Sad JunkNewsflash! God Confirms Another Cut To The Roster


After several hundred thousand cuts were confirmed yesterday, the trend continues. From comes the following statement:

God has come to terms on the release of the following talent. God wishes them all the best in their future endeavors.


Scott “Bam Bam” Bigelow was one of the most talented professional wrestlers of his size. He had notable feuds with Tazz in ECW and was almost the sole survivor in the main event at the first Summerslam. Perhaps his most notable match was a loss to Lawrence Taylor at Wrestlemania XI. He was an avid fisherman and his true love was getting tattoos on the top of his head. God is very excited at gaining such a valuable soldier in the war against hell. Bigelow is survived on the mortal plain by Oliver Humperdink.


God is glad to welcome The Mama’s and the Papa’s Denny Doherty to his right hand. God and his choir of angels said it best:

“All the leaves are brown all the leaves are brown, and Denny Doherty’s dead and Denny Doherty’s dead. I took him cause his song I took him cause his song got stuck in my head got stuck in my head. He’ll be very warm he’ll be very warm in hell’s hottest bed in hell’s hottests bed. California dying California dying just because I said!”

Some in back have been saying that God has been acting oddly lately, pointing to the Rosie versus Trump feud that has seemed to entertain only him and Vince McMahon. Unwilling to accept the blame for the failure of the feud to entertain people, we can expect several million more roster cuts in the next few weeks. Many are hoping for Jesus to finally take over for the old man, but that seems unlikely for many years.

Insidepulse will keep you up to date on all the roster cuts that matter.