple H at WrestleMania XII.

OR “I kicked your leg out of your leg” by Owen Hart.

OR Jeff Jarrett getting the title back at last year’s King of the Mountain, just for the perverse thrill of it all.

OR Lesnar vs. Goldberg.

OR heel Sid twatting face Michaels with a camera and yelling “FUCK YOU!” and getting the biggest pop of the night at Survivor Series ’96.

OR Booker T calling Hulk Hogan a ‘nigga’.

OR a schoolgirl talking about how she saw The Undertaker “slide down the slide” in ’94.

OR trying to figure out whether that little flabby bit on Akebono’s nappy at WrestleMania XXI was his penis or not. And then trying to not figure that out.

OR everything involving Matt Hardy.

OR watching In Your House 3 with the knowledge that Dok Hendrix was clearly giving everybody super fun magic happy time pills.

OR Kurt’s chicken suit.

OR many other contenders, none of which can compare to this:

Magnificent, isn’t he?

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The mind_control fka dave has a couple of follow-ups:

”1) someone brought up daffney which made me wonder who’s has the better scream her or melina?

2) you also brought up the tower of doom, i’ve only seen the match once and the commentary was in german, at the time i had no idea what was going and from what i have read since i know little more would you be so kind as to elaberate on the the lead in to it, the match itself and it’s ramifications?”

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1. Daffney. Melina is nothing more than a walking vagina.

2. Uh-oh. The Tower of Doom gimmick had been around in the NWA since the ‘80s with generally passable results, including the following match from the Great American Bash ’88, pitting The Road Warriors, Steve Williams and Ronnie & Jimmy Garvin against Kevin Sullivan, Mike Rotunda, Al Perez, The Russian Assassin and Ivan Koloff:

The gimmick also has the misfortune of being the one used in Ready to Rumble, which led to the tie-in ‘real’ version of the match at Slamboree 2000 in which Jeff Jarrett somehow triumphed over not just DDP but reigning champion David Arquette as well, winning the world title.

Arguably, none of that was as bad as the version that occurred at Uncensored ’96. I’m sure that watching it in German would have been a more fulfilling experience for you. On one side were Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage. On the other were Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Kevin Sullivan, Lex Luger, MENG, The Barbarian, The Ultimate Solution and Z Gangsta. That’s 8-on-2, worse than even DX last year, and there’s fun to be had with the heel line-up before we even get to the match. You see, when the Ultimate Solution first turned up in WCW he was called the Final Solution and for some reason people didn’t find that very respectful. He was played by Robert Swenson, who went on to star in an even crapper event, as an even lamer character, when he got the role of Bane in Batman & Robin. He died of a heart attack in 1997. Z Gangsta was of course Zeus, the actor Tom Lister Jr who had been Hogan’s foe in Vince McMahon’s first and worst attempt at making a movie, No Holds Barred. He then somehow wound up in the main event of SummerSlam ’89 to try and promote the movie but failed miserably at that and at wrestling. But that didn’t stop WCW, dagnabit!!

So, the match came about when the Four Horsemen and the Dungeon of Doom joined forces to create The Alliance to end Hulkamania. As Scott Keith pointed out, the acronym is TEAH, which is the opposite of heat. The Horsemen had teased dissention between Flair and Anderson but it was all just a ruse to do another heel turn on Sting, which I guess is something Flair just randomly decides to do when he has no plans for the weekend. They also nabbed Elizabeth from Savage again because, hey, the old ones are the best. The Horsemen had also been feuding with the Dungeon of Doom because of the friction between their newest recruit, Brian Pillman, and Kevin Sullivan. That led to the ‘respect match’, which is a whole other story. The Dungeon’s main enemy at that point was still Hogan, especially after losing a War Games match to Hogan’s team, which included Savage, at Fall Brawl ’95. Eventually both sides figured out that together they could take down Hogan (and Savage) before taking out one another, which led to the match.

The rules were never properly explained, since it was a WCW match and all, but Hogan (and Savage) started in the top cage with Flair and Anderson and had to fight their way down. They escaped the top cage by cheating, and then faced Sullivan, Luger, MENG and Barbarian in the middle cage. After that things somehow got even more muddled as Hogan (and Savage) and the rest all kinda left the cage and fought on the floor for a bit until the almighty powers of Zeus and Bane dragged them back into the bottom cage. The other 6 heels hung around for a bit, perhaps discussing whether or not Rachel and Ross would work things out, and then remembered to join in the fight. Booty Brutus Beefcake turned up, since the match certainly needed a 9th heel, and distributed weapons like frying pans and loaded gloves, but not even that was enough to stop Ric Flair getting pinned. It was Savage that pinned him by the way, an amazing feat in its own right as Hogan was gracious enough to let him bask in the glory of this shitty match. Seriously, if you think the Extreme Elimination Chamber or Kennel in the Cell were bad then you really must see this one. In retrospect it was probably a good thing, since this made it abundantly clear that Hulk Hogan was washed up as a babyface and it led to him becoming the third man of the nWo.

My word processor still won’t stay convinced that the word is ‘nWo’ and not ‘now’. Stupid f*cking Gates

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More questions, queries and quibbles.

In the meantime, be sure to click over the following Pulse Wrestling articles:

WWE Rankings are up, which allows Matthew Michaels to continue his Umaga obsession

GRUT vs. Daniels is back with special guests PK and Matthew Michaels, the latter of whom continues his Umaga obsession yet again

A Modest Response is the new weekly feature by our ROH reviewer Pulse Glazer, officially the best new wrestling columnist I’ve read in years even if he dares disagree with the almighty Top 50

The Reality of Wrestling tackles the Best of 2006, with Phil Clark being rather hopeful by dubbing the article “part 1”

Meantime, Top 50!

And questions!

And fingers crossed that I can cook this roast dinner today without killing anybody