What?
LONDON (Reuters) – Morrissey, famed for penning some of British pop music’s most melancholic songs, is being lined up to represent Britain in the Eurovision song contest, usually seen as a celebration of all things kitsch and trite.
The former lead singer of The Smiths, whose hits include “That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore” and “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now,” revealed he wanted to take part after Britain’s disappointing performance last year.
“Morrissey expressed an interest way back last year in writing for the contest and since then we have been in talks with him,” a BBC spokeswoman said on Tuesday.
She said no decision had yet been made and there were also discussions with other artists taking place. It was also unclear whether Morrissey would perform or merely write the song.
Britain’s entry last year, rapper Daz Sampson, came only 19th out of 24 countries, faring slightly better than Jemini’s 2003 offering which failed to win a single vote.
Finish[sic] rockers Lordi, attired in monster-themed costumes, were the surprise winners with “Hard Rock Hallelujah,” watched by an estimated 100 million viewers across Europe.
The contest that launched the careers of ABBA and Celine Dion is usually regarded in Britain as something of a joke, because it traditionally attracted entrants with strange hairstyles and over-the-top outfits, singing awful songs with catchy choruses.
It would therefore seem to be an unlikely setting for Morrissey whose angst-ridden lyrics won The Smiths an army of fans during the 1980s.
The Manchester band’s album “The Queen Is Dead” is considered by music critics to be one of the best of all time.
A spokeswoman for the singer confirmed he was in discussions but could not provide further details.
“He was definitely approached after speaking out about it last year,” the spokeswoman said.
Even if Morrissey produces a song for the contest which will be held in Helsinki in May, there is no guarantee he will be Britain’s representative, who will be chosen by a public vote in March from a short list of candidates.
It seems Europe itself is out to systematically destroy the crap that is Eurovision.
Starting last year with Lordi’s win, the contest was turned on its head. You mean the winner wasn’t some cute little blonde girly-girl coated in rhinestones or a man-boy with a dimpled cheek and twinkle in his eye? That alone should have signaled the end of Eurovision as we knew it. Or, at least, change the contest into something remotely likable and viable in the pop marketplace.
Instead, those of us with our sarcasm hats turned up to maximum are being handed the single most wonderful development in the erosion of manufactured garbage music: Morrissey. As if Lordi didn’t do us enough favors… Morrissey.
What could one expect from the sardonic mope-meister? Immediate derivation from his own career would point in several artistic directions.
THE ARTIST: a female who resembled 1987 Kylie Minogue or Debbie Gibson.
THE SONG: something miserable and wry as Morrissey would typically write, but the chick’s gotta shake her ass like crazy.
THE ARTIST: a caricature of himself, perhaps a pretty-boy from Manchester.
THE SONG: an over-the-top Morrissey parody that ends with the boy weeping in the puddle of his miserable existence.
THE ARTIST: total Lordi ripoff.
THE SONG: a song about how great Lordi is.
THE ARTIST: Morrissey.
THE SONG: a Eurovision-styled cheesy pop song insulting everything associated with Eurovision, but too subtle for most to catch.
What, do you honestly think Morrissey would take this seriously in any regard? If he did, do you honestly think anyone would vote him into Eurovision? The world is begging for him to follow up Lordi’s coup d’etat of Eurovision. May the future Celine Dions of the world never win again.
