Monday Night Rabble

Reviews, Shows, TV Shows

After last night’s stunning win..


But first we have to make fun of Raw


Live from O’Brien’s Tavern the Rabble has rearrived after Taker has taken down HBK in the Battle Royal of Battle Royals! The Royal F’n Rumble….

Joining the Rabblites tonight:
ERIC – The Ric Martel of the Rabble.. yeah he’s a model.
BILL – The Andre of the Rabble.. a hopeful, but eliminating himself.
MIKE – He’s kinda like Chuck & Billy… you figure it out.
BEANZ – She doesn’t enter the Rumble.. just looks pretty.
KYLE – He’s like Bushwacker Luke.. because he doesn’t read this.
HERNANDEZ – The Flair of the Rabble.. runs it til it’s dead.
DANI – The Dapper Dave In A Suit.. which might not have ever happened, but she’s sitting right behind me.
JENNA – The Chyna of the Rabble.
And finally – the Bulldog of the Rabble… dead on target.. Me!

Starting the show, here comes the man with a smile.. or maybe not.. Shawn Michaels!
“He is a one man faction.” – Bill

He seems happy as he does the entire run down to the ring, so he does a couple laps around the inside of the ring.
“You think that’s just so he gets his knees working?” – Eric

Last night in the Rumble, Shawn states there were 29 mortal men, and the Undertaker. Shawn informs us the Showstopper is back. He will be the next WWE champion.
“Not only is the Showstopper back, he called Marty Jannety and giggled.” – Me

Shawn explains that Taker can face any champ he wants, Batista (cheers). Lashley (boos).
“Keeping ECW down..” – Mike
“Man…they do NOT like Black Lesnar.” – Insyder CaptainSpaulding

Shawn though is putting his name in the hat… but it’s interrupted by Cena!
“..ow my spleen…” – Bill
“Think we could spill it out all over the stage?” – Hernandez

Cena gets to the ring. He wants to know if he has it right. Cena versus the Showstopper? He likes it, but as Shawn said it’s not up to either of them. It’s up to the Undertaker.
“Please watch Smackdown” – Me

YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME! Here comes Edge! He’s wearing a snappy new Raven shirt.
“That’s what he gets for cutting good promos” – Hernandez

Edge explains that HBK should be feeling disappointment after last night.
“But Edge didn’t win either” – Dani

Edge explains that he’s the best in this business as… ‘HEY!’
“HEY!” – Bill
“SAY!” – Me
“The road to wrestlemania begins.. here.” – Hernandez

Orton explains that the title is also every man for himself. Orton flubs around on lines for awhile.
“I see a tag match for tonight.” – Mike

Cena interrupts them bickering – and tells them they could come down to the ring and..
“Drop to their knees.. nyeh nyeh nyeh” – Hernandez
“Coach, right?” – Dani

Wait, no Vince is on the Titantron! Vince doesn’t want them to go to the ring.
“Better yet, disappear” – Hernandez

Vince explains to us what we want. Tonight is ‘Fan Appreciation Night’.
“How does he get to do that? Does he own TNA?” – Bill

Of course, Shawn and Cena versus Ordge tonight…
“Obviously “Fan Appreciation Night” = Tag-Team Match Night” – Insyder CaptainSpaulding


In the back, we got Cryme Tyme talking to the cameras.. Yo yo yo yo, etc. Shad gives shout outs to a bunch of his people, but they have to go out for a match.

SIGN OF THE NIGHT: ‘Hide Your Bling’

Yo Yo Yo Yo
“Singlehandedly bringing back the word bling” – Bill
“Yayyyy Charrrlieeeee” – Eric
“Leoploridan.. it has spokennn…” – Me & Bill
“I figured it out, Shelton, Shad, JTG, all these guys together form Big Vis “Shelton form of the head!”” – Insyder A Faceless Name

So Charlie Haas has braided his hair.. that’s funny. Anyway, he locks up with Shad. Side headlock. Shad throws him to the ropes and shouldertackles down. Shelton though hits Shad with a cheapshot legclip.
“Why can’t they just get along?” – Dani

Charlie now begins to work on Shad’s leg. Locking it up on the second rope. Charlie then goes for a classic takedown and a tag to Shelton.

Shelton continues to walk all over Shad, stomping all over him. Keeps him in the corner and stomps him down a few times. Shad finally fights out of it. Shelton tries to go for a roll-up and spins it into a single leg crab. Nice spot. Shad crawls for the tag…. FINALLY kicks Shelton out and makes the tag to JTG!

JTG hits the big elbows – backbody drops. Shad throws Shelton out – and Shelty skins the cat. Shad runs in to push Shelty over, but gets a headscissors over the top rope. Shelton runs in and gets rolled up by JTG. Charlie pushes it the other way for the win.

Nice little match even though Cryme Tyme didn’t take it.


In the back Vince hangs with Melina for a minute and finally Coach comes in to explain to him that ‘his announcement is ready’ An announcement bigger than Wrestlemania. Vince McMahon Fan Appreciation.
“Fan service!” – Me
“The Genetic Jackhammer!” – Bill

Vince compares himself to Mother Teresa, Ghandi, Desmond Tutu..
“A sadist, a racist, and a dictator?” – Bill
“I just want an audio clip of McMahon saying “Archbishop Desmond Tutu”” – Outsyder Cash Kerouac


This week in wrestline history – January 24, 1988 – The First Royal Rumble!
Bret, Neidhardt, One Man Gang, Danny Davis, Hacksaw Jim Duggan!
“Jim Duggan outsmarted someone?!” – Bill
..and in the ‘like minded folk’ file…
“This week in Wrestling History…Hacksaw Jim Duggan outsmarts One Man Gang to win the Royal Rumble, marking the only time Hacksaw has outsmarted anyone, ever.” – Insyder bluelobster
“Did he just say Duggan and outsmart in the same sentence???” – Insyder soak1313

Here comes Melina…she’s apparently got a match now. She does the slide in, does a Mortal Kombat pose..
“Did she try that out for the first time right there?” – Bill

So she’s taking Vince’s advice and taking the bull by the horns and making this match a #1 Contender Match.

And it’s MARRRIIAAAAAA! In little pink nothings…
“Maria should have just came out and yelled…”DIBS!”” – Insyder CaptainSpaulding
“Maria vs. Melina in a #1 Contender match? Maybe Vince is on to something with this Fan Appreciation Night thing…” – Insyder bluelobster


Lock up and Melina goes for a belly to back set-up, Maria slides down and rolls her up for two. Nice!
“If Maria wins a title before CM Punk.. he should kill himself…” – Eric

Maria throws Melina to the corner – hits a bronco – and a roll up for two..

Melina then takes Maria down and begins the stompy hitty bits. Throws Maria to the corner. Lays Maria on the second turnbuckle and a kick to her back. Now begins to choke my poor widdle Maria in the corner. Maria gets to her feet and then kicks Melina, roll up for two of her own.
“They are moving too fast for Jamie to type.” – Hernandez
“It’s hard to type with an erection like this.” – Me
“Bill, take care of that.” – Eric
“*gestures to crotch*” – Me
“Baseball.” – Bill

Maria fights to her feet, but eats some knees to the gut.
“Torn quad” – Me

Jawbreaker from Maria, but then Melina hits a flapjack.
“Maria loves it on the face.” – Mike

Melina hits a london bridge…. wow…. Maria.. taps…. awwwwww…
“Just show her writhing in pain.” – Bill

“So now two months of build up between Mickie and Melina?” – Eric
“The Maria & Mickie build up would have been much cuter.” – Me


It’s time for the Royal Rumble montage.
Montaaage” – Me

HBK in the back meets up with Todd… and says ‘ok get this over with’.

Cute. Anyway – they have an interview.

So Super Crazy meets Mickie in the back and explains that she might have been crazy, but he is Super. He is Crazy. He is Super Crazy.
“And exploited!” – Eric

Melina shows up and gets bitchy. She then calls Crazy an asshole in spanish. (Hernandez translated) Anyway, Crazy grabs Mickie’s hand and slaps Melina.. cute. Catfight time.

In the back, Edge talks with Murdoch and Cade?!?!? The hell?


More Rumble montage…

In the ring is.. VAL VENIS….
“Chief Morley!?” – Me
“No, the terrorist.” – Mike

Here comes Umaga! Ha.
“He should just walk away and say ‘nah.'” – Dani


Umaga’s got neck burns and gets to the ring… this is goin to be a

Umaga gets in and Val charges him. Umaga throws him to the ropes – samoan drop. Picks him up and a big fist to his head. Picks him up and sets him in the newly remnamed by Corvis Fear, Tree of Joey Lawrence. Umaga hits a flying headbutt. Lies Val down and hits the butt squash.

Thumb poke.

“Val actually lasted longer than most of the jobberfodder they’ve thrown at him – over a minute!. Must be getting a push.” – Insyder bluelobster
“I think this is the first time in years where the competitor for the title actually needs to climb the ranks again after losing.” Insyder MrPink

Here comes Vince in a… cowboy hat?
“Boss Hog?” – Hernandez

Vince walks by Umaga and they meet face to face.
Another SIGN OF THE NIGHT: “I paid to see vince strut”


Look, Vince is down at the ring and he just said, “howdy partner” Then he makes fun of the fact that he’s wearing a cowboy hat.
“And it’s white after labor day” – Jenna

Vince then stomps all over the hat…


Vince then announces it’s ‘Fan Appreciation’ night.

He gets to give back to the little people..
“Little Bastard specifically” – Me

Vince is now going to say two words..
“Sorry Dink” – Hernandez

Vince then says ‘Thank you’ Thanks for making him a billionaire.
“ooo Brazen..” – Bill

He wants to give something for all of us. He’s going to give one fan though something though.
“My specially thrown in plant.” – Me

So he picks a cute chick wearing Ughs. She’s got large breasts… and she’s from Dallas.
“Diva in training” – Mike

Her name is Jackie.
“They already had a Jaqui..” – Dani

So she’s going to get a gift.
“BEND OVER!” – Hernandez

“Masters?” – Hernandez

He reveals the curtain.. and it’s a big blown up picture of Vince’s Muscle Fitness cover. He asks how he’s doing for fan appreciation night..
“I wanted a puppy” – Dani

Vince continues to babble on and Donald is on the Titantron…
“It begins.” – Dani

Donald explains that Vince gives people what he wants… he continues on his pre-taped way. Donald wants to give the fans value. Donald instead is going to drop money from the roof… he does so.
“Trump needs a towel. Yeah…thats right…I’m bringing that joke back with or without you guys.” – Insyder Chuckles

So Vince says it’s monopoly money.. but it actually is raining money it seems. Lets wait for the riot. Vince asks for it all back. Then struts his ass off right up the key, all sorts of pissed.
“I would love it if Vince makes an appearance on The Apprentice and hits The Donald with a steel chair.” – Insyder DarkStar


Vince is leaving… and Coach is giving Vince ten of his OWN dollars to collect all of that money. Vince grabs it and then bails.
“Coach has no cab fare” – Bill

Hey, here comes Carlito with Torie and the puppy.
“Wow, Torie is ripped” – Me
“She stopped eating again” – Eric
“Protein & citrus diet?” – Jenna

And here comes Super Crazy!
“I hope Super Crazy uses Carly’s hair as a spring board. best. Moonsault.Ever.” – Insyder A Faceless Name

Here comes Masters..
“Powdered. Toast. Man…. I’m not feeling it tonight.” – Bill

Finally, here comes Kenny!

He’s super. He’s crazy.

So the crowd is all sorts of dead. Kenny and Chrith get into the ring. Mathterth starting with Crazy. Lock-up and throws Crazy to the corner and stomps him down. Throws SC to the ropes – he leaps to the second rope and flying crossbody for two.

He hits a spinning elbow drop for two. Chrith grabs SC and throws him to the corner and tags in Kenny. Hits SC for a bit then Crazy gets the tag to Carlito. Carlito and Kenny have a couple quick exchanges then Carlito hits the backelbow and Kenny bails. Masters comes in to stop Carlito, and they throw him out.. DOUBLE PLANCHA! CRAZY AND CARLITO CANNONBALL!

Everyone gets back in the ring – Crazy with Kenny and SC hits the ropes and gets tripped by Chrith. Kenny tags him in and now it’s the beatdowns. Backbreaker to SC. He kneels over SC and punches him to the face a few times. Tag to Kenny who leaps off the second rope with a punch.
“..high risk punching..” – Bill

Kenny puts Crazy into a chinlock. Kenny hits a crossbody as Crazy gets out of it, and Carlito stops the pin. Tag to Chrith and a double suplex to SC. Masthterth now going for the pin for two. Crazy tries to crawl to the corner, but Mathterth pulls him back and hits an elbow… tosse shim to the corner and a tag to Kenny again.

More Crazy beatings. Finally Kenny goes to lift up Crazy.. and he punches out of it and crawls to the corner for the hot tag.

Carlito comes in and begins the punches to Mathterth – second rope elbow. Kick in the gut. Kneelift. Clothesline. Second rope moonsault to land on his feet and a solid dropkick for two. Stopped by Kenny. Now in runs Crazy to toss out Kenny. Carlito gets reversed into the corner and Mathterth eats the elbow. Backcracker. That’s it!


As they head out – Crazy is yipping and bouncing all over the place.

Todd in the back.. talks to Orton…


Jeff Hardy time!
“This will easily be the worst match of the night.” – Bill
“I like how Jeff hums along to his own entrance theme.” – Insyder MrPink

Here comes the Great Khali…

Do NOT give Khali the title…

The ref holds up the title – and Khali takes it out of his hands … from above.. that was neat.

Anyway, Khali throws Jeff out of the ring. Then as Jeff is catching his breath, Khali grabs him and begins clubbing him on the tope rope. Throws in Jeff.
“What’s that red thing on Khali’s shoulder..” – Kyle
“Bob Backlund.” – Me

Jeff stands up. Khali hits him.
“He’s actually asking for help… SOMEONE TRAIN ME!!!!” – Hernandez
“There is a sadness in those eyes.” – Bill

He goes to slam Hardy, and Jeff slides behind him. Gets punched. Falls. Khali screams.
“TRAAAIN MEEEEE” – Hernandez

Jeff finally gets to his feet, runs to the turnbuckle, whisper in the wind! Misses? Or doesn’t.. god only knows. Khali sorta sells it. So Khali charges Jeff, and gets his leg caught over the rope. Jeff beats on him briefly only to have Khali grabs him. Throws him out.
“He’s the BEZERKER” – Eric
“Husssss” – Me

Countout. The end.
“Khali as about as many moves as a HHH/Kevin Nash match.” – Insyder MrPink
“After the quads tear you mean?” – Insyder A Faceless Name

“Two nights, two countouts.” – Jeffrey
“They had to explain why refs count when people fall out of the ring” – Eric


Our Wrestlemania Recall: Money In The Bank 05′ – Shelton attacks… Y2J is there!

Edge wins it.

Kozlov is in the arena..
“I like Kozlov.. leave you alone!” – Hernandez

He loves the Double Double Ee. He wasn’t impressed with the Rumble.
“What’s he looking at?” – Kyle
“Teleprompter” – Me & Eric

In the back, Ric is talking to John Cena. Why, we don’t know… Cena is marking about winning the tag titles. Ric is happy for him.
“I’m so happy.. I’m going to start bleeding!” – Bill

“Is it too late for Flair to end up beaten and bloody in a hallway somewhere?” – Insyder soak1313

Tomorrow night, Vince on ECW.

Now though – You Think You Know Me – Hey! – You Think You Know Me! – Hey!

Now it’s Shawn’s turn to come on down… he waits outside since Ordge is waiting for him in the ring.

Cena’s turn.

“His spleen is still ruptured!” – Kyle
“..whatever..” – Eric
“JR: Orton and Edge have had a unique dichotomy. Somebody got themselves a thesaurus.” – Outsyder Cash Keruoac
“JR successfully used dichotomy in a sentence. Every time that happens, an angel stops, and asks “What the ****?” – Insyder bluelobster
“Nah, he has one of those day to day vocabulary calendars.” – Insyder soak1313

Edge locks up with Shawn to start it up – and throws him to the corner. Edge charges and Shawn moves to throw some chops.
“WOO!” – Bill

Big enzuigiri from Shawn now… helluva snap on it. Shawn runs Edge into the turnbuckle. Shawn continues the Edge beatings. A tag to Cena, he throws Edge to the ropes and hits a big armdrag. Elbow. Two.

Cena gets reversed into the corner, but throws up the legs. DDT for two.

“Edge has been singled out of the herd.” – JR
“..the herd… of.. both of them?” – Me

Finally Edge gets the tag to Cena who gets Cena into the corner and hits a couple European uppercuts. Thesz press from Orton. Orton tosses Cena to the corner, reversed. Catches Orton with a boot and a fisherman suplex for two. (without the bridge, aww)

Orton thumbs Cena’s eye, and now the beatdown and the heel cheatings. Cena though gets to his feet and starts to get some momentum – Cena pushes Orton right into Edge who falls off the apron. He rolls up Orton for two… then gets clocked with a huge clothesline.

Orton goes for the tag… but no.. Edge is leaving. He’s taking his toys and going home. WHAT WILL HAPPEN!?!?!?


We’re back and Cena is in the ring with Edge.. guess he didn’t leave. Cena’s going for the You Can’t See Me. He hits the ropes and eats a kidney punch from Orton.
“It looks like Orton shanked him.” – Kyle
“New Jack is here?” – BIll

Cena rolls to the outside and now Edge beating him down. Rolls him in for two.

Edge holds Cena as he tries to fight for the tag. Orton now goes for the Garvin Stomp!! We mark. Edge gets tagged. Cena gets beat on. The rabble has ceased to care.

Tags back and forth for a bit. Finally Orton is going for a sleeper and Orton charges him into the corner. As a note, Cena is bleeding. They both crawl for their tag….. we have 3 minutes left so they both make it.

Shawn gets the tag and explodes. Flying Cross. Punch. Atomic Drop. Bodyslam. Elbow. Set up the stomp…

J E S U – Randy runs in… HBK ducks a clothesline, but eats a dropkick. Orton runs out for the tag. Edge hits said tag and now Orton is setting up for the RKO.

Shawn gets lal the way up… turns around… eats the RKO… NO IT’S A BLOCK! HBK tags in Cena. F U!?!


Cena turns around JUSSSSST as HBK is about to superkick him. Cena yells at HBK about it… and the lights go out..

“The lights go on.. they’re gone.” – Me
“Gangrel!!!!” – Hernandez
“It’s nice to finally be able to say “I didn’t see that coming.”” – Insyder MrPink

Great face shot between Taker staring down Cena.
“Undertaker is on fire, and nobody even knows….” – Mike

And that’s how we end the show.. wow, nice end.

What did the Rabble think:
“I liked it. Really great.” – Bill
“Amazing splendiferous” – Me
“I want a Cryme Tyme t-shirt” – Mike
“Good show.” – Jeffrey
“It was good, money should fall more often.” – Kyle
“It was pretty good, I only played my DS for the last half hour” – Dani
“Good show” – Jenna
“Good cocktease.” – Hernandez

So yes, two nights in a row.. two solid shows.. is Vince.. learning?!? We’ll see.