Ranting in the UK – ECW December to Dismember 2006

PPVs, Reviews

ECW December to Dismember was one of the single most boring shows I’ve ever sat down and witnessed. Nothing about it was fresh or exciting and the fact that WWE can end a 3 hour show 40 minutes early when they have a roster of over 100000000000 guys is ridiculous to the extreme (Ha see I made a pun!). Even more baffling is that they seemingly have no clue what their audience want which was highlighted in the match results

The show opened with a solid bout between MNM and The Hardy Boys. While the match had it’s good moments, such as The Hardys doing a set of dives out onto their opponents, the match went on about 5 minutes longer than it should have. While not necessarily dull the action was more along the lines of uneventful and it made no sense to give a match with so little build up something close to 25 minutes, or maybe more. The crowd had some fun at certain points but I was left unenthused by the action and generally annoyed about how much the match dragged. Still it was a technically well worked match from two very experienced and hard working tag teams so I’ll go middle of the road with **1/2 as this was the least of my gripes with this show
WINNERS – THE HARDYS
Match time – 22:33

The next match was an atrocious match between Balls Mahoney and Matt Striker. In the old days of ECW if Paul Heyman had some pay per view time to fill he’d put on a match like EZ Money Vs Nova which wouldn’t be a blow away match but at least would be fun ebcause he’d just give them 10 minutes and do what they wanted. What I had to witness here was Striker and Mahoney sleep walking through one of the most boring 7 minutes of my life. Neither man seemed to care and had it in cruise control throughout. Striker was doing fine on Raw and I still don’t see the point of moving him to ECW. If they had to have moved him he shouldhave gone to Smackdown as then at least he could good matches with the Benoit’s and Mysterio’s. I’ve always had a soft spot for ol Balls but this WWE run has done nothing for him as it essentially has forced him to wrestle like a generic WWE wrestler, which he isn’t. I personally would have been much happier if they’d just let them have a goofy garbage match instead of this dross. I’m giving it a whopping ¼* based shearly on the boredom
WINNERS – STRIKER
Match time – 07:12

FBI Vs Terkay and Burke
Why the f*ck is a squash match they could do on any TV taping being put on a pay per view? Why? Is ECW that talent starved it has to do this? The crowd died a slow and painful death, quite rightly too. Just generally a lame and boring match. If ECW doesn’t have the roster for these type of shows they should either make them co promote a PPV or just not let them do them. This was another 6 minutes of abject boredom
WINNERS – TERKAY AND BURKE
Match time – 06:41

Daivari Vs Tommy Dreamer
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
WINNER – Like I f*cking care
Match time – 07:22

Tommy this a personal plea from me, get the f*ck out of that shite pit and go somewhere like Ring of Honor to help train their wrestlers. You can sell, cut promos and genuinely broke your back for wrestling. You’re a teacher and a legend in the wrestling buisiness, and I will fight anyone to defend that comment. Get out and go somewhere you’re appreciated and not jobbed out in meaningless PPV matches against guys who a real ECW crowd would eat alive.

Kevin Thorn and Ariel Vs Mike Knoxx and Kelly
All I can say is that Mike Knoxx did the right thing by turning on his two timing slut of a girlfriend. To me he’s the babyface in all this. He may be a jerk but he still has feelings. I have no qualms with the angle as it had to happen but that doesn’t mean the match was any good.
½*
WINNERS – THORN AND ARIEL WHEN KNOXX TURNED ON KELLY
Match time – 07:43

The main event Elimination Chamber match was weakened to begin with by doing the kayfabe Sabu “injury”. What was even worse was that they were three points in this match where one guy was on his own in the cell leaving 2-3 minutes of inactivity. That is nothing short of inexcusable. This was by far the worst Chamber match they’ve ever done, ever. Seriously, it was boring, dull, boring, crappy, boring, worse than rape, boring piece of crap that I just HATED. I mean seriously I absolutely HATED it. I couldn’t get into the story because it was ludicrous, the crowd was dead AND the main crowd favourites didn’t even make it to the end. This show and this match was just an incredible waste of my time, time which I could have used to put the peel back on an orange because that would have been a more productive use of my time than watching this awful main event. Hate is a strong word but damn this match made me hate the world and everything in it. I can’t explain the relief I had when I was over. I felt offended that I devoted time to something and WWE made me look like a giant fool for bothering. I love wrestling but this wasn’t wrestling. It was more like having broken glass shoved up your arse and having a large giraffes cock shoved down your throat at the same time.

The Inside Pulse
Fuck you WWE for wasting my time and everyone else’s.

Avoid this show like an axe handle wielding OJ Simpson. Later