I went and saw Scissor Sisters in concert Thursday night; and I suggest any fan of pop or dance music go and see them whenever they have the chance as well. “Kiss You Off” is fantastic live, as is “Laura” and “Filthy / Gorgeous”. And I should probably apologize for the Report being late, but I’m not to blame for my bad memory as far as I’m concerned.
We get a recap of the Royal Rumble match, which I felt was rather well done especially the final four (I believe I picked them four correctly, also) and the moments beforehand. This footage fades into Undertaker’s appearances on RAW and ECW. Fantastic to see that they’re actually hyping up the possibilities this year, even though we all know Taker won’t be challenging Lashley. Taker vs. Cena at Mania is interesting, however, especially if it becomes a triple threat with Michaels.
Tonight: Batista wants an answer from Undertaker re: Mania!
Opening Contest: United States Championship: Finlay vs. Chris Benoit (Champion)
I would complain about Benoit entering first, but considering it’s these two in a match, why the hell complain about things like that? The match at least has a big feel to it thanks to Tony Chimmel keeping the introductions until they have both entered. Lock up to start and Finlay takes Benoit into the corner but Benoit pushes him out of the corner, still locked up before Finlay forces Benoit into the ropes. Benoit bitch slaps Finlay across the face twice! Finlay with elbows and a short arm clothesline for a one count. Lock up and Benoit takes Finlay down and works the legs while getting a few shots in to the face of Finlay, the move itself looks like a very weird Figure Four, and Benoit covers for a quick pinfall attempt. Finlay with uppercuts to Benoit before getting a rear naked chokehold on Benoit but Benoit turns it into a back drop for a one count. Benoit with chops, knees, and elbows to Finlay before he slams him face first into the top turnbuckle. Finlay goes outside and misses a Benoit baseball slide, before pushing Benoit into the steel steps.
Commercials.
We’re back with Benoit put in a single legged Boston crab variation by Finlay, but Benoit boots him in the face. Finlay continues the attack on the knee on Benoit, setting it up on the rope to get a shot to it before slamming it into the apron and then the steel post. Benoit gets to his feet only for Finlay to hook Benoit’s leg on the rope, before getting an elbow shot to the knee. Finlay returns to the single legged Boston crab, Benoit tries to get to the rope and finally does, Finlay keeping the hold on as long as he can. Finlay gets a leg dragon on Benoit and goes to keep on the leg, but Benoit continuously boots Finlay in the face. Finlay stomps on the weakened leg of Benoit before taking Benoit to the corner and getting a forearm to the chest of Benoit and kicking the leg of Benoit twice. Finlay goes to continue but walks into chops by Benoit! Finlay kicks him in the gut but runs into an axe handle! Benoit goes for a snap suplex but fails because of his weaker leg! Benoit gets an enziguri, and follows with the Triple Germans! Benoit goes up top and goes for the Swandive Headbutt, but misses! Finlay covers for a two count, close to a three. Finlay begins removing the turnbuckle padding, the referee begins putting it back on and Finlay brings out The Little Bastard – but he keeps getting dragged under the ring! Nick Patrick begins counting Finlay out, so Finlay gives up on dragging The Little Bastard out. Finlay returns to stomping on the leg of Benoit, before The Boogeyman’s music begins playing! The Little Bastard rolls out, with The Boogeyman behind him… foaming at the mouth. Benoit gets a school boy on Finlay for the three count!
Winner: Chris Benoit
Post match, Boogeyman lets the Little Bastard go – and he refuses to return to under the ring! This should be a pretty fun storyline, and Finlay might (might) be able to drag something watchable out of Boogeyman. The match itself was good, but certainly not their best work. The commercial break in between really brought it down, and the ending was a bit sudden, but still a good match none the less and Boogeyman keeping TLB under the ring is a cute little touch. Seven out of Ten.
Tonight: King Booker receives the key to the city!
Commercials.
Kristal Marshall interviews Vickie Guerrero, who is looking fantastic. Marshall congratulates Guerrero on her strength and such, and Guerrero says that the working conditions on SmackDown are unsafe and have been made worse by Theodore Long, and that she does plan on returning to SmackDown – there’s an opportunity which has caught her eye, and it will bring her some support. I really do want to see where this goes.
Paul London, Brian Kendrick, and Ashley Massaro make their entrances, while Deuce, Domino, and Cherry get ready to make their entrance too…
Commercials.
Second Contest: Paul London and Brian Kendrick w/ Ashley Massaro vs. Deuce ‘n’ Domino w/ Cherry
Kendrick and London’s masks tonight look like Sub Zero from Mortal Kombat. Wouldn’t D’n’D (it’s shorter, at least) have more chance of making it further than Teacher’s Pets if they where faces? Kendrick locks up with the black haired one but keeps getting pushed down; Kendrick gets Deuce in a school boy for a quick count. Tag out to London, Deuce into a double elbow and London gets a quick pinfall attempt. London with a shoulder block for a one count. Kendrick tagged in with an elbow to the arm, London tagged back in with a stomp to the arm. Deuce tags out to Domino, who clubs away at London while trash talking, before slamming him face first into his knee. Domino gets a blatant choke on London, before distracting the referee and Deuce gets a headscissors on London. Domino gets a two count. Deuce gets tagged in before London gets a school boy on Domino, but Deuce attacks London and breaks the pinfall. Domino gets London in a nice full nelson / crucifix variation. Deuce is tagged back in but London gets some shots in the midsection of Deuce, Deuce clubs away at London and covers for a failed pinfall attempt. Deuce is tagged back in with mounted punches to London before knocking Kendrick off the apron. London gets some shots in on Deuce but walks right into a nice heel kick by Deuce, who tags out to Domino. London with kicks to the leg of Domino. Kendrick tagged in with the elbows and the kicks he’s known for whenever he makes the hot tag; London comes in to fight off Deuce but gets sent outside. Kendrick goes for the Sliced Bread No. 2 on Domino but Domino holds onto the ropes; their little big boot thing ends it.
Winners: Deuce ‘n’ Domino
Still not quite sure of what I think of these guys, but the match was certainly not terrible. I’d certainly like to see these two teams go up against Regal and Taylor in a three way, which should be quite good. Four out of Ten.
Batista walks into Long’s office, and Batista says that he needs an answer from Undertaker and he needs it tonight, so Undertaker needs to make a decision tonight.
Up next: King Booker gets the keys!
Commercials.
WrestleMania is just 58 Days away … by then we’ll be absolutely sick of “Ladies and Gentlemen”. Certainly they could’ve picked a better song?
King Booker and Queen Sharmell are in the ring with some guys, one of whom is kissing more ass than humanly possible. The guy gives Booker the key while Sharmell begins with her “All Hail” schtick. Booker takes the microphone and thanks his loyal subjects; he thanks Sharmell for standing by his side with grace and beauty, his home kingdom of Houston he says that it’s about damned time. Booker says not a single Houstonian can match up to him, the greatest icon ever from the town, before demanding that the people who gave him the keys kiss his ring. Booker makes them kiss it before Booker points out ZZ Top’s Billy Gibbons. Wasn’t he at WM21? Booker says that he will bow down and kiss his ring as well, Gibbons refuses to, and so Booker says he can kiss his royal feet but Gibbons, of course, refuses. So Booker begins complaining about how everyone is ungrateful, and Kane’s pyro goes off! Kane makes his way out and chokeslams the guy who gave Booker the key, and Kane attacks Booker before big booting him outside! Booker and Sharmell escape through the crowd.
Commercials.
Third Contest: Mr. Kennedy vs. Vito
Vito with shots to Kennedy, shoulder body toss and clothesline by Vito. Vito with a scoop slam before parodying Kennedy’s pose, only to come off the ropes into an elbow. Kennedy takes Vito into the corner and clubs away before kicking him in the head and strips him of his dress. Kennedy slingshots Vito face first into the top turnbuckle. Kennedy with a scoop slam and elbow drop. Kennedy takes Vito to the corner and sets him up on the ropes, getting the Green Bay Plunge for the three count.
Winner: Mr. Kennedy
Post match, Kennedy grabs the dress he ripped off of Vito and chokes him out with it. -Two out of Ten. I don’t know why I’m not rating this lower, but you don’t see Vito get choked out by his own dress every day. Kennedy gets the microphone down from the ceiling and reminds Vito that he is Mr. Kennedy and continues the assault. This might sound a bit random, but I’d like to see Kennedy against Michaels at Mania.
Up next: Ashley Massaro, Kristal Marshall, and Jillian Hall have a Bikini Contest.
Commercials.
JBL is in the ring, always a good time, and he says that he is bringing us the SmackDown Diva Bikini Contest. Kristal Marshall comes on out first with new music, I’m pretty sure. Jillian Hall follows, and Ashley Massaro comes on out finally. Marshall goes first the crowd apparently likes what they see, however I like her boots. Massaro goes next and I like her boots a little bit less. Hall goes to strip but removes her gown to reveal a WrestleMania t-shirt, and takes the microphone off of JBL and reminds us that she’s the most talented Diva on SmackDown… and says she wants to sing. JBL reminds her it isn’t a talent contest, but says that she can if the fans decide who the winner is. Hall sings “Hit Me Baby One More Time” before JBL steals the microphone off of her and runs her down a little, and the fans boo Jillian Hall for having enough dignity to not strip rather than boo her for singing. Ashley Massaro wins it anyways, before Jillian Hall starts saying that the crowd has no idea what real talent is. Massaro gets a Lou Thesz press and strips Hall of her clothes. So, Hall vs. Massaro is our annual Playboy Playmate feud.
Still to come: Batista wants an answer!
Commercials.
Repeat of the opening video, recapping Taker’s appearances over the past week.
Still to come… still… Batista wants an answer.
Long is annoyed at Kennedy for attacking Vito after the match; Kennedy is bitter about the match at the Rumble. Kennedy says he wants a rematch, demanding one or he’ll go right to the top above Long’s head. Long books a rematch for next week’s SmackDown. Kennedy says if Taker challenges the World Heavy Weight Champion at Mania, then he’ll be taking on Kennedy.
Commercials.
Fourth Contest: Matt Hardy vs. Mike Mizanin
Hardy works the arm of Mizanin and gets a hip toss. Hardy gets a head lock on Mizanin and gets sent into the ropes, back with a shoulder block only to come off the ropes into a hip toss by Mizanin. Rights by Hardy, elbow to the face and elbow drop to the throat of Mizanin. Shoulder body toss and Hardy gets a pinfall attempt on Mizanin. Mizanin gets a drop toe hold to Hardy, sending him out of the ring, before Mizanin sends Hardy face first into the ring apron. Back in the ring, Mizanin gets a boot directly to the face of Hardy for a two count. Mizanin with a sloppy cobra clutch, which Hardy escapes and comes off the ropes but gets kicked in the gut by Mizanin, but Hardy gets a northern lights suplex. Hardy with the clothesline bulldog combo for a two count. Hardy goes up top and gets an elbow to Mizanin. Side Effect for a two count. Mizanin pushes Hardy into the corner but runs into an elbow, Hardy goes to climb the turnbuckle but Mizanin attacks. Mizanin argues with the referee and Joey Mercury comes from the crowd and hits Hardy with the face mask! Mizard of Oz (ugh) by Mizanin for the three count.
Winner: Mike Mizanin
Nothing offensive, pretty formula match, and should’ve opened the show. One out of Ten.
Batista walks around backstage!!
Commercials.
Batista makes his way on out. Batista tells us that he welcomes the challenge of taking on the Undertaker at WrestleMania, Title vs. Streak, and how it doesn’t get any bigger than that. But because of his shenanigans this week, Batista has no idea of what Taker will be doing, and that he deserves an answer. Now. Instead, John Cena makes his way on out (shocking, unless you read the spoilers). Cena makes his way out without his half of the Tag Team Championship, and Cena tells Batista to come down because he’s here for the same reason. Cena says Taker has… ugh … mastered the art of winning the WrestleMania match. Lame. The bells begin, the lights black out, and Undertaker makes his way on out. Taker confronts Cena first, and then confronts Batista, and the DX music hits! Shawn Michaels makes his way out and says he too wants an answer from Undertaker, and says that both he and Taker thrive on competition and finding out who the better man is via competition. Michaels challenges Taker to a match with the title shot on the line! Vince McMahon makes his way out (nice to see him finally on SmackDown); McMahon says that Undertaker has a decision to make. McMahon says he doesn’t give a damn about what Michaels wants despite the match being great, so McMahon says that he’ll book a dream match, and in all likely a one time only match – at No Way Out it will be John Cena and Shawn Michaels teaming up against Batista and The Undertaker! Hey, that’s a pretty good pitch for No Way Out, and should be a good match anyways since Taker brings his working boots this time of year.
So, tonight’s episode looks like this;
Finlay vs. Chris Benoit: 7/10
Deuce ‘n Domino vs. Paul London and Brian Kendrick: 4/10
Mr. Kennedy vs. Vito: -2/10
Matt Hardy vs. Mike Mizanin: 1/10
SmackDown 02/02/07: 10/40
The Inside Pulse
Everything pretty much had some purpose in this episode, which is a really good thing, but out of the entire show there was really only a few above average parts (the opening match, Booker / Kane, and the main event interview). The tag team feud is bland at best, and while I’m a fan of both Hall and Massaro their feud isn’t going to get anyone talking. At least not in a positive light. On the upside they’re at least pushing wrestlers, now if only they would push people everyone can like. Until next time, later guys!
