T H E
R A B B L E
R U M B L E
This is probably the largest
Amalgamation of Rabblers… EVER!
..there’s too many people here…
So here we go – the list of our Rabbleteers! Almost as many Rabblers as there is people in the frigging Rumble.. it’s insane.
Here we go in no specific order. Including the numbers they’ve picked for the Rabble pool! The rules of this are – we all picked some random numbers – if the numbers we picked come in and wins it all… we win the pool of $30. That easy!
Corvis! (19) Nina! (4 & 10) Kat! (29) Eric! (16)
Mike! (6 & 11 & 22 & 7 & 24 & 3 & 5) Jeffrey! (15 & 28) Bill! (25 & 26) Ginny! (20 & 30)
Mighty! (18 & 23) Jenna! (21 & 17) Hernandez! (2, 8, 13) April!
Dani! (14 & 12) Michael! Mikey! (1)
Now let’s get to the gawdamn show! Organizing these people is like alphatizing a litter of cats.
“ERIC! Start the reactor!!!” – Me
Welcome to the Rumble. We start with a great opening package for the Road to Wrestlemania. ‘Who will cease the dream?’
“Martin Luther King?” – Me
“He already had one..” – Ginny
“You’re right, WWE never puts a black guy over.” – Me
Shelton gets tossed out in the montage.
“Sure they do!” – Michael
“Hey a Y2J sign!” – Nina
“Where?!” – Me
“Right behind the Moondog Rex sign…” – Michael
Starting the show, of course, here comes MNM! Melina wearing pink kneesocks.. not so bad.
“Here comes Abyss!” – Hernandez
“Jamie’s right he looks like Mankind.” – Dani
“I’d LOVE to see Foley run down and take it from him…” – Michael
Melina does her standard entrance.
“Somebody break the suction she’s stuck to the mat.” – Michael
Replay of the Mercury face-shot.
“Pussy didn’t finish the match..” – Corvis
Now it’s time for the Hardy Boyz.
“What happened to the Boyz?” – Me
“No, they grew up.. the mystery is gone.” – Ginny
“They are men. Men in tights” – Jeffrey
MNM vs. HARDYZ
Boyz No More
Matt starting in the ring with Mercury. He heads in and Nitro decides HE’S the one in and slams into Matt. He holds Matt back, tags in Mercury, and Mercury punches him down.
“When did Ughs become wrestling gear?” – Jimmy
“He looks like a clydesdale.” – Mighty
Quick tags back and forth between Mercury and Nitro. Finally Mercury throws Matt into the corner and there is a quick switch up and Matt gets the upperhand, tags in Jeff and Jeff with a flying crossbody for two.
Mercury charges Jeff to the corner and a tag to Nitro. Throws Jeff to the ropes, Jeff ducks the clothesline and grabs his legs to drop him for the double legdrop. Tag to Matt and they throw Nitro in, double elbow and a doubleteam elbow. Mercury runs in. Matt throws the suplex and Mercury heads out.
Matt now in with Nitro again and a reverse neckbreaker for two. Nitro coldcocks Matt on the ‘broken?’ jaw of Hardy. Tag to Mercury. Big punch to Matt’s face.
“And Mercury breaks his fist on Matt’s face.” – Me
Quick tags back and forth again. Nitro continues to capitalize all over Hardy. Mercury goes all nuts all over him and when Mercury gets in there, Matt STARTS to show a comeback, but no.. at least until Mercury goes for an elbow and whiffs it for the hot tag to Jeff. Flying cross to Nitro and a big elbow to his face. Sitdown facebuster. Gets two due to Nitroference. Double suplex from the Hardyz. Double climb to the turnbuckle. Matt lands the legdrop. Jeff though gets knees in the gut!
“Was that a f*ck up or a neat spot?” – All of us.
Mercury gets up first as Matt leaves the ring. Beats down on Jeff commense. Now Jeff is our face in peril. When Nitro gets in there he locks Jeff with a scissorlock. Front facelock. Jeff FINALLY gets to his feet and hits the hot tag with a back body drop…. BUT THE REF WAS NOT LOOKING! Oooooo…
“60% of the time.. it works… everytime.” – Me
“That makes no sense.” – Bill
Jeff slingshots Mercury – then kicks out of Nitro for the hot tag! Matt charges in. Backbody drops to everyone. Elbows to Mercury. Clotheslines to Nitro. Bulldog/clothesline to Nitro/Mercury. All that for two! Matt heads to the top turnbuckle and hits a…. standing elbow?
“There was no payoff there.” – Dani
And Mercury grabs him for the MNM finisher, but Jeff charges in to stop Mercury. Matt drops. Poetry in motion! There is some hot little ending spots with Matt finally hitting the Twist of Fate on Nitro. Misses it on Mercury, but Jeff hits the Senton!
“Every girl in that arena is wet now.” – Dani
“Has MNM ever won one of these?” – Mike
“Nope.” – Hernandez
“Next, tables, ladders, and chainsaws.” – Michael
“WE WANT CHAINSAWS…” – Bill
In the background is Coach and Teddy.
“Isn’t that the girl from ECW?” – Corvis
“No that’s Teddie and Coach!” – Eric
So here comes Edge to pick his numbers, and there is Kelly Kelly.. the official tumbler.
“Where’s her mic?” – Michael
“If you hear an echo…” – Me
Edge & Orton decide ‘if I show you yours’… bit. Here comes King Booker.
Anyway, the new commercial for Wrestlemania involves children.
“This commercial brought to you by NAMBLA!” – Me
Next coming up is the ECW world title match.
Here comes Test!
“The HORRRRRSEEE!” – Jenna
“Backne!” – Corvis
And here comes Lashley!
“This isn’t being contested under Extreme rules?” – Me
“Probably not, because that would make sense!” – Eric
TEST vs. LASHLEY
“Welcome to Roid Rogers Neighborhood” – Jenna
Lock up to start. Lashley out of nowhere hits a spear! They crawl over each other.
“You do NOT want Lashley on top of you” – Eric
Test gets to his feet and chokes him against the ropes.
“Ebonyyy and Ivorrryyy” – Jimmy
Test and him lock-up again, but Lashley hits a Sambo Exploder out of nowhere! Then a standing vertical suplex. Test actually cries out..
“Because he popped a zit?” – Dani
Test tries to bail, but Lashley throws him right back in. Lash gets to the apron and Test throws him into the corner. Grabs him in the ring and chinlock. Joey Styles refers to him as a ‘Genetic Freak’.
“Somewhere Scott Steiner is suing.” – Me
“Did he say ‘Kinetic Freak’ like once he starts moving, there’s trouble?” – Michael
Armlocks abound from Test. Knees and stuff. Lashley tries to hit a full press slam out of nowhere and he drops Test! Oooooo…
“PSYCHOLOGY!” – Me
Test goes for a pin for two and gets pissed off.
“Roid Rage!” – Mighty
“The Rabblecast should put together a fund for Test to get Clearosil” – Dani
Test lifts up Lashley for an F5ish manuever. Lashley slides out of it and kicks him and Test bails….
And then.. there is a count out?!?!?! …IN AN ECW MATCH!?!??!
Lashley runs out and powerslams Test down for good measure.
“Not selling the arm… way to go” – Mike
WINNER VIA ECW-COUNT OUT: LASHLEY
In the back John is talking with the WWE doctor.. he breathes in.. and coughs.
“Stop injecting steroids into your lungs.” – Jimmy
In comes Vince, wearing a mustard yellow jacket.
“Price is Right jacket much?” – Dani
“Is he working for Century 21?” – Michael
“Mr. Cena, how would you like your eggs?” – Bill
“You can’t see me..” – Vince
“I can’t miss you in that jacket.” – Michael
Vince is happy Cena’s hurt. He has to wrestle.
“What does the spleen do?” – Dani
“Makes you cough.” – Me
“Only if it’s hurt.” – Michael
Now it’s time for the montage of Dave & Kennedy.
“we need a montaaaage…” – Me
“Even Rocky had a montaaaage” – Michael
Mister Kennedy grabs his mic.
“What you see before your very eyes.” – Kennedy
“Is brought to you for exfoliation” – Jimmy
“..is Missterrrrrrrrrrrrr” – Kennedy
“Roboto?” – Jimmy
“Is he going to lick that microphone?” – Bill
“This is what he would do for a Klondyke Bar” – Jimmy
Now it’s Dave’s entrance.
“DAPPERNESS!” – Dani
“What’s he doing?” – Corvis
“Jumping.” – Me
“He is moving too much…” – Corvis
“He grew his hair out so he’s not in the Phantom Zone” – Dani
BATISTA vs. MR. KENNEDY
“Dave in a suit! Dave in a suit! Dave in a suit!” – Dani
Batista throws Kennedy right into the corner. Kennedy fights out and rolls him up for two. Batista brings Kennedy right back to the corner, and there is a fight out that Kennedy gets out on top of.. but he hits the ropes and eats a boot.
Dave suplexes him down hard. Continues to just beat the hell out of Kennedy. Finally Kennedy dropkicks Dave’s knee. Kennedy now begins to work that leg lots.
“Not working the bicep!” – Bill
“But the hamstring is the bicep of the leg.” – Michael
Kennedy goes for the figure four. Locks it in REVERSED.. Nice!
“One of us is stealing that move tonight” – Corvis
Dave finally catches the ropes and now it’s all about Kennedy beating on Dave’s leg more. As a note, Kennedy is bleeding from the nose.
“That’s not a crimson mask.. that’s a crimson stach'” – Michael
Kennedy now hits a single leg crab. Locked in tight. Dave begins the slow crawl. Dave ends up rolls out of it, and Kennedy rerolls it out.
“It’s an over under over under!” – Mikey
Back on his feet, Kennedy clips the leg and now hits the ropes… but Batista hits the main event spinebuster.
“There goes his quad” – Mike
“They are going to get rid of the spinebuster” – Hernandez
Back on their feet and Kennedy eats a couple clotheslines. Backbody drop. His leg seems fine for a lot of that. He picks up Kennedy and hits Kennedy’s finisher! Wow… Nice… Now Dave hits the ropes! He’s going nuts!
“He’s channeling the Warrior!” – Bill
“*SSSSNNNNORRRRRT*” – Me
Kennedy kicks Dave who hits the ref… ouch. Anyway, Kennedy hits a hard reverse neckbreaker and of course the ref is out. He wakes the ref and begins the beatdown for a sad two count. The crowd is chanting for Kennedy! Kennedy hits the top turnbuckle…. leaps… EATS the clothesline!
Batista hits the Batista bomb…. Kennedy’s punching out of it……. DROPS KENNEDY!
PIN. DAVE WINS! The crowd is chanting for Kennedy! Wow.
WINNER: DAVE BATISTA
Thorn & Ariel breast.. I mean pick their numbers… and now Little Bastard comes in and spins the numbers and takes one and in anger.. attacks Coach! Runs right into the crotch of Khali. He tries to take three numbers, and Kelly takes two back to end with a ‘two balls in the hand’ and Ron Simmons ‘Damn’ joke.
And now it’s time for the Cena/Umaga set-up. Lillian’s looking lovely as she explains the Last Man Standing Rules.
Here comes the Samoooooan Boooldooozer… he beats on things as he gets to the ring.
“Umaga just want to be left alone!” – Bill
“Inside Umaga just very sad.” – Jeffrey
UMAGA vs. CENA
His spleen cost him the belt… remember that…
They go nose to nose. Umaga charges him and the back and forth fists begin. Umaga bodyslams, but Cena gets behind him, spins him for the jawbreaker and Umaga clocks him in the gut to send Cena to the floor.
Cena gets to the turnbuckle and Umaga drops him again.. outside now he gets tossed into the steps, selling that spleen injury. He gets to his feet and Umaga just kicks him again. Cena and Umaga crawl to the top of the key. Cena gains some umpf and begins punching Umaga.
“His spleen is all fixed?” – Bill
Cena gets back in the ring and eats a headbutt. A couple kicks to the gut. Thrown to the corner, and Cena gets his feet up, runs out and eats a clothesline. Count begins… and it gets to seven before he gets up! Cena gets slammed down hard. Umaga bails out to slide in the steps. As he comes back in, Cena chokes him to the ropes.
Umaga tries to get back in and Cena throws the steps at him.
“Last man standing aka.. first man falling?” – Michael
He gets to seven or so before getting up and Cena rolls him back in. Now John hitting HIS punches.. hits the ropes and a backheel kick drops John. The count starts again.
“Shoot him with a gun, this match perfectly legal.” – Mighty
“Dropping him in a pit of velociraptors.. legal!” – Michael
Umaga throws him into the bearhug.
“THE SPLEENINATOR!” – Ginny
“The spleen liquidator!” – Michael
Umaga turns it into a big belly to belly. Umaga grabs the OTHER set of steps. Rolls in.
“Those steps are bigger, thusly more dangerous” – Bill
“And more steppy!” – Michael
The we want tables chants begins…
“I want a handbag with a brick in it” – Mighty
“I want a yellow ladder” – Dani
“I want a shiv on a pole.” – Eric
Umaga sets the stairs in the corner.
“Umaga build TIME machine!” – Bill
He throws Cena into the steps.
“Oooo it’s cold it’s cold!” – Hernandez
Sets up for the butt squash headbutt spot. Charges annnnd… MISSES! Cena grabs the steps.. heaves them up and Umaga gets KWANG’D! Cena is holding his gut.
“Those are your appendix.. wrong side” – Michael
Cena climbs to the top as Umaga gets to his feet. Grabbed. Black Hole Slam. Sents Cena under the bottom rope. Continues to leap down on him… Finally Cena lifts up his legs and Umaga stumbles. Cena hits the ropes. hits the ropes.. bulldog to the stairs!
Finally he hits a belly to back and he gets to five as Cena goes and hits the five knuckle shuffle to stop the count!
That move actually woke Umaga up, how stupid. Now Cena lifts up Umaga for the FU…. Cena slips down and HIS head hits the damn stairs… Umaga gets to his feet as Cena does so and is bleeeeeeeding. Crimson masky time.
Umaga now ahead of the game. He beats Cena down and the count begins. He gets to his feet at seven or so….. and Umaga goes right back to punching him.
“He is a good stumbler” – Ginny
“And a good guzzler!” – Mike
Finally Umaga hits him in the head.. and he’s rapping up! He hits the ropes… and Umaga GRABS him…..SAMOAN DROP! ON HIS FUCKING NECK. OUCHIE! He actually might have hurt his wrist.
We watch that spot twice as Umaga sets up the thumb of death.
“Is this a thousand years of pain… his ass thumb?” – Jimmy
He goes to throw the thumb…. and Cena catches it. Umaga instead locks him in the tree of woe.
“Woah!” – Hernandez
“If this was a first blood match it would be over by now.” – Dani
Cena sits up from the WOE as he goes for the headbutt. Toprope bulldog and he throws Umaga into the turnbuckle…. Cena heads out and beats down on the cameraman and Armando.
“As Umaga sits there ‘this is the problem with loving honey too much..” – Michael
Cena clocks Umaga with a TV monitor! Cena standing in the ring, a red face… as Umaga gets to his feet, Cena shoves him out of the ring and leaps out to be caught.
“He didn’t even try…” – Val
Slammed into the turnbuckle, and he is now being beaten on the ECW table. Umaga clears off the top of every table… Umaga gets up at the far end…. and charges! Tables break as he runs and flops onto where Cena was! MISSED! Umaga is getting up at the nine counnnt… and ON HIS FEET! What a fantastic frigging spot!
In the corner Armando is unlocking the ROPE of the ring!
“The Mike Awesome spot!” – Hernandez
“What does he want him to DO with this?” – Me
“Why doesn’t he just hit him with the WRENCH he used?” – Mike and Michael
“He’s going to do the Highlander spot” – Michael
As Umaga charges in with the corner spike, Cena grabs him and FU! Grabs the corner spike. Chokes him in the STFU. Umaga’s face is pricelessly tongue sticking out.
“Just continue to destroy him! Hit him until he’s done! Give him the Rodney King” – Corvis
“This is how Jabba died, wasn’t it?” – Michael
He lets go of it thinking Umaga is out…. Umaga GETS UP!?!?!? Cena does it again! Chokes him out and Umaga is now drooling!
“As Cena whispers in his ear ‘sorry for choking you'” – Hernandez
“Somebody pour salt on my imagination” – Michael
The count continues…. gets to 9..
“NIP UP!” – Corvis
WINNER: JOHN CENA
“What do you think of Umaga now” – Corvis
That was a badass match actually. I have gained newfound respect for Umaga. I’ll admit it.
In the back Coach and Teddie are arguing about what is going on in their feds when Sandman goes, drinks some beer, hits himself with a stick, and grabs a number. Finally, Ric shows up to grab the last number.
“There’s one number left, stop spinning it Kelly” – Mighty
“Too bad Eddie’s not there to steel hus number” – Mike
Ric grabs it and a dance party starts up with the divas?
“He wrote this in his contract.” – Me
“This is how the WWE guarantees won’t screw with flight attendents again.” – Dani
We get a montage of Rumble winners – a great set-up – Benoit winning – Shawn skinning the cat to drop Bulldog – Bret & Lex Luger – Rey Rey… finally a montage of all the folks in the Rumble tonight.
THE ROYAL RUMBLE!
#1 – RIC FLAIR! – MIKEY
“WOO!” – Everyone
“How old is this guy?” – Val
“3005.” – Me
#2 – FINLEY! – HERNANDEZ
Here comes Finley with the shelaighleigh (sp). A great start up.
“The combined age of that ring is 9,006” – Me
“So that means Finley is 6000?” – Val
Finley throws Ric into the corner and the beatdowns start it up. Ric spins him around for his own choppings. Tosses Finley to the corner and the step out backdrop from Finley. He picks up Flair and tries to throw him out. Ric is locked onto the top rope.
“Somebody tickle Ric Flair so he looks alive” – Michael
#3 – KENNY! – MIKE
Ric charges Kenny and begins corner to corner chops. Finley in the corner, having eaten an eyegouge. Chops drop him. Finley charges in now and stomp Ric down. Finley now grabs Kenny to throw him out. Ric runs in and tries to drop both, but fails… Finley and Kenny now begin dropping them both.
#4 – MATT HARDY – NINA
Matt charges in and hits the sideslam. Matt throws him out and Kenny skins the cat and holds onto the bottom rope tight. Finley and Ric fighting in the side-corner. There is a batch of fighting.
#5 – EDGE – MIKE
He charges in! Spear to Ric! Spear to Finley! Spear to Matt – he MOVES hits the Twist of Fate!
“That was bitter!” – Dani
“That was for being in my girlfriend’s vag?” – Corvis
Ric heads under the ring, grabs a bunch of chairs and brings them in. Edge and Kenny grab Flair and over the top he goes. Kenny goes for some taunting.. and Edge throws HIM out!
#6 – TOMMY DREAMER – MIKE
“Jump in.. Jump out” – Hernandez
Dreamer charges in and goes right after Edge! Finley and Matt in one corner. Dreamer sets Edge in the turnbuckle.
“The tree of Joey Lawrence” – Corvis
Finley continuing to beat everyone down. Matt decides to go after Edge, grabs his leg and tries to dump him, but Edge slips right back in while Finley and Dreamer fight off in the corner. THis match is definately quicker than 2 minutes a pop.
#7 – SABU – MIKE
Sabu before going into the ring.. goes and grabs a table.. sets it up outside the ring.
“Now we know how YOU are getting eliminated!” – Corvis
Sabu and Dreamer are now fighting it out. He hits a second rope DDT… drops Tommy and then goes right after Matt Hardy while Edge and Finley get it.
“I don’t think Sabu understands what this is about” – Dani
“Sabu is going to hit everyone, cut off his own head, then leave.” – Michael
Edge and Dreamer working on Finley!
#8 – GREGORY HELMS – HERNANDEZ
Helms heads in and goes right after Matt. Sabu tosses Finley over the top, but Finley grabs the bottom rope on the way down fantastically. We’re cornered off with Helms and Matt – Finley and Sabu – and Dreamer with Edge. Finley has Sabu on his shoulders almost right through his table… but Sabu fights out of it.
Sabu now trying to throw Helms over his table area.
#9 – SHELTON – JAMIE
“Jamie, don’t bet on black.” – Me
Shelty goes and throws Dreamer over the top, but Dreamer holds on…. he throws Matt.. Matt holds on… Shelton can’t get a break! Finley now throws out Shelton! Shelton holds on… and now Matt helping Finley over, but everyone ends up staying right in.
High vertical suplex spot between Matt & Shelton!
#10 – KANE – NINA
“Sabu’s going through his table!” – Mike
“Clear spot!” – Hernandez
Kane comes in – boots around. Goes for a tiltawhirl on Helms… Kane drops Dreamer out of the ring! Kane has Sabu! picks him up..
“LAWN DART!” – Me
Sabu gets behind him… Kane grabs him! CHOKESLAM THROUGH THE TABLE!!!! Good call Mike!
Sabu is out. We have Finley, Kane, Matt, Edge, Helms, and Shelton
#11 – CM PUNK – MIKE
Punk goes after Edge – but that doesn’t seem to work as Finley clips him.
“I NEVER GOT TO FUCK LITA!” – Me
CM and Edge fight it out now. CM corners Edge and shining knees him. Finley butts Punk.
#12 – KING BOOKER – DANI!
“They can’t have two black guys in at once..” – Mighty
Booker goes after Helms now and out goes Helms! Kane watching on in the corner as Finley goes after Kane & Matt – Edge fights on Shelton! Shelton and Booker begin working on Punk together.
#13 – SUPER CRAZY – HERNANDEZ
“That’s my Uncle!” – Hernandez
“Hernandez cheated” – Dani
“You’re Native American, you can’t be related” – Corvis
Crazy goes charging in right after Kane – he gets chopped down and Crazy sits down quietly in the corner. Kane is continuing to just beat the hell out of people… one after another he beats people down.
“I love Booker’s tights” – Mike
“He’s got that air freshner in the back” – Hernandez
#14 – JEFF HARDY – DANI
Jeff runs down holding his gut.
“OW OW OW OW OW” – Jeffrey
Matt and Jeff hit the superplex on Finley.
“They live together… they die together” – Bill
They hit the double drop on Edge. They do a double flapjackish on Super Crazy. Jeff does the poetry in motion on Kane.
“Start coughing blood!” – Eric
#15 – SANDMAN – JEFFREY
“By the time he gets to the ring, the whole thing will be over.” – Jenna
In he comes with the stick. Stick to Jeff. Stick to Crazy. Stick to Matt. Booker grabs him and throws him out. That seemed fun. Now there is a stick in the ring, isn’t there.
Finley clotheslines Jeff… he skins the cat – and Finley just hits him again. Now CM Punk skins the cat after Kane.
#16 – ORTON – ERIC
Orton comes in and Edge joins him and throws out Crazy. He hits the Orton backbreaker (the v3) on Matt! Edge tosses out Jeff. Orton throws out Matt. They take a moment to size up the entire other side of the ring. Orton on Booker and Edge on Punk.
#17 – BENOIT – JENNA
He goes RIGHT after Finley – then Orton – then Edge! Former Rumble winner. Belly to back solid to Finley. Shelton and Punk fighting right on the apron. Benoit hits a german to Kane. Booker goes for the big kick on Benoit, but eats a german. Shelton eats a german! Finley grabs Benoit to throw him out…. Benoit holds on tight…
#18 – RVD – MIGHTY
“Oooo you got screwed Mighty” – Bill
“Puff Puff Powersss!” – Michael
Side kick to Edge. Heelkick to Shelty. Hits Kane right in the face. Turns around and eats a big boot from Booker. Runs to the corner. He holds the turnbuckle and sidekicks Booker. Booker turns and Kane grabs him! Out goes Booker T! Booker T runs back in and ax kicks Kane – clotheslines him over. Kane is out!
#19 – VISCERA – Corvis!
“FUCKING HELL! Mike can I buy one of yours!” – Corvis
“It’s fat black Maven” – Bill
IRS has arrived… to help Booker leave. Viscera now has Edge on the top turnbuckle. He drops Edge not making it over.
“And Visc is winded.” – Hernandez
Clear spot should be coming up.
#20 – JOHNNY NITRO – GINNY
“I don’t want a gay one.. I’ll trade him for Mable..” – Ginny
In comes Nitro as Viscera is squashing the hell out of CM Punk.
“That’s a big ass hug” – Michael
Edge and Orton beating on Nitro while Finley is throwing out RVD and he keeps coming in – repeatedly. Benoit throws out Shelton who holds onto the bottom rope and slides in SLOWWWWWLY… one foot touching I think.. otherwise it looked good.
#21 – KEVIN THORNE – JENNA
Nitro in the corner choking Edge out. Viscera has RVD on his shoulders.. and RVD is balancing on the top rope.
“Like a spidermonkey” – Jeffrey
RVD clotheslines VISC to try and get him over.
“WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!?” – Hernandez
The third time he goes over.. Viscera clothesline him down.
“Physics calling.” – Jeffrey
#22 – HARDCORE HOLLY – MIKE
Holly beats down everyone that gets in his way.
“Sparky Plugg!” – Jeffrey
It’s getting mighty crowded in there. There is a fight to get Viscera over the rope. All the while Benoit and Punk fight it out in a corner. Finally now EVERYONE is trying to get Viscera out of it.
#23 – SHAWN MICHAELS – MIGHTY
They are all trying to get Visc out while Shawn goes in and he has a fight with Finley. Flying Thesz Press onto Finley. He holds onto the top rope and Shawn clotheslines him right out. Finley goes out and everybody gets tossed off Viscera. Shawn SUPERKICKS him… everybody floods RIGHT back to him.
“That was like a zombie film..” – Me
Out goes Shelton via Shawn.
#24 – CHRIS MASTERS – MIKE
“Thank god you bought 8 numbers” – Me
Masters comes in and immediately gets lost in the shuffle. Nitro is on the top rope… and Benoit runs in and double axe throws Nitro’s ass out. Orton stops HBK from throwing Edge out.
“JOEEEYYYY STYLES” – Michael
#25 – CHAVO GUERRERO – Bill
Kevin Thorne via Chris Benoit. We are all paired off – RVD & Punk – HBK & Ordge – Benoit and Holly – and Masters & Chavo. Boring set right here…
#26 – MVP – BILL
“What the hell is that?” – Dani
HBK grabs MVP and Benoit goes and chops the hell out of him. RVD has Masters on his shoulder.. He slips out and dropkicks him… he doesn’t go over.. oh wait, yes he does. Masters is eliminated.
Orton fighting CM Punk on the apron. CM is holding on strong.
#27 – CARLITO – JAMIE
In runs Mistah Cool and RVD and HBK are fighting it out with Chavo helping RVD try and kick Shawn out! Shawn is hanging by the boot heel and Holly stps the pull by elbowing RVD. HBK decides it’s time to chop some Carlito…
#28 – THE GREAT KHALI – JEFFREY
“His pants look comfy.” – Val
Khali gets to the apron and Ordge tries to throw him out before he even gets in. He throws them in, and headbutts everyone. RVD. CHAVO. HBK. ORDGE. CARLITO.
“BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK” – Bill
As a matter of fact, he bonks EVERYONE. Everyone is feeling the pain and Holly gets tossed over by Khali.
#29 – THE MIZ – KAT
In runs in – Khali throws him out!
Khali throws out – Carlito!
Khali throws out – CM Punk!
Khali throws out – Benoit!
“HOw the hell is MVP still in there?” – Dani
HBK turns around to be face to face with Khali. Grabs HBK around the neck.
“The power of christ compels you!”
#30 – THE UNDERTAKER – GINNY
Khali standing in the middle of the ring. Taker climbs over the top. Taker goes right after him. Big fists and one big club from Khali. They now go back to back. Finally Khali grabs Taker by the throat and Taker grabs him and fights him to the ropes!
ONE BIG CLOTHESLINE SENDS KHALI DOWN! He’s out. Now Taker is clearing house!
Undertaker climbs for oldschool… he’s got MVP! Hits it! This is final five!
Ooop. Final Four!
Orton – Taker – Edge – HBK!
Orton eats the flying knee from Taker. In runs MVP with a chair? The ref stops MVP… the chair gets in to hit Taker with a chair. Edge is setting up the spear now in the corner for Orton. He charges, but Orton sees him! They are fighting it out as Shawn is getting to his feet.
HBK charges, but Orton turns JUST in time to hit HBK with the RKO! Shawn drops, and rolls to the ground… bottom rope!
Now Orton and Edge are teaming on Taker! He’s bleeding too.
Orton beating DOWN on Taker. Edge’s turn to charge in on Taker, but Taker fights out of it. Taker punches out each one. He throws them corner to corner and charges and clotheslines each of them. Sets the double chokeslam. They throw the boot! He hits the ropes. Double chokeslam spot.
He lifts up Edge. Hits the snake-eyes. Hits the big boot. Throws up the arm for the big choke! He’s got Orton — SPEAR FROM EDGE!
Taker gets to his feet and Edge hits Taker with the chair. Edge now heads to the outside via bottom rope to grab another chair. Taker now gets set up by Orton onto the other chair for the single man conchairto.
Edge lifts up the chair. Shawn has headed in out of nowhere. OVER GOES ORTON! SUPERKICK TO EDGE… Both men are gone via HBK!
Shawn is lying down taking a break…. Undertaker sits up after a LONG pause. Shawn nips up!
THIS IS IT! Taker charges him… leaps up to punch him.. thrown down from Taker. HBK leaps up again! Thrown down again…. He grabs Shawn and HURLS him into the top turnbuckle.
Shawn is resting on the top rope! Taker runs in and beats him down. The fight goes on!
He throws SHawn to the corner.
TAKER CHARGES SHAWN! SHAWN DUCKS! BOOT ON THE TOP ROPE! Taker goes over… GRABS THE TOP AND SLIDES IN!
Shawn now has Taker on the apron.. charges him three times and he does not fall! Back elbow to HBK and now they go back in. Right in the center of the ring. Fights it out! Taker throws Shawn to the ropes… Taker ducks a clothesline and hits the big boot!
Taker is tired as Shawn is laid out. Taker picks Shawn up for a vertical suplex! He heaves him over, but SHawn holds on to Taker – Shawn slams him to the corner turnbuckle.
Shawn climbs up! Taker grabs him… sets up the superplex!
They are fighting it out on the top.. Shawn punches it out! HE PUNCHES TAKER OUT!
Shawn is on the top turnbuckle! He stands to the VERY top! He HITS THE ELBOW!
“Yaaaaaaay Jesus!” – Mikey
He gets in the corner… tune it up! He gets it ready! Long set-up.. stomping all around!
J – E – S – U – S – C – HRIST – CAUGHT! TAKER PICKS HIM UP! Chokeslammed DOWN!
Taker throws the thumb across his chin. He grabs Shawn by the throat. Picks him up for the tombstone… Shawn gets out of it and SUPERKICK! Both men are down!
“The napping stop!” – Bill
“This should have been Wrestlemania” – Hernandez
They both slowly stumble to the top. Taker holding onto the ropes with Shawn goes for the kick! Shawn throws the superkick! TAKER GRABS HIM! THROWS SHAWN OVER! THE WINNER!
WINNER: THE UNDERTAKER! – AND GINNY!
Shawn looks up to the ring and they watch each other and give each other the nod.
A nice shot of Taker looking up at the Wrestlemania sign… waiting for him to drop to the knee..
“Yeah, from exaustion” – Hernandez
What did people think of the Royal Rumble?
“That was fantabulous!” – Mighty
“I enjoyed it.” – Val
“It was better than most” – Jenna
“Very pleasantly surprised, good way for Undertaker to start his final year” – Ginny
“One of the best damned payperviews I’ve seen in a long while. ‘Cept for ECW” – Jeffrey
“Fucking awesome” – Hernandez
“If we could have removed the first four matches.. incredible.” – Eric
“Almost as good as Gobbledygooker was baad.” – Mikey
“Cena Umaga – Awesome. Taker won – Badass. Best PPV.” – Nina
“You got enough opinions.. mine’s the same..” – Michael
“We now know what Melina sounds like when being anally raped.” – Jimmy
“Hands down – 100% – the best PPV this year” – Corvis
“I agree with Mikey.” – April
“I was satisfied.” – Mike
“It was neat. I should have won. It would have been better” – Dani
So there we go in your mouth – hands down the best WWE has given us in a long time.
Thank you all for joining us for my favorite event of the year – The Rabble Rumble.
See you tomorrow kids.