Directed by
Greg Coolidge
Cast:
Jason Connery …. Daniel Leight/Lightspeed
Daniel Goddard …. Python/Edward
Nicole Eggert …. Beth
Lee Majors …. Tanner
K.C. Clyde …. John Barcroft
Kari Hawker …. Young Nurse
Jim Jepson …. Police Officer
Richard King …. Captured Henchman
John E. Moyer …. Convenience Store Clerk
Rhett Willman …. Henchman #1
It is easy to categorize Stan Lee as one of the most important Science Fiction/Fantasy creators of the past 100 years. Creating his own universe, much like Gene Roddenberry and J.R.R. Tolkien did, Lee has given the world characters that exist now as our own modern mythology. While Spider-man, the X-Men, the Fantastic Four, and the Incredible Hulk have all reached big screen prominence in the last few years, Lee has apparently decided to branch out even further, creating new characters for DVD and on TV. Now, like the bastard child of a great man who has come out of hiding to ruin the man’s reputation, Stan Lee’s Lightspeed arrives on DVD to embarrass all involved.
Just how bad is this film? Imagine an opening sequence where our hero Daniel Leight (Jason Connery) is battling the evil Python (Daniel Goddard) in the basement of a government building. After some mediocre choreography, he is knocked out, and Daniel is eventually caught in an explosion; only the flames happen to be a CGI, and its clear that there’s nothing wrong with the building behind said flames. We then get to see an atrocious looking CGI building fall to the ground, fooling only the near sighted into thinking it is an actual building that is falling. At this point, you may be wondering if the Lightspeed from the title is the pace at which you’ll probably be turning this film off.
Those that decide to keep going will find out that Lightspeed is actually the masked superhero that Daniel Leight becomes after he is exposed to an excess of that pesky radiation that Stan Lee is so fond of. He soon learns that he has the power of super speed, but that it causes his face to get wind burn. To combat this Daniel goes in search of a costume, that he finds in one of the most laughable scenes ever filmed.
Superman’s costume was made from the blanket that Jor-El placed in his spacecraft as a baby. The Green Lantern’s costume comes from the power ring given to him from the Guardians of the universe. Lightspeed goes to his local athletic store and tells the clerk that he is working to break the land speed record by wearing a rocket pack. The clerk then comes out with a costume that looks like it costs about $49.95, consisting of an suit worn by speed skaters, a ski mask and goggles. This is definitely the costume that will inspire laughter in all crooks that Lightspeed will come across, before he pummels them in a flurry of lame visual effects.
Even these ridiculous happenings wouldn’t damn this picture in and of itself, but pair it with some of the worst performances I’ve ever witnessed, even for low budget fair such as this, and Lightspeed becomes as fun as a trip to the dentist. Nicole Eggert and Lee Majors make Jean-Claude Van Damne in last year’s Direct-to-DVD snooze fest Second in Command look like Laurence Olivier by comparison, and I’d take the cast of Behind Enemy Lines II: Axis of Evil any day over Jason Connery. The worst of all is Daniel Goddard who looks OK in his Python makeup, but underneath lies one of the worst performances in recent memory. Painfully over the top, and yet completely unconvincing, the villain slowly devolves into a character that goes from silly, to down right offensively bad.
Instead going into great detail about how this film has atrocious writing, directing, and production values, I’ll simply say that this film is worse than Catwoman, Batman and Robin, or even the unreleased Roger Corman produced version of The Fantastic Four. Not even attributing these shortcomings to the movies low budget, Stan Lee’s Lightspeed is a new low for this genre, and a horrid waste of 87 minutes. Stan Lee may be one of the greatest comic book creators of all time, but if Lightspeed is an indication, Stan the Man should probably go ahead and stop at the speed of light.
The Video
The picture on the disc is fine I suppose. The movie is shot in what looks to be digital video, which doesn’t produce the best image. The film is presented in Anamorphic Widescreen with an aspect ratio of 1.78:1.
The Audio
The soundtrack seems fine as well. It’s inoffensive, which is one of the nicest things you could say about this. The Audio track is presented in Dolby Digital 2.0.
SPECIAL FEATURES: There are thankfully no features on the DVD for Stan Lee’s Lightspeed, making this experience as short as possible.
THE INSIDE PULSE: Wow. I’d recommend having Citizen Kane on hand just in case your body goes into shock from enduring this terrible, terrible movie. Those looking for commentaries or documentaries won’t find them on this disc either. Only pain.
