When I think about the most hated sequels amongst fandom, it’s tough to pick out the worst of the worst. Certainly The Matrix sequels, especially Revolutions, suffered critical bashing, but really do they compare to a film like Highlander II: The Quickening? That film, even after several different “Director’s Cuts” and whatnot, makes no sense whatever and is universally loathed, even by the Highlander faithful.
Obviously, there are other worthy contenders in this list. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Jaws: The Revenge, the 1987 stinker in which the shark comes back to take revenge on the Brody family. My buddy Shaun’s favorite movie of all time is Jaws, so naturally The Revenge is his least favorite. He feels so strongly about the movie that he calls it “the worst moment of his life”. Not only is this film one of the worst sequels, but probably one of the worst films of all time. I love Roger Ebert’s quote about this movie
I believe that the shark wants revenge against Mrs. Brody. I do. I really do believe it. After all, her husband was one of the men who hunted this shark and killed it, blowing it to bits. And what shark wouldn’t want revenge against the survivors of the men who killed it?
Then again, for Comic Book fans, has a hero ever fallen as far as the Caped Crusader in Batman and Robin? This overproduced, hideous abomination by Joel Schumacher gives the fourth Jaws film a run for its money as George Clooney and Arnold Schwarzenegger do rubber clad battle in the absolute worst representation of Gotham city ever conceived. In amongst Arnie’s terrible puns, you can feel each actor trying desperately not to commit career suicide.
But what about other disasters such as Halloween III, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, The Fly II, Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, A View to a Kill, or Exorcist II: The Heretic? Really, the list could go on and on, with each movie representing a low point in creativity, direction or greed. Unfortunately, the Rocky franchise also has a name it could add to this list. This is a film so bad that many even try to deny its very existence. This film represents a low point for a hero who represented the American dream, and worse yet this film was supposed to be his swan song.
Rocky V Starring Sylvester Stallone, Talia Shire, Burt Young, Sage Stallone, Tommy Morrison, Burgess Meredith, and Richard Gant. Director John G. Avildsen
I know I’ve mentioned a lot lately how the tendency in the Bond series is to have 007 have a very “back to basics” type of adventure when the previous entry had gotten too big to top. To say that Rocky IV was the Moonraker in the saga of Rocky Balboa would not be far off. There’s absolutely no way Rocky V would be able to be as over the top as Rocky IV and still have the character be a believable hero. The Italian Stallion had just gotten too far away from the no name loser that we loved to root for. Now he wasn’t just a fighter, but an international hero that toppled all in his path.
So on paper, it’s easy to see how Rocky V could have worked. Take Rocky back to his roots by getting him away from his mansions and robots and getting him back to his old neighborhood amongst the common folk. Director John G. Avildsen, who had helmed Rocky’s initial, Oscar Winning introduction, was back to try and make a street smart movie about Balboa passing the torch and rejecting professional boxing’s scandalous, greedy side. To look at Rocky V, you can see how it could be a noble effort. Unfortunately, the execution of this story is not as noble.
First off, the plot device of Burt Young’s Paulie losing all of Rocky’s money, which is the reason that the Balboa’s end up back in the poor house, only makes you end up hating Paulie more than you should. I mean, let’s face it, it’s really easy to hate Paulie. He’s cranky, abusive, drunk, and racist, but we’ve still stood by Paulie in the past because in the end we know deep down he loves Rocky and Adrian. Here, Paulie just comes off as a jerk and a stupid jerk at that, causing us to see this character in a light that makes you ask “why does Rocky even keep this guy around?”
The next problem with this film is a bad one. When Rocky left for Russia in Rocky IV, Rocky, Jr. (played by Rocky Krakoff) was a pretty little kid. When Rocky returns from Russia in V,which would logically be about two months later at the most, Rocky Jr. (now portrayed by Sage Stallone) is years older and a lot more annoying. Plus, the casting of Sage Stallone is one of the worst cases of nepotism in film this side of the unprepared Sophia Coppolla in Godfather III. Sage doesn’t exactly display a winning personality or a lot of charisma in the picture, so with much screen time devoted to him (and his horribly dated ear ring) in this picture, its not hard to see how this portion of the film failed Rocky V.
Another issue has to deal with the film’s villains. Now apparently because of the brutal match with Dolph Lundgren’s Ivan Drago, our hero has suffered major brain trauma that could cost him his life he ends up getting back in the ring. Unfortunately, just like in Rocky II, if Rocky doesn’t fight again, his family will have to stay in poverty (that means no robots). So of course, with no Apollo to get Rocky back in the ring, we get an Apollo-style villain in Richard Gant’s ridiculous George Washington Duke, constantly pressuring Rocky to step back into the squared circle.
Thing is, with Apollo we could identify with his quest to prove himself as a great fighter and champion in the ring. Apollo’s quest was a noble one, which is what made him easy to root for when he became a hero in Rocky III. With Duke, who isn’t even a fighter, but instead a Don King-style promoter, there’s no nobility involved, just greed. All of Rocky’s villains up to this point wanted to prove themselves against Balboa, because he was the best. Duke just wants to have a payday.
So to deal with this, Stallone (who again wrote the film’s screenplay), comes up with Tommy Gunn (real life professional Tommy Morrison), a protégé of Balboa’s who gets stolen away to the dark side by the evil Duke. Perhaps if this storyline were handled with any sort of subtlety at all it may have actually been worth telling, but Gunn is as one- dimensional as villains come. His need to break out from Rocky’s shadow and into his own limelight is a weak driving force for this film and eventually breaks down the entire proceedings.
Worse yet, the movie spends a lot of time having Rocky live vicariously through Tommy Gunn’s rise through the ranks, ignoring his own family, especially Rocky, Jr. in the process. So Rocky V manages not only to make you hate nearly everyone in the picture, from Rocky Jr., to Paulie, to its lame villains, but ends up making you even hate Rocky Balboa himself. What more could this film do to offend you?
Rocky V’s worst flaw is to deny his fans the one thing they’ve come to see; Rocky Balboa triumphing against his enemies in the ring. As Rocky fans, we need to see the Stallion in his training session, fighting to regain his respect as he climbs back in the ring against all odds. To deny us this basic element is to completely condemn this movie. Yes, Rocky could face death, but how is that different from any of these movies? Rocky’s life or permanent injury has always hung in the balance.
Instead we’re given a street fight between Rocky and Tommy, which is one of the lamest and most ridiculous fight scenes ever choreographed in the history of cinema. In Variety’s review of the film upon its premiere, it mentioned that the fight had more in common with a professional wrestling match than a boxing match. That’s because the fight was choreographed by WWE veteran Terry Funk, which makes total sense when you watch the sequence. What should be a moving, death defying sendoff for an American hero ends up a clichéd mess, complete with horrible rap music and ludicrous stunts.
The same could be said about the movie as much as this fight. The film that should have brought this character to a place where we can identify with him as he rides off into the sunset, ends up being an unmitigated disaster. Rocky V remains the lowest of the low for the Rocky saga, but thankfully Rocky would get one more shot in the ring. Rocky V would not end up being the death of our champion, as he would get a chance for something that many of the heroes at the top of this column would not get; he would get a shot at redemption.
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