It’s finally arrived. Hollywood meets The Hair. And now the attention can finally be turned away from Donald Trump’s latest celebrity feud and on to the 18 candidates looking to become the next person to get a one-year, $250,000 job with the Trump organization (likely to market an energy drink or something).
The 90-minute opener was about 45 minutes too long but there were moments where you knew this was going to be fun. Let’s get to it.
OPENING
Trump arrives at a mansion, greets Melania and Barron (his youngest, who will be an advisior on The Apprentice: Toronto to begin filming in 2027), then greets the candidates promising a tough time (yeah, yeah, yeah). The 18 candidates arrive in SUV’s and are lined up outside the candidate’s mansion. Everyone identifies themselves. After Angela gives her introduction, Trump gives her a hug.
PRE-TASK
Once the teams arrive, they are directed to the backyard of a mansion to start building a large tent. Frank, who Trump yells at to keep his voice down (!), starts taking charge (good thing for him this isn’t Survivor). Frank and Heidi were singled out as the leaders of the task and that’s why they were selected to pick their teams.
THE TEAMS
Let’s familiarize you with the teams. It was a public-school pick ’em. Heidi and Frank selected the teams. For the first and last time (because you’ve got to learn to recognize them by name eventually), we’ll use the nicknames assigned to them.
Heidi’s team (Identified in the opening as “Kinetic”).
Heidi (The Hottie): Sales manager from Santa Monica, CA.
Derek (The Risktaker): From Los Angeles, VP business and legal affairs for a movie studio.
Aimee (The Thinker): Territory manager for a health care company, from Chicago.
Marisa (The Politico): Attorney from Wellington, FL.
Angela (The Olympian): Defenseman on the U.S. women’s hockey team from Oyster Bay, N.Y. (My second favourite defenseman in women’s hockey. My first is Colleen Sostorics).
Surya (The Hair, and it is impressive): Brand manager from the Reality TV Capital of the World, Cincinnati.
Muna (The Believer): Attorney from Matawan, N.J. and Jamaica’s gift to Reality TV (And she went to school in Canada, too. Wow!)
Jenn (The Blonde (doesn’t speak well of either her or the producers if that’s the best they can come up with)): Publicist and local television reporter from Phoenix.
Kristine (The Schmoozer): Attorney (has represented sports and entertainment stars) from Los Angeles.
Frank’s team (Identified as “Arrow”).
Frank (The Mouth (How flattering is that?)): Contracting company founder from The Bronx, N.Y.
James (The Webhead): Internet entrepreneur from Seattle.
Aaron (The Adapter): Sales manager for a homebuilder from Fredericksburg, Va.
Stefani (The Realist): Attorney from Los Angeles
Martin (The Philosopher): Yet another lawyer, this one from Atlanta. (This is what we get for not supporting the short-lived NBC reality show, The Law Firm)
Tim (The Musician): Piano player and tutoring company co-owner from Los Angeles (All these L.A. people. And we criticized Survivor: Cook Islands for its inability to hide their contestant recruiting).
Michelle (The Closer): Real Estate consultant from (guess where), Los Angeles.
Carey (The Perfectionist): Marketing firm owner from Atlanta
Nicole (The Dreamer): Real estate company owner/broker and investor (Where have I seen this movie before?) from Chicago.
THE FIRST TASK
L.A. is known for two things, stars and cars. It’s too early for the stars, so they focus on the cars. Specifically, they are to run a car wash. The team who makes the most money in the allotted time, wins, the loo-zing team will meet in the boardroom, someone will be fy-yerd.
Frank is go go go. He starts barking out this and that. They quickly set out a price. He runs to Kinkos to make flyers. Problem is, there’s no signage so their attempts to get traffic is futile in the early going.
Heidi’s team markets well. They make signs using cardboard and offer a free lunch. Since it was a gay area of the city, the guys held the signs shirtless. Ivanka is even asked if she wants to take her shirt off and hold a sign (not smart).
Frank finally gets it and decides to make a sign. Ivanka asks why Frank is not at the car wash. Martin says he is tired. Ivanka tells him it’s too early for that.
Heidi’s team is faced with a long lineup. So she changes up the task and gets everyone to start washing cars to clear up the backlog. Angela says the only way their team won’t win is due to the chaos.
Sales at James’ car wash picks up but it seems that James and Tim are selling while Martin is not.
The task finishes and the count is in. Frank, $2,345.54. Heidi, $2,463.00, Heidi’s team won primarily because they went for volume. They sold basic washes rather than the high-end detailing. Frank’s team did sell some high-end cleaning but it was too late.
THE REWARD
First of all, the winning team lives in the mansion (and we saw more than our fair share of the women by the pool. The losers were forced to camp outside. In addition, Heidi, as the winning project manager, was to sit in on the losing team’s boardroom. Finally, the team were treated to dinner with Donald and Melania at Spago, where they met renouned chef Wolfgang Puck. Trump surprised the team by asking them “Who did the worst job.” Thankfully, no one took the bait. And one more thing, Angela got a lot of face time. I know she’s the Olympian but should her fans be concerned at this edit?
While the winners dined at Spago. We saw the losers back at the tent dine on … something.
A RANT
Why was this premiere 90 minutes? There was a lot of time wasted going back and forth between the mansion and the campground. But there was a great scene where
BACK AT CAMP (Now I’m sounding like Jeff Probst)
Martin and Frank begin their battle, one that will go to the end of the show. Martin accuses Frank of having a poor price point. Frank accuses Martin of being a poor salesman.
THE BOARDROOM
Frank and Martin continued their battle. Frank spoke, and spoke, and spoke. He’s loud. He’s passionate. He’s a New Yorker so we have to put up with the annoying accent. As for Martin, let’s just say he’s a cross between Michael from last season, who spoke with such eloquence, and Marcus from season four, who basically couldn’t put a cohesive sentence together. The discussion focused on three points, Frank’s passion, Martin’s lack thereof, and the price point.
Trump asked everyone who should go. Tim, who was in charge of sales, felt Frank should go while Nicole, who had completely lost her voice during the task, was one of those who felt Martin had to go.
Heidi was asked who she thought should go. She said Martin. Ivanka just plain didn’t like this guy from the start and was completely convinced Martin should go.
Frank brought Tim and Martin in. Tim was sent back in short order. Frank nearly made the common mistake of speaking too much. He called Martin “brilliant” and Trump quizzed him on it. However in the end, Frank has a lot of energy while Martin didn’t demonstrate the right attitude. Martin is fired.
MARTIN
Good guy. Lawyer and professor. Too passive. He asked Trump while everyone was introducing themselves if he could go to the bathroom. I know when you gotta go you gotta go but sometimes, you gotta hold as long as you can. That, the tired comment to Ivanka, and a lack of fire cost him. He of course couldn’t believe he got fired and felt he was the hardest working person on the team.
FINAL THOUGHTS
I have been skeptical about Ivanka being her father’s main advisor. I am no more. She proved yesterday she’s quite tough and not afraid to speak her mind. I look forward to seeing more.
